


K/DA Chat Fuckery

by Kokorokirei



Category: K/DA- Alternate Universe, League of Legends
Genre: Ahri is single here and that's final, Also i want to keep this strictly in kda universe, Alternate Universe - K/DA (League of Legends), F/F, Fuckery, Fuckery is fuckery, I always tag characters that are in the chat so you know who made an appearance, I am also not going to have every single lol character so sorry if your fav isn't in here, Idk how to tag a chat fic but I feel like 'chat fic' should explain it enough, Im either lazy to look up lore or i really dont feel like adding them, Lastly i might incorporate my own lore so if it contradicts any canon lore then idgaf, Lols, Profanity, Pure pure fuckery, So hello, Too many characters would confuse me, You guys on my kda chat blog have been asking for this so here it is!, a lot of sex reference, chat fic, most bc eve is a succubus, so a lot of mature content, welcome to kda chat hell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2019-10-21 05:50:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 74,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17637122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokorokirei/pseuds/Kokorokirei
Summary: It's just four normal girls living out their dreams as pop stars, with a mixture of fuckery and love added in for a good measure.





	1. The Birth of K/DA

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: This is purely (Kokoro's) fiction. If anything conflicts with the canon, it is what it is. This is purely fiction and my own personal lore.

**In a private message between an unknown number and Evelynn:**

 

**Unknown number:** Yo, what’s up bitch?

**Unknown number:** Hey.

**Unknown number:** Yo

**Unknown number:** Yoooooo

**Unknown number:** Bitch, I know you’re seeing this.

 

**Evelynn:** Who the fuck are you?

**Evelynn:** How do you even have this number?

 

**Unknown number:** DID YOU DELETE MY NUMBER FROM YOUR CONTACTS???

 

**Evelynn:** ??

 

**Unknown number:** I AM SO OFFENDED RIGHT NOW

**Unknown number:** WOW I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT YOU BEING A PART OF MY GRAND PLAN!!

 

**Evelynn:** Look, whoever you are…

**Evelynn:** Fuck off 

**Evelynn:** And you’re blocked.

 

**Unknown number:** NO WAIT WAIT IT’S ME 

**Message Failed [Unknown number:** AHRI! IT’S ME, AHRI!!! **]**

**Message Failed [Unknown number:** GOD DAMN IT, WOMAN!!!! **]**

**Message Failed [Unknown number:** YOU REALLY HAVEN’T CHANGED A BIT!]

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:**

 

**Evelynn:** YOU DISAPPEAR FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO TEXT ME ALL OF A SUDDEN???

 

**Ahri:**  Yes, I’m doing fine. Thanks for asking, bitch.

**Ahri:** I hope you appreciate that I bought a new phone line to call your ungrateful ass because YOU DELETED MY NUMBER AND THEN YOU JUST BLOCKED ME!!

**Ahri:** Thank you for hanging up on me before I could explain, you selfish little prick.

 

**Evelynn:** OH DON’T YOU START WITH ME!

**Evelynn:** YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING JUST LEAVE FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS, AHRI!!!

**Evelynn:** YOU DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING TELL ME YOU WERE JUST FUCKING YEETING OUT FOR 5 YEARS

 

**Ahri:** But I’m back. :)

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS AHRI

**Evelynn:** YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ANY OF MY CALLS AND TEXTS FOR 5 YEARS!

 

**Ahri:** I don’t get service in the mountains.

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING IN THE MOUNTAINS???

 

**Ahri:** Embracing my inner fox.

 

**Evelynn:** WERE YOU IN THE ‘HEAT’ FOR 5 YEARS????

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU!

**Ahri:** I DON’T GET ‘HEATS’!

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT OTHER REASON WOULD YOU GO TO THE MOUNTAINS OTHER THAN TO JACK YOURSELF OFF???

 

**Ahri:** KWDJFHKSHDGKLSJHLKSJHK

**Ahri:** WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU DO IN THE MOUNTAINS, EVE???

 

**Evelynn:** To have loudass sex, duh.

 

**Ahri:** Oh…

**Ahri:** Well, I didn’t do that for these past five years.

**Ahri:** I’ve been trying to reinvent myself and my image.

**Ahri:** I am no longer the cute pop star idol. I am an elegant fox star now.

**Ahri:** E-L-E-G-A-N-T

 

**Evelynn:** It took you five years to do that?

 

**Ahri:** Okay fuck you

 

**Evelynn:** It takes me five minutes to decide if I want dick or not.

 

**Ahri:** Why am I friends with you?

 

**Evelynn:** Why did you disappear for five years?

**Evelynn:** It felt like the worst breakup ever.

 

**Ahri:** You never had a meaningful relationship…

 

**Evelynn:** You spent five years in the mountain to come back and not pull a Miley Cyrus, so fuck you.

 

**Ahri:** Do you want to see me on a wrecking ball?

 

**Evelynn:** I kinda prefer you did…

**Evelynn:** It’ll make up for the FIVE YEARS YOU JUST FUCKING LEFT ME!

 

**Ahri:** WOMAN I SWEAR TO GOD YOU ARE REALLY PUSHING MY BUTTONS

**Ahri:** You know what? Let's start over.

**Ahri:** Hello, Eve. I’m back and with a plan to take over the music industry.

 

**Evelynn:** No thanks, I’m good.

 

**Ahri:** BITCH FUCK YOU

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS AHRI

 

**Ahri:** IS THIS REALLY THE CLOSEST ‘WELCOME BACK’ I WILL EVER GET FROM YOU??

 

**Evelynn:** 5 FUCKING YEARS AHRI!!!

 

**Ahri:** OHH MY GODDDD

 

**Evelynn:** DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO COVER YOUR ASS???

**Evelynn:** “WHERE’S AHRI?? WHERE DID SHE GO?”

**Evelynn:** “EVELYNN MUST HAVE KILLED HER, WOW WHAT A DIVA. SHE MUST HAVE BEEN SO JEALOUS OF AHRI!”

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS OF THAT, AHRI!!!

 

**Ahri:** I’m surprised you haven’t killed me yet.

 

**Evelynn:** Touché…

 

**Ahri:** Okay, save the killing for later.

**Ahri:** I have an idea.

**Ahri:** To save the music industry.

 

**Evelynn:** If it’s anything other than you on a wrecking ball, it’s a no from me.

 

**Ahri:** WILL YOU JUST FUCKING HEAR ME OUT??

 

**Evelynn:** Fine…

 

**Ahri:** A girl group of four.

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** WILL YOU LET ME FINISH BITCH??

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** You and me in that girl group, along with two other girls.

**Ahri:** Preferable one that is a dancer and one that is a rapper.

 

**Evelynn:** Wait 

**Evelynn:** I’m joining??

 

**Ahri:** Why else would I fucking text you?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh idk...to say THAT YOU’RE SORRY FOR LEAVING ME FOR 5 YEARS!!

 

**Ahri:** IF YOU WEREN’T SUCH A TALENTED SINGER, I WOULD BE SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU RIGHT NOW!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh?

**Evelynn:** You think I’m talented?

 

**Ahri:** You do have two hit songs and have a devoted fanbase so yeah...you kinda are a huge deal bitch

 

**Evelynn:** Huh.

**Evelynn:** Well, maybe I will consider joining your girl groupie thing…

 

**Ahri:** You have no choice.

**Ahri:** I already talked to your manager and they signed you in.

 

**Evelynn:** YOU TALKED TO MY MANAGER BEFORE TALKING TO ME????

 

**Ahri:** Ah shit

**Ahri:** Here we go again.

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS AHRI! I WAS ALONE FOR 5 YEARS WITH STUPID RUMORS THAT I FUCKING KILLED YOU OR I FUCKING ENDED YOUR CAREER!! I HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FROM DEATH THREATS AND FUCKING TROLLS THAT THINK I ACTUALLY ATE YOU!! MY LAST RECORD COMPANY ALMOST DROPPED ME BECAUSE THEY WERE CONVINCED THAT I KILLED YOU!!

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS OF THIS SHIT, AHRI!!!

**Evelynn:** NOW YOU COME WALTZING IN WITH YOUR FUCKING TAILS IN BETWEEN YOUR LEGS WITH SOME GRAND PLAN OF SOME FUCKING GIRL GROUPIE AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN GIVE ME THE OPTION TO BACK OUT!!

**Evelynn:** SO FUCK YOU, AHRI!

 

**Ahri:** ...

**Ahri:** Are you done?

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah…

 

**Ahri:** Okay, good girl.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you.

 

**Ahri:** That’s better. :)

**Ahri:** Anyways, so this girl group would embody a cross-cultural aspect to it. Since I’m Korean, much of the music influence will follow a Kpop style. Your vocals will attract a broader audience, especially American fans. You do seem to be very popular in America.

 

**Evelynn:** They have great taste in artists.

 

**Ahri:** Debatable

**Ahri:** Sooo I was thinking that the next two girls we invite should also contribute to the multicultural background of the team. 

**Ahri:** Any ideas?

 

**Evelynn:** You didn’t have two in mind??

 

**Ahri:** No…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my god…

 

**Ahri:** I already got you in, so I did my job.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah...I had no choice…

 

**Ahri:** You still love me~

 

**Evelynn:** I want to strangle you.

 

**Ahri:** Oh that’s better than being hit by your car.

**Ahri:** You have changed these past five years!

 

**Evelynn:** Ew

 

**Ahri:** My wittle Eve is aww gwown up!

 

**Evelynn:** Shut the fuck up.

 

**Ahri:** :))))

 

**Evelynn:** God you’re annoying me so much that I can’t focus on the season finale of Hong Kong’s Can You Dance…

 

**Ahri:** Oh??

**Ahri:** Any potential dancers??

 

**Evelynn:** Well…

**Evelynn:** I guess if you’re asking who I’m rooting for, I have had my eye on this competitor named Kai’sa.

 

**Ahri:** Hold on, I’m turning my tv on

**Ahri:** Okay

**Ahri:** So who is she?

 

**Evelynn:** She’s the one with dark brown hair

**Evelynn:** She’s the tallest girl.

 

**Ahri:** Her accent tho…

**Ahri:** I likey…

 

**Evelynn:** She speaks Afrikaans, Chinese, Korean, and English pretty fluently.

**Evelynn:** They had a segment of her talking in these different languages.

 

**Ahri:** She would look very pretty with a light purple hair color…

 

**Evelynn:** You already want her?

**Evelynn:** We don’t even know if she sings?

**Evelynn:** Or even if she wants to join…

 

**Ahri:** My gut is telling me that she is the dancer we need for our group.

 

**Evelynn:** Your gut also told you to FUCKING LEAVE ME FOR 5 YEARS!!

 

**Ahri:** WILL YOU DROP IT!??

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** DROPPP IT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** DROP DEAD!

 

**Ahri:** GO WATCH THE SHOW AND FUCK YOURSELF!

 

**Evelynn:** FINE BUT ONLY BC I AM INVESTED IN IT AND NOT BC YOU TOLD ME TO!

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** omg she won!

 

**Evelynn:** Isn’t she really good?

 

**Ahri:** She needs to join us.

 

**Evelynn:** You don’t have any way to contact her…

 

**Ahri:** I have my sources…

 

**Evelynn:** What??

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between an unknown number and Kai’sa:**

 

**Unknown number:** Hey, congrats on the win! :)

 

**Kai’sa:** Hahaha, thank you so much! :)

**Kai’sa:** Wait

**Kai’sa:** Who is this?

 

**Unknown number:** This is Ugly.

 

**Kai’sa:** Who?

 

**Unknown number:** Shit, autocorrect

**Unknown number:** It’s ungly

**Unknown number:** agriculture

**Unknown number:** Ahgli

**Unknown number:** Agrrr

**Unknown number:** AAHLI

**Unknown number:** Agli

**Unknown number:** Ugri

**Unknown number:** ugalolo

**Unknown number:** ah

**Unknown number:** lee

**Unknown number:** KJASNFKHDFKLGKSHGDFJ

**Unknown number:** FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

**Kai’sa:** You okay there?

 

**Unknown number:** No.

 

**Kai’sa:** Do you want to start over?

 

**Unknown number:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, take your time. 

 

**Unknown number:** Thank you.

**Unknown number:** This is Ahri.

 

**Kai’sa:** OMG AHRI???

 

**Unknown number:** Yep! It’s me!

 

**Kai’sa:** WAIT OMG PLEASE TELL ME YOU AREN’T LYING!

**Kai’sa:** BC IM STILL IN SHOCK ON WINNING THE COMPETITION AND NOW THE FAMOUS AHRI IS TEXTING ME??

**Kai’sa:** Didn’t Evelynn kill you?

 

**Unknown number:** No…

**Unknown number:** I’m not sure why everyone thinks that…

 

**Kai’sa:** There were conspiracy videos about you two.

 

**Unknown number:** Huh…

**Unknown number:** Interesting…

**Unknown number:** Well, anyhoo congrats on winning!

 

**Unknown number renamed to Ahri**

 

**Ahri:** So any plans after the competition?

**Ahri:** Big parties?

 

**Kai’sa:** Hahaha, I’m not really a party girl so I might stay for a bit for the after party and just go home.

**Kai’sa:** Lame and boring, right? 

 

**Ahri:** No, that’s actually very wise of you.

**Ahri:** Partying can be fun but too much partying can really ruin people.

 

**Kai’sa:** Hahaha, yeah!

**Kai’sa:** I’m curious tho

**Kai’sa:** Why are you texting me?

**Kai’sa:** Like I’m honored that the amazing Ahri is texting me but this seems very out of the blue.

 

**Ahri:** Well, I’m going to transition then!

**Ahri:** So I have an idea to form a girl group, of 4, and making a debut back into the music industry.

**Ahri:** The group already consist of Evelynn and me

**Ahri:** And we would really love a dancer in the group

**Ahri:** Evelynn is a huge fan of yours and I saw you win the competition so I really think you might be the girl for our group.

**Ahri:** So I’m telling you that there is an open position for you to be our dancer!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh I see

**Kai’sa:** So...Evelynn didn’t kill you?

 

**Ahri:** No but she wants to.

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Ahri:** So what do you say?

 

**Kai’sa:** About Evelynn being your killer?

 

**Ahri:** NO

**Ahri:** About joining Evelynn and me in this girl group.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh that

**Kai’sa:** Idk

 

**Ahri:** You don’t know?

 

**Kai’sa:** Here’s the thing

**Kai’sa:** My dad handles a lot of my business

**Kai’sa:** And I kinda let him pretty much run my life

**Kai’sa:** So...I can say yes but my dad will be the final decision.

 

**Ahri:** Ah…

**Ahri:** I see…

**Ahri:** The ‘parent’ agent

**Ahri:** It’s a smart business tactic when you’re just a kid.

**Ahri:** But you’re an adult now...

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah…

**Kai’sa:** I can give you my dad’s info

**Kai’sa:** And he might consider since you’re Ahri!

 

**Ahri:** Oh don’t worry

**Ahri:** I can go get your dad’s info through my agent

 

**Kai’sa:** Okie :)

 

**Ahri:** But I have to know

**Ahri:** If your dad wasn’t controlling your business, would you say yes to my offer?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, I would join.

 

**Ahri:** Okie :) I’ll get in contact with your father!

 

**Kai’sa:** Yay!

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:**

 

**Ahri:** We’re going to kidnap Kai’sa.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Sweet.

 

**Ahri:** You took that a lot better than I thought…

 

**Evelynn:** Well…

**Evelynn:** After FIVE YEARS, I’ve been through worse.

 

**Ahri:** DROP IT!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS AHRI!

**Evelynn:** FIVE!!!

 

**Ahri:** JUST SHUT UP AND COME OVER SO WE CAN MAKE A PLAN TO KIDNAP KAI’SA

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kassadin and Ahri.**

 

**Kassadin:** WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY DAUGHTER!!???

 

**Ahri:** Hey, what’s up?

**Ahri:** How you doing?

**Ahri:** I’m honored that you already had my number.

 

**Kassadin:** SO THAT WAS YOU!!!

 

**Ahri:** Yeeeee

**Ahri:** The one and only Ahri!

 

**Kassadin:** DID YOU REALLY FUCKING JUST KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER????

 

**Ahri:** Isn’t that what I just did?

 

**Kassadin:** YOU DISAPPEAR FOR FIVE YEARS AND YOU COME BACK TO KIDNAP FATHER’S DAUGHTERS???

 

**Ahri:** You make it sound very bad…

 

**Kassadin:** THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT YOU DID!!!

 

**Ahri:** I know. :)

**Ahri:** Does your daughter like pizza with a lot of toppings or not a lot of toppings?

 

**Kassadin:** WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS???

 

**Ahri:** Bc I duck taped your daughter’s mouth.

 

**Kassadin:** KDJFSGLHFGHDLKGHSHGKD

**Kassadin:** WHAT??

 

**Ahri:** Isn’t that what kidnappers do?

**Ahri:** They can’t have their kidnappee yelling and screaming

**Ahri:** Well...Kai’sa isn’t even doing any of that

**Ahri:** Eve wanted to be a bit extra and play the role seriously.

 

**Kassadin:** EVE???

**Kassadin:** YOU MEAN EVELYNN???

 

**Ahri added Evelynn to the group chat.**

 

**Evelynn:** Sup?

 

**Kassadin:** EVELYNN???

 

**Evelynn:** That’s me.

 

**Kassadin:** YOU KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER!!!??

 

**Evelynn:** Is it really kidnapping if Kai’sa was somewhat willing?

 

**Kassadin:** AHRI TIED HER UP AND CARRIED HER OFF!!

 

**Evelynn:** Key word here: “somewhat”

**Evelynn:** We both know Kai’sa can easily just sit on Ahri and win.

 

**Ahri:** Prolly true tbh

 

**Kassadin:** SO YOU WERE THE GETAWAY DRIVER???

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, I was.

**Evelynn:** ;)

 

**Kassadin:** I’m calling the police.

 

**Ahri:** No.

 

**Kassadin:** I WILL!

 

**Ahri:** Don’t.

 

**Kassadin:** YOU CAN’T STOP ME!!!

 

**Ahri:** Yes I can

 

**Ahri added Kai’sa to the group chat.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi dad.

 

**Kassadin:** KAI’SA ARE YOU OKAY??!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Define okay

**Kai’sa:** I’m physically okay

**Kai’sa:** Mentally, I’m a bit shaken

**Kai’sa:** But they are getting me pizza so that kinda makes it up to me

**Kai’sa:** Although the ducktape is kinda soaked with my saliva

 

**Ahri:** Why?

 

**Kai’sa:** Bc I’m trying to get it off of me. Duh

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, you’re right next to her…

 

**Ahri:** Oh yeah.

**Ahri:** Tee hee

 

**Kai’sa:** Aren’t you driving, Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh shit you’re right hahaha

**Evelynn:** I should go watch the road.

 

**Kassadin:** …

**Kassadin:** Kai’sa, I’m going to save you

 

**Kai’sa:** You know this might be a great time to tell you that I kinda want to join Ahri and Evelynn and maybe do my own business for a while.

 

**Kassadin:** Are they drugging you?

**Kassadin:** Are they forcing you to say that?

 

**Ahri:** WOW rude

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t do drugs

 

**Kassadin:** That’s...surprising…

 

**Evelynn:** RUDE

 

**Kai’sa:** So can I just join Ahri and Evelynn?

 

**Kassadin:** YOU JUST MET THEM!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Please?

**Kai’sa:** Oh wait

**Kai’sa:** I don’t need your permission

**Kai’sa:** Bye Dad!

 

**Ahri:** WE GOT A DANCER!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yay.

 

**Kassadin:** Kai’sa, be reasonable…

**Kassadin:** What would your mother say about this?

 

**Kai’sa:** She would say, “Do whatever you want, your father can’t stop you.”

 

**Kassadin:** Did she really say that??

 

**Kai’sa:** Just now.

**Kai’sa:** I just texted her and that’s what she said.

 

**Kassadin:** Oh my god…

 

**Kai’sa:** I love you, Dad!

**Kai’sa:** I’ll send you updates!

 

**Kassadin:** You barely know these girls…

 

**Ahri:** We will get to know her soon, so thanks for your daughter sir!

**Ahri:** We’ll take good care of her!

 

**Kassadin:** I’m still calling the police on you two!

 

**Evelynn:** How about...no?

 

**Ahri:** FOCUS ON THE ROAD EVE!!

 

**Kai’sa:** We’re all in the same car!

 

**Ahri:** You’ll understand how our relationship works soon!

 

**Evelynn:** It’s complicated

 

**Ahri:** Like your nonexistent love life.

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Kai’sa:** Can you please focus on the road?

 

**Evelynn:** We’re in the same car…

 

**Kai’sa:** I have duct tape around my mouth…

 

**Ahri:** Oh lol, forgot about that.

 

**Evelynn:** I got you, girl.

 

**Ahri:** FOCUS ON THE ROAD!!

 

**Evelynn:** I WAS RIPPING THE DUCT TAPE OFF KAI’SA MOUTH STFU AND CHILL

 

**Kai’sa:** I AM REGRETTING THIS ALREADY!

 

**Ahri:** TOO BAD YOU’RE STUCK WITH US!

 

**Kassadin:** PLEASE don’t kill my daughter.

 

**Ahri:** No promises.

 

**Kai’sa:** What…?

 

XXX

 

**Ahri created a group chat.**

**Ahri named group chat ‘K/DA’**

**Ahri added Evelynn and Kai’sa to group chat ‘K/DA’.**

 

**Ahri:** Now we have one more to find.

 

**Evelynn:** Where the fuck did you go???

**Evelynn:** Did you fucking dip off??

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, you’re paying the bill. :3

 

**Evelynn:** WOW

 

**Kai’sa:** What does K/DA mean?

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa/ Ahri and ‘Big Dick Energy’ Evelynn

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** You’re damn right I’m Big Dick Energy…

 

**Kai’sa:** ??? Really?

 

**Ahri:** Yee.

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Evelynn:** So where are you?

 

**Ahri:** Waiting for you to pay the bill and get into the car.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my fucking god…

 

**Kai’sa:** I never expected you to be so...immature, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** Thanks!!

 

**Evelynn:** I have a problem…

 

**Ahri:** Yes?

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t have my wallet on me…

 

**Ahri:** Oh…

**Ahri:** Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** You guys kidnapped me a few hours after my competition and right off the streets. 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t have my wallet on me.

 

**Ahri:** Ah…

**Ahri:** Okay, fair enough.

 

**Evelynn:** Do you have money, Ahri??

 

**Ahri:** Why else would I dip off and leave you with the bill?

 

**Evelynn:** oh my fucking god…

**Evelynn:** We’re at a pizza place at 3 am in the morning…

**Evelynn:** Just hours prior, you came back from going missing for 5 years

**Evelynn:** We kidnapped Kai’sa just two hours ago

**Evelynn:** And now we’re stuck with no way to pay for our late dinner…

**Evelynn:** I’ve had horrible hookups that were better than this, Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** Aren’t you glad I’m back?

 

**Evelynn:** I want to actually kill you.

 

**Ahri:** Aw nooo ;c

 

**Kai’sa:** I can call my dad…

 

**Ahri:** No, we just got him to not call the police on us!

 

**Kai’sa:** Well, how else are we suppose to pay the bill?

 

**Ahri:** Evelynn, go suck the owner’s dick and get out of the bill.

**Ahri:** You’ve done it before, right?

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU I HAVE SOME FUCKING PRIDE!!

 

**Ahri:** Well, do you have a better idea????

 

**Evelynn:** I fucking hate you.

 

**Ahri:** Wuv you too!!

**Ahri:** Btw, I have been looking into some female rappers to join our group.

**Ahri:** So I was thinking maybe I hit up some of them and see if they are willing to join

 

**Evelynn:** Well, here’s the problem….

**Evelynn:** I’ve pissed off every single female rapper in the entire music industry…

 

**Ahri:** I’m not surprised…

**Ahri:** Well that puts a kink to my plans…

 

**Evelynn:** Why don’t we focus on the plan to pay this bill???

 

**Ahri:** I said go suck the owner’s dick and get out of the bill.

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not going to do that!

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey, talking about female rappers totally reminded me about this one social media star named Akali.

**Kai’sa:** Idk if you know this, Ahri, but Akali got huge on the internet about five years ago?

 

**Ahri:** OMG I DO REMEMBER HER!

**Ahri:** She was huuuge!

**Ahri:** What happened to her??

 

**Evelynn:** Last I heard was that she was trying to work with a big record company.

**Evelynn:** And that the company wasn’t really working well with her.

**Evelynn:** But the company was shut down by some angry artist once they heard how they treated up and coming new artists

**Evelynn:** Not that I would know, I just heard rumors…

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Huh…

**Ahri:** I didn’t know you follow Akali on Instagram.

 

**Evelynn:** No, I don’t…

 

**Kai’sa: *texts a screenshot***

**Kai’sa:** Yes, you do.

 

**Evelynn:** So what if I do?

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** What’s Akali’s 47th video called?

 

**Evelynn:** *I Rap With A Kunai In My Mouth*

 

**Kai’sa:** What’s her most popular video to date and how many views does it have now?

 

**Evelynn:** *Rapping With People That Claim They Are The Best Rappers* and it got over 10 million views.

 

**Ahri:** You sure know a lot about Akali…

 

**Evelynn:** I feel like we’re straying away from the problem.

**Evelynn:** We still can’t pay our bill…

 

**Ahri:** But Akali can ;)

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh boy…

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri no…

 

**Ahri:** Ahri yes!

 

XXX

 

**In a direct message via Instagram between Ahri and Akali:**

 

**Ahri:** Hey, Akali! Want to do me a huge favor?

 

**Akali:** What?

**Akali:** Ahri??

 

**Ahri:** Give me your number!

 

**Akali:** Um...okay???

 

XXX

 

**Ahri added Akali to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Ahri:** Can you pay our pizza bill?

 

**Akali:** Um...hi?

 

**Kai’sa:** This is embarrassing…

 

**Ahri:** It could be worse.

 

**Akali:** So um...hey??

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi, what’s up?

 

**Akali:** Woah wtf Kai’sa??

**Akali:** I just saw you win the dance competition!

**Akali:** You were great!

 

**Kai’sa:** Aw thanks!

**Kai’sa:** I’ve seen your rap videos! You’re so talented!

 

**Akali:** Aw thanks!

 

**Ahri:** Aw, glad you two are familiar with each other.

**Ahri:** Evelynn, why don’t you greet yourself?

 

**Evelynn:** Hello, Akali.

 

**Akali:** Hi.

**Akali:** You know me?

 

**Ahri:** You don’t know she follows you on Insta?

 

**Akali:** I honestly thought she did it on accident.

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t do things on accident.

 

**Ahri:** Uh huh…

**Ahri:** So you admit that you have been keeping up with Akali’s life on Insta?

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri stfu

 

**Akali:** Oh! So you’re a fan!?

 

**Evelynn:** I mean...yeah

 

**Ahri:** She’s a ‘big’ fan. ;)

 

**Akali:** Aw shucks!

**Akali:** This is so cool!

**Akali:** The diva Evelynn is actually a fan of me!?

**Akali:** What an honor!

 

**Evelynn:** Hahahahahahaha

**Evelynn:** Yeah, I really like your raps.

 

**Akali:** Aw thanks!

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re taking this pretty well…

**Kai’sa:** You don’t seem bothered by a random celeb asking you for money at 3 am in the morning…

 

**Akali:** I’ve been through weirder events.

**Akali:** Plus its Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** Huh?

 

**Akali:** You don’t remember?

**Akali:** You were the one that shared my video and helped make it go viral.

 

**Ahri:** I did that??

**Ahri:** Well shit…

**Ahri:** SO THAT MEANS EVELYNN HAS TO THANK ME!

 

**Akali:** ??

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up, Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** It was meant to be, Evie!

 

**Evelynn:** SHUT UP AHRI

 

**Ahri:** Niew!

 

**Kai’sa:** Ohhhhhh, I’m starting to get it.

 

**Ahri:** Right??

 

**Akali:** ??

**Akali:** Do you still want me to pay your guys’ bill?

 

**Kai’sa:** That would be much appreciated.

 

**Akali:** Okay, I venmo the cash to Ahri’s account.

 

**Ahri:** Thanks!

**Ahri:** Also, do you want to join K/DA and be our rapper?

 

**Akali:** Sure.

 

**Kai’sa:** That was a quick answer.

 

**Akali:** I’m kinda desperate to become a professional rap artist at this point.

 

**Ahri:** Evelynn’s desperate too! ;)

 

**Akali:** But Evelynn has such a strong career already?

 

**Evelynn:** Can you shut the fuck up, Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** Niew!

**Ahri:** Well girls! Welcome to K/DA!

 

**Kai’sa:** Yay!

 

**Akali:** :)

 

**Evelynn:** I already want out…

 

**Ahri:** No, you’re not wussing out on me!

 

**Evelynn:** SAYS THE BITCH THAT LEFT FOR FIVE YEARS!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** WILL YOU DROP IT!

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD!!

 

**Ahri:** I WILL GLADLY TELL AKALI THE TRUTH!!!

 

**Akali:** Truth about what?

 

**Evelynn:** No wait, please don’t…

 

**Ahri:** For all my life that I knew you, I never have seen you so shy before.

**Ahri:** Consider this as an ‘apology’ gift for being gone for 5 years.

**Ahri:** YOU SHALL GET SOME NINJA PUSSY AND I SHALL HELP MAKE IT HAPPEN!

 

**Evelynn:** SHUT THE FUCK UP AHRI!!!

 

**Akali:** ??

 

**Kai’sa:** Run, Ahri. 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn just disappeared in thin air.

 

**Ahri:** Ah shit…

**Ahri:** FUCK

 

**Akali:** Are they always like this?

  
**Kai’sa:** I’ve only known them for two hours but I can confidently say yes.


	2. "Bonding" With Extra Quotation Marks

**Ahri:** Girls! I have bought a house!

 

**Akali:** What?

 

**Kai’sa:** A house?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh no…

**Evelynn:** The chat was so quiet and peaceful…

**Evelynn:** I already miss the 5 years you were gone…

 

**Ahri** : RUDE

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Akali:** Evelynn-senpai, why don’t we hear Ahri out?

**Akali:** Maybe she has a plan for the house?

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Sure, Akali.

**Evelynn:** :)

 

**Ahri:** GIRL YOU GOT IT BAAAAAD!

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up.

 

**Akali:** What does Evelynn-senpai got bad?

 

**Ahri:** First of all, stop calling her senpai

**Ahri:** Second, you really don’t know??

 

**Akali:** Well, Evelynn-senpai is the oldest.

**Akali:** Right?

 

**Kai’sa:** I think what Ahri is trying to say is that since we’re all going to be in a group, formalities would establish a hierarchy among us and it could be hard to establish a bond

 

**Akali:** Oh, okay!

**Akali:** It might be a bit hard but I’ll try.

 

**Kai’sa:** You can do it!

 

**Ahri:** Just call Evelynn, Eve.

**Ahri:** That’s her nickname.

 

**Akali:** Eve-Chan!

 

**Evelynn:** :)

 

**Akali:** I did it!

**Akali:** Ahri-Chan!

**Akali:** Kai’sa- Chan!

 

**Kai’sa:** :))

 

**Ahri:** See, we’re making progress!

**Ahri:** I’m a great leader!

 

**Evelynn:** Wait…

**Evelynn:** You’re the leader??

 

**Ahri:** Uh...yeah???

 

**Evelynn:** Since when???

 

**Ahri:** Since I made the group????

 

**Evelynn:** Do you two accept this??

 

**Kai’sa:** I thought she was the leader…

**Kai’sa:** I mean...she told me to dye my hair light purple and get my hair styled so I assume she was the leader.

 

**Akali:** Ahri is the one that helped me become an Internet star so I think she’s leader quality.

 

**Evelynn:** I DON’T ACCEPT THIS!

 

**Ahri:**  lol that sucks ahahahahahahahah

**Ahri:** Maybe...um...just realize that I’m the leader and move on??? :3

 

**Evelynn:** No no no no no!

**Evelynn:** We need to have some sort of competition or something to really decide the leader….

 

**Ahri:** Well, I already bought a house so I think I’m winning…

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri:** See? That’s our house!

 

**Akali:** It’s huge!

 

**Kai’sa:** Goodness…

**Kai’sa:** Just for the four of us?

 

**Ahri:** YEEEAAIIIPP

 

**Evelynn:** I know damn well that your paycheck could barely pay half of that house…

 

**Ahri:** I know

**Ahri:** So I used your money to pay for the rest of it

 

**Evelynn:** What…

**Evelynn:** omg…

**Evelynn:** Ahri…

**Evelynn: *texts screenshots***

**Evelynn: *texts screenshots***

**Evelynn: *texts screenshots***

**Evelynn:** AHRI DID YOU FUCKING DO THIS?????

 

**Ahri:** Yep!

 

**Evelynn:** AHRI HALF OF MY MONEY IS FUCKING GONE!!!

 

**Ahri:** To go to the house!

 

**Evelynn:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO MY ACCOUNT!!!?????

 

**Ahri:** I picked up your wallet when we had that fight in the car.

 

**Evelynn:** YOU TOOK MY WALLET???!!!!

**Evelynn:** IT WAS YOU?????

 

**Kai’sa:** I feel like there are legal reasons to ensure that the money you’re using is yours and not stolen….

 

**Ahri:** *shrugs*

**Ahri:** I may or may not have...maybe...manipulated the real estate agent….

**Ahri:** Tee hee!

 

**Evelynn:** lkjjsdlkgdhsfhgkj

**Evelynn:** AHRI I STILL HAVE CARS TO PAY UP!!!!

**Evelynn:** NOW I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TO PAY FOR EVEN HALF OF THEM!!!

 

**Ahri:** Maybe...don’t buy any more cars?

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Evelynn:** TURN ON YOUR LOCATIONS, AHRI!

**Evelynn:** WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!????

**Evelynn:** I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!!!

 

**Ahri:** Nope~

 

**Evelynn:** AHRIIIII!!!!!!

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE FUCKING DEAD WHEN I FIND YOU!

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE GOING TO WISH YOU NEVER CAME BACK FROM YOUR 5 YEAR HIATUS!!!

 

**Akali:** Eve-Chan! I have money to help pay for your cars!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh, Akali. You don’t need to.

**Evelynn:** This isn’t your fault at all and you shouldn’t take responsibility for Ahri’s actions. :)

 

**Kai’sa:** Well said, Evelynn.

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch, you need to pay me some cash too.

**Evelynn:** You’re part of K/DA now and you’re just as responsible for Ahri as Ahri is responsible for her own actions.

 

**Kai’sa:** ?????!!!!

**Kai’sa:** WHAT??

 

**Ahri:** DAMN KAI’SA YOU TRIED HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!

 

**Ahri:** I just bought a house.

**Ahri:** It’s Evelynn that’s having a problem with it.

 

**Kai’sa:** AND I NEED TO PAY UP TOO????

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT???

 

**Akali: *texts screenshot***

**Akali:** Guys, I got you

 

**Ahri:** Fuck…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my…

 

**Kai’sa:** You got all that money from being an Internet star???

 

**Akali:** I don’t spend my money that often.

 

**Ahri:** I CAN SEE THAT

**Ahri:** YOU HAVE MORE THAN EVE AND I COMBINED!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Thank god Akali is here….

 

**Evelynn:** We’re getting off on a great start.

 

**Kai’sa:** SAYS THE ONE THAT FUCKING WANTED ME TO PAY YOU MONEY ON AHRI’S BEHALF!!!

 

**Evelynn:** *shrugs*

 

**Ahri:** You will learn that our relationships will soon turn complicated

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m already so confused…

 

**Akali:** But at least we have a house

 

**Ahri:** EXACTLY!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my goodness…

 

**Ahri:** What’s nice is that you will all get your own rooms!

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not moving out of my penthouse.

 

**Akali:** I’m really excited to live with you girls.

 

**Evelynn:** Me too, I’m already packing my stuff.

**Evelynn:** Screw the penthouse.

 

**Ahri:** Yes, we know you want to screw Akali.

 

**Evelynn:** AHRI I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!!!

 

**Akali:** Screw me?

**Akali:** Like?

**Akali:** Trip me up?

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

 

**Akali:** Isn’t that what ‘screw’ means?

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Um...no….

**Ahri:** Looks like you got some work to do, Eve.

 

**Evelynn:** Just shut the fuck up…

 

**Kai’sa:** This is amusing.

**Kai’sa:** Unexpected of you, Eve, but amusing

 

**Evelynn:** Thanks…

 

**Akali:** So when can we come to the house?

 

**Ahri:** NOW

**Ahri:** First come first serve for the rooms.

 

**Evelynn:** BITCH YOU KNOW I AM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CITY!!!

 

**Ahri:** I know

**Ahri:** I’m already here ;3

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m a few minutes away.

 

**Akali:** I’m taking an uber so i'll be there in 10 minutes

 

**Evelynn:** Unfair…

 

**Ahri:** The house has a large garage for you to store your cars. :3

 

**Evelynn:** Wow...that makes up for everything -_-

 

**Ahri:** Tee hee!

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn:** Please tell me that thin line of smoke in the air isn’t coming from the house…

 

**Ahri:** Oh you’re almost here!

 

**Kai’sa:** Akali blew up a portion of the house

 

**Evelynn:** kjdfalkshglkhlkadj

**Evelynn:** What???

 

**Akali:** I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WAS THE GENERATOR!!!

**Akali:** I WAS TRYING TO FIX IT!

 

**Kai’sa:** BY THROWING YOUR FUCKING KUNAIS??????

 

**Akali:** Ahri said it was fine!

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri isn’t the smartest fox on the block.

 

**Ahri:** RUDE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I LITERALLY SAW YOU LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE BC ALL THE OTHER KIDS WERE DOING IT!!!

 

**Ahri:** I THOUGHT IT WAS A CHALLENGE!!!

**Ahri:** BESIDES THAT WAS 5 YEARS AGO!!

 

**Evelynn:** ICE BUCKET WAS A CHALLENGE

**Evelynn:** LIGHTING YOURSELF ON FIRE IS JUST PLAIN STUPID!

**Evelynn:** UGH

**Evelynn:** I highly doubt you’ve changed since then

 

**Ahri:** I bought a house

 

**Evelynn:** *clap clap*

**Evelynn:** WOW good for you

 

**Kai’sa:** I just realize…

**Kai’sa:** Are you texting and driving??

 

**Evelynn:** I’m in my Tesla

**Evelynn:** It drives itself

 

**Akali:** THAT’S SO COOL!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I would love to take you out on a ride if you want, Akali. :)

 

**Akali:** OKIE OKIE

 

**Kai’sa:** I mean...we have a portion of a house that was blown up…

**Kai’sa:** We have other problems to deal with first….

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, I see the smoke from the other side of the house

 

**Kai’sa:** Where are you?

 

**Ahri:** Chillin in the sun

 

**Kai’sa:** Well...can you help???

 

**Ahri:** Yah sure.

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, I’m stuck in a sudden traffic jam so I have no clue when I’ll be there.

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri ate a tide pod.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** WHAT????

 

**Akali:** She ate a tide pod

 

**Evelynn:** Why?

 

**Ahri:** For the tide pod challenge 

 

**Evelynn:** YOU LITERALLY HAVEN’T CHANGED THESE PAST FIVE YEARS!!!!

 

**Ahri:** *shrugs*

 

**Kai’sa:** WHERE ARE YOU?

**Kai’sa:** YOU’RE NOT IN THE ROOM???

 

**Ahri:** I’m in the bathroom.

 

**Kai’sa:** I didn’t even see you walk past me…

 

**Ahri:** I’m a fast foxy

 

**Akali:** Found her

**Akali: *texts photo***

 

**Evelynn:** Why are you like this, Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** I’m feeling better, thanks for asking!

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Evelynn:** You’re not human.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, I’m a gumiho.

**Ahri:** Duh…

**Ahri:** WAIT SHIT EVELYNN YOU FUCKING CALLED ME OUT!!!

**Ahri:** DAMN IT

**Ahri:** I WANTED THEM TO SEE HOW LONG IT WOULD TAKE FOR THEM TO SEE IM A REAL NINE TAILED FOX

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait...you’re not human?

 

**Akali:** Bro…

 

**Ahri:** I like how we’re all standing in the bathroom and texting on our phones instead of talking to each other.

**Ahri:** I’m just talking to myself...

 

**Evelynn:** I think they’re in shock.

 

**Akali:** I have never met a real gumiho…

**Akali:** I’m shocked

 

**Ahri:** Hi shocked, I’m a gumiho

 

**Evelynn:** stfu Ahri.

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi, gumiho. I have a parasite that follows me around and blows stuff up when I’m mad.

 

**Ahri:** holy shit…

**Ahri:** EVE! KAI’SA FUCKING PULLED OUT THESE WEIRD METALLIC SHOULDER CANNONS OUT OF NOWHERE!!

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T CALL THEM WEIRD, THEY HAVE FEELINGS. DON'T BE RUDE

 

**Evelynn:** Huh…

 

**Ahri:** I sowwy

 

**Evelynn:** So they’re parasites?

 

**Kai’sa:** When I was a kid, I got lost in a cave for weeks.

**Kai’sa:** Then this parasite kinda just latched onto me and didn’t leave me.

**Kai’sa:** They seem to like me and they don’t hurt me. So don’t worry about them hurting you. 

**Kai’sa:** They listen to me.

**Kai’sa:** It took my parents a while to just accept them

 

**Ahri:** Akali just walked out. 

**Ahri:** She yeeted lmfao

 

**Evelynn:** @Akali are you okay?

 

**Akali:** My whole life is a lie.

**Akali:** I thought Ahri wore fake fox ears and a tail this entire time

**Akali:** But she’s a real nine tail fox?

 

**Evelynn:** So Kai’sa’s parasites don’t scare you…?

 

**Akali:** They look like little baby robots

**Akali:** They cute.

 

**Kai’sa:** Aww thanks

**Kai’sa:** They like that compliment

 

**Ahri:** Yee, I am a real gumiho

**Ahri:** I can show you that I don’t have human ears

 

**Akali:** …

**Akali:** Okay, I’m coming back up

 

**Evelynn:** Well, nine tail foxes are extremely rare so it is hard to tell who is impersonating them and who is actually them.

**Evelynn:** Unfortunately for us, Ahri is a real gumiho

 

**Ahri:** RUDE

 

**Evelynn:** Well, I guess if everyone is confessing their true identities 

**Evelynn:** I’m a succubus.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh yeah we know

 

**Akali:** I assumed

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** You guys couldn’t tell if Ahri was a real gumiho or not but you two already knew I was a succubus???

**Evelynn:** She has a tail and everything????

 

**Kai’sa:** I thought Ahri was a furry

**Kai’sa:** And she was into that stuff

 

**Akali:** I thought it was a way to stand out from her fellow artists

**Akali:** So I thought she decided to be a furry.

 

**Ahri:** kjsadkjghkjdfkghkdjfg

**Ahri:** DON’T COMPARE ME TO A FURRY!!

 

**Akali:** What’s wrong with furries?

 

**Ahri:** BC IM A REAL GUMIHO

 

**Akali:** And?

**Akali:** Can gumiho not be furries?

 

**Ahri:** Oh

**Ahri:** Good point.

 

**Akali:** I guess I’m the only normal human?

 

**Kai’sa:** Technically hahah

**Kai’sa:** If you call jumping 20 feet in the air ‘normal’

 

**Akali:** I did train under my master shen

**Akali:** Although I ditch him to rap hahah lol

 

**Ahri:** Well aren’t you a lucky gal for you to be here now!

 

**Evelynn:** We’re lucky to have you, Akali~

 

**Akali:** Aw thanks!

 

**Ahri:** Wish you were here, Eve!

**Ahri:** We’re all just sitting on the bathroom floor

**Ahri:** texting on our phones

**Ahri:** Ignoring the fact I vomited so much in the toilet

**Ahri:** This is great.

 

**Evelynn:** Can’t wait to get there...

 

**Kai’sa:** Today has been a weird day…

 

**Ahri:** It could be worse

**Ahri:** One of us could be a murderer. ;3

 

**Kai’sa:** Lol that would definitely be interesting 

 

**Akali:** Hahaha, Ahri you’re so funny.

 

**Evelynn:** Hahahahahahahaha

**Evelynn:** Shut up, Ahri.

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** Is anyone awake?

 

**Evelynn:** It’s 3am in the morning…

 

**Ahri:** Why are you awake?

 

**Evelynn:** I forgot to fucking silence my phone

 

**Ahri:** Trolololo

 

**Evelynn:** This better not be a normal thing…

**Evelynn:** It’s only night 1 in hell with you

 

**Ahri:** Rude.

**Ahri:** We may have our own rooms but I won’t hesitate to barge in yours

 

**Evelynn:** Please don’t...

 

**Kai’sa:** The more you two interact with each other, the more you two seem like an old married couple

 

**Akali:** I ship it

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO

 

**Evelynn:** Dear god no…

**Evelynn:** It’s already so horrible to even know Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** HEY IS THAT HOW YOU TREAT YOUR CHILDHOOD FRIEND!!???

 

**Kai’sa:** Childhood friends?

 

**Ahri:** We were in the same idol training class under Riot entertainment 

 

**Akali:** You two trained to be idols?

 

**Ahri:** Yep!

 

**Evelynn:** It has been hell ever since…

 

**Ahri:** SHUT UP YOU LOVE ME!

 

**Evelynn:** IT’S HARD TO LOVE YOU WHEN YOU FUCKING TEST MY SANITY!!!

 

**Ahri:** WE BOTH KNOW DAMN WELL THAT YOUR CAREER WOULD BE DEAD IF I WASN’T THERE TO SPICE IT UP!

 

**Evelynn:** MY CAREER IS FINE WITHOUT YOU!

 

**Ahri:** I STRONGLY DISAGREE!

 

**Akali:** You two really do work well together.

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you sure you two didn’t fuck?

 

**Evelynn:** I WOULD RATHER LET TWISTED FATE FUCK ME AGAIN!

**Evelynn:** aw fuck...

 

**Kai’sa:** Wat?

 

**Akali:** You slept with that famous playboy swindler?

 

**Ahri:** KJDGHKSJFGHKJDSJGLHDGFKJ

**Ahri:** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK

**Evelynn:** DON’T FUCKING TELL THEM AHRI!

 

**Ahri:** Twisted Fate was Evelynn’s first.

**Ahri:** I still cry when I remember what Evelynn said about how he enticed her to bed.

 

**Evelynn:** SHUT THE FUCK UP AHRI!

 

**Ahri:** She was like, “He told me he could show me a magical time in bed.”

**Ahri:** “He just showed me card tricks and somehow I let him sleep with me.”

**Ahri:** “But he was able to guess my card right every time so I guess there was that.”

 

**Evelynn:** Oh god you remembered….

 

**Akali:** Isn’t that a meme?

**Akali:** Person A: “When you said ‘magical in bed’ this isn’t exactly what I exp-“

**Akali:** Person B: “*holds up 8 of hearts* is this your card?”

**Akali:** Person A: “*softly* holy shit”

 

**Kai’sa:** So Evelynn made a meme come true?

**Kai’sa:** Or she fell for the meme?

 

**Akali:** That is the question.

 

**Ahri:** EITHER WAY SHE GOT DUMPED AND SHE WAS FUCKING MORTIFIED ABOUT IT!

**Ahri:** SHE WAS LIKE, “ I WILL NEVER LOOK AT CARDS AGAIN AND THINK ABOUT HOW THEY FOOLED ME!”

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL BARGE INTO YOUR ROOM YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!

 

**Ahri:** Come at me!

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you sure you two haven’t fucked?

 

**Ahri:** I’m surprised we haven’t

**Ahri:** We would have great hate sex.

 

**Evelynn:** I would murder you

 

**Ahri:** And there’s that

**Ahri:** I would like to live :3

 

**Akali:** Still ship it.

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t want to be shipped with Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, she wants to be shipped with you Akali.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my fucking god, Ahri…

 

**Akali:** Hahaha, Evelynn is way out of my league!

**Akali:** But I’m happy we’re teammates!

**Akali:** And I hope we can be great friends.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, me too. :)

 

**Kai’sa:** That was so sweet

**Kai’sa:** But now I feel bad for Evelynn…

 

**Ahri:** That was quite a friendzone 

**Ahri:** LMFAO

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Evelynn:** Test me one more time and I will fucking smother you with your own pillow, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** You’ve done it before. 

**Ahri:** And I lived.

 

**Kai’sa:** How are you two alive?

 

**Ahri:** We’re not human.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, true.

 

**Evelynn:** Bc I have a soul with morals

 

**Ahri:** No you don’t.

 

**Evelynn:** I have fucking common sense to shut the fuck up when I annoy my friends.

 

**Ahri:** Okay, that’s true.

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you sure K/DA doesn’t mean Kill/Death Assist?

 

**Ahri:** At the pace we’re going, that may come true.

 

**Evelynn:** Well the Internet pretty much thinks I killed you

**Evelynn:** FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD DROP IT!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS!

 

**Ahri:** ONLY FIVE YEARS, EVE!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS OF THIS ‘EVE KILLED AHRI’ BULLSHIT!!!

 

**Ahri:** OKAY BUT YOU TOTALLY SUCKED THE DICK OFF SOME OF THE MISSING MALE CELEBS SO IT'S NOT TOO FAR FETCHED!!!

 

**Evelynn:** BITCH SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Woah…

**Kai’sa:** What did I get myself into?

 

**Ahri:** Was kidnapping you not a huge hint of what you were getting into??

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, true 

**Kai’sa:** But I was kidnapped so it’s not like I had much of a choice.

 

**Ahri:** That’s true.

 

**Akali:** So we have a real gumiho, a murdering succubus, and a woman with a parasite

**Akali:** And me, a ninja.

**Akali:** Master Shen would be so worried if he knew what kind of group I ended up with.

 

**Ahri:** Tell your Master Shen to suck my ass and grow up.

**Ahri:** This is our world now

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay Ahri…

**Kai’sa:** That’s a little disrespectful…

 

**Akali:** Oh don’t worry

**Akali:** I got fed up with him fighting with his ex ‘bff’ Zed

**Akali:** I told him to stop having a dick measuring contest with Zed and maybe I’ll consider coming back to the dojo.

 

**Kai’sa:** Goodness…

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, girl.

**Evelynn:** You tell him.

 

**Akali:** I’m not coming back to that dojo tho

**Akali:** No matter what he says.

 

**Ahri:** And now you are ours!

 

**Akali:** YEP!

 

**Kai’sa:** This may be the worst mistake or the best decision I made about joining K/DA.

 

**Ahri:** You just realized this?

 

**Kai’sa:** I tend to overthink after I make my decisions.

 

**Evelynn:** I wish Ahri does that too…

 

**Ahri:** WOW

**Ahri:** I CAN THINK!

 

**Evelynn:** Were you thinking when you were GONE FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS!!!????

 

**Ahri:** Will you drop it!??!?!?!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS!

 

**Ahri:** GET OVER IT!

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS!!!

**Evelynn:** DON’T TELL ME TO GET OVER IT!!!

 

**Ahri:** GET THE FUCK OVER IT YOU FUCKING HORNY TENTACLE HOE!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Ahri:** FUCK ME YOURSELF, YOU COWARD!

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** I regret saying that.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my

 

**Akali:** I still ship it.

 

**Evelynn:** No…

**Evelynn:** I don’t want to be shipped with Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** I would rather be Twisted Fate’s rebound after he slept with you.

 

**Akali:** oooooooooo

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh goodness...

 

**Evelynn:** THAT’S IT!!!

**Evelynn:** SQUARE UP BITCH I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** COME AT ME!

**Ahri:** I’M READY!!

 

**Kai’sa: …**

**Kai’sa:** I assume that’s them making all that racket?

 

**Akali:** Yesh

 

**Kai’sa:** Should we stop them?

 

**Akali:** I’m too snugged in my bed

 

**Kai’sa:** Same…

 

**Akali:** So tell me more about yourself, Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** I already regret joining K/DA and I fear I can’t get out.

 

**Akali:** Interesting.

**Akali:** How does that make you feel?

 

**Kai’sa:** Like I’m in a void that I can’t escape from.

 

**Akali:** Hmm…

**Akali:** So what’s your favorite food?

 

**Kai’sa:** Peaches.

 

**Akali:** I like spicy ramyun! :)

 

**Kai’sa:** I’ll take note of that.

 

**Akali:** ?

 

**Kai’sa:** I like cooking so I would be happy to make you some spicy ramyun. :)

 

**Akali:** aaahhhhh

**Akali:** Marry me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Hahah, okay lol

 

**Evelynn:** KAI’SA WTF???!!!

 

**Ahri:** ajahakjhgskdghkdjfhg

**Ahri:** KAI’SA IS SWOOPING IN HARD!!!

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa is a true bae

 

**Kai’sa:** Sorry, Eve. ;p

**Kai’sa:** Maybe learn how to cook?

 

**Evelynn:** KAI’SA IM COMING IN!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Where???

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Is that your glowing eyes in the corner of my room?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, bitch.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh boy…

 

**Ahri:** JSDBFJSHFGJKDJGF

**Ahri:** I LOVE YOU GUYS!

 

**Akali:** I like you guys!

**Akali:** I’m so excited to make our first song!

 

**Ahri:** Me too!

**Ahri:** Once I realign my spine :)

 

**Akali:** Oh…

**Akali:** Are you okay?

 

**Ahri:** Don’t worry. Evelynn has done worse to me.

 

**Akali:** Scary…

 

**Ahri:** Oh I’ve done worse to Eve

 

**Akali:** and you two are still friends?

 

**Ahri:** It’s a miracle, right?

 

**Akali:** I guess

**Akali:** Oh boy

**Akali:** That was a loud explosion

 

**Ahri:** Sounds like Kai’sa might have won.

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey, Akali

**Kai’sa:** Do you have enough money to repair an entire wall?

 

**Akali:** Yeah, don’t worry

**Akali:** I got you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Sweet.

 

**Evelynn:** Your parasites are terrifying

 

**Kai’sa:** Where did you go?

 

**Evelynn:** The blast threw me into the trees.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, I see you.

 

**Ahri:** I feel like we made great progress with our bonds.

 

**Evelynn:** I hate you, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** Wuv you too!

 

**Kai’sa:** So like...can I share a room until my wall is fixed?

 

**Akali:** You can share with me, wifey

 

**Evelynn:** No, we’re all sleeping in the living room

 

**Akali:** Oh fun, group sleepover!

 

**Ahri:** cockblocker

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t want to hear that from you…

 

**Kai’sa:** Jealous, Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** I’m going to set you up with someone.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh? Taking me away from my wifey?

 

**Evelynn:** I am setting you up with someone and you will love them!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m pretty picky on dates.

**Kai’sa:** I’m a hard person to please.

**Kai’sa:** I guess I have high standards.

 

**Evelynn:** Idk if you ever heard but I’m a great matchmaker 

 

**Ahri:** Says the woman that has never had a meaningful relationship

 

**Evelynn:** AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS TREE I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!

 

**Ahri:** Tee hee ;3

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m curious

**Kai’sa:** I’ll take your challenge, all jokes aside  

**Kai’sa:** Set me up with someone and see if sparks fly

 

**Evelynn:** Alright, I will.

 

**Kai’sa:** If it fails, you just have to accept Akali as my wifey.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh...okay...

 

**Akali:** What is your type, Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** Idk, let Evelynn decide for me. ;)

 

**Ahri:** lmfao hahahahahah 

 

**Evelynn:** Just you wait...I am a great matchmaker.

 

**Akali:** Evelynn, do you need help getting down from the tree?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes…

 

**Akali:** Okie, I’m coming!

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you…

 

**Ahri:** I’ll set up the pillows in the living room!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’ll bring the blankets!

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:**

 

**Ahri:** Hey

 

**Evelynn:** What? We’re trying to sleep….

 

**Ahri:** Do you have any idea who you are setting Kai’sa up with?

 

**Evelynn:** I have no fucking clue.

 

**Ahri:** Set her up with Twisted Fate. ;3

  
**Evelynn:** Fuck you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sivir will come, don't worry. She shall make her entrance and Kai'sa will forget all about her 'wifey'. :)
> 
> Leave a comment, kudo, and/or subscribe to the series to let me know what you think. I have a tumblr @kda-chat where I have more fuckery in smaller doses. Hope you enjoyed. :)


	3. Love is in the air...sort of...

**Evelynn:** Hey, where are you girls?

 

**Kai’sa:** At the dance studio, perfecting the choreography

 

**Akali:** Working on my raps at home

 

**Ahri:** Just woke up from a cat nap.

 

**Evelynn:** You’re so fucking useful, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** I literally was talking to our film director for 4 hours, chill bitch

 

**Evelynn:** You chill, bitch.

 

**Ahri:** BITCH

 

**Evelynn:** BITCH!

 

**Ahri:** BIIITCH!

 

**Evelynn:** BIIIEEETCH!!!

 

**Ahri:** BEEAAAAATCH!!

 

**Evelynn:** BIOOOOTTCH!!

 

**Ahri:** BEEEEEEIIIIIAAYYYYYTCH!

 

**Evelynn:** BIOTCHE

 

**Kai’sa:** Girls, girls, we know you two fucked each other now stop.

 

**Ahri:** KDSKGJHDLGKHKL

**Ahri:** I LOVE KAI’SA HAHAHA

 

**Evelynn:** Ugh

**Evelynn:** *eye rolls*

 

**Akali:** Still ship it.

 

**Evelynn:** Please don’t…

 

**Akali:** You can’t stop a shipper’s heart.

 

**Evelynn:** Ship me with anyone besides Ahri

 

**Akali:** Fine, Kai’saXEvelynn

 

**Kai’sa:** Lmfao

**Kai’sa:** Ew

 

**Evelynn:** OKAY RUDE

**Evelynn:** I am a wonderful girlfriend to have!

 

**Ahri:** That’s not what those missing male celebs said.

 

**Kai’sa:** OOOOOOOOOO

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, I swear to god…

 

**Akali:** HAHAHAHA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Surely there has got to be another person you could ship me with?

 

**Akali:** hmmm

**Akali:** Nope, can’t think of anyone else besides Ahri and Kai’sa.

 

**Evelynn:** ...really?

 

**Kai’sa:** It must suck being you right now, Eve.

 

**Evelynn:** Keep teasing me and I will set you up with one of my exes

 

**Kai’sa:** Twisted Fate?

 

**Evelynn:** ANYONE besides him…

**Evelynn:** I’m not that mean...

 

**Ahri:** Set Kai’sa up with a woman.

**Ahri:** Men are too messy

**Ahri:** Eve would know

 

**Evelynn:** Hahaha….

**Evelynn:** Very funny...

**Evelynn:** Fuck you

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m fine with that.

**Kai’sa:** But the woman has to be taller than me

 

**Evelynn:** Ugh

**Evelynn:** That doesn’t help when you’re the tallest…

 

**Kai’sa:** Deal with it

**Kai’sa:** :p

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO

**Ahri:** I love Kai’sa’s ass

**Ahri:** SASS

**Ahri:** I meant ASS

**Ahri:** FUCK

 

**Kai’sa:** lol auto correct

**Kai’sa:** Thanks, my ass is nice.

**Kai’sa:** It’s all the dancing I do.

 

**Evelynn:** Since you love her ass so much, Ahri, maybe I should set you two up.

 

**Ahri:** No, thanks.

**Ahri:** I don’t want to date.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m not dating someone that ate a tide pod after being told not to eat it.

 

**Ahri:** Okay, no need to attack me.

**Ahri:** Because I feel very attacked.

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa literally said, “You will die if you eat it.”

**Akali:** Then you ate it…

 

**Ahri:** I will never die.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m already dead inside.

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Kai’sa:** Hmm?

 

**Ahri:** What’s that, Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** Nothing. :)

 

**Akali:** U good Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes, I am good.

 

**Evelynn:...**

**Evelynn:** Moving on…

**Evelynn:** I’m at the recording studio and I’m in a mood for pizza.

**Evelynn:** If I order pizza, will you guys want some?

 

**Akali:** YES!

 

**Kai’sa:** Sure, I could use a break.

 

**Ahri:** YES! YES!

 

**Evelynn:** The invitation was only for Kai’sa and Akali.

 

**Ahri:** WTF??

**Ahri:** I’m the leader!

 

**Evelynn:** And?

 

**Ahri:** FEEED MEEEE

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** I’ll dieeee

 

**Evelynn:** Then die.

 

**Akali:** You just said you can’t die

 

**Ahri:** I’ll die if I don’t have pizza

 

**Evelynn:** She’s being overdramatic 

 

**Ahri:** You’re stingy

 

**Kai’sa:** You can have a slice if you convince our director to let Evelynn try to hit me with her car and I dodge.

 

**Ahri:** OKAY

**Ahri:** I’ll call him right now!

 

**Evelynn:** Huh

**Evelynn:** That was easy…

 

**Akali:** Are you going to have the pizza sent to the home or at the recording studio, Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** At the recording studio

**Evelynn:** I have some stuff to go over with you guys.

 

**Kai’sa:** Alright, what time should we be there?

 

**Evelynn:** In an hour or so.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okie

 

**Akali:** Kk

 

**Ahri:** HE SAID FINE SO CAN I HAVE A PIZZA SLICE?

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** Bitch.

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS

 

**Ahri:** OH MY FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FOX GET THE FUCK OVER THAT!

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS, AHRI!

 

**Ahri:** DROP IT!

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut up or Akali and I will just eat the pizza.

 

**Ahri:** Okie…

 

**Evelynn:** Fine…

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between an Unknown Number and Evelynn:**

 

**Unknown Number:** Hello, this is your pizza deliverer, Sivir, I am here with your order of three cheese pizzas and a side of breadsticks. I am here out front of the building.

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you. I’ll have someone let you up.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn:**

 

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn:** Okay, hear me out…

**Evelynn:** I think I found Kai’sa’s future bae…

 

**Ahri:** You know...I was about to say that you’re a total fucking asshole for setting her up with the pizza deliverer 

**AhriL** and it would have been nicer to her if you set her up with Twisted Fate

**Ahri:** But Twisted Fate can go fuck himself

**Ahri:** You fucking found a Goddess…

 

**Evelynn:** Right??

**Evelynn:** And she’s single

 

**Ahri:** How did you figure that out?

 

**Evelynn:** I just asked.

 

**Ahri:** lol

**Ahri:** But is she into women?

 

**Evelynn: *text photo***

**Evelynn:** Does that answer your question?

**Evelynn:** Unless she’s a fucking straight girl asshole that has pride stickers on her motorcycle, she has to have some interest in women.

**Evelynn:** And she literally has a sticker labeled ‘Dykes on Bikes’

 

**Ahri:** Damn…

**Ahri:** Why can’t you seem to find a decent person for yourself?

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you.

 

**Ahri:** Tee hee

**Ahri:** You barely get through Akali

 

**Evelynn:** shut up

 

**Ahri:** TEE HEEE

 

**Evelynn:** One problem tho

**Evelynn:** I think she’s my height

**Evelynn:** So she’s shorter than Kai’sa

 

**Ahri:** I highly doubt Kai’sa will fucking measure her once she sees what a fucking snacc that woman is.

 

**Evelynn:** Touché

 

**Ahri:** Did you get her name?

 

**Evelynn:** Sivir.

 

**Ahri:** Sivir?

**Ahri:** Like ‘Severe’?

 

**Evelynn:** No, like siv-er

 

**Ahri:** ‘Severe’ sounds better

**Ahri:** It sounds better to moan with

 

**Evelynn:** lmfao

**Evelynn:** Okay, Ahri

**Evelynn:** Thirsty much?

 

**Ahri:** Well would you rather moan ‘severe’ or ‘siv-er’?

 

**Evelynn:** ‘Severe’

 

**Ahri:** I thought so.

**Ahri:** So how are you going to set them up?

 

**Evelynn:** Let me wait for everyone to get here

**Evelynn:** And I’ll call the pizza place and order some dessert 

**Evelynn:** Sivir comes here and I’ll have her wait in a room

**Evelynn:** Then send Kai’sa in there and see what happens.

 

**Ahri:** That’s better than what I had planned

 

**Evelynn:** What was your plan?

 

**Ahri:** Just straight up ask Sivir if she wants to date Kai’sa

 

**Evelynn:** This is why I am known as a great matchmaker and not you

 

**Ahri:** Uh huh, sure whatever bitch

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch fox

 

**Ahri:** horny tentacle monster

 

**Evelynn:** They are called lashers

 

**Ahri:** Then my tail is called the Rammer

 

**Evelynn:** Okay stop

 

**Ahri:** Niew ;3

 

**Evelynn:** I sometimes really just want to just block you from my life.

 

**Ahri:** But you haven’t and that says a lot about you.

**Ahri:** U wuv me

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you

 

**Ahri:** lol

**Ahri:** By the way

**Ahri:** I’m going to crystallize my tail

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Ahri:** My tails are going to be crystals

 

**Evelynn:** Why?

 

**Ahri:** Bc I want to 

**Ahri:** And because they’ll look nice

 

**Evelynn:** How are you going to do that?

 

**Ahri:** Magic

**Ahri:** duh

 

**Evelynn:** Did you talk to the director about this?

 

**Ahri:** Lol no

**Ahri:** He’s going to be so mad hahahahahah

 

**Evelynn:** Omg…

 

**Ahri:** Now my tail can really be known as the “Rammer”

 

**Evelynn:** Please stfu.

 

**Ahri:** Niew!

**Ahri:** :3

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Why did you guys lock me with the pizza deliverer…?

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Evelynn:** It’s a blind date. 

**Evelynn:** Have fun.

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

**Kai’sa:** what

 

**Ahri:** Go talk to Sivir. :3

 

**Kai’sa:** You were serious about the matchmaking!??!?!

 

**Evelynn:** Yes?

**Evelynn:** Did you think I was joking???

 

**Kai’sa:** YES!

 

**Ahri:** What in the flying nyahing fox would you think Eve would joke about setting you up with someone?

 

**Kai’sa:** I WASN’T SERIOUS ABOUT BEING AKALI’S WIFE!!

 

**Akali:** You are going to still make me spicy ramyun, right?

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER RIGHT NOW!

 

**Akali:** It matters to me.

 

**Evelynn:** Just greet Siver and talk about each other.

 

**Kai’sa:** I would rather let the void engulf me and seal me up.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, no

**Ahri:** Don’t do that.

**Ahri:** Kai’sa, we can see you and Sivir in the room with the cameras

**Ahri:** Why are you huddled in the corner?

 

**Kai’sa:** I lied.

 

**Evelynn:** ??

 

**Kai’sa:** You know how I said I have high standards?

**Kai’sa:** I lied.

**Kai’sa:** I have really bad social anxiety on dates and I honestly failed every date I was on.

**Kai’sa:** I’m very scared.

**Kai’sa:** I might have a panic attack...

 

**Evelynn:** Oh…

**Evelynn:** Well this is awk

 

**Kai’sa:** NO SHIT EVELYNN!!!

 

**Evelynn:** You didn’t tell me this! You encouraged it!

 

**Kai’sa:** I KNOW AND THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING STUPID OF ME NOW PLEASE LET ME OUT!

 

**Ahri:** Okay, why don’t you tell her that this was a bad joke and we’ll come down and explain.

 

**Kai’sa:** I HAVE TO SAY THAT?!?!

 

**Akali:** yes?

 

**Kai’sa:** Please just fucking kill me.

 

**Evelynn:** Can you not talk?

 

**Kai’sa:** I told you that I have bad social anxiety…

**Kai’sa:** Only in dating situations

 

**Ahri:** So you’re fine being kidnapped but can’t handle dates?

 

**Kai’sa:** I guess?????

**Kai’sa:** I’m weird like that

 

**Akali:** Oof

**Akali:** If it makes you feel better, Sivir seems to be checking you out.

 

**Kai’sa:** ???

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa, get off your phone and look at Sivir.

**Ahri:** I think she wants to offer you something.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Sivir:** Is it easier to talk to me like this?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes…

 

**Sivir:** Okay, good.

**Sivir:** I’m Sivir.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m Kai’sa.

**Kai’sa:** Look, I’m very sorry but my friends kinda set me up with you as an impromptu blind date…

**Kai’sa:** And I have really bad social anxiety...

 

**Sivir:** Ah, that makes sense now.

**Sivir:** It’s not every day I’m shoved into a room with a cute girl like you so I’m not too weirded out by it.

**Sivir:** :)

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh god, I’m not cute

**Kai’sa:** I must look like a mess right now

 

**Sivir:** It’s okay.

**Sivir:** Just take a breath.

**Sivir:** I’m not going to bite.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay

**Kai’sa:** Sorry, this must be quite a predicament you’re in.

**Kai’sa:** I’m sure my friends will come down and let us out.

 

**Sivir:** Okay, hahaha. That’s good.

**Sivir:** I kinda have other deliveries to make.

**Sivir:** Don’t freak out!

**Sivir:** Hey

**Sivir:** It’s okay!

**Sivir:** I’m not mad. It wasn’t your fault.

**Sivir:** Hey

**Sivir:** Look at me

**Sivir:** You’re okay.

 

**Kai’sa:** Sorry…

**Kai’sa:** I just feel really bad.

 

**Sivir:** Don’t be.

**Sivir:** To be honest, I kinda think this is unique and an interesting way to meet new people.

**Sivir:** A bit extreme, maybe 

**Sivir:** But at least I’m stuck in a room with a very beautiful girl like you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Do you mean that?

 

**Sivir:** Yes. :)

 

**Kai’sa:** Thank you.

 

**Sivir:** :)

**Sivir:** You have a gorgeous smile.

 

**Kai’sa:** Thank you.

 

**Sivir:** How are you feeling?

 

**Kai’sa:** Better.

**Kai’sa:** You’re very sweet.

 

**Sivir:** Thank you.

**Sivir:** I’m glad I can make you feel better.

**Sivir:** Can I come closer?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah. :)

 

XXX

 

**In group chat K/DA.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi.

**Kai’sa:** I’m Ubering home

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, are you okay?

 

**Akali:** We were worried after we went off our separate ways.

 

**Evelynn:** Also, I’m sorry.

 

**Kai’sa:** No, I’m sorry.

**Kai’sa:** Obviously I should have been honest about myself in the first place.

 

**Evelynn:** I should have talked to you about it.

 

**Kai’sa:** We’re still getting to know each other so we’re bound to mess up. 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t worry, Eve.

**Kai’sa:** But your plan didn’t fail.

 

**Ahri:** So where did you and Sivir walk off to together?

 

**Kai’sa:** I kinda just went along with her delivery routes and after we finished, we just hung around a park.

 

**Akali:** Cute!

**Akali:** She seems nice.

 

**Kai’sa:** She really is.

 

**Ahri:** Soooo??

 

**Kai’sa:** ??

 

**Ahri:** You said the plan didn’t fail.

**Ahri:** Are you two going to keep talking?

 

**Kai’sa:** Maybe.

 

**Evelynn:** It’s either a yes or a no

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s a maybe

 

**Ahri:** Girl, we did not wait four hours for your response to say maybe.

 

**Kai’sa:** Idk 

**Kai’sa:** What if she was just being nice and decides to cut me off after today?

 

**Akali:** She really doesn’t seem like the type to do that.

 

**Evelynn:** And I mean you’re going to be a big celebrity

**Evelynn:** So like...she’s crazy to cut you off.

 

**Kai’sa:** I didn’t tell her I was a celeb

**Kai’sa:** I’m not really a celeb right now

 

**Ahri:** You will be soon

 

**Evelynn:** And she met me

**Evelynn:** I’m a celeb

**Evelynn:** So that gives you some credit.

 

**Kai’sa:** She didn’t recognize you.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Yeah, she’s not good for you.

 

**Ahri:** OMG EVE AHAHAHAH

 

**Evelynn:** HOW DOES SHE NOT RECOGNIZE ME???

 

**Kai’sa:** She doesn’t even know you.

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT?!

**Evelynn:** HOW???

**Evelynn:** MY FACE IS ON EVERY FUCKING TABLOID!

 

**Kai’sa:** *shrugs*

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** She knew Ahri tho

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT!?!?!?!?

 

**Ahri:** HA!

**Ahri:** Take that bitch!

 

**Evelynn:** I can not believe this…

 

**Kai’sa:** lol

**Kai’sa:** Guys, she texted back

**Kai’sa:** It’s only been like 15 minutes since we split…

**Kai’sa:** I scared

 

**Akali:** That’s a good sign

 

**Ahri:** Go read it!

 

**Evelynn:** Go on.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Sivir:** I had a lot of fun meeting you today. :)

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** She said she had a lot of fun meeting me today.

 

**Ahri:** Tell her that she’s cute.

 

**Evelynn:** No, ask her to hang out again with you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahhhhh

 

**Akali:** Tell her that you had fun too and thank her.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Kai’sa:** I had a lot of fun too, thanks for today.

 

**Sivir:** Of course!

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** She just said, of course

 

**Ahri:** Tell her that you think she’s bootiful

 

**Evelynn:** Don’t listen to Ahri

**Evelynn:** Ask her out properly

**Evelynn:** “Would you like to go on a proper date with me?”

 

**Kai’sa:** No, that’s too fast

 

**Akali:** Tell her that you want to make it up to her for helping you out and not freaking out.

**Akali:** Offer to take her to the movies.

 

**Kai’sa:** What movie?

**Kai’sa:** Like romance?

**Kai’sa:** Action?

 

**Ahri:** Porn

 

**Evelynn:** Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** I WAS KIDDING 

**Ahri:** I’m trying to lighten the mood!

 

**Akali:** Just say movie.

**Akali:** Don’t be specific.

**Akali:** Just offer.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Can I make it up to you for helping me out earlier? Like, take you to a movie?

 

**Sivir:** That sounds great.

**Sivir:** Would this Sat be okay with you?

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** She asked if this sat be okay with me.

 

**Akali:** Say okay. 

 

**Kai’sa:** Just “okay”?

 

**Akali:** Well, add something to it.

**Akali:** Like “sounds great”

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, sounds great.

 

**Sivir:** Perfect.

**Sivir:** So it’s a date?

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** She asked, “So it’s a date?”

 

**Ahri:** SAY YESS!

 

**Evelynn:** Please say yes

 

**Akali:** Say yes.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Say yes.

 

**Sivir:** Yes?

 

**Kai’sa:** I mean, yes it’s a date.

 

**Sivir:** Okay, hahaha.

**Sivir:** Can’t wait.

**Sivir:** :)

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** I said yes.

**Kai’sa:** Now what?

 

**Akali:** Now you wait till Sat.

 

**Kai’sa:** Fuck…

**Kai’sa:** Really, that’s all??

 

**Akali:** Yep.

**Akali:** You have a date now!

 

**Evelynn:** Thank god

 

**Ahri:** Akali, you seem to have a lot of experience with dating.

 

**Akali:** I just read a lot of shoujo mangas

**Akali:** I have zero clues about real-life romance tho

 

**Kai’sa:** But you knew exactly what to make me say

 

**Akali:** I just read the situation and tried to give an answer to the best of my abilities.

**Akali:** To be completely honest, I never really dated

**Akali:** I actually haven’t had my first kiss.

**Akali** : I’m just going to say it

**Akali** : I’m a virgin

 

**Evelynn:** And there’s nothing wrong with that, Akali

**Evelynn:** We’re NOT virgin shaming.

**Evelynn:** RIGHT? AHRI?

 

**Ahri:** I didn’t even say anything!

 

**Akali:** I mean like

**Akali:** I’m not ashamed of being a virgin 

**Akali:** I think of myself as like a rare unicorn 

 

**Ahri:** Omg you pure pure soul...

 

**Kai’sa:** What did we do to deserve such a pure maknae?

 

**Ahri:** What we can do is keep her away from Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** Wait what

**Evelynn:** Why?

 

**Ahri:** You’ve done a lot of nasties

 

**Evelynn:** DON’T SLUT SHAME ME!

 

**Ahri:** I’M NASTY SHAMING YOU!

 

**Akali:** Hahahahaha!!!

**Akali:** You two are so funny!!

 

**Ahri:** I know, right?

 

**Akali:** But I mean

**Akali:** I don’t judge

**Akali:** At least I know I can count on you guys to give me advice if the time comes to lose my virginity.

 

**Evelynn:** ...please only ask for advice from me.

**Evelynn:** Don’t be so trusting of Ahri…

 

**Akali:** Hahah, okie!

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey, don’t take advantage of Akali like that.

 

**Evelynn:** That’s not what I meant.

 

**Ahri:** You were prolly thinking of it

 

**Evelynn:** I wasn’t!

 

**Akali:** Hahah, no i trust Eve!

**Akali:** She’s been nothing but super nice to me

**Akali:** Oh, are you guys aware that she’s going to help provide backup vocals to my rap part?

 

**Ahri:** oh?

 

**Kai’sa:** Is she?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes…

**Evelynn:** I am…

**Evelynn:** Nothing wrong with that.

 

**Akali:** It’s going to help my raps so much!

**Akali:** I’m really excited to film our scenes together.

 

**Ahri:** Oh??

**Ahri:** I didn’t know you two have scenes together now…

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, I was going to let you guys know later.

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Was that why you wanted to talk to Akali alone for a bit?

 

**Kai’sa:** ….was my fiasco with Sivir just an excuse for a distraction, Eve??

 

**Evelynn:** Of course not.

 

**Akali:** I promise it’ll all be worth it.

**Akali:** She’ll be touching me to help make me feel like a more authentic rapper.

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Ahri:** Eve…

 

**Evelynn:** What she means is that I told her that rappers always have a hot girl around them and I volunteered to help her image and be the ‘hot’ girl next to her.

**Evelynn:** It’s just to help her feel more like a rapper.

 

**Ahri:** Uh huh

**Ahri:** Sure

 

**Akali:** She’s just going to hug me from behind.

**Akali:** For like a photoshoot

 

**Kai’sa:** Just hugging?

 

**Akali:** Yeah, she’s touching me

 

**Evelynn:** IT’S HUGGING.

 

**Akali:** Hugging

**Akali:** Touching

**Akali:** Same thing *shrugs*

 

**Ahri:** IT’S NOT THO HAHAHAHAHHA

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up, Ahri!

 

**Ahri:** YOU SUCH A FUCKING SUCCUHOE EVE HAHAHAHHA

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU, YOU NASTY SMELLY FOX!

 

**Ahri:** IT’S NOT NASTY!

**Ahri:** IT’S MY FOXY LADY MUSK!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE A NASTY FOX!

 

**Ahri:** YOU A FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS!

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD DROP IT!

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS AHRI!

 

**Kai’sa:** Here we go again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was at this moment, they knew that their bond was going to be unique and forever lasting...with a side of fuckery.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comment, kudo, and/or subscribe to it! I also have a tumblr @ kda-chat for smaller doses of fuckery. Hope you enjoyed! :)


	4. Love takes time, not all the time though...

**Kai’sa:** I appreciate the fact that you girls are here to support me on this date.

**Kai’sa:** But why did I see Evelynn throwing Ahri across the movie theatre?

**Kai’sa:** And Akali, why did you fill up half of the theatre with your shroud smoke?

 

**Evelynn:** More importantly…

**Evelynn:** How is the date going?

 

**Kai’sa:** It was going well until you three caused the entire movie theatre to be cleared up

**Kai’sa:** The fact that no one has figured out it was you three is a miracle…

 

**Akali:** Ninja powahhhh!

 

**Kai’sa:** What is wrong with you guys?

 

**Evelynn:** It was Ahri’s fault.

 

**Ahri:** I didn’t do anything!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh no you escaped…

 

**Ahri:** THE VET CAN’T FUCKING CONTAIN ME!

 

**Kai’sa:** You took Ahri to the vet…?

 

**Evelynn:** Where else do I go?

**Evelynn:** The vet is for sick pets, right?

 

**Ahri:** I AM NOT A PET, EVE, FUCK YOU!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CRYSTAL TAILS!

 

**Kai’sa:** When did you get crystal tails, Ahri???

 

**Ahri:** This morning after you left for your date

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Akali:** Did they patch up your tail?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, they fucking just glued it back on.

**Ahri:** fuck those fucking vets

**Ahri:** I can just use magic to fix them

**Ahri:** SO STOP TAKING ME TO THE VET, EVE!

**Ahri:** WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS FOR YEARS!

 

**Evelynn:** THE MORE YOU ACT LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL, THE MORE I WILL TAKE YOU TO THE VET!!

 

**Kai’sa:** What the fuck?

**Kai’sa:** Ahri, did your tail break in half or something???

 

**Ahri:** Yeah.

**Ahri:** When Eve threw me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Why did Eve throw you???

 

**Evelynn:** For jabbing her annoying tail into my side

 

**Ahri:** I said we needed an aisle seat!

**Ahri:** You know this, Eve!!

**Ahri:** I CAN’T SIT IN THE MIDDLE!!!

**Ahri:** I NEED SPACE FOR MY TAIL!!!

 

**Evelynn:** HOW THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO WATCH KAI’SA AND SIVIR WHEN WE’RE HIDING IN A FUCKING CORNER??

 

**Ahri:** YOU HAVE FUCKING EYES, BITCH!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Evelynn:** I HOPE THE VET PROBES YOUR ASS!!!

 

**Ahri:** LIKE YOU NEVER HAD ANYTHING UP YOUR ASS BEFORE, BITCH!!!

**Ahri:** NOT EVERYONE LIKES BUTT STUFF!!!

**Ahri:** LIKE ME!

 

**Evelynn:** IT’S FOR YOUR HEALTH, YOU PET!

 

**Ahri:** I AM NOT A FUCKING PET!!!

**Ahri:** I CAN GO TO A NORMAL HUMAN HOSPITAL!!!

 

**Evelynn:** NORMAL HUMANS DON’T FUCKING BITE THEIR DOCTOR’S EAR OFF!!

 

**Ahri:** THAT WAS ONE TIME!!!

**Ahri:** YOU KNOW I HATE SHOTS!!!

 

**Evelynn:** AND THAT’S WHY YOU HAVE TO GO TO VETS BC ONLY THEY CAN HANDLE YOUR FUCKING CANINE TEETH!!!!

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK OFF!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut the fuck up…

**Kai’sa:** Omg…

 

**Akali:** So how are you doing, Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** Worried about Evelynn and Ahri…

 

**Akali:** How’s the date going?

 

**Kai’sa:** Sivir is also worried about Evelynn and Ahri…

 

**Akali:** Ah

**Akali:** What should we do to get you two to NOT worry about us?

 

**Kai’sa:** Stop fighting?

 

**Evelynn:** Oof

**Evelynn:** Are you sure we can’t bring you two some snacks and lady condoms?

 

**Ahri:** Lady condoms?

**Ahri:** That’s a thing??

 

**Evelynn:** Yes it is.

 

**Ahri:** It’s only the first date, Eve

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, I don’t know

**Evelynn:** Maybe there’s sexual tension between them

 

**Kai’sa:** No, we’re both confused about you two

 

**Evelynn:** Well if you need condoms, I have some

 

**Ahri:** What’s the point of a lady condom??

 

**Evelynn:** When the man is too lazy to wear one

**Evelynn:** Or in this case, if Sivir needs some extra lube

**Evelynn:** She can use a lady condom

**Evelynn:** I mean regular condoms work too but I only carry lady condoms with me

 

**Kai’sa:** Bold of you to assume that I’m a bottom…

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa, I’ve seen how you sit in a chair.

**Evelynn:** There is no way you’re a top.

 

**Kai’sa:** jnxcvkjhkxjhvkxjv

**Kai’sa:** WHAT???

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHA

 

**Akali:** What’s a bottom?

**Akali:** And a top?

 

**Ahri:** Uke and seme

 

**Akali:** Okay, I got it.

 

**Evelynn:** ?????

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m not a bottom.

 

**Evelynn:** How do you know?

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m pretty sure I’m not a bottom.

**Kai’sa:** I don’t feel like a bottom.

 

**Evelynn:** Honey, that’s not how it works.

 

**Ahri:** Here, let me help

 

**Ahri added Sivir to group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa:** I hate you, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** ;3

 

**Sivir:** We meet again, fellow gals.

**Sivir:** Also, Kai’sa, where did you go?

 

**Kai’sa:** Am I not next to you?

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh…

**Kai’sa:** um…

**Kai’sa:** I’ve been standing next to someone else that looks like you…

 

**Sivir:** Hahahahaha!

**Sivir:** Aw no!

 

**Akali:** Where are you two?

 

**Kai’sa:** We found this county fair and decided to check it out

**Kai’sa:** And I lost Sivir…

 

**Sivir:** Hahaha, this place is big

**Sivir:** Just meet me at the front entrance and I’ll meet you there.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okie *blushie*

 

**Ahri:** Sivir, are you a top or bottom?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

**Kai’sa:** Ahri please no…

 

**Sivir:** A top

**Sivir:** Why do you think I took an interest in Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** You think I’m a bottom too????

 

**Sivir:** Have you seen the way you sit?

 

**Kai’sa:** Why does the way I sit indicate that I’m a bottom???

 

**Evelynn:** I mean there are other factors

**Evelynn:** The way you hold your cup

**Evelynn:** The way you drink

**Evelynn:** If you’re ticklish, you’re a bottom

 

**Kai’sa:** What?????

 

**Akali:** Oh I’m ticklish

**Akali:** So I’m a bottom??

 

**Evelynn:** I mean if you want to be a bottom…

 

**Ahri:** Hey, keep it in your pants succuhoe

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, that’s ridiculous

**Kai’sa:** Being ticklish or not doesn’t indicate if you’re a top or a bottom

 

**Sivir:** It does in bed.

 

**Evelynn:** Exactly.

 

**Kai’sa:** Who made you the fucking expert in top and bottom qualities??

 

**Ahri:** She’s a fucking succubus

**Ahri:** Her species literally relies on sex to live

 

**Evelynn:** My ancestors were a bunch of hoes.

 

**Ahri:** Hence why there are so few of them

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, fuck you.

**Evelynn:** Last time I checked, you’re the only fucking fox.

 

**Ahri:** Hey, last time I checked!

**Ahri:** You haven’t tapped that ninja pussy yet so fuck off!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** MURDER AKALI’S PUSSY YOU FUCKING COWARD!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL ACTUALLY TAKE YOU BACK TO THE VET AND MAKE THEM PUT YOU INTO THE CONE OF SHAME!

 

**Ahri:** IF YOU CAN FIND ME!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Ahri:** GO FUCK AKALI!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** You two literally can’t stop fighting for 2 seconds!!

 

**Evelynn:** You just realize this?

 

**Ahri:** When are we not fighting?

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay fair...

 

**Sivir:** I found Akali.

 

**Evelynn:** Wait…

**Evelynn:** What?

**Evelynn:** When did she leave my side…?

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO YOU CAN’T EVEN KEEP TRACK OF AKALI HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up.

 

**Sivir:** She said she lost her phone.

 

**Evelynn:** How?

**Evelynn:** I just saw her holding it like 5 minutes ago??

 

**Kai’sa:** You lost her in 5 minutes…?

**Kai’sa:** HOW?

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, worry about your future top.

**Evelynn:** This is my problem, not yours.

 

**Kai’sa:** FIRST OF ALL

**Kai’sa:** I AM NOT A BOTTOM

**Kai’sa:** Second!

**Kai’sa:** HOW THE FUCK DID YOU LOSE AKALI AND HOW DID SHE LOSE HER PHONE IN 5 MINUTES???

 

**Sivir:** She said she saw something that grabbed her attention and in the process, somehow lost her phone.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Huh?

**Kai’sa:** That makes no sense….

 

**Sivir:** Beats me

**Sivir:** That’s what she told me

 

**Kai’sa:** Is she really this dumb?

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, fuck you

**Evelynn:** Don’t make fun of Akali.

**Evelynn:** Sivir isn’t all that great, you know.

 

**Sivir:** That’s fair.

 

**Kai’sa:** At least Sivir doesn’t get lost and lose her phone in 5 minutes

 

**Sivir:** Ooh, got ‘em

 

**Ahri:** But you lost her…

 

**Sivir:** Ooh got ‘em back

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Okay, fair.

 

**Sivir:** Akali ran off again.

 

**Kai’sa:** Already?

 

**Sivir:** She’s fast little girl

 

**Evelynn:** She’s a woman

 

**Sivir:** Not the way she runs

**Sivir:** She runs like a middle school naruto fan

 

**Evelynn:** ?!?!?!???

 

**Ahri:** We need to keep a leash on her.

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, give me your dog collar.

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you!

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut the fuck up you two…

 

**Sivir:** You guys are fucking hilarious.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m so sorry this is how our date is turning out…

 

**Sivir:** Honestly, I feel like I’m seeing a whole new side to you.

**Sivir:** And I really like it.

 

**Kai’sa:** Ah you’re so sweet~

 

**Sivir:** You’re just so darn cute~

 

**Kai’sa:** <3

 

**Sivir:** <3

 

**Ahri:** Are you two going to fuck or not?

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut up

 

**Evelynn:** Can we find Akali first?

 

**Ahri:** Akali can take care of herself.

 

**Kai’sa:** Um no she can’t…

 

**Evelynn:** She can!

**Evelynn:** Stop doubting her!

 

**Sivir:** I think I see her.

**Sivir:** Is she a ninja or something?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, kinda. Why?

 

**Sivir:** That explains why she’s on top of the Ferris Wheel.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Ahri:** Aw, she wants to be tall

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, don’t make fun of her height.

 

**Ahri:** Hey, maybe have a better leash for your Sasuke wannabe

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, fuck you

 

**Ahri:** Fuck you

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Ahri:** Fuck off 

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut up

 

**Sivir:** She dropped her phone

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** So...she found her phone on top of the Ferris Wheel?

 

**Sivir:** No, it was in her pocket the whole time

**Sivir:** But she dropped it as she took it out

 

**Ahri:** How stupid is she?

 

**Evelynn:** Says the dumbass fox that ate a fucking tide pod.

 

**Ahri:** At least I don’t forget where I place my phone and drop it when I’m on top of a ferris wheel.

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey, a new take

**Kai’sa:** Both of you are dumb af

 

**Ahri:** RUDE

**Ahri:** SHUT UP BOTTOM HOE

 

**Kai’sa:** I’M NOT A BOTTOM!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, you are.

 

**Kai’sa:** What proof?

 

**Evelynn:** You radiate bottom energy.

 

**Kai’sa:** kjsdghskdjghlkhghdk

**Kai’sa:** WHAT???

 

**Ahri:** You’re a bottom slut

 

**Kai’sa:** What??

 

**Sivir:** How about this?

**Sivir:** Kai’sa, why don’t you come over to my place and we can find out if you’re a bottom or not?

 

**Kai’sa:** Fine.

**Kai’sa:** We are going to end this debate once and for all.

 

**Ahri:** You do know what that means, right?

 

**Kai’sa:** Sivir and I will have a healthy discussion and debate about this stupid topic.

 

**Sivir:** Yeah yeah sure we will.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Yeah, go do that.

 

**Ahri:** Have fun.

 

**Kai’sa:** We will!

 

**Sivir:** ;)

**Sivir:** I’ll wait for you outside.

 

**Kai’sa:** On my way!

 

**Evelynn:** Wait, can you guys bring Akali?

 

**Kai’sa:** Fine…

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn added Akali to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Ahri:** SO WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED, AKALI?

 

**Akali:** I thought I lost my phone.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, but did you really forget it was in your pocket and climbed up a ferris wheel and dropped it from there??

 

**Akali:** Yeah hahahaha

**Akali:** oops!

**Akali:** At least Evelynn bought me a new phone

**Akali:** So what did I miss?

 

**Evelynn:** Nothing.

 

**Ahri:** You missed a lot.

 

**Evelynn:** Akali and I are going out to eat so bye

 

**Ahri:** Wait what

**Ahri:** I have to be alone at home?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Akali:** You can come with us

 

**Evelynn:** Damn it

 

**Ahri:** YAY!

**Ahri:** Come fetch me!

 

**Evelynn:** No

**Evelynn:** Walk.

 

**Ahri:** Bitch

 

**Evelynn:** Little shit

 

**Akali:** You can take my bike

 

**Ahri:** THANK YOU AKALI

**Ahri:** but idk how to ride a bike

 

**Evelynn:** Sucks for you

 

**Ahri:** You’re such a bitch

 

**Evelynn:** You just realized this?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, succuhoe

 

**Akali:** Don’t worry, Ahri

**Akali:** I’ll convince her to pick you up

**Akali:** :)

 

**Ahri:** Sleep with her.

 

**Akali:** ?

 

**Evelynn:** FINE

**Evelynn:** I’ll pick you up.

 

**Ahri:** YAY!

 

**Akali:** Idk what happened but yay!

 

**Ahri:** Yay!

**Ahri:** So anyhoo

**Ahri:** Want to make bets about Kai’sa and Sivir?

 

**Akali:** About what?

 

**Ahri:** Whether Kai’sa will admit she’s a bottom

 

**Akali:** What’s that again?

 

**Ahri:** omg…

**Ahri:** Do you think Kai’sa is an uke or not?

 

**Akali:** Yeah, she’s an uke.

 

**Evelynn:** What’s an uke?

 

**Ahri:** What’s wrong with your face?

 

**Evelynn:** Why are you like this?

 

**Ahri:** Why are you texting and driving?

 

**Evelynn:** Why do you not understand that my Tesla can drive itself?

 

**Ahri:** Why are you such a succuhoe?

 

**Evelynn:** What is with these questions?

 

**Ahri:** Does it bother you?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** Perfect

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Evelynn:** I fucking hate you.

 

**Ahri:** Tee hee~

**Ahri:** So bets on Kai’sa?

 

**Evelynn:** She’s a bottom

**Evelynn:** No questions asked.

 

**Akali:** Yeah she’s an uke

 

**Ahri:** But will she admit it?

 

**Evelynn:** let's hope Sivir does a good job then

 

**Akali:** Does she have to talk to her or….what?

**Akali:** Does Sivir have to convince Kai’sa that she’s an uke?

 

**Ahri:** Do you not know what sex is?

 

**Akali:** Yeah I do

**Akali:** But don’t you have to establish the uke and seme first?

 

**Ahri:** No

**Ahri:** Sivir is going to convince Kai’sa that she’s an uke by seducing her.

 

**Akali:** But how can they have sex if kai’sa doesn’t know she’s an uke?

 

**Ahri:** No

**Ahri:** omg

**Ahri:** That’s the point!

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Evelynn:** Can someone tell me what the fuck is an uke???

 

**Ahri:** Ask Akali!

 

**Evelynn:** She’s too busy arguing with your dumbass!!!

 

**Ahri:** FUCKING LOOK UP ‘YAOI’ EVE!!

 

**Evelynn:** FINE

 

**Akali:** So

**Akali:** Sivir is going to tell Kai’sa that she’s an uke and then they’ll have sex??

 

**Ahri:** Well maybe idk

 

**Akali:** How will she convince her??

 

**Ahri:** By rubbing a titty idk???

**Ahri:** Sivir can’t just say “you’re a bottom” and they fuck

 

**Akali:** Well how else will Kai’sa know????

 

**Ahri:** sigh

**Ahri:** idk

**Ahri:** Sivir might just fucking ask Kai’sa to bend over and she’ll be like 

**Ahri:** “yah sure, teach me the ways of being a bottom”

 

**Akali:** Yeah that makes sense

 

**Ahri:** NO IT DOESN’T

**Ahri:** I WAS JOKING

 

**Akali:** YOU’RE CONFUSING ME!!!

 

**Evelynn:** OHHHH

**Evelynn:** So the uke is the male bottom

**Evelynn:** The seme is the male top

**Evelynn:** I get it now.

 

**Ahri:** CAN YOU GET THROUGH WITH THIS CHILD?????

 

**Akali:** kjdagshkljsgdkfj

**Akali:** JUST BECAUSE I AM THE YOUNGEST DOESN’T MEAN I AM A CHILD!!!

 

**Ahri:** YOUR MINDSET IS LIKE A FUCKING CHILD!!!

 

**Akali:** YOUR MINDSET IS LIKE A DUMB FOX!!!

**Akali:** EVEN NARUTO ISN’T AS DUMB AS YOU!!

 

**Evelynn:** YAS GIRL YAS

**Evelynn:** YOU TELL HER!

 

**Ahri:** NARUTO AIN’T GOT SHIT ON ME!!!

 

**Akali:** NARUTO CAN SHIT ON YOU!!!

 

**Ahri:** jhdfslkjghdkgjl

**Ahri:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CONVO!?!?!?

 

**Evelynn:** An intellectual conversation.

 

**Ahri:** I BEG TO DIFFER!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** You’re just incapable to explain Akali the fundamentals of how Sivir will convince Kai’sa that she’s a bottom by acts of seduction and direct intimacy.

 

**Akali:** OOOOOOOHHHH

**Akali:** I get it now.

**Akali:** Thanks Eve!

 

**Ahri:** jdgkljdfhglshfldkjghkldfglk

**Ahri:** WHAT?????

**Ahri:** YOU UNDERSTOOD THAT????

 

**Akali:** Everything makes more sense in English

 

**Ahri:** I WAS TEXTING IN PLAIN ENGLISH!!!!

 

**Akali:** Well

**Akali:** You’re doing something wrong

 

**Ahri:** you little shit

 

**Evelynn:** Stop texting and come out

**Evelynn:** We’re here to pick up your stank ass

 

**Ahri:** Fuck you

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** So…

**Kai’sa:** I’m a bottom.

 

**Akali:** Yeah we know

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay…

 

**Ahri:** So how was it?

 

**Sivir:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO

 

**Kai’sa:** （；¬＿¬)

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck on the first date, I see

**Evelynn:** Nice, Kai’sa

 

**Kai’sa:** Just shut up…

 

**Ahri:** So how did Sivir convince you?

 

**Sivir:** I just told her to close her eyes

**Sivir:** and said “Just let me lead”

**Sivir:** And she was like “Okay sure”

**Sivir:** Then we did it

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Well that was anti-climatic…

 

**Evelynn:** Sure is…

 

**Kai’sa:** What do you guys expect??

 

**Akali:** idk

**Akali:** Sivir jumping on you while you do the splits?

 

**Sivir:** Oh that’s an idea…

 

 **Kai’sa:** (//ω//)

 

**Evelynn:** Oh no

**Evelynn:** You two are going to be that type of couple…

 

**Kai’sa:** I feel like we were made for each other…

 

**Sivir:** Physically and mentally

 

**Ahri:** OOOOKAY…..

 

**Kai’sa:** I mean it’s crazy

 

**Sivir:** We finish each others…

 

**Kai’sa:** Orgasms

 

**Sivir:** That’s what I was going to say….

 

**Evelynn:** Can you two shut the fuck up?

 

**Kai’sa:** No you set us up so now you enjoy our happiness

 

**Evelynn:** Oof

**Evelynn:** Fair enough

 

**Ahri:** You two just met each other yesterday...

 

**Kai’sa:** You kidnapped me

 

**Ahri:** Okay fair

 

**Akali:** I’m happy for you two!

 

**Kai’sa:** Aw thanks!

**Kai’sa:** At least someone is supportive

 

**Evelynn:** We are supportive

**Evelynn:** But it bothers me you have progressed this fast with Sivir…

 

**Kai’sa:** Bc you can’t seem to make progress with Akali?

 

**Akali:** Progress with what?

 

**Evelynn:** See?

 

**Kai’sa:** I’ll help

**Kai’sa:** Akali

 

**Akali:** Yes?

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn wants to fuck you and be your lover

 

**Evelynn:** Not in that order…

 

**Ahri:** Yes, in that order.

 

**Evelynn:** Just eat your fucking chicken nuggets...

**Evelynn:** Oh my god…

 

**Ahri:** kjldaglkadgkjf

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** What happened??

 

**Ahri:** AKALI DROPPED HER PHONE IN HER MILKSHAKE RIGHT WHEN SHE WAS GOING TO CHECK HER TEXTS!!!!!!!

**Ahri:** AHAHAHAHAHAHKDLJGHJ

**Ahri:** I CAN’T HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

**Ahri: *texts photo***

 

**Sivir:** HOW??

**Sivir:** SO SHE DIDN’T SEE THE TEXT?

 

**Ahri:** NO HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** At this point, Evelynn needs to just straight up and say it directly

 

**Ahri:** You think she hasn’t tried it??

 

**Kai’sa:** Is Akali really that dense?

 

**Ahri:** She’s such a child lmfao

 

**Sivir:** Poor girl

 

**Ahri:** This is fucking hilarious

 

**Kai’sa:** I feel so bad.

 

**Evelynn:** You better…

**Evelynn:** Why does the universe want to do this to me?

**Evelynn:** What did I do to deserve this?

 

**Ahri:** *cough* 

**Ahri:** Missing male celebs

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Run.

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait no…

**Kai’sa:** Don’t fight again…

 

**Ahri:** TOO LATE!

 

**Sivir:** Oh boy…

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn added Akali to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Akali:** I got a new phone!

**Akali:** So what did I miss?

 

**Ahri:** A lot.

**Ahri:** You ubering home?

 

**Akali:** Yee

 

**Evelynn:** Want me to come to pick you up?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah COME get her ;)

 

**Evelynn:** Just shut up, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** Niew

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Ahri:** Evelynn likes you, Akali.

 

**Akali:** And I like Evelynn too

**Akali:** I like all of you.

 

**Sivir:** Akali, Evelynn wants to be your uke.

 

**Evelynn:** ???!?!?!!?!?!?!?!??!

**Evelynn:** WHAT????

**Evelynn:** I AM NOT A FUCKING BOTTOM!!!

 

**Akali:** Wait what

**Akali:** Really??

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah.

**Kai’sa:** Be her seme

 

**Evelynn:** You guys are horrible winggirls…

 

**Akali:** So Evelynn wants to role play as an uke?

 

**Kai’sa:** Role play???

 

**Akali:** Well, uke and seme usually associate with gay cartoon men

**Akali:** So does she want to act like an uke or something?

 

**Sivir:** No, that’s not what we are saying at all.

**Sivir:** She wants to date you.

 

**Akali:** As an uke?

 

**Kai’sa:** No….

 

**Akali:** So she wants to date a seme???

**Akali:** Idk how she can do that since all seme are men and they won’t be interested in a woman

 

**Sivir:** Ah…

 

**Ahri:** How fucking stupid are you?

 

**Akali:** RUDE???

 

**Evelynn:** Just drop it…

**Evelynn:** You guys are just confusing Akali.

 

**Ahri:** No, she’s just dumb.

 

**Akali:** And you smell

 

**Ahri:** It’s my foxy lady musk

**Ahri:** I can’t help it

**Ahri:** All foxes have it

 

**Akali:** Ah so that’s why you made perfume

**Akali:** Smelly piece of shit

 

**Ahri:** HEY WANT TO FIGHT!?!????

 

**Evelynn:** DON’T YOU DARE!!!!

 

**Akali:** SQUARE UP BITCH!!

 

**Ahri:** ON MY FUCKING WAY YOU LITTLE SHIT!!

 

**Evelynn:** GOD FUCKING DAMN IT AHRI

**Evelynn:** FIRST YOU DIP FOR 5 YEARS AND NOW YOU WANT TO START FIGHTING THE MAKNAE???

 

**Ahri:** DROP IT ALREADY!!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE YEARS!!!

 

**Ahri:** I WILL FIGHT YOU FIRST!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m so glad I’m not home...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)  
> I mean it's crazy. They finish each other's...sentences...
> 
> Leave a comment, kudo, and/or subscribe to let me know that you like this series and I'll keep at it!
> 
> If ya'll like more fuckery, you guys can follow me on tumblr @kda-chat!


	5. Nudes, Fights, and Whatnot...oh my...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some time has taken place after the 4th chapter.

**Ahri:** Guuuuuurraaaaallllssss!!!

**Ahri:** I can’t sleep!

**Ahri:** I’m so excited!

 

**Evelynn:** Well, I do want to sleep so shut the fuck up and stop texting.

 

**Ahri:** Buzzkill…

 

**Evelynn:** Annoying fucking fox

 

**Ahri:** Okay, Final Pam

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, fuck you!

**Evelynn:** I look nothing like that video game character!

 

**Kai’sa:** No, it’s a spitting image.

 

**Evelynn:** GO TO SLEEP!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** No

**Kai’sa:** Don’t tell me what to do.

 

**Evelynn:** God…

**Evelynn:** Look at what you did, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** Hey, I’m not the one that looks like Pam.

**Ahri:** That’s your fault.

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t look like Pam!!

 

**Ahri:** Akali sure thought so

 

**Akali:** OKAY HEY!

**Akali:** I just brought out the picture bc I thought Eve’s glasses looked similar to Pam’s.

**Akali:** You’re the one that was like

**Akali:** “Oh it’s eve! Wow!”

**Akali:** Don’t pin this on me you fucking twink fox.

 

**Ahri:** OKAY WOW RUDE

 

**Evelynn:** fuck you Ahri

 

**Ahri:** At least Kai’sa agrees with me

 

**Kai’sa:** I also agree with Eve that you look like someone that doesn’t wear deodorant.

 

**Ahri:** FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME I CAN’T HELP IT!

**Ahri:** FOXES HAVE A GLAND THAT GIVES OFF AN UNUSUAL SCENT

**Ahri:** I CAN’T HELP IT AND IT’S NOT EVEN THAT BAD!

 

**Evelynn:** You have a fucking gland but you don’t have ‘heats’?

**Evelynn:** fffffs

**Evelynn:** Fucking fake fox for fuck sake

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU I DON’T GET ‘HEATS’!!

 

**Evelynn:** Well it would explain the FIVE YEARS YOU WERE GONE!!!

 

**Ahri:** GET

**Ahri:** THE 

**Ahri:** FUCK 

**Ahri:** OVER 

**Ahri:** IT!

 

**Kai’sa:** We are about to finally have our music video posted tomorrow and you two want to fight it out??

 

**Ahri:** It’s called bonding.

 

**Evelynn:** No, it’s called training.

 

**Kai’sa:** Toxic

**Kai’sa:** That’s what it is…

 

**Sivir:** It’s 2 am…

**Sivir:** You guys are still up??

 

**Kai’sa:** We just got back after finalizing the video

**Kai’sa:** We were suppose to be asleep like an hour ago…

 

**Ahri:** I too excited!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up

 

**Ahri:** Fuuuuck youuu

 

**Akali:** Are we even going to be able to stay together as a team if you two keep fighting like this?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes, Akali is asking the important questions.

 

**Akali:** Bc if we break up, who will make me spicy ramyun?

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay never mind

**Kai’sa:** And….it would still be me...

 

**Evelynn:** The team isn’t going to break up, Akali, I promise

**Evelynn:** Ahri and I just have a weird friendship that no one understands.

**Evelynn:** It would take a lot for Ahri and I to become mortal enemies.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, I agree.

**Ahri:** And we’ve done pretty mean things to each other.

**Ahri:** Like one time I stole the bumper of one of her cars bc she accidentally cut my ear with her nails.

 

**Evelynn:** And one time i dislocated her tail when i pushed her off a cliff

 

**Ahri:** remember the time i mixed all your perfumes together and your room stunk so bad when I spilled it

 

**Evelynn:** That was such a mess

**Evelynn:** I had to get new carpeting and all that

**Evelynn:** Oh, remember when I broke your favorite highlight and bronzer?

 

**Ahri:** Omg that was such a mess

**Ahri:** I was devastated 

**Ahri:** It was limited edition too

**Ahri:** Hahaha!

 

**Akali:** wow

**Akali:** How are you guys still friends?

 

**Ahri:** Eve tolerates me

 

**Evelynn:** I have no clue…

 

**Ahri:** Oh Eve!

**Ahri:** Remember when we were just trainees and I stole your lollipop?

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** what?

 

**Ahri:** You bought a lollipop and I stole it.

**Ahri:** You were convinced that the other girl stole it and you got her kicked out.

**Ahri:** Man that was mean.

**Ahri:** but she deserved it

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** THAT WAS YOU?!

 

**Ahri:** Yeah?

**Ahri:** Wait…

**Ahri:** Oh shit…

**Ahri:** Ah fuck…

 

**Evelynn:** YOU STOLE MY LOLLIPOP!!?!??!?!?

**Evelynn:** THE HEART SHAPED LOLLIPOP WITH RAINBOW SPRINKLES???

 

**Ahri:** Ah…

**Ahri:** Yeah…

**Ahri:** I did…

 

**Evelynn:** THAT WAS MY LOLLIPOP!!!

 

**Ahri:** It was literally just a basic lollipop…

 

**Evelynn:** YEAH BUT IT WAS MINE!

**Evelynn:** I BOUGHT THAT WITH MY OWN MONEY

**Evelynn:** I WORKED REALLY HARD FOR THAT LOLLIPOP!!

 

**Ahri:** Ah…

**Ahri:** I see…

 

**Evelynn:** I CAN NOT BELIEVE THAT WAS YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** I sowwy…

 

**Evelynn:** YOU WON’T BE SORRY WHEN I SHOVE MY NAILS UP YOUR ASS!!!

 

**Ahri:** Giggity….

 

**Evelynn:** I AM GOING TO FUCKING MURDER YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** OVER A LOLLIPOP!???

 

**Evelynn:** OVER MY LOLLIPOP THAT I PAID FOR!!

 

**Ahri:** WE WERE FUCKING LIKE 10 YRS OLD!

**Ahri:** THAT HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE KIDS!

**Ahri:** IT WAS JUST A CHILDISH THING

 

**Evelynn:** YEAH ME BREAKING YOUR HAIRBRUSH WAS CHILDISH!!

 

**Ahri:** YOU BROKE MY HAIRBRUSH!!!????

**Ahri:** MY PINK AND BLUE HAIRBRUSH WITH THE PRINCESS ON THE BACK OF IT!???

 

**Evelynn:** YEAH THAT WAS ME!!

 

**Ahri:** I SPEND ALL THIS TIME THINKING THAT I THOUGHT I LOST IT AND IT WAS YOU WHO BROKE IT AND DIDN’T TELL ME!??

 

**Evelynn:** YOU DIDN’T TELL ME THAT YOU STOLE MY LOLLIPOP!!

 

**Akali:** Can I just interject before you two have a divorce?

**Akali:** You guys got a girl to get kicked out of the idol training?

 

**Evelynn:** She was a bitch anyways

 

**Ahri:** She said that I should marry a dog bc I don’t deserve to be loved by humans.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah that was fucked up thing to say

 

**Ahri:** Sure was

**Ahri:** What a bitch she was

 

**Evelynn:** Fucking bitch

 

**Ahri:** Lol

 

**Evelynn:** Lol

**Evelynn:** Anyways

**Evelynn:** YOU BETTER BE FUCKING READY BITCH!!

**Evelynn:** TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT YOU DIE!!!

 

**Ahri:** YOU’RE ON, HOE!!!

 

**Akali:** Oh boy…

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** ….sooooo

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t fucking talk about it.

 

**Ahri:** But like….we got to…

 

**Evelynn:** We have to.

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa, are you into food play?

 

**Kai’sa:** How about you shut up and go to sleep?

 

**Ahri:** How about talking to us about your food fetish?

 

**Kai’sa:** How about you two stop fighting and don’t cause Akali to barge into my room for help?

 

**Evelynn:** How about you be open about your fetishes?

 

**Sivir:** How about what Kai’sa and I do on facetime in the bedroom is just between us?

 

**Ahri:** How about...no?

 

**Akali:** You weren’t kidding when you said you love peaches.

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut up and leave me alone

**Kai’sa:** Go to sleep…

 

**Akali:** Are you into nyotaimori? But with peaches?

 

**Kai’sa:** CAN WE SLEEP?

 

**Evelynn:** No, I’m curious.

**Evelynn:** Do you like the feeling of peaches on your skin?

 

**Ahri:** Do you think it’s erotic?

 

**Sivir:** Are you two this shameless?

 

**Ahri:** Hey you’re the one who fucked Kai’sa on the first date.

 

**Sivir:** Okay, I’ll give you that.

 

**Kai’sa:** I WANT TO SLEEP!

 

**Evelynn:** I want my questions answered.

 

**Kai’sa:** YES I LIKE PUTTING SLICES OF PEACHES ON MY SKIN! OKAY?

 

**Evelynn:** But like

**Evelynn:** Why?

 

**Kai’sa:** WHY DO YOU CARE??

 

**Evelynn:** As a succubus, I’m genuinely interested in what turns people on.

 

**Kai’sa:** It doesn’t turn me on.

**Kai’sa:** I just like the feeling of cold peaches on my skin.

 

**Sivir:** It was me that suggested her to put slices on her nips

 

**Ahri:** Okay, so are you into food sex?

 

**Sivir:** We were just experimenting.

 

**Akali:** Can you guys not when we are all in the house?

 

**Kai’sa:** CAN YOU NOT HAVE BARGED INTO MY ROOM??

 

**Akali:** I thought Ahri and Eve were going to kill each other…

 

**Kai’sa:** Let them kill each other.

 

**Ahri:** RUDE!

 

**Evelynn:** Rude.

 

**Ahri:** I’m the leader!

 

**Kai’sa:** And I’m the one that cooks for you fucking kids.

**Kai’sa:** So go to sleep.

 

**Ahri:** Boo!

 

**Evelynn:** It’s all your fault, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** I still can’t believe you broke my hairbrush.

**Ahri:** That was my favorite hairbrush.

**Ahri:** It didn’t hurt my ears.

 

**Evelynn:** You fucking stole my lollipop.

 

**Ahri:** It’s just a fucking piece of candy.

 

**Evelynn:** Well it was special to me.

 

**Ahri:** My hairbrush was special to me…

 

**Evelynn:** I paid for that lollipop.

 

**Ahri:** Get over it.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh?

**Evelynn:** Like how I should get over the FIVE YEARS YOU WERE GONE?

 

**Ahri:** DAMN BITCH WHY ARE YOU SO OBSESSED WITH ME!!??

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS AHRI!

 

**Ahri:** GET OVER IT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** IT WAS 5 FUCKING DAMN YEARS!!!

 

**Ahri:** GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS IS A FUCKING LONG TIME!

 

**Ahri:** JUST SAY YOU MISSED ME AND GET OVER IT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I WANT TO FUCKING MURDER YOU FOR ALL THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH THESE PAST FIVE YEARS!!

 

**Ahri:** KSDAFHJDGKDGJ

**Ahri:** BITCH LETS FIGHT!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE ON!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING MURDER BOTH OF YOU IF YOU TWO KEEP ON FIGHTING!

**Kai’sa:** ONE MORE FIGHT AND I WILL MAKE SURE YOU TWO STARVE FOR DAYS!!

 

**Evelynn:** Okie.

 

**Ahri:** Sowwy…

 

**Akali:** Good niiight!

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey are you still up?

 

**Sivir:** Only for you, baby~

 

**Kai’sa:** Eeee

**Kai’sa:** I’ve missed you these past few days~

 

**Sivir:** I missed you too~

**Sivir:** You must be working so hard~~~

 

**Kai’sa:** I aaammm

**Kai’sa:** Are you proud of me?

 

**Sivir:** So proud!

 

**Kai’sa:** Eeee

 

**Sivir:** You’re so cute!

 

**Kai’sa:** Do you mean that?

 

**Sivir:** Of course!

**Sivir:** And i think you’re very beautiful~

**Sivir:** Especially with those peaches on you~

 

**Kai’sa:** Eeeee

**Kai’sa:** So embarrassing!

**Kai’sa:** I can't believe I did that for you…

 

**Sivir:** I really like seeing that.

**Sivir:** I can’t stop thinking about you.

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re always on my mind, baby~

 

**Sivir:** I can’t imagine a time without you in my life~

 

**Kai’sa:** God you’re so cheesy!

 

**Sivir:** You like it.

 

**Kai’sa:** I do!

**Kai’sa:** Hey, baby?

 

**Sivir:** Yes?

 

**Kai’sa:** Promise you’ll still love me for who I am?

**Kai’sa:** Like I’m so proud of the video and the music we made

**Kai’sa:** If the music video gets big, my life could really change.

**Kai’sa:** But I want you to know that I won’t love you less or think I’m better than you.

**Kai’sa:** Ah sorry I think I’m just rambling

**Kai’sa:** Sorry does this sound stupid?

**Kai’sa:** We’ve been dating for a short period of time but it feels like I’ve known you all my life.

**Kai’sa:** And I’m just so in love with you

 

**Sivir:** That’s what I really love about you.

**Sivir:** I get to know the real Kai’sa.

**Sivir:** And I can say the same for me

**Sivir:** Cuz I mean it’s crazy

**Sivir:** I feel like I’ve known you my whole life too

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahhh

**Kai’sa:** I’m so glad we feel the same way!

 

**Sivir:** I love you, Kai’sa~

 

**Kai’sa:** I love you too!

 

**Sivir:** <3

 

**Kai’sa:** Maybe we can have a late lunch tomorrow?

 

**Sivir:** I would love that!

 

**Kai’sa:** Then we can see how well the video is doing!

 

**Sivir:** I’m so excited for you!

**Sivir:** I know you worked so hard for the music video!

 

**Kai’sa:** Am I such a hard working bean?

 

**Sivir:** You’re so amazing, Kai’sa~

 

**Kai’sa:** Really?

 

**Sivir:** So amazing~

 

**Kai’sa:** Eeeee~~

**Kai’sa:** Hey Sivir?

 

**Sivir:** Yes?

 

**Kai’sa:** You want to see some pictures I took in the dance studio?

**Kai’sa:** They kinda….scandalous….

 

**Sivir:** Please show me!

**Sivir:** Pwease?

**Sivir:** I worked so hard delivering pizzas!

**Sivir:** Please reward me!

 

**Kai’sa:** Hm…

**Kai’sa:** Did you work very hard?

 

**Sivir:** Very hard!

 

**Kai’sa:** Hmm~

**Kai’sa: *texts photo***

**Kai’sa: *texts photo***

 

**Sivir:** Oh my horus…

**Sivir:** Kai’sa you kill me

**Sivir:** I’m dead!

 

**Kai’sa:** NO! Don’t diiiieee!

 

**Sivir:** But you look so good in those pictures!

 

**Kai’sa:** Really? :)))

 

**Sivir:** Kai’sa you’re such a goddess

**Sivir:** Oh anubis…

**Sivir:** I can’t stop staring!

 

**Kai’sa:** You like them?

 

**Sivir:** I love them!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Eeeee

 

**Evelynn:** Damn, Kai’sa.

**Evelynn:** You’re ass looks so good when you do the splits.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** What the fuck?

 

**Ahri:** DAAAAAMN KAI’SA!!!

**Ahri:** LOOOK AT THAT ASSS!!

**Ahri:** EVEN THO YOU’RE JUST WEARING LEGGINGS

**Ahri:** YOU REALLY LEAVE NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION!

 

**Kai’sa:** HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS IN MY PRIVATE MESSAGES???

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa

**Akali:** This is the group chat.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Can we start a new group chat?

 

**Ahri:** AND LEAVE THESE BEAUTIES??

**Ahri:** HELL NAAAH!

 

**Evelynn:** I see this is what you do when you’re in the dance studio all by yourself.

 

**Kai’sa:** Fuck off.

 

**Ahri:** SIVIR REALLY DOES HAVE THE BEST ‘PEACH’ IN THE WORLD!

 

**Sivir:** Thanks…

 

**Kai’sa:** Just stop…

 

**Akali:** Aww

**Akali:** Don’t worry, Kai’sa!

**Akali:** Texting in the wrong chat happens!

 

**Kai’sa:** But why does it have to be with you guys???

 

**Ahri:** AW COME ON!

**Ahri:** WE’RE CLOSE ENOUGH!

 

**Evelynn:** It could be worse.

**Evelynn:** You could have sent it to someone that would use those photos against you.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, me.

**Ahri:** And saaaved!

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T SAVE MY PHOTOS!!!!

 

**Ahri:** Too late!

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, Kai’sa

**Evelynn:** Get mad at Ahri.

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU’RE JUST AS GUILTY!!!

 

**Evelynn:** If it makes you feel better

**Evelynn:** I’ll post Ahri’s nudes

 

**Ahri:** ksjdgndklgjlkdsfj

**Ahri:** THEN I’LL POST EVELYNN’S NUDES!!!

 

**Sivir:** Why do you two have nudes of each other?

 

**Evelynn:** in case Ahri actually backstabs me

 

**Ahri:** Ditto

 

**Kai’sa:** I really don’t understand you two’s friendship…

 

**Ahri:** Okay but my nudes look great

 

**Evelynn:** I can vouch

 

**Ahri:** Wow we agree on something

 

**Evelynn:** That’s a first.

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t want to see your guys’ nudes…

 

**Ahri:*texts photo***

**Ahri:*texts photo***

**Ahri:*texts photo***

**Ahri:*texts photo***

**Ahri:*texts photo***

**Ahri:** Too late.

 

**Kai’sa:** God damn it

 

**Evelynn:** Huh…

**Evelynn:** I don’t remember that last one…

 

**Ahri:** Oh, Twisted Fate gave that to me.

 

**Evelynn:** God damn it

**Evelynn:** Fucking little son of a bitch

 

**Ahri:** Okay but your eyes look great in it.

 

**Evelynn:** Aw thanks

 

**Kai’sa:** I want to burn my eyes.

 

**Evelynn:** Okay rude.

**Evelynn:** Here, let me help.

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn:** Here

 

**Ahri:** Oh come on! I look great!

 

**Evelynn:** Debatable.

 

**Ahri:** Rude!

 

**Kai’sa:** Why are you two like this?

 

**Evelynn:** You just realize this?

 

**Sivir:** Miss Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes?

 

**Sivir:** How the fuck are you able to bend your back like that?

 

**Ahri:** She has bad back posture.

 

**Evelynn:** No I don’t

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, you do.

 

**Evelynn:** At least my belly button is an innie…

 

**Ahri:** LEAVE MY OUTIE BELLY BUTTON ALONE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** It’s weird looking.

 

**Ahri:** WELL EXCUSE ME THAT NOT EVERYONE CAN HAVE AN INNIE BELLY BUTTON!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah

**Evelynn:** You’re one of the unfortunate ones.

**Evelynn:** sucks to be you

 

**Ahri:** Fuck you!

 

**Kai’sa:** I swear to god…

**Kai’sa:** Please don’t start fighting again

 

**Ahri:** We won’t fight

 

**Kai’sa:** Then why did I hear you walking past my door?

 

**Ahri:** You heard nothing…

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** YOU HEARD NOTHING!!

 

**Evelynn:** Come at me bitch!!

 

**Ahri:** OKAY!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Sivir:** I don’t know how you deal with this, Kai’sa…

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t even know why I’m still in K/DA…

 

**Evelynn:** Rude…

 

**Ahri:** Eve where are you??

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Ahri:** You’re not in your room….

**Ahri:** DID YOU SNEAK OUT??

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, I did.

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you in Akali’s room?

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Maybe…

 

**Ahri:** Evelynn…

**Ahri:** Don’t you dare take advantage of Akali when she’s asleep…

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not!

**Evelynn:** I’m just spooning her.

 

**Ahri:** Uh huh…

**Ahri:** I’m coming over there.

 

**Evelynn:** DON’T YOU DARE!!

**Evelynn:** Akali is asleep!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

**Kai’sa:** Why can’t we have a normal night?

 

**Ahri:** Normal is not in my vocabulary.

 

**Evelynn:** YEAH I CAN TELL!

 

**Ahri:** IMMA COMING!!

 

**Evelynn:** GO AWAY!!!

 

**Ahri:** NYOOOO BITCH!!!

 

**Sivir:** Are you going to be okay, Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah…

**Kai’sa:** I’m just staying in my room.

 

**Sivir:** Okie

**Sivir:** I sorry the girls saw those photos…

 

**Kai’sa:** Welp

**Kai’sa:** I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later.

 

**Sivir:** I still think you’re prettier than them.

 

**Kai’sa:** Awwwww you’re so sweet!

 

**Akali:** HEY AHRI!!!

**Akali:** WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TO, YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!???

**Akali:** COME BACK HERE!!!

 

**Ahri:** NO I AM GOOD!

**Ahri:** JUST GO BACK TO SLEEP!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU ARE GOING TO DIE, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** I AM AWARE!

**Ahri:** I GOT AN ANGRY BORUTO LOOKING FOR ME!

 

**Akali:** PERFECT EXECUTION!

 

**Kai’sa:** PLEASE TELL ME THAT LOUD CRASH WASN’T SOME BROKEN WALL!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Would it make you feel better if I told you it wasn’t?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Sivir:** Are Ahri and Akali okay?

 

**Evelynn:** Akali is fine, thanks for asking.

 

**Kai’sa:** And Ahri?

 

**Evelynn:** Who cares?

 

**Ahri:** I CARE!

 

**Akali:** GET BACK OVER HERE AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** NO!!!

 

**Akali:** JUST COME HERE!!!

 

**Ahri:** DON’T WANT TO!!

 

**Evelynn:** GET OVER HERE, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** NYO THANK YOU!

 

**Akali:** I AM TAKING OUT MY SHURIKENS!!

 

**Ahri:** PLEASE NO!

**Ahri:** I WILL THROW MY BIG BOOTY BALLS AT YOU!!

 

**Evelynn:** YOUR ENERGY BALLS ARE USELESS!!

 

**Ahri:** NO THEY ARE NOT!!

 

**Akali:** FIVE POINT STRIKE!!!

 

**Ahri:** SPIRIT RUSH!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** OH

**Kai’sa:** MY

**Kai’sa:** GOD!!!

**Kai’sa:** VOID SEEKER!!!

 

XXX

 

**Sivir:** So...are you guys alive?

 

**Ahri:** Surprisingly

**Ahri:** Yesh.

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa is scary…

 

**Evelynn:** But she has a nice ass

 

**Ahri:** Ditto

 

**Kai’sa:** Go the fuck to sleep.

 

**Evelynn:** Fine.

 

**Ahri:** Have fun cuddling Akali

 

**Akali:** Thanks, she keeps me warm

 

**Ahri:** I’m pretty sure she wants to do more than that…

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Evelynn:** Go to sleep, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** fiiiiine

 

**Akali:** Okay but first

**Akali:** Why are Ahri and Evelynn’s nudes on the chat?

 

**Evelynn** : Good question, you Iike them?

 

**Akali** : Yeah they look cool

**Akali:** I’m all about body positivity 

 

**Ahri:** THANK YOU

 

**Akali:** No your outie looks fucking weird

 

**Ahri:** OKAY FUCK YOU!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** GO TO SLEEP!

 

**Akali:** Sheesh okay…

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Akali.**

 

**Ahri:** Yo

 

**Akali:** Yesh?

 

**Ahri:** First of all, that was a really good attack on me.

 

**Akali:** Thaanks

**Akali:** Your attack was pretty good too.

 

**Ahri:** Thanks!

**Ahri:** Also…

**Ahri:** So you and Evelynn cuddling now? ;)

 

**Akali:** Yeah

**Akali:** She’s such a great friend.

**Akali:** She wanted to keep me warm.

 

 **Ahri:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Akali:** ??

 

**Ahri:** You and Eve?

**Ahri:** Liiiiikeee doing more than cuddling??

 

**Akali:** What do you mean?

 

**Ahri:** I mean...Evelynn doesn’t cuddle with just friends…

 

**Akali:** She cuddles with best friends?

 

**Ahri:** Well no…

**Ahri:** i mean

**Ahri:** Evelynn and I don’t really cuddle in bed

 

**Akali:** Yeah bc she hates when your tail jabs her stomach

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** okay yeah…

**Ahri:** What I’m trying to say is that friends that cuddle on the same bed usually insinuate something more between them...

 

**Akali:** ?

**Akali:** I’m confused

 

**Ahri:** like love?

 

**Akali:** love?

**Akali:** What about it?

 

**Ahri:** Romantic love.

 

**Akali:** Between you and Evelynn?

**Akali:** Oh I’m sorry

**Akali:** I’m not trying to steal Evelynn away from you!

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** No…

**Ahri:** Nevermind…

**Ahri:** Good night, Akali.

 

**Akali:** Good night?

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Evelynn and Ahri.**

 

**Evelynn:** Why did Akali tell me that she’s sorry that she’s taking me away from you?

 

**Ahri:** Eve, I can only try so hard.

**Ahri:** Why are your ideal types so fucking dumb?

  
**Evelynn:** Rude...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean...this is rated M for a reason....tee hee
> 
> Comment, kudo, and/or subscribe to this series to let me know you like it. Especially commenting!
> 
> I also have a Tumblr @ kda-chat where there is even more fuckery in short packages!


	6. Yip Yip Mofo!

**Akali:** GUYS

**Akali:** ***texts a screenshot***

**Akali:** Our video is blowing up!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my goodness…

**Kai’sa:** We’re at 1 million already?

**Kai’sa:** It’s only been like an hour

 

**Sivir:** Wooo way to go girls!

 

**Evelynn:** Wow

**Evelynn:** I guess Ahri’s grand plan was a success

 

**Akali:** It sure is!

**Akali:** We should celebrate!

 

**Evelynn:** Sounds lovely~

 

**Akali:** Sivir, you can come too

 

**Sivir:** Sweet

**Sivir:** I’ll bring the pizza

 

**Kai’sa:** Are we going to drink?

 

**Akali:** That’s the plan!

 

**Sivir:** Are you even legal to drink?

 

**Akali:** I’M 21!

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, she’s legal.

 

**Sivir:** Hmm

**Sivir:** Sure, kid

 

**Akali:** You don’t believe me?

 

**Sivir:** You just don’t seem like someone that wants to drink, kid.

 

**Akali:** Don’t call me a kid.

 

**Sivir:** You’re a kid to me

 

**Akali:** I’m not a kid.

 

**Sivir:** Yeah you are.

 

**Akali:** No, I’m not.

 

**Sivir:** You don’t seem like someone that can act like an adult.

 

**Akali:** You don’t seem like someone that wants to bottom bc you have an ego problem but you don’t see me making a remark about it.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh damn!

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay let's stop 

 

**Sivir:** I can bottom if I want to

 

**Akali:** Yeah but you ‘seem’ like you would rather top bc your pride is so fragile.

 

**Sivir:** What are you saying little shit?

 

**Akali:** I’m top shaming you.

 

**Evelynn:** Lmfao

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Evelynn:** Shh

**Evelynn:** I want to see how this turns out.

 

**Sivir:** What’s wrong with being a top?

 

**Akali:** If there’s no problem with pounding holes all day, then there’s nothing wrong at all.

 

**Sivir:** Tops don’t ‘pound holes’ all day

**Sivir:** There’s a lot more to being a top than pounding holes.

 

**Akali:** Yeah

**Akali:** Being a prick douche with fingers

 

**Sivir:** Listen here, child!

 

**Akali:** I’M NOT A FUCKING CHILD!

 

**Sivir:** YOU SURE ACT LIKE ONE!

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay stop

**Kai’sa:** How did we even get this far?

 

**Akali:** SIVIR IS A FUCKING DOUCHE!

 

**Sivir:** YOU’RE THE ONE ACTING LIKE A FUCKING KID AND GETTING MAD!

 

**Akali:** I AM NOT A KID

**Akali:** I AM 21

 

**Sivir:** the fact that you need to repeat how old you are just proves that you act like a kid.

 

**Akali:** You’re just fucking Kai’sa pounder.

 

**Evelynn:** LMFAO

 

**Kai’sa:** OKAY STOP

 

**Sivir:** At least I can tell when someone wants me

**Sivir:** Unlike you

 

**Akali:** Who wants me??

 

**Evelynn:** Me.

 

**Akali:** I thought you wanted to date a seme?

**Akali:** Actually I think Ahri has a crush on you.

 

**Evelynn:** Highly doubt that.

 

**Kai’sa:** dksjhjhakhgksajdieajdfjjiewjf

 

**Sivir:** You stupid ninja kid

 

**Akali:** I’m not a kid!!!

 

**Sivir:** Yeah you are

 

**Akali:** NO I AM NOT

 

**Sivir:** Read the next text carefully.

**Sivir:** C-H-I-L-D

 

**Akali:** I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW THIS, KAI’SA POUNDER! I HAVE TRAINED UNDER THE AMAZING AND STUPID MASTER SHEN AND HE HAS TAUGHT ME THE WAYS OF BEING A NINJA! THROUGH HIS LESSONS, I CAN CLIMB WALLS AT AN ALARMING FAST PACE, SLICE SHIT UP LIKE IT’S PAPER, AND DISAPPEAR RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES! I CAN STRIKE ALL OF YOUR PRESSURE POINTS, LEAVING YOU USELESS YOU FUCKING TOP WHORE! I CAN CRAWL RIGHT INTO YOUR BEDROOM AT NIGHT AND SLIT YOUR THROAT IN YOUR SLEEP! ALL WITHOUT BEING CAUGHT! I HAVE TRAINED ON TOP OF MOUNTAINS, ENDURING THE HARSH WINDS AND FREEZING ICE! I HAVE SWAM ACROSS FRIGID WATERS IN NOTHING BUT MY UNDERWEAR! I HAVE PERFECTED MY BALANCE ACROSS POINTED AND JAGGED ROCKS, ALL WITHOUT A SINGLE CUT ON MY FEET! YOU KNOW CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON? BITCH, I FUCKING FLY ACROSS TREES! I CAN WHIP YOUR ASS WITH A FUCKING BUTTER KNIFE BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT FUCKING GOOD! I CAN PULL A FUCKING RASENGAN OUT OF MY ASS AND IT WOULD STILL BE ENOUGH TO THROW YOU OVER YOUR OWN ASS! I AM FAST AND SILENT AND YOU WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO REACT WHEN I FUCKING SLICE AND DICE! OH, AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MY SHROUD! MY SHROUD IS THICK ENOUGH TO CONCEAL MYSELF AND I ADDED A POISON THAT MAKES ANYONE HALLUCINATE IF THEY BREATH IT! ONLY I CAN WITHSTAND THE SHROUD! MY SHROUD WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU WILL SEE WHEN I FUCKING JUMP YOU! SO FUCKING CALL ME A CHILD AGAIN SIVIR! CALL ME A FUCKING CHILD! YOU WON’T BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED! I AM DEATH! I AM THE CRAZY NINJA OF JAPAN AND I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU REGRET CALLING ME A CHILD! YOU HEAR ME SIVIR! FUCKING CALL ME A FUCKING CHILD YOU FUCKING COWARD KAI’SA POUNDER!

 

**Sivir:** Oof.

**Sivir:** U mad?

 

**Evelynn:** Yas, girl, yas!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh god

**Kai’sa:** So much anger for such a short girl.

 

**Akali:** …

**Akali:** I AM NOT SHORT! I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT! THERE ARE MANY GIRLS THAT ARE MY HEIGHT AND THERE ARE MANY GIRLS THAT ARE SHORTER THAN ME! JUST BECAUSE I AM ASIAN DOESN’T MEAN I AM SHORT! FUCK THAT STEREOTYPE! NOT ALL ASIANS ARE SHORT! LOOK AT AHRI! SHE’S AVERAGE HEIGHT AND NO ONE GIVES HER SHIT FOR IT! AND WHAT’S WRONG WITH BEING SHORT??? NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A TALL SIVIR POUNDING BAG LIKE YOU, KAI’SA! SHORT PEOPLE ARE CLOSER TO YOUR CROTCH AND HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED A KARATE CHOP AT YOUR GROIN??? THAT SHIT HURTS! AND GUESS WHAT!? I HAVE MASTERED THAT TECHNIQUE! I CAN FUCKING CHOP ALL OF YOUR CROTCHES AND YOU ALL WON’T BE LAUGHING AT HOW SHORT I AM! I AM AVERAGE HEIGHT SO FUCK YOU!

 

**Sivir:** Big oof

 

**Evelynn:** I’m so turned on right now.

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you done, Akali?

 

**Akali:** NO I AM NOT! LET ME JUST SAY THIS! I MAY BE THE MAKNAE OF THIS GROUP BUT IF YOU UNDERESTIMATE ME, I WILL BE HANGING YOU GUYS BY YOUR TOES AND MAKE YOU GUYS REGRET CALLING ME SHORT AND A CHILD! MARK MY FUCKING WORDS, I WILL GET MY REVENGE AND SHOW YOU GUYS WHO IS THE REAL LEADER!

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, scream it louder.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Are you done now?

 

**Akali:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay good.

**Kai’sa:** I’m at the store and there’s two different types of spicy ramyun. 

**Kai’sa:** There’s regular spicy ramyun but there’s extra spicy ramyun.

**Kai’sa:** Which one do you want?

 

**Akali:** THE EXTRA SPICY RAMYUN KAI’SA! PWEASE!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay thanks

 

**Akali:** I WUV YOU KAI’SA! YOU’RE THE BEST!

 

**Kai’sa:** Love you too, Akali.

 

**Sivir:** Akali, want me to bring my switch?

 

**Akali:** YESH!!! YOU DAH BEST!

 

**Sivir:** Alright, cool.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** What the fuck just happened?

 

**Akali:** I forgive Kai’sa and Sivir.

 

**Kai’sa:** :)

 

**Sivir:** Ayyy

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Um okay…?

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey, I just realized.

**Kai’sa:** Where’s Ahri?

**Kai’sa:** She’s been silent this whole time.

 

**Akali:** Oh yeah

**Akali:** Yeah I just realized

**Akali:** Wouldn’t she be the most excited about our video?

 

**Evelynn:** Odd.

**Evelynn:** Come to think of it, did she even leave her room this morning?

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t think so…

**Kai’sa:** I was the last one to leave and I don’t think I saw her leave her room.

**Kai’sa:** I hope she’s not sick.

 

**Sivir:** Maybe someone try calling her?

 

**Akali:** I can do it!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh wait

**Evelynn:** I think I just realize something…

 

**Kai’sa:** what?

 

**Akali:** She didn’t answer her phone.

 

**Evelynn:** Hm…

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn, what is it?

 

**Evelynn:** Is anyone coming home soon?

 

**Kai’sa:** Me. I’m already on my way.

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, pick up a dog leash before heading home.

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Evelynn:** Just trust me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Um okay??

 

**Akali:** ….

**Akali:** Are we adopting a dog?

 

**Evelynn:** Hmm

**Evelynn:** Sure. :)

 

**Akali:** Oh shit awesome!

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT THE FUCK IS RUNNING AROUND THE FUCKING HOUSE??

 

**Evelynn:** Ah so I was right.

 

**Kai’sa:** EVE DID YOU FUCKING ADOPT SOME WEIRD LOOKING DOG???

 

**Akali:** DOG????!!!

**Akali:** OMG ON MY WAY!!

 

**Sivir:** Weird looking dog?

 

**Kai’sa: *texts photo***

**Kai’sa:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!

 

**Evelynn:** That’s Ahri.

 

**Akali:** …

**Akali:** Oh…

**Akali:** Nevermind.

 

**Sivir:** Ahri is a dog now?

**Sivir:** I thought she was a fox.

 

**Evelynn:** She is.

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa just can’t tell the difference between a dog and a fox.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh…

**Kai’sa:** My bad…

 

**Ahri:** YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCHHHHHH!!!!

 

**Akali:** What the fuck is that?

 

**Evelynn:** Hahahaha, there she goes.

 

**Kai’sa:** She’s pawing at her phone and screaming into it.

 

**Ahri:** SHHHHHEEEEAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!

 

**Akali:** LMFAO!!!

 

**Sivir:** Is she okay?

 

**Evelynn:** She’s fine.

**Evelynn:** She’s just using audio texting to get her message across.

**Evelynn:** Hilarious but she’s fine.

 

**Kai’sa:** Well, why is she a fox??

 

**Evelynn:** Because she’s a Nine-Tailed Fox.

 

**Kai’sa:** No duh…

**Kai’sa:** But why is she actually a fox??

 

**Evelynn:** So sometimes, very rarely but it has happened

**Evelynn:** She actually turns into a fox for a day and she can’t turn back to normal, no matter what, for a long time

**Evelynn:** Something to do with magic logic or something like that and she can’t do anything about it.

**Evelynn** : It happens in a blue moon

**Evelynn:** So she suffers like this and it pisses her off

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh

**Kai’sa:** Well, can she calm down?

 

**Evelynn:** Just play fetch with her and she’ll tire out.

 

**Ahri:** FREEEEEEEE SHAAAAAA VAAAAAAAC AAAAAA DOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

**Akali:** Free shavacado?

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO!!!

**Sivir:** Does she want avocados or something!!???

 

**Ahri:** AWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOOOOOOOOOFFFOOOOOOO

 

**Akali:** Awo mofo

 

**Ahri:** AAAAKKKKAAAAAAAAA UUUUUUUUUU AAAUTTTTT UUNNNNNNNNNIIIIII

 

**Sivir:** “Akali you not funny”

 

**Akali:** you understood that?

 

**Sivir:** I’m just guessing.

 

**Ahri:** AAAAAAAAKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA UUUUUU OOOOOOOOOORRRRRTTTTT!!!!!

 

**Sivir:** “Akali you short”

 

**Akali:** OKAY NOW YOU JUST MADE THAT UP!!

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO!!

 

**Akali:** FUCK YOU!!

 

**Sivir:** Lol

 

**Kai’sa:** Eve, how do you get Ahri off you???

 

**Evelynn:** Just push her off.

 

**Kai’sa:** She’s fucking huge!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Use your muscles, Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** Please help me!!!

**Kai’sa:** She’s sitting on me!

 

**Evelynn:** Welp

**Evelynn:** I have to go to a meeting so have fun!

 

**Kai’sa:** Halp

**Kai’sa:** Someone please help me

 

**Sivir:** I’m coming babe!

 

**Akali:** I’M COMING TOO!

 

**Ahri:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn:** Finished my meeting so I’m on my way home, how are you guys?

 

**Akali:** Ahri doesn’t like baths.

 

**Evelynn:** Not surprising.

 

**Akali:** She also bites.

 

**Evelynn:** Did she bite you?

 

**Akali:** No, I’m good.

 

**Evelynn:** That’s good.

 

**Akali:** She bit Kai’sa and Sivir.

 

**Evelynn:** That’s fine.

 

**Kai’sa:** Fuck you.

 

**Evelynn:** How’s Ahri?

 

**Kai’sa:** She’s currently playing tug a war with Sivir.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh darn…

**Evelynn:** She didn’t tire out yet?

 

**Kai’sa:** She molested my mouth.

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Kai’sa:** Her tongue was in my mouth.

 

**Evelynn:** She was giving you kisses.

 

**Kai’sa:** Her

**Kai’sa:** Tongue

**Kai’sa:** Was

**Kai’sa:** In

**Kai’sa:** My

**Kai’sa:** Mouth

 

**Evelynn:** Dogs

**Evelynn:** Do 

**Evelynn:** That

**Evelynn:** To

**Evelynn:** Show

**Evelynn:** Affection

 

**Kai’sa:** Well 

**Kai’sa:** how 

**Kai’sa:** do 

**Kai’sa:** you 

**Kai’sa:** make 

**Kai’sa:** her 

**Kai’sa:** stop?

 

**Evelynn:** You have to just accept it because Ahri knows it annoys people.

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t want to.

 

**Evelynn:** Too bad

 

**Kai’sa:** She’s doing it to Akali.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** I see.

**Evelynn:** I’m going to be a bit late but I’ll be home soon.

 

**Kai’sa:** No please come home soon

**Kai’sa:** Please handle her

 

**Evelynn:** Oh I will.

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** YYYYYIIIP YIIIIPPPPYYY YIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

**Ahri:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

**Ahri:** EEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAACCCC

**Ahri:** AAAAWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**Ahri:** GGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

**Ahri:** EEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry Ahri but you need to just calm down.

 

**Ahri:** RRRRROOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up.

 

**Ahri:** RRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll take you out of the cone of shame once you behave.

 

**Ahri:** RAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

 

**Akali:** We can unlock the door and let you out if you be nice?

 

**Ahri:** REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

 

**Evelynn:** Oh shut up you fucking stinky fox

 

**Sivir:** You actually understand her?

 

**Evelynn:** I’ve been stuck with her since we were kids.

**Evelynn:** So unfortunately yes

**Evelynn:** I do understand her.

 

**Ahri:** AAAWWWAAAAAWWWAAAAWWWWAAAAAWAAAAAAAAAOOOOO!!!

 

**Akali:** Bork bork bork

 

**Ahri:** MMMMMRRRRRRRR

 

**Evelynn:** She didn’t like that.

**Evelynn:** Do it again, Akali.

 

**Akali:** Yip yip bork bork borky boo

 

**Ahri:** RRRRRAAAAH RAAAAH RAAAH RAAAAH RAH!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Quiet.

 

**Ahri:** GRRRRRRR

 

**Akali:** Holy fuck what was that??

 

**Kai’sa:** Was that some door being broken down???

 

**Evelynn:** Oh boy

**Evelynn:** Sivir, Kai’sa, whatever you two are doing in the room, you need to get ready to run.

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** Guuuuyyysssss

**Ahri:** I’m back to normal!!!

**Ahri:** Let me out!

**Ahri:** Pweeeaaaaasseeee!

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

**Kai’sa:** Stay in your room.

 

**Ahri:** I sowwwyyyy

**Ahri:** I didn’t mean to barge into your room while you and Sivir were fucking

 

**Kai’sa:** You broke down a door and jumped at me

**Kai’sa:** It’s a miracle that you didn’t break my back.

 

**Sivir:** You broke my nose

 

**Ahri:** I sowwyyyyy

 

**Akali:** Lol so you’re back to normal Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** Yessshhhhhhh

 

**Evelynn:** Oh no

**Evelynn:** You’re normal

 

**Ahri:** Pwease take off the cone of shame off of me and let me out of the room?

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** Well fuck you, you fucking dumb fucking broad you piece of shit

 

**Evelynn:** Lol

 

**Ahri:** Let me put you in a cone of shame and see how you like it.

 

**Evelynn:** I’ve done it before.

**Evelynn:** It’s a great way to get into the mood in bed during certain kinks.

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Sivir:** …

 

**Akali:** Eve go bork bork

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOOOO

**Ahri:** YOU FUCKING SUCCUHOE!!

 

**Evelynn:** *shrugs*

**Evelynn:** What can I say?

**Evelynn:** I am a succubus.

**Evelynn:** I’ve done every naughty kink on the list at least once.

 

**Akali:** You suuuucccc u busss

 

**Evelynn:** Hahah, oh Akali

 

**Ahri:** Is Akali drunk?

 

**Sivir:** She sure is.

 

**Ahri:** Awwww you guys drank without meee????

 

**Kai’sa:** You were a real fox!!

 

**Ahri:** Dats truuuu

 

**Kai’sa:** You fucking had your tongue in my mouth.

 

**Ahri:** I was giving you kisses

 

**Kai’sa:** No, you were trying to make me choke on your fucking tongue.

 

**Ahri:** Sorry it’s a fox thing.

**Ahri:** Well

**Ahri:** I think wolves do it more but that’s just our way of greeting you

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s gross

 

**Ahri:** You’ve probably done grosser things with Sivir.

 

**Sivir:** I don’t deepthroat Kai’sa with my tongue.

 

**Ahri:** Well

**Ahri:** She can check off deepthroated by a tongue off of her list.

 

**Kai’sa:** yay….

 

**Ahri:** Now release me.

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** PLLLLEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEEE???

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Kai’sa:** Stay in your room for tonight.

 

**Sivir:** Please.

 

**Ahri:** Akali, release me.

 

**Akali:** After I get spicy ramyun

**Akali:** soon

 

**Evelynn:** I thought you were going to the bathroom…?

 

**Akali:** no im in a car

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Kai’sa:** Please tell me you are in one of Eve’s car.

 

**Akali:** No it’s moving

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Kai’sa: …**

 

**Sivir:** Yo...did you hop into some random car?

 

**Akali:** Nah i use Uber

**Akali:** I think?

 

**Evelynn:** Akali, I’m going to call you.

**Evelynn:** Please answer.

 

**Akali:** Okie dokie mami

 

**Ahri:** Release me and I’ll go find Akali.

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa, go release Ahri.

 

**Kai’sa:** Really?

 

**Evelynn:** She has a good sense of smell and she’s fast.

**Evelynn:** She’ll find Akali.

 

**Kai’sa:** Alright.

 

**Akali:** Weee

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** I AM LITERALLY DYING!!!

**Ahri:** GUESS WHERE I FOUND AKALI!!??????

 

**Evelynn:** Alive and safe???

 

**Ahri:** SHE FUCKING PASSED OUT ON THE ROUNDABOUT AT THE PLAYGROUND!!!

**Ahri: *texts photo***

 

**Evelynn:** Oh thank god…

 

**Kai’sa:** At least she wasn’t in some stranger’s car…

 

**Sivir:** Hey Ahri

**Sivir:** Spin her.

 

**Ahri:** OKAY!

 

**Evelynn:** DON’T!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Sigh…

**Kai’sa:** I’ll start preparing the laundry…

 

**Ahri:** LOOK AT HER GO!

**Ahri: *texts video***

 

**Evelynn:** STOP DOING THAT TO HER!!!

 

**Ahri:** NOOOOOPEEEE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** AHRI STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING UGLY FOX!

 

**Ahri:** I DID NOT LIKE BEING IN THE CONE OF SHAME!

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL FUCKING PUT YOU BACK INTO THE CONE OF SHAME AGAIN IF YOU DON’T STOP SPINNING AKALI!!

 

**Ahri:** TRY ME BITCH!!!

 

**Evelynn:** BITCH!

 

**Kai’sa:** Congrats to our video’s success….yay…

 

**Sivir:** Yay.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Akali and Kai’sa.**

 

**Akali:** I’m awake.

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s 3 in the morning.

**Kai’sa:** Go back to sleep…

 

**Akali:** I want to talk to you.

 

**Kai’sa:** About what?

 

**Akali:** Do you think Eve likes girls?

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Please fucking let me sleep.

 

**Akali:** Well do you?

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you this fucking dense?

 

**Akali:** Give me a yes or a no.

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes.

 

**Akali:** Okay

**Akali:** So I’m not the only one.

 

**Kai’sa:** We all know.

 

**Akali:** Oh.

**Akali:** Hahaha!

 

**Kai’sa:** Hardy har har…

 

**Akali:** Hey Kai’sa?

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Akali:** I get this warm feeling whenever I’m near Eve.

**Akali:** Do you feel that too?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes.

**Kai’sa:** It’s called anger for me.

 

**Akali:** Well it’s not anger for me.

**Akali:** It’s softer and kinda feels nice.

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s cute.

**Kai’sa:** Congrats.

**Kai’sa:** You are feeling something.

 

**Akali:** What’s that?

 

**Kai’sa:** Love.

 

**Akali:** No, it doesn’t feel like love.

 

**Kai’sa:** Then you’re a lost cause.

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Kai’sa:** Talk to me in the morning.

 

**Akali:** But it’s bugging me!

**Akali:** I can’t wait till morning.

 

**Kai’sa:** Why??

 

**Akali:** Bc Evelynn is sleeping right next to me and idk if I should leave or just try to power through the night with these weird feelings.

 

**Kai’sa:** Just go to sleep.

**Kai’sa:** We can talk about this in the morning.

 

**Akali:** Okie okie sowwy

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s okay.

**Kai’sa:** Good night, Akali.

 

**Akali:** Night!

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.**

 

**Evelynn:** What was Akali saying about me?

 

**Kai’sa:** Let me fucking sleep…

 

**Evelynn:** I saw my name while she was texting you.

**Evelynn:** What did she say?

 

**Kai’sa:** Let me sleep for fuck sake…

 

**Evelynn:** Just tell me what Akali said!

 

**Kai’sa:** Ask her yourself!

 

**Evelynn:** She’s asleep.

 

**Kai’sa:** WELL NO SHIT!

 

**Evelynn:** What did she say to you??

 

**Kai’sa:** SHE SAID SHE FEELS WARM SO FUCKING STOP SNUGGLING HER AND LET HER FUCKING BREATH!!!

 

**Evelynn:** What????

 

**Kai’sa:** GOOD NIGHT!

 

**Evelynn:** WAKE YOUR ASS UP AND TELL ME WHAT SHE SAID!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** SHE SAID SHE FEELS WARM NOW FUCKING LET ME SLEEP!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

 

**Kai’sa:** I WILL FUCKING BLOCK YOUR NUMBER IF YOU KEEP BOTHERING ME!!

 

**Evelynn:** FINE!

 

**Kai’sa:** GOOD NIGHT!

 

**Evelynn:** GOOD NIGHT YOU PEACH HOE!

 

**Kai’sa:** FUCK YOU!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted Ahri to screech free shavacado bc that was stuck in my head for days.
> 
> Let me know what you think by kudo, comment, and/or subscribing!
> 
> Also I have a Tumblr called kda-chat for more K/DA fuckery!


	7. Demon Shade and Hannya

**Ahri:** Guruuurururururuullllls

 

**Evelynn:** Shut the fuck up it’s 4am.

 

**Kai’sa:** Well a happy good morning to you too Eve

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Ahri:** It’s actually 10am…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh

**Evelynn:** Are you sure?

 

**Akali:** It’s 10am

 

**Evelynn:** Huh

**Evelynn:** So it seems.

 

**Kai’sa:** You just woke up?

 

**Evelynn:** Beauty sleep demands many hours.

 

**Ahri:** Go back to sleep then

**Ahri:** You need more hours.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you

 

**Ahri:** Teeee heeee

 

**Evelynn:** Are you guys still home?

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m cleaning up the house right now

 

**Evelynn:** Ew

 

**Kai’sa:** Someone has to clean around here

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you for your hard work

 

**Ahri:** You’re the best, Kai’sa!

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

 

**Akali:** Ahri and I went out for breakfast 

 

**Evelynn:** Aw really?

**Evelynn:** You should’ve woken me up

**Evelynn:** I would have wanted to come.

 

**Ahri:** We did

**Ahri:** We woke you and you straight up said

**Ahri:** “I will gut you if you drag me away from my bed”

**Ahri:** And fell back asleep

 

**Evelynn:** Oh…

**Evelynn:** My bad

 

**Akali:** And then some weird horns came out of your head for a moment

 

**Evelynn:** Oh that’s my Demon Shade

**Evelynn:** Don’t worry about it

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re…

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Evelynn:** My Demon Shade

 

**Kai’sa:** I get that

**Kai’sa:** What is it??

 

**Evelynn:** It’s my ability

**Evelynn:** Sort of?

 

**Ahri:** It’s like Evelynn’s inner demon that comes out if she gets very angry

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah that sounds right

 

**Ahri:** She’s a bitch

 

**Evelynn:** okay rude

**Evelynn:** She’s not a bitch

**Evelynn:** She’s just a little salty

 

**Kai’sa:** She??

**Kai’sa:** Does she have a mind of her own?

 

**Ahri:** Eh

**Ahri:** Not exactly

**Ahri:** It’s more like an alternate personality that comes out

 

**Akali:** Is it like Sasuke’s curse mark deal?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah close enough

 

**Akali:** Hot

 

**Evelynn:** I can gladly show it to you, Akali

 

**Akali:** Sweet!

**Akali:** I want to see if you can do cool ninja tricks.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah sure I can do that…

 

**Ahri:** Darn, so close

**Ahri:** She was on the right path but she fell off

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up

 

**Akali:** ???

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m still very confused…

 

**Ahri:** You gotta see it for yourself to understand

**Ahri:** Which might happen soon

**Ahri:** I have two news for you guys

**Ahri:** Well…

**Ahri:** One of them is more for Evelynn

 

**Evelynn:** Okay?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes?

 

**Ahri:** We’re going to get an interview done by Poprox

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh that’s so cool!

 

**Akali:** Our first interview!

 

**Evelynn:** Ugh

**Evelynn:** I hate them

 

**Ahri:** Eve, you don’t even need to talk

**Ahri:** In fact I would prefer if you didn’t talk…

 

**Evelynn:** They just ask really dumb questions…

**Evelynn:** I hate it

 

**Ahri:** You literally don’t need to say anything unless they ask you a question

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** Okay you’re right

**Ahri:** They’ll bombard you with questions

 

**Evelynn:** No shit you dumbass fox

 

**Ahri:** Shut up you little hoebag

 

**Evelynn:** Stank little piece of shit

 

**Ahri:** Ugly man o whore

 

**Kai’sa:** Really you two?

 

**Evelynn:** It’s how we express our love for each other.

 

**Ahri:** Ditto

 

**Kai’sa:** Its toxic

 

**Ahri:** Your face is toxic

 

**Kai’sa:** Mature…

 

**Akali:** How do interviews work??

**Akali:** I never really had a proper interview before

**Akali:** When I did do one, I blanked out and forgot what I said

**Akali:** I’m getting nervous for this interview…

 

**Evelynn:** You don’t need to worry about it

**Evelynn:** Ahri will most likely do the talking

 

**Ahri:** In Korean

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my god…

 

**Ahri:** You know I can only do interviews in Korean!

 

**Evelynn:** Which I don’t understand…

 

**Ahri:** I get nervouuusss

**Ahri:** I no good english well during interviews

 

**Kai’sa:** That was painful to read

 

**Evelynn:** ...

**Evelynn:** But I always have to translate for you

 

**Ahri:** I wuv u bff~~~~

 

**Evelynn:** I hate you

 

**Ahri:** Awww shuucks

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t understand you two…

 

**Akali:** It’s simple

**Akali:** Ahri is Naruto and Evelynn is Sasuke

 

**Ahri:** Dear god no…

 

**Evelynn:** What’s a Sasuke?

**Evelynn:** Who is that again?

 

**Akali:** A hot emo man

 

**Evelynn:** Okay I’ll take it

 

**Ahri:** You’ll take anything at this point

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up Ahri

 

**Kai’sa:** So what’s the other news?

 

**Ahri:** Oh right…

**Ahri:** Eve, I don’t want you to get mad

 

**Evelynn:** Why would I be mad?

**Evelynn:** Then again, you always piss me off

 

**Ahri:** Just hear me out

**Ahri:** It’s a shooting

**Ahri:** They need someone that has great chemistry with him

**Ahri:** And very few women do

**Ahri:** But they think you can do it

 

**Evelynn:** If it’s doing a porno, I’ve moved on from those days

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT???

 

**Akali:** Woah

**Akali:** Is there anything that Eve hasn’t done yet?

 

**Ahri:** Have a meaningful relationship

 

**Evelynn:** Okay fuck off

 

**Ahri:** looool

**Ahri:** You know I’m right

 

**Evelynn:** I also know you stink

 

**Ahri:** It’s my foxy lady musk

 

**Evelynn:** No, it’s just all the bullshit that comes out of your ass.

 

**Ahri:** My beautiful booty

 

**Evelynn:** Furry ass

 

**Ahri:** I don’t have a single hair on my ass

 

**Evelynn:** Fake ass fox…

 

**Ahri:** Ugly cross eyed bitch

 

**Evelynn:** 5 years

 

**Ahri:** Get over it

 

**Evelynn:** Five fucking years

 

**Ahri:** Get over it!

 

**Evelynn:** Five long fucking years of fucking hell

 

**Ahri:** You’ve been through worse

**Ahri:** Shut up

 

**Kai’sa:** Can you just tell Eve what your news is for her??

 

**Ahri:** Twisted Fate has a photoshoot and he wants you to be his tango dancer.

 

**Evelynn:** ...

**Ẽ̷͎̳v̸̢̰͛̄ë̷̬l̸̯̘̒͝y̷̨͚̕͝n̷̲͂͛n̵̳̘̈́** :̵̠̔͝ ̸̣͑̄W̷̫͊H̶̟̹̿A̷̤̞͐̚T̴̪?̸̲͑̋

 

**Kai’sa:** What the fuck??

 

**Akali:** How did you do that?

 

**Ë̵͚̻́v̸̯̈́e̸̹͚͗̾l̸̤͇͗y̶̧̬̿ǹ̸̨ǹ̶̆͜** :̷̖͓̀ ̷̤͈͗T̸̤̽͂Ḧ̴̻͕̕A̷̹̲T̶̰̻̿ ̶̯͇̈F̷̲͂͝U̶̻͑̽C̷̭͠K̶͎̰̏I̴̺̐N̵͜G̸̘̤̀ ̸̱͐Ȧ̴͇̀Ş̸̹̿S̶͚̃̂W̴̻̓̐I̸̦̋P̶̭͔̒E̸͊͜ ̶̻̤͠W̵̦̹͒̐A̸̧͋Ň̷͚̣Ṭ̴̦͊̈́S̵͔͊͠ ̸̛͚T̸͍̊̈O̶̢̝͂͠ ̸͕͠Ḩ̴̔̽A̸̤̓͝Ṿ̵̱͋Ē̷͎ ̸͎A̴̲͑ ̶̦͙̂P̴̢̒H̷̪̾Ö̴̧̞́̑Ţ̸̛̫͝O̶̥̝̍Š̵̼̑H̴̻̝̍̉Ö̴̤̩O̴̝̣̔͑T̸͎̀ ̵̡̭̄̑W̶͎̋͗I̵͍̒̔T̵̙͉̍H̴̘̚ ̷̖̖̊͑M̵̖͓̈́̄E̶̳̭͗?̵͓̥̇̂?̵̧̻̔?̵̪͉̍ ̴̾ͅ

**̸̛͔Ĕ̶̳v̷̙̓e̵̹̊l̴̦͕͒̈́y̷̰̽n̷͍͌n̵͍̈́** :̵͉̪̾ ̶̧Ă̴̗͈̈́F̵̺̅Ţ̵̅E̵̯̽͘R̴̢̤͆͑ ̴̨̪̿F̶͓̄̅U̷̝͝͠C̵̭̠̊͌K̸͉̈I̶̟̞̅N̸͎̓̒G̷̲͙̈́ ̶̟͑̒D̵̦̦̾Ǘ̷̠͇̂M̷̱̪̂͠P̴̲̠̉͂I̶̙̗͋N̸̖͝G̷̻̱͆ ̸̞̍M̶̬̖̔Ȩ̴̦̓͝ ̵̱͔͐O̶̬̪͘͘F̸̻̂F̸̡̡̽̚ ̷̪͎̈̚O̶̟̱͆N̶͇̤͒̀ ̸͓̀̈́T̴̼̜͆H̴̹͌E̷̺͛ ̶̛̲S̵̙͉I̵͎̲̓͘D̴̬̕Ḛ̶̺̐ ̷͚͗O̸̯̾͊F̴͉̔̈ ̶͔͔̆T̵̢̝̚H̴͉̿̇ͅË̶̦́̈ͅ ̸̱̯͒̓Ŗ̷̼̑Ǒ̵̩̇Ȃ̸̗͕̑D̶̩͒̽?̶̦̠̈̇?̵̘͌

 

**Ahri:** Here is Demon Shade Evelynn, girls

 

**Akali:** I want to do that on my phone!

 

**Kai’sa:** Dear god we have other issues to deal with, Akali…

**Kai’sa:** Like the fact I heard some kind of explosion

 

**Ahri:** She might have broke down another wall

 

**Kai’sa:** Fuck…

 

**E̴̫̺͇̠͎͖͊͋̇͛̿̈́͜v̴̢̺̲̭̹̟͓̑͋͜e̸̠̋͂̾͝ĺ̴̢̧̺̤̜̖̑̍̕͝y̵̡̡̲̺̘͓͛̋ͅn̷̡̳̘̳̘̯̟̮̈́͐̈̋́̈̐n̷̮͈̟̍͑** :̴̧̥̼̣̃͋̿̚͝ ̴͎̱̈́͐̿̕T̷̲̭̀͗H̷̯͔̹͑̏̂̐̑͋̅̕A̸͕̎̓͂̈́̋̓̑̏T̵̖̣̙̳̝̻̀̈́ ̷̥̮̟̞̤̅̏M̷̪͊̾̌͘A̸͈̗̪̼̺̹̎̆͊̃̕͝N̴̡͛ ̵̧̩̠͇͑I̶̗͙͖͈͈̮̅͜S̸̡̢͚̤̭͇̠̰͌̓͌̀̍ ̶̧̗̝̗̟̯͔͌͑͜T̶̫͓̖͓̼͕̀̐H̶͇̗͈̖̿̆̇̔Ḛ̵̗͐ ̷̼̝̪̓̾̂̂̌̊̎͘Ḅ̴̞̤͈͆͠Ả̵̙̥̼̟̠̒͂N̴̢̡̯̺̻͉̑̉̍E̸̲̣̻̲͊̅̒̈̚̕ ̸̨̩̅̑̽̀̕͠͝Ö̶̢͇́̃̑͒̕F̸̧͇͖̖͇̩̭͐̾̓̍͗̎ͅ ̸͉̟̳̟̘̀͋͋̈̿͝M̸̭̗͓͉̞͔̘͔̈̿͊Ŷ̶̡͍̤̠͈̬̄͌̎̀͘̚ ̶͓̜͖̞͈͚͙̩͆͌̓Ë̶̤͓̔͝X̵͇̺̭͎̐̏̅̎̍Ǐ̴̛̼͕̯̦Ṡ̵̨͆̿̚͘T̴̡̻̭͉̺̀̔E̶̗̯̾̾̉̕̕Ň̴̨̘̯̺̗͙̈̈̀C̸̞̬͛Ȇ̷̿͜!̴̛̘͍̫̄̈́͂͂!̷̛̘͎̜͈̱̓̃̂̓̄͘   
**̷̣̝̙̅̂̉̔͂͝E̸̬̲͐͑̃̐͝v̴͖̭͇̞̗̠̂̈́͛̾͒̎͠e̴̠̦͕̣̥͇͛̉ͅḷ̴͈̥͌̂̌͒̇̎̿͘ŷ̸̱̻̠̋̏̇ṇ̸̌̇̊̾̇̚͝͠ñ̷̨̰̰̰̫̭̭̉̅̑̎̉̎̂** :̶͚̤̲̭̺̭̳̓͛̚͜ ̶̧̬͇̫̱̓̅̓̅̍̚͝Ḧ̸̥̰͙̞̹̰̱́̒̇̚͜Ḛ̵͖̘͍͉͕̲̊̈́͝͝ ̴̯̊̓̑̄͆̌̚͝F̴̹̙̭̺̰̭̹͑̉Ų̷̑̋̐̍̾Ċ̸̛̲̫̬͔̫̻̬̬̃̂͝͝K̶̹̲̱̫̠̃̒͛̏Í̷͙̖͇͔̀̋N̵͔̼͇͋̇͑͆́̎͘͘G̵̨̨̳͙̲͙̝̓̊͐̾̇̕͘ͅ ̵̢̛̱̪̯͉͘Ţ̷̡̡͙͙͇͚̯̈̉́̓̏A̶̦͔̙̎̆͂͛͘K̸̮͙͙̕Ę̸̼͓̪͗͒S̵̱̘͎͈̗͕͙̻͋͐̑͘͝ ̷̡͚̦͓̰͚͚̺̈͋̓͌͑͛̚͠M̶̮̮͆̿̌Y̶̱͑̒̒͊̎͠ ̶̮͙͌̀̾̋̋̉̎V̶͉̪̝̎̀̆̈͠͠I̷̼̜͂̂̂͌̿̏R̵͓̤͔̰̅̾̉͆̽͝͠G̷͈̾̏̄̈̌͊̆͝Į̶̛̬̞̒̋̃̑͑́͗N̶̡̫̥̺̯̂̌͋̎̽̕͠Ȉ̶̭͍̖̝͕̬̞̎Ṭ̸̨̝̟̝͔̟͊ͅY̵̤̳̣͊̑͂ ̷̢̛̳̞͆̌̽́̈͆͠Ä̶̙͙́̏͆̉͠N̴̛̙̟̠̜͈̅̽̅̌̈́D̸̬͎̩̱̃́͌̈́̎͘̚ ̵̺͔̗̒͐̈̅͠͝T̵̨̮͈͔̪̱͊̒̋H̷͈̰̦̯̄I̷̛͚̥̤̮̤͇̟͛̉̇͂̈́͝N̷̢͈͓̹͗̆͒̀̽̍͜ͅK̴̫͇͙̓͑̏̎͘S̵̪̬̭̼̻͋͛̓͐̓ ̵̛̛̗̤̮̜̋̑̄H̸͙̗̙̗̠̻̦̺̉̊̂̊̾̐͝͝E̸̫̐͑̓͊͗̅̚͠ ̴̰̠̭̳̊̊̂͊̓͝I̷̞͙͉͈͖͑͌͝S̶̰̩̿͒͆͊̎ ̵̹̍̈́͋̑͒T̶͎̙̪͇̂͆̈́H̴̝̯̺̼͇̑͌̽͋̈́̔͌͝ͅĒ̸̱̹͇̦͔̳̜̌ ̶̡̳̫̪̲̬̝̑F̴̲̑̈͒̋̀͋͘͝Ư̶̻̳̫̯̺̦̦͂̈́̏̄̒̾̇C̷̗͔̘̖̰̅̑̓͊̒ͅK̶̭̔͋̎̓I̴̧̡̧̧̥̘̲͂̃̏̀̔N̷̞͕̥̖̠̫̪͈̈́̎̆̔͝G̷̟̤̖͔̟͈͈̹̽ ̴̧̰͈͍̒S̸̡̝̳̖͗͒Ḥ̷̲̃̂̉̕̕͝I̸̢͇͍̙̙̍̔̍̎̊̇̿͘͜ͅT̸͚͕͒!̸͍̱̦̘̙̜̗̟͂̆̐ ̸̡̨̙͚̑̋́F̴̖͚͓̂͗͘̚͠͝͝Ự̷̢̼̪̻̍Ĉ̴̘̮͕̝͕͇͎̓͊͐͝͝K̸͕̩̣͋͌̋ ̵̙͎͖̗T̴͇̯̀͠Ȟ̵̝̔̄͝ͅA̷̡̰͉̻͘T̵̡͈͖̬̭̅̂̇̽͘ ̴̧͉̮͙͌͗ͅM̴̛͖̍͑̈́̉̒̊͝A̷̰̤̫̠̪̮̠͔̎̄̀͐̊N̵̢͈͎̜͎͖͚̓̆͑͐͐Ẉ̴̺̲̭͔͕̠̱H̶͙͓̰͍̍̀Ơ̴͉̤̎́R̶̝̬͕̲̜͔̊̈́͑̍̓͛E̷̛̱̮̞͑͐̊̽̑̎!̵̲͛̐͋͘ ̵̧͍͈̾̅̅̏͐̎̉F̴͖͈͔̤͘Ử̵̱͙̾͒́͗ͅC̷̟̯̓̊͜K̵̢̳̽̂͂͐̉̿͜͠ ̵̛̛͔͌͗͒H̷̖͕͊̾̉͛͂ͅI̷͚̤̣͇͔̲̓͋͊̉̾M̸̡̢̩̹̩̜̭̙̌̑̂͂͝!̵̨̦̗̜͇̂̐́͒̅ ̶̨̆͝Ḯ̶͍̹͊͑̉̋̈ ̸͕͙̬̫̹͙̍̊͋̊̅̌̍ͅW̷̨̮̯͒̋͘Ỉ̵̤̭͐͗́̀̍̽̚Ļ̴͓͎͕̃̌̀̆L̵̤̖̲̱̒͆͜ ̵͓̭̖̖̤̱̮̊̿̋͜M̸͚͕̭̋Ṵ̸̦͕̮̻̫͇͔͛̀̅̉͒̓R̷̨̜͇̤̹̈̊̃̈́̈́̃D̸͈͙̳͖̘̐̂͊ͅͅẸ̶̋͛̈́̑̂͑͝R̷̠̻̒̓ ̸͈̟̣̈̃̈́̈́̏̿͜H̶͓̬̠͌͗Ï̸̛̠̠̪͒͆̔͂̚M̷̢͓̮̍̅ͅ ̷̧̧̧̲͉̤͇̄̄͜A̶͉̙͓͗̏̍̒̂̇͒͝ͅN̶͓͈̯͎̯̉̈́̊̌̈̾͝D̶̬̳̤̹̖̓͐̾̀̊̒̋̿ ̴̪̈̉̔͠F̴̫͉̦̼͖̭̻͂̽̾͐̐̍̚͘͜E̴̙͐̒̉̋̕Ë̶̫̫̣͉̫͉̠́̓͝͠͝ͅD̴̨̡̛͚̹͕̾͛̈́̈́ͅͅ ̵̡́͐H̷͔͕͊̓̓͝I̶͓̒̏M̴̢̢̡͎͚̲̃̃͛̅̈́ ̷̡̨̻̞̼̞̤̋̀͆̅͛̍͘̚͜Ḩ̶̙͍̳̥̩̲̾̈́̀̅̉͘̕I̴̛̮̜͋̽̐͒͒Š̵̘͈͕̪̝̹̥̀̓͐̕͝ ̶̜͖̒̍͒O̵̠͈̠͈̜̤̔̋͑̾̏̂͜W̶̹̼̰͒̄̔́̅Ņ̵̧̬̤̻͉̔̆̿̃̓̌͜ ̴̳̹͒͠D̶̨̼̲̼͔̙͉̼͑̈̅̀Ì̵̧͈̰̐̉̉͊̂C̴̨̲͇̈́́͑̑̊̈́Ķ̸̪͎̅̃́̚͜ͅ!̴̧̧̰̘͙͑̈́̇̓͛͘

 

**Kai’sa:** I can’t read that…

 

**Ahri:** She’s just spouting a bunch of nasty stuff.

 

**Akali:** I WANT TO DO THAT WITH MY PHONE!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Can’t you read the mood??

 

**Akali:** I STILL WANNA DO THAT TO MY PHONE!!

 

**Ahri:** Go Akali, go after your dreams!

 

**E̴̻͖̟̅̀͗v̸̲͎̍̃e̴͠ͅl̷̢̬̫̽͗y̸̮̠͂̈́ṋ̶̝̫͐n̵͙̏** :̴̘̄͛ ̵̤̤͈̐T̵̲̥̗̋̈H̷̟̗̃A̸̬̓̔Ţ̵͔͝ ̸͙͓̮̍Ṃ̵͖͐͝A̴͙͕̅̏N̶͍͇͊ ̵̙̅I̵̭̰̔̓S̵̘̞̓̚͝ ̶̝̑͝T̵͇̞͓̓͒H̵̰̤̒̄͜E̵̟ ̷̣̣͉̈́Ḇ̸̩̬͊͗͝A̶̻͑̿̚N̸͓͂̌Ê̷̛̱͠ ̶̺̫͎̏͒̎Ȏ̸̦̣F̷̹̌͌ ̴̢̝̞̍Ṃ̷̎̐Y̷̡̛̱͖͛͘ ̷̟̮̒͐̐E̶̫͕̕Ẍ̶̬̦͋Ṩ̶̤I̸̦͎̥͌S̸͇̽͗T̷̬͈̑̏Ê̴͙N̴͎̒C̴̢̩̯̀͊E̷͍̓́ ̴̙͛͌̋

 

**Ahri:** So are you going to do the photoshoot or not?

  
**̵͇̗̥̰̻̮͚̪͇̥̮̭͙̇̾̅̍̋̊̒̈́̔͊͜E̵̖̣̝̳̋͌v̵̡̢̠͕͈̮̼̻͍̩̠̼͉͔͎͖͓̱̗͔̻͍͇̼̮̫̱̍̒͌͐̾̇̽̐̐̀͑͛͆̈́̊̾̐̀͛̚͝͝͝͝ē̴̡̧̛̮͕͙̤͕̬̼͈͇͈͚̪͈͈̺͎͋̇̊̊̎͆͋͂͌͝͝l̷̨̡̤͉̙̟͚̥̦̹̥̫͍̺̥̱̦͈͚̹͍̀̕͝y̶̛̳͓͕̐͒̌̇̊͆̅̋͌̊͛͛͗͋̇̈́͌̐̐̀̕͠͠͝ṋ̴̨̨̣̥͙̜͚̝̲̺̞̳̦͉͕̒̿̈́̌̈̕͜͠͝͝ͅn̷̨̛̛̰͔̦̯̓̌̈͐͐̇͌̍̾̌̔͆̆͂͐́̂̔̒̄̀̑͆͋̽͛͋̈́͗̕͝͝͝ͅͅͅ** :̸̧̥̳̲̪͕͚̦̻̤͇̩̱̺̼̗̂͌̏͋̾̊ͅ ̶̭̣̩̫̜̺̲͉̫̊̑̅̐̔̾̔̇͂̈̃͒̍̈́̋͜͜͝ͅN̷̡̛̛̤̪̺͎̙̪͚̭͙̭͓̯̝̬̞̺̜̺̞̺̫͇̲̼̝̟͇̻̽̑̌̑̎̎̾̑́̓́̈̄͑̔̄͂̿̉̐̉̈́͑̅͋͛̕͜͝͝͝͝O̷̢̡̡̳̪̫̝̫̞̘̩̭̼͖̰̠͖̳̲̺̩̪͓̺̭͇͔͈̹̥̻̍̑͂͑̽̑̅̾͐̑̈́̃̐͆̿͋̇̈́̓͌͒͒̃̓̎́͆̀͋͋͑̒̊͜͜͜͝Ö̷̢̧̨̫̖̖̟̼͕̻̹͙͉̬̜̖̘̺̜̼̘͇̮̳̳̙̤̺̭̰̪̬͉̰̪̼͕̈́͂͗͋̔̓̀̓O̶̢̡̖̝͔͚͍̦̫͎̥͈̮͍̤͙͈̱̫̬̦̦̜̭̙͇̗̻̤͓͔̩̿ͅ!̴̧̢̨̨̛̲͎͚͕͔͖͍̬͍͍̪͕̖̐̓́̋̋̃̏̈́́̂̉̉͌̍́͒̆́͆̈͐͑̋̈̈́̒̃́͘͘͝ͅͅ!̶̡̨̡̨̛͔̺̻̫͎̬̩̝̞̣͓̖̻͎̹̯͕̹̞̗̜̹̳͎͕͉̬̻̤̙̜̼̖̼̓͊̿̒̃̾̈́̃̓̂̽͂͑̑͐͌̆̎͌͂̈́̐̆̓̈̅̉̊̕͘͜ͅ!̵̢̛̰̦̤̻̪̯͓͓̙͔͇͇̳̹̪̺͎͇̣̰̝̱͕͔͉̠͔̟̭̭̥͈̠̯̻̯̼́͋̄̉̐̂́̐̅̾̎̍͋̇͌͑̏̉̑̆̏͐̇̽͌́̆̓̚̚̚͜͜͠͝͠͝ͅ

 

**Kai’sa:** JESUS WTF????

 

**Akali:** THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL!!!!

 

**Ahri:** Isn’t it??

 

**Ȩ̸͇͂͜ṽ̵̖̎͌̄e̵͔̚ļ̸̻̗͂y̵͍̥̾ņ̷͈͍̫̆͊͘n̵̢̺̳̮̑̌͊** :̷̨̆̂ ̷̙̥̜̙̈́G̵͈̗̟̃L̵̦̼͂̊͝A̵͔̣̓̿̈́̄Ḋ̵̬̖̊̚͝ ̵̱͎̋̓̏̒Y̵̬̦̭̝̑̆̚͠O̵̹̭͆U̶̯̔̈́̕ ̷̱͈̃̕Ȃ̴̭͈͎̓͒͊R̵͈̫͈̿͛Ẽ̸̥͘ ̸͇̍G̷̭̠̫͍̉̎̈̂E̸͕̘̋T̸͙̞̏̑̌̊Ť̶̗̇͋́I̷͕̼̔̓N̵͎̱͇̍̚ͅG̴̜̥̭̯̈ ̵̣͕̝̬̃Ä̴̯́̇͝ Ķ̸̛̼̘̂̇͜Ị̸̬̄͌C̷̞̦̽K̵̢̘͍̉̕ ̵̝̩̥͈̈̇̊O̵̟̼̒̓̉̎U̷͕͒̓̕T̸̩͕͙̣̔ ̵̳̟͔̹͛̀̓Ö̶̹̳̖͑͜F̷̟͎̑̇̎ ̴̗̤̗͒̉T̵̨̩͌H̷̰̾̽͐Ī̸̻̞̼̠S̷̙̯̾́̅̚,̶̗̘͛̄̍ ̶̼̙͇̓̀A̶̖̚H̶͙̩̙͘͠ͅR̸̗̠̟͊͗̄Ĩ̵̖̬̓̓̕!̶̜͛͌̑̔!̵̧̄

 

**Kai’sa:** PLEASE TELL ME THAT WASN’T YOU SCREECHING EVE!!

 

**Ahri:** It’s prolly her. 

**Ahri:** Lol

 

**Ȅ̷̞̺͔̦̫͓̻̘͊̉v̵̡̨̘̱͚͚͖̖̫̰̹̪̫̔̎̌̍̉̎͂̌̇̌̌͐̐̈́͝͝͝ȩ̶̢̨̨̰̬̟̩̖͉̯͕̣̮̳̲͉͔̯̊̄̂̈̋̍͘l̵̛̬̈́̀͛̅̃̀̓̓̂̅̅͋̑̕͘͝y̷̖̮̲̞̥̣̱̗͑̍̃̈́͊̅͐̑̇̀̒͗̚̕͘͜n̸̢̲͕̦͎̪̫̩̝̗̦̬̫̥̱͇̆̉̉̂̈̀̒͆̈́̾̒̋̒̕ͅņ̷̡̧̧̹͓̩̝͕͔̜͎̲̖̟͇͆͐͊͒̍̔̐̒̋͊̊̈́̽̈́̕̕͠ͅ** :̶̨̛͕͖͉͇̳͖͉̯͉̬̯̯̥͈̠͇͛͛͛̋̀͆͗͒͒̐̓͜ ̴̣̠͚̓̇̄I̷̢̢̧̥̝̭̮̰̥̘͔͉͑̏̈́̽̂̐̌͊͆̏̐̋̀̌ ̸̢̥͚̰͉̬̓̉͝ͅA̵̡̨̪̭͓͑̾̇̔̃͐͛͒͒̓M̶̺̙͚̹̪͇͍̚ ̸̨̡̧͓̮̠͈̰̱̘̺̗͖͈̞͂̿͑̽͌̂̅̆̈́͆͗͘ͅŅ̵̢̛̜̘̦̹͒͑̋̈́͛͊͘Ȍ̷̼͙̫̬̪̭̜̙͝ͅT̵̗͇̟͙̬́̊͌́̈́̽̿̎͘͝ ̶̨͚̟̟̼̟̘̝̟̭͖̱̙͉̻͖̦̇̂̓̊̑̏D̶̡̛̼̰̖̘̬̥̮̞͓͍͈̺̟̤̼̅̊̐͊̎́̂̀̑̎̑̍͛ͅO̷̢͍̐̎͐̆̄̐̆̄̈̊̏͊̕̚͝͝I̴̛̪̣͑̑̌͊̐̆̓͋̔̾͆̏̍̽N̵̡͉̰͉̗͙̖̂̆̂͒͒̒̍̒̇̔͆̕͠G̸̛̼͓͔̭͊̀͛́̓́̌̓̚̚ ̶̮̹̞̫̩̣̠̝͍̰̠̰̹͔̩̈͑͐̔̔̋̃̽̚͝͝ͅT̷̛͉̘̒̈́̓̉̽̒̀̄̉̈̏̚͘͝Ḧ̸̛͉̘̜̦́̏͋͛͒̅͊̊A̷̢̡̢͚̹̬͉̺̥̙̝̮̭̲̗̫͙̔̍̎̀͌̽̏̓͗͗͂T̴̡̛͕̤͔̠͚̤̱͈͓̬͂̃͋̓̌͂̉͊̐̆͐͌͒͜ͅ ̴̙̲̮̤͈͍͖̲͚̈́͛̄̇̐̒̄͌͋͠P̵̢͚̠̲̫̈́͂̅̈̽̈̆͋͛̈́̕̚͠H̷̺̲̱͔̩͔͙͛͜O̴̜̩̓̈́̃͜T̸̠͗̋͋̃̏͆͝O̶̺̭̾̃̍̎̎̔̈̏͊͑͐̃̅S̴̡̨̝͖̠̒͒̓̀͋͠Ḫ̷̩̗̰̻̲͉̘̼̯̰̾͑́̎̈́͋́͋̓Ȍ̷̖̫̗͕̳͖̦̈́́̀̈̈́͛̕͜O̶̧̡̤͓̦͈̳̲͈͚̦̓̉̏̃T̴̟͇̟̻̭̠͉͇̫͇̣̭̭̹̬̄͌͌̽͜!̴̧̛̩̫͖͚̠̪̍̑̎̎͑̇͌̐͊͊͝!̸̙̏̔͒̿̌̓͝!̵̧̧̨̲̝̘͉̣͇͇̤̤̫̬̙̘̼̊̎̃̂͠

 

**Kai’sa:** For fuck sake…

**Kai’sa:** Please stop I can’t read what you are typing…

 

**Akali:** Suuuugooooiiii neeee!!!

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO 

 

**Ȩ̵̨̪̾͑̍v̵̯̣̲͕͝e̸̱̐͛l̵̠̰͈̃y̴͔̋͊ͅn̸̼̈͒͝n̷̬̉͊̅** :̴̺̿ ̵̛͙͓͛͆͜I̴̡̹͉̮̒̌̍ ̷͈͕͇̃̚W̶̞̤̟̒͊̆̃I̶̬̅̈̓L̸̨̞̟̱͗͐͝L̷̢͓̪̪͗̿̿̒ ̴̡̛̭͖̋N̴͖̗͙̮͒͂̾͝O̴̗̻̜̒͊T̸̡̞͈̋͜͠ ̴̙̥̽̋̕͠ͅG̷͖̉͝͝E̷̖̾͋͆͠Ṯ̷̽͊ ̵̼̟̅̓N̵̙̲̙͒̓͝E̵̻̗̟͒̑͐̒A̸͙̪̅͒̇͑R̴̢̪̻̰̊̕͠ ̴̡̎T̵̢̻̣̎̓̆Ḩ̸̰̻͂͊̏Ȧ̸͊ͅT̷̥̉͐ ̸̗͙͂̑̂Ṃ̷̢͊͠A̴̢̍͝N̸͍͎͍͑̓,̷͓̖̪͋̅̎͋ ̸̲͖̍Â̸̲̬H̴̖̹͋R̶̪̪̄̍I̶̞̓̔̈́!̴̠̘̭̳̈́̅ ̸̨̛̝̐͒Y̴̨̛̼̭͂́Õ̶̮̹͛͛͜ͅƯ̵̛͇͋̃ ̶̞͒͊̾̏C̷̨̨͔̯͗̐̀̏Ą̶̳͌̏͝N̸͔̦͖̽’̶̹̑̏Ṱ̷͆̍̌̽ ̷̢̲̮̻͐̊̈M̶̠̗̞͕̾̋͐Ã̶̢̙̯̏̊̂͜K̵̬̱̅́ͅE̶̡͍͝ ̷͓̱̙̂͋M̸̖͙͓̭̐Ẽ̶̜̳͕̚ ̵̭̖̘̤̀̿̿́Y̶̜̿Ơ̶̧̒̐̿U̸͚̝̦̔͆̆͝ͅ ̴̡̪̑̋͊̕F̵̹U̶̡͚͒̊Ç̶͈̣̜͛Ķ̶͔͈̤͆̍̄̈İ̸͔̩̺̻̐̓̋Ǹ̵͇̲̪͂̀G̶̨͚͝͝ ̴̞̭̳̘̑̒B̷̡̙̳͔̕İ̵̡̬̜T̴̺͋C̵͚̆Ḧ̴̲̝̣̺́̏!̶͖͈͕͛͛͆̆

 

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri:** Look at how much money you’ll make if you do the photoshoot.

 

**Ḛ̶̱̥̠̮̏́̔͂̉͑͠͝v̴̛̜̐̈́̃̑͒͗̐̇̂̋͐̔̔̓̐͂́̀͠ẽ̸̹̎̓̑̊̈̐̈́͆̿̀̍̇͒̎̋̈̋̂̔̈́̔̽̕͠͝l̴̢̨̨̡̳͎̜̻̞̲̦̪̰̟̣̭̬͓̮͊̄̿ẙ̴̨̡̙͖̰̼̗̭̣͍̝̠̗̍̂̓̌͒̕̚̚͜n̴̨̡̧̬̱̻̮̟͉̥̥̳̤̹͈̚͜ň̴̢̧̝̙̤͙̣͈͚̣̲̥͍͙̃͑̀̅́̋̏̔̔̀́̋̎͐̕̚͜͝͝ͅ** :̴̛̛̞̝̘͎̰̲̦̫̟̯͌̓̈̃̔̑̂̀̀̾̉̂͛͂̇̂́̒̾̎̎̕͝ ̵͉̙͓̮̠̭͈̯̯̝̱̭̯̤̬͕̜͋͂̔͜͜.̵̙̰͕̝̜̜̹͉̖̗͇̭̘́̾͐͐̏̐̎̏͗̎͘ͅ.̶̧̢͎͔͇̦͉͕͓̦̠̼͔̞͇͎͔̙̪̖͚̥̹͆̄͊̋̅̈̿͗̆̅͛̐̆̆̏͒͐̕͜.̷̣̻͉̠͑

 

**Kai’sa:** For the love of god please stop texting like that.

 

**Evelynn:** Okay

**Evelynn:** I’ll do it.

 

**Akali:** WAIT GO BACK TO THE OTHER STYLE!

**Akali:** TEACH ME!!

 

**E̷͎͑v̷̛̫e̷͍l̴̙̃ẏ̷̡n̴̝̔n̵̬̎** :̶̗̔ ̴͈͑I̷̭̓ ̶͉̚Ď̸̞O̴̟N̷͕̓’̵̩̽T̴̞͂ ̶̭͝K̸͙̈́N̸̫͑Ô̴͖W̵̦̕ ̶̻̔H̷̖͊Ò̶̰W̸͙͗ ̸̘͛I̸͚̍ ̶̤͝D̸̫̔O̴̖̚ ̶̥̂I̷̻̍T̷̖͝.̴͔͗ ̵̜̂Ť̵̫H̵̺́I̸̼͋S̵̼̆ ̸̼͠H̸̠̀Ã̴̙Ṡ̴͉ ̶͔́A̷̜̋L̷̻̓W̶̢̛A̵̺̅Y̶͚͊S̴͔͝ ̵̢̽H̵͚̆A̵̪͝P̴̰͘P̸͕͛E̴̥͆N̴͔̈́Ẽ̷̩D̴̙͒ ̵̺̎S̶͓̔I̷̙̕N̸͎͝C̷̤̀Ë̶̳́ ̶̢̛I̴̳͌ ̷̺̅F̸̳͗I̵̲̒R̸̥̋Ś̶̭T̸͖̋E̵̼͌D̵̻̾ ̴͉͝G̵͖̾Ȍ̶̫Ť̵̖ ̷͈̌M̸̭̔Y̴̺͆ ̷̽͜P̴̘̾Ḥ̷̏Ŏ̶̥Ǹ̵͙E̵̞̅.̵̳̃

 

**Akali** : It still looks so cool!

 

**Ě̶̼v̶̰͋e̵̪̓l̸̻͗y̸̭̾n̷̪̔ñ̸̹:̶̩̽** ̵̣̔T̶̛͍H̸͎͝A̵͓̎N̴͖͂K̴̭͋ ̸͕̉Ỳ̸̭Ơ̸̯Ủ̸͕~̵̝̄

 

**Ahri:** Yeah yeah cool

**Ahri:** So you’re doing the photoshoot?

 

**Evelynn:** Only bc you didn’t pay me back for taking half of my fortune for this fucking house.

 

**Ahri:** Sweet

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you sure about this, Eve?

**Kai’sa:** Twisted Fate is your ex…

 

**Akali:** Well

**Akali:** All they have to do is dance and get their picture taken, right?

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s not that simple, Akali.

 

**Akali:** ??

 

**Evelynn:** When people break up, sometimes it leaves bad blood and it’s hard to cooperate with the other person.

**Evelynn:** But I’ll suck it up bc I need the money.

 

**Kai’sa:** You really don’t have to

 

**Evelynn:** I do

**Evelynn:** I want to give Twisted Fate a piece of my mind

 

**Ahri:** That’s the spirit!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh no…

 

**Akali:** I don’t really get it but if you need money, I can just pay your stuff with my own money.

 

**Evelynn:** No, it’s your money. I wouldn’t want you to waste money on me.

 

**Kai’sa:** So you’re going to pay for the broken wall?

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Okay, I need some money from you, Akali

**Evelynn:** Just for the wall…

 

**Ahri:** Hurry up and marry each other.

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri….

 

**Akali:** Hahahaha! Lol!

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** I don’t like Eve near that man.

 

**Ahri:** Oh my god…

**Ahri:** Are you finally turning into an adult?

 

**Kai’sa:** What an interesting development.

 

**Sivir:** Yo is little ninja Luffy finally growing up?

 

**Akali:** Wow

**Akali:** I prefer to be compared to Zoro.

 

**Sivir:** Not with your pea brain.

 

**Akali:** RUDE

 

**Ahri:** Where have you been??

 

**Sivir:** Ummm

**Sivir:** Working??

 

**Kai’sa:** So responsible baby~

 

**Sivir:** I make money so I can spoil you~

 

**Ahri:** Okay shut up we get it

 

**Kai’sa:** Rude…

 

**Sivir:** So what did I miss?

 

**Ahri:** K/DA is going to be interviewed by Poprox later today but Akali and I are at a photoshoot where Evelynn is dressed as a tango dancer with her ex, Twisted Fate

**Ahri:** I’m kinda busy with a meeting right now at the studio so I told Akali to text me updates about the photoshoot

**Ahri:** and Akali just said she doesn’t like Twisted Fate near Evelynn.

 

**Sivir:** Oof

**Sivir:** This is more interesting than Boruto

 

**Akali:** BORUTO ISN’T THAT BAD!

 

**Sivir:** I highly disagree

 

**Ahri:** Hey!

**Ahri:** We’re moving away from the main point

**Ahri:** Akali, why do you say you don’t like Twisted Fate near Evelynn?

 

**Akali:** idk

 

**Kai’sa:** omg…

 

**Akali:** idk how to explain it

**Akali:** It just kinda ticks me off seeing Evelynn dancing with him

 

**Ahri:** Does it make you mad?

 

**Kai’sa:** Does it annoy you?

 

**Sivir:** Do you feel an urge to replace Twisted Fate with yourself?

 

**Ahri:** ooo good one Sivir

 

**Akali:** Hmmmmmmm

**Akali:** idk…

 

**Ahri:** This child…

 

**Akali:** Not a fucking child

 

**Sivir:** You’re a child.

 

**Akali:** Stop calling me a child

 

**Kai’sa:** We are literally spelling it out for you

 

**Akali:** About what??

 

**Ahri:** love!

 

**Akali:** Love who??

 

**Sivir:** C-h-i-l-d

 

**Akali:** STOP CALLING ME A CHILD!!!

 

**Ahri:** Fine

**Ahri:** You’re a dumbass.

 

¡ıɹɥ∀ 'noʎ ʞɔnℲ  **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Kai’sa:** The fuck?

 

**Sivir:** Oof

**Sivir:** She snapped

 

**Ahri:** How did you do that?

 

¿ʍouʞ I plnoʍ ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ʍoH : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Kai’sa:** Well can you stop it?

 

¡llnʞsqɯnu ɓuıʞɔnɟ noʎ plnoɔ I 'ʇı doʇs oʇ ʍoɥ ʍǝuʞ I ɟI : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** You a grumpy ninja

 

˙ɟɟo ʞɔnɟ ǝɥʇ ǝɯ sǝssıd ǝʇɐℲ pǝʇsıʍ⊥ ʎɥʍ ʇno ǝɹnɓıɟ ʇ,uɐɔ I uǝɥʍ dlǝɥ ʇ,usǝop ʇI : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re jealous

 

¿ǝʇɐℲ pǝʇsıʍ⊥ ɥʇıʍ ǝɔuɐp oʇ ʇuɐʍ I plnoʍ ʎɥM : **ılɐʞ∀**

¿ǝʌƎ ¿oɥʍ ɟO : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Sivir:** You’re making it really hard for us to not call you out on your naivety, child.

 

¡ᗡ∀ƎH ⅄W ˥OOƆ O⊥ ⋊˥∀M ∀ Ǝ⋊∀⊥ O⊥ ⅁NIO⅁ W,I S⅄∩⅁ ∩O⅄ ⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ : **ılɐʞ∀**

¡ᗡ˥IHƆ ∀ ⊥ON W∀ I ¡∩O⅄ ⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** We wuv uuuu~~~

 

ǝlqɯnɹɓ ǝlqɯnɹ⅁ : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

 **Kai’sa** : Say it back.

 

ooʇ sʎnɓ noʎ ǝʌo˥ : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** Thank you 

**Ahri:** :3

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn:** What did you guys say to Akali?

**Evelynn:** I saw her stomp out with her mask on her face.

**Evelynn:** btw, how is her mask glowing by itself?

 

**Kai’sa:** What do you mean?

 

**Evelynn:** It’s glowing by itself

 

 **Ahri:** ¿Que?

 

**Sivir:** You speak Spanish?

 

**Ahri:** *le spanish sigh*

**Ahri:** No.

 

**Kai’sa:** Please stop.

 

**Ahri:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** Hello??

**Evelynn:** Why did Akali stomp off with a glowing mask?

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s impossible

**Kai’sa:** Her mask only glows under special lights

 

**Evelynn:** Well her mask was glowing pretty bright neon colors

 

**Ahri:** And the photoshoot is taken under regular bright lights…

 

**Kai’sa:** Meaning?

 

**Sivir:** Did Akali eat neon paint or something?

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god hahahaha!!

 

**Evelynn:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

**Evelynn:** She wouldn’t do that.

 

**Ahri:** You’re talking about the girl who ate a candle that looked like an apple.

 

**Kai’sa:** Now my candle apple has a bite mark in it.

 

**Sivir:** Okay but like…

**Sivir:** Those fruit candles look very realistic…

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** You wouldn’t have happened to have bitten the candle pear…

 

**Sivir:** Maybe

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re so silly, Sivir~

 

**Sivir:** ~~~~<3

 

**Evelynn:** Can we get back to Akali?

 

**Ahri:** Well none of us knows why Akali’s mask is glowing by itself

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you sure you weren’t seeing things?

 

**Evelynn:** I stared at Twisted Fate’s ugly face for 3 hours

**Evelynn:** If I was seeing things, I would have saw his face on Akali’s head.

**Evelynn:** So no, I’m not seeing things.

 

**Ahri:** That’s a disturbing thought…

 

**Evelynn:** Thanks, it’s my worst nightmare

 

**Kai’sa:** Hmmmm

**Kai’sa:** I have a theory

 

**Ahri:** Nerd

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut up

 

**Evelynn:** Tell us.

 

**Kai’sa:** When you’re in Demon Shade mode, your texts went weird.

 

**Evelynn:** Correct.

 

**Kai’sa:** Akali’s texts suddenly turned upside down…

 

**Sivir:** That was a headache to read.

 

**Kai’sa:** And you said you saw Akali’s mask was glowing by itself

 

**Evelynn:** Yep.

 

**Ahri:** So???

 

**Kai’sa:** ...hmmmm

 

**Ahri:** hmmmmmm what?

 

**Kai’sa:** ..................hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

**Ahri:** hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm whaaaaaat?

 

**Kai’sa:** hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa….

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay I have an idea but I just remembered Akali says she’s human

 

**Ahri:** Are you saying she’s not human?

 

**Kai’sa:** Well if Eve texts in that weird font when she’s in demon shade mode and Akali does it and her mask is glowing on it’s own

**Kai’sa:** How else would you explain it?

 

**Ahri:** True love

**Ahri:** It was meant to be

**Ahri:** Damn eve

**Ahri:** Now you two are copying each other.

 

**Evelynn:** Still doesn’t answer why she looked so mad when she stomped off

 

**Ahri:** Oh she’s jealous of you dancing with Twisted Fate

 

**Evelynn:** Really?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah

 

**Evelynn:** Jealous?

 

**Sivir:** Yep.

 

**Evelynn:** Is her mask a hannya now?

 

**Ahri:** A hannnyah what?

 

**Evelynn:** A H-A-N-N-Y-A you dumbass fox

**Evelynn:** Hannyas is a mask that represent oni or female demons that were once human women but were consumed by jealousy.

 

**Sivir:** So the fact that Akali was lowkey not liking watching you dance with Twisted Fate isn’t more important?

 

**Evelynn:** What?

**Evelynn:** oh

**Evelynn:** OH!

**Evelynn:** OOOHHHH!!

**Evelynn:** OH MY GOD REALLY?

 

**Ahri:** You stupid succhoe.

 

**Evelynn:** Give me a break

**Evelynn:** I was dealing with Twisted Fate for 3 hrs

 

**Kai’sa:** Is he really that bad?

 

**Evelynn:** Try talking to a cowboy wannabe that keeps asking if you want to play horsey with him.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh…

 

**Sivir:** Ew

 

**Ahri:** You did play horsey with him one time

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not proud of it.

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t need an image of Twisted Fate riding on your back, thank you.

 

**Evelynn:** Too bad

**Evelynn:** To make it worse, imagine us naked

**Evelynn:** Suffer with me.

 

**Kai’sa:** God fucking damn it

 

***oʇoɥd sʇxǝʇ* :ılɐʞ∀**

¡SƎNIN∀Ɔ NMOᴚ⅁ᴚƎΛO ⅁NI⋊Ɔ∩Ⅎ ƎΛ∀H I  **:ılɐʞ∀**

¡H⊥ƎƎ⊥ ⅄W  **:ılɐʞ∀**

¡S⅄∩⅁ ⊥IHS ⅄˥OH  **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Sivir:** Lmfao, even the photo is upside down

 

**Ahri:** Damn Eve…

**Ahri:** You’re right

**Ahri:** Her mask is a hannya

 

¿¿¿⊥∀HM ∀ **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Evelynn:** A hannya

**Evelynn:** A mask that represent a oni or female demon that is fueled by jealousy.

 

¡¡¡uɐɯnɥ ɯ,I ǝɹns ʎʇʇǝɹd ɯ,I **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** Well it doesn’t look like you are.

 

**Kai’sa:** This is kinda big guys…

 

¡doʇs ʇı ǝʞɐɯ oʇ ʍoɥ ʞpI : **ılɐʞ∀**

¡pɹıǝʍ sı sıɥ⊥ : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Sivir:** Just confess your gay love for Evelynn and pick her up to run away with her towards the sunset.

 

¿¿¿H∩H : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** You fucking idiot

 

¡¡¡xoɟ ʎʞuıʇS  **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Evelynn:** You’re not helping Ahri…

**Evelynn:** Akali, where are you?

**Evelynn:** Let me come to you.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah cum help her

 

**Evelynn:** Will you shut the fuck up before I pull your tails off?

 

**Ahri:** niew 

**Ahri:** :3

 

˙ǝɯ ɥʇıʍ uo ɓuıoɓ s,ʇɐɥʍ ɐǝpı ou ǝʌɐɥ I : **ılɐʞ∀**

˙ǝʌƎ 'ǝɯoɔ ǝsɐǝlԀ: **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Evelynn:** Where are you?

 

˙ʞɔɐq ǝɥʇ uI : **ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, on my way

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** CAAAAAN YOU FEEEEELLLL THE LOOOOOOOOOOVE TONIIIIIIIGHT!!!

**Ahri:** TOOOONIIIIIGHT!

**Ahri:** THE PEAAACE THE EVEEENINNNG BRIIIIIIINGS!

**Ahri:** THHHHE WOOOOORLD FOR OOOONCE IN PEEEEERRRFEEEECT HARMONYYYYY!!!

**Ahri:** WITH ALLLLL ITS LIIIIIIVING THIIIIIIIIIIIINGSSS!!!

**Ahri:** CAAAAAAAANNN YOU FEEEEEEEEL THE LOOOOOOOOVE TONNIIIIIIIIGHT???

**Ahri:** YOUUUU NEEEDN’T LOOOOOK TOOO FAR!!!

**Ahri:** STEEEALLLLING THROUGH THE NIGHT’S UNCERTAINTIES!!!!

**Ahri:** LOOOOOOVE IS WHEEEERE THEEEEY ARRRREEEE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Will you shut the fuck up???

 

**Ahri:** Hi, I missed you

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t!!

 

**Akali:** Hi

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh thank god you’re texting normally…

 

**Sivir:** Sweet Ra…

 

**Ahri:** So how are you two?

 

**Akali:** ...

**Akali:** So…

**Akali:** Do we have a rule about dating with other team members?

 

**Ahri:** Nyope!

 

**Akali:** So...if Eve and I start dating...that won’t be a problem?

 

**Kai’sa:** It was a problem when you two weren’t dating.

 

**Akali:** Huh?

 

**Ahri:** We already knew you two liked each other.

 

**Akali:** Nani?

 

**Sivir:** Well

**Sivir:** It was obvious that Eve was crushing on you

**Sivir:** You were...kinda a mess…

 

**Akali:** wait wait…

**Akali:** You guys knew Eve had feelings for me??

 

**Ahri:** Yes

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah

 

**Sivir:** Yep

 

**Akali:** You guys didn’t want to tell me????

 

**Ahri:** ...

 

**Kai’sa:** WE LITERALLY SPELLED IT OUT FOR YOU!!!

 

**Sivir:** HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU????

 

**Ahri:** ARE YOU REALLY THIS FUCKING DENSE YOU CHILD!!!!

 

**Akali:** ????!!!!!!

**Akali:** I feel so attacked.

 

**Ahri:** YOU BETTER FEEL ATTACKED!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Leave her alone, she’s going through a lot

**Evelynn:** She just learned that her emotions turned her mask into a hannya and now she inherited oni like powers

 

**Sivir:** Sounds fucking cool

 

**Akali:** It really is

**Akali:** I bet I can fucking fight you

 

**Sivir:** You’re on!

 

**Kai’sa:** Please no!!!

 

**Ahri:** So I guess everything is good?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, it’s all good.

**Evelynn:** Akali and I are going out to eat so you guys have fun.

 

**Kai’sa:** Have fun you two~

 

**Sivir:** Don’t stay out too late ;)

 

**Ahri:** Hey, I’m happy for you two but…

**Ahri:** You’re my ride home

**Ahri:** Can you come back and pick me up?

 

**Evelynn:** GOD 

**Evelynn:** DAMN 

**Evelynn:** IT 

**Evelynn:** AHRI!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It only took like 7 chapters for this to happen, right? Tee hee!
> 
> Let me know what you think by kudo, comment, and/or subscribing!
> 
> I also have a tumblr @kda-chat for more K/DA fuckery!


	8. Kai'sa's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

**Kai’sa:** Send nudes.

 

**Ahri:** Sure okay

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

**Ahri: *texts photo***

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, here’s mine.

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

 

**Akali:** Wat?

**Akali:** Do I send nudes too?

 

**Evelynn:** Send them to me first.

 

**Akali:** Okie.

 

**Ahri:** Wow Eve

**Ahri:** Fucking cheap

 

**Evelynn:** Oh excuse me

**Evelynn:** **Please send the nudes to me if you are willing to.

 

**Akali:** Okie Dokie :)

 

**Ahri:** ...

 

**Kai’sa:** GOD DAMN IT!!! I SENT IT TO THE FUCKING GROUP CHAT!

 

**Sivir:** Do you still want my nudes?

 

**Kai’sa:** I guess…

**Kai’sa:** Though the mood is ruined…

 

**Evelynn:** So that’s what you’re doing, locked in your room…

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m stuck with you girls 24/7

**Kai’sa:** I want like 10 minutes of privacy.

 

**Ahri:** We give you privacy!

 

**Kai’sa:** You literally barged into my bathroom when I was showering yesterday!

 

**Ahri:** I had to use your toilet!

**Ahri:** Eve broke mine!

 

**Kai’sa:** THEN USE EVE’S BATHROOM!!!

 

**Ahri:** I don’t want to be staring at a 10-inch purple dildo while I’m pissing…

 

**Akali:** A what…?

 

**Ahri:** Ah, I see you haven’t been in her bathroom yet.

 

**Evelynn:** Go piss outside Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** HEY I LIKE TO BE CIVILIZED!

 

**Evelynn:** Didn’t stop you when we were kids.

 

**Ahri:** LOOK!

**Ahri:** I thought I could get away with a lot of things as a real fox!

 

**Sivir:** So you pissed in the bushes as a fox?

 

**Ahri:** I FEEL LIKE THIS CONVERSATION TOOK A WEIRD TURN!!

 

**Akali:** Says the one that posted nudes at Kai’sa’s request…

 

**Kai’sa:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

 

**Ahri:** But we all agree that my body is better looking than Eve’s?

 

**Sivir:** Not with that weird outie belly button.

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s so weird looking...

 

**Akali:** Ditto

**Akali:** Plus Eve got bigger titties.

 

**Evelynn:** I sure do ;)

 

**Ahri:** WOW!!

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU GUYS!

**Ahri:** LEAVE MY OUTIE BELLY BUTTON OUT OF THIS!!

 

**Evelynn:** Get a new belly button.

 

**Ahri:** YEAH LET ME PULL IT OUT OF MY ASS!

 

**Evelynn:** You have a nice ass though

 

**Kai’sa:** I agree

 

**Sivir:** It’s a nice ass

 

**Akali:** Ditto

 

**Ahri:** Aw, thanks, guys.

 

**Akali:** Eve’s is bigger tho

 

**Kai’sa:** Agree

 

**Sivir:** Ditto

 

**Ahri:** HEY AT LEAST MY ASS DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING BITE MARK ON IT!!

**Ahri:** @Kai’sa!

 

**Sivir:** Oh...

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU SAW THAT???!!

 

**Ahri:** YEAH!! WHEN I HAD TO USE YOUR BATHROOM WHILE YOU WERE IN THE SHOWER!

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU WERE PEEPING ON ME IN THE SHOWER!!!!????

 

**Ahri:** Only a little.

 

**Evelynn:** God damn it Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** I’m sowwyyyy! 

**Ahri:** It’s in my foxy nature to be curious.

 

**Akali:** Hentai.

 

**Ahri:** Rude

**Ahri:** Okay a little.

 

**Sivir:** Weirdo.

 

**Ahri:** Says the woman that bit Kai’sa’s butt

 

**Sivir:** ...okay true

 

**Evelynn:** Kinky

 

**Kai’sa:** Why are we like this?

 

**Ahri:** What do you mean?

 

**Kai’sa:** I feel like…

**Kai’sa:** Compared to other bands

**Kai’sa:** We’re so weird.

 

**Ahri:** Bokkie, I know very well

**Ahri:** There are other bands that are weirder than us

 

**Evelynn:** What other bands could possibly be weirder than us?

 

**Sivir:** That’s impossible to imagine.

**Sivir:** And I’m not even in this band

 

**Ahri:** Pentakill.

 

**Evelynn:** And you know this how?

 

**Ahri:** Um???

**Ahri:** Sona???

 

**Evelynn:** What about her?

 

**Ahri:** She’s in Pentakill…

 

**Evelynn:** What…?

**Evelynn:** She is??

 

**Ahri:** WOW

**Ahri:** Fake friend here!

 

**Kai’sa:** Sona???

**Kai’sa:** You mean Sona as in…

**Kai’sa:** DJ Sona?

 

**Ahri:** Oh yeah that’s her other gig

 

**Akali:** WOAH WOAH BACK UP!

**Akali:** SONA IS THAT REDHEAD IN PENTAKILL???!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I guess???

**Evelynn:** I didn’t recognize her at all.

 

**Ahri:** You guys seriously didn’t know??

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU TWO KNOW SONA??!!!

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, she was in idol training with Eve and I before she was scouted off

**Ahri:** Sweet girl

 

**Evelynn:** Very talented

 

**Ahri:** She seems to be doing very well career wise

 

**Evelynn:** Good for her 

 

**Akali:** WHAT IS SHE LIKE!??

 

**Kai’sa:** IS SHE PRETTIER IN PERSON??!!

 

**Akali:** DOES SHE KNOW KAYLE!!???

**Akali:** OMG SHE HAS TO KNOW KAYLE!

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT IS HER SKIN CARE REGIMEN? 

 

**Akali:** IS SHE COOLER IN PERSON?

 

**Sivir:** DOES SHE SENDS NUDES TO FUCKING KARTHUS????? THAT UGLY SON OF A BITCH????

 

**Ahri:** …what?

 

**Evelynn:** ….no…

**Evelynn:** I hope.

 

**Kai’sa:** GOOD QUESTION BABE! 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT MAKES PENTAKILL WEIRDER THAN US??!!

**Kai’sa:** ARE THEY WHORING OUT SONA?????!!!!

 

**Akali:** NOOOOO NOT SONA!!

**Akali:** NOT THE PRECIOUS BEAN!!

 

**Kai’sa:** NO I REFUSE TO BELIEVE!

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** Why do they seem more excited about Sona more than meeting us, Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh idk

**Evelynn:** Maybe bc you ran off to jerk off for 5 years and I pissed off every other artist in the industry…

**Evelynn:** And Sona has been skyrocketing in the industry for years.

 

**Kai’sa:** You two also kidnapped me

 

**Akali:** And the first thing you wanted from me, Ahri

**Akali:** was to pay the dinner bill.

 

**Ahri:** Ah…

**Ahri:** Makes sense.

 

**Evelynn:** Have you texted Sona that you came back to society before our music video release?

 

**Ahri:** Ah no

**Ahri:** But she and I texted before I came back so I didn’t really need to.

 

**Evelynn:** ...

**Evelynn:** Ex- fucking- cuse me???

 

**Ahri:** Ah fuck…

 

**Evelynn:** You texted Sona during the 5 years you were fucking yourself????!!!!

 

**Ahri:** Nyooooooo

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** Only to remind me to eat and stuff

**Ahri:** And send me cat memes

**Ahri:** She came to visit me once or twice

 

**Evelynn:** OH SO YOU LET HER SEE YOU BUT WON’T TELL ME KNOW WHERE THE FUCK YOU ARE????!!!!

 

**Ahri:** You can’t escape her.

**Ahri:** Idk even know how she found me in the first place 

 

**Evelynn:** AND SHE DIDN’T WANT TO TELL ME??

 

**Ahri:** She’s a true homie.

 

**Evelynn:** Wow…

 

**Ahri:** She wuvs you!

 

**Evelynn:** I’m really feeling the love…

 

**Akali:** Can we meet her??

**Akali:** I promise we won’t be weird to her!

 

**Sivir:** I might.

 

**Kai’sa:** Babe…

 

**Sivir:** Kidding!

 

**Ahri:** I mean sure but just know she doesn’t talk

 

**Akali:** Yeah I know.

 

**Kai’sa:** We know she’s a mute.

 

**Sivir:** She is?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes babe, she is.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah but she can still roast you.

 

**Ahri:** That is true

**Ahri:** But also, she doesn’t text normally like anyone else

 

**Akali:** So how do you talk to her?

 

**Ahri:** You’ll see.

 

**Ahri added Sona Buvelle to group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Ahri:** Sona, this is K/DA Kai’sa and Akali

**Ahri:** Except Sivir, she’s Kai’sa’s bitch

 

**Sivir:** WOW!

**Sivir:** Okay but true...

 

**Sona:** ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi Sona! I’m a huge fan!

 

**Sona:** ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

 

**Kai’sa:** Dawww

 

**Akali:** Hi! I’m Akali!

**Akali:** I love your music!

 

**Sona:** (´ε｀ )♡

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, Sona.

**Evelynn:** How are you?

 

**Sona:** (。´д｀。)?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, I’m eating well.

 

**Sona:** (´･(´･(´･(´･(´･(´･д･`) ･`)･`)･`)･`)･`)

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, Ahri owes me a lot of money.

 

**Sona:** ( ≧Д≦) @Ahri

 

**Ahri:** Oh come on Sona!

**Ahri:** Her wallet was right there!

 

**Sona:** <(｀^´)>!

 

**Ahri:** Yeah yeah, I’ll pay her back

 

**Evelynn:** Now would be very nice.

 

**Ahri:** Nyoh!

 

**Sona:** ( ´-ω･)︻┻┳══━一

 

**Ahri:** OKAYY CHILL OMG!!!

 

**Evelynn:** LMFAO!!!!

 

**Akali:** DID SONA JUST FUCKING WHIPPED OUT A FUCKING GUN AT AHRI???

 

**Sivir:** LMFAOOOOO!!

 

**Kai’sa:** WE COULD HAVE GOTTEN SONA IN K/DA BUT WE GOT STUCK WITH EVELYNN??

 

**Evelynn:** RUDE!!!

 

**Akali:** NOOOO NOT MY EVE CHAN!

 

**Evelynn:** THANK YOU AKALI!

**Evelynn:** AT LEAST SOMEONE LIKES ME AROUND HERE!!

 

**Akali:** WITHOUT EVE, I MIGHT HAVE NEVER MET SONA!

 

**Evelynn:** COME HOME THIS INSTANT, AKALI!

**Evelynn:** WE NEED TO TALK!!

 

**Akali:** No, I’m busy on the streets.

 

 **Sona:** (づ￣ ³￣)づ

 

**Ahri:** I’M THE ONE WHO ADDED HER YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT!!!

 

**Sona:** ―(T_T)→

 

**Ahri:** FUCKING CHILL SONA!!!

 

**Sona:** (〜￣▽￣)〜

 

**Evelynn:** You haven’t changed at all…

 

**Sona:** ╰(▔∀▔)╯

 

**Kai’sa:** Sona, can I ask you a question?

 

**Sona:** (◕‿◕✿) ?

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri claims that Pentakill is weirder than us.

**Kai’sa:** Is this true?

 

**Sona:** (=`ω´=)

**Sona:** ε=ε=ε=ε=┌(;￣▽￣)┘

**Sona:** (╮°-°)╮┳━━┳ ( ╯°□°)╯ ┻━━┻

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** They make you throw tables?

 

**Sivir:** She farts when she runs away??

 

**Akali:** She’s an uwu in disguise?

 

**Ahri:** No, she’s saying that Karthus sends a lot of cat memes in the Pentakill group chat.

 

**Evelynn:** And it annoys the other team members.

 

**Ahri:** Sometimes it gets to the point that she wants to throw a table at him so you’re not too far off, Kai’sa.

 

**Sivir:** Have you ever thrown a table at Karthus?

 

**Sona:** Q(`⌒´Q)

 

**Evelynn:** She says no but she has beaten him in boxing matches.

 

**Akali:** She can box?

 

**Sona:** ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

**Kai’sa:** What does that mean?

 

**Ahri:** She’s being silly but yeah she can box.

 

**Akali:** Sugoiiiii

 

**Evelynn:** I can box too

 

**Ahri:** No you can’t succuhoe, keep it in your panties

 

**Evelynn:** Stop ruining my life, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** NYO!!!

 

**Sona:** (￣ε(#￣)☆╰╮o(￣▽￣///)

 

**Ahri:** OKAY OKAY DAMN!!

 

**Evelynn:** We weren’t fighting!

**Evelynn:** This is how we always were.

 

**Sona:** (っ˘▽˘)(˘▽˘)˘▽˘ς)

 

**Ahri:** That was when we were kids.

 

**Evelynn:** Now we’re adults and Ahri is 10 times more annoying.

 

**Sona:** /( .□.)＼ ︵╰(°益°)╯︵ /(.□. /)

 

**Sivir:** OH I GOT THIS ONE!

**Sivir:** You kicked Eve and Ahri’s ass as a child?

 

**Sona:** d(￣◇￣)b 

 

**Kai’sa:** Yay, you got one right, babe!

 

**Sivir:** Sweet!

 

**Sona:** ( ･ω･)☞

**Sona:** ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ )?

 

**Evelynn:** She’s asking how long you two have been together.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, like a couple of months or so

 

**Sivir:** Yeah, sounds right.

 

**Sona:** ( • )( • )ԅ(≖‿≖ԅ)

 

**Ahri:** She’s asking if you two have fucked.

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, I actually understood that….

 

**Sivir:** lmfao

 

**Evelynn:** They’ve done it a lot, Sona.

 

**Sona:** ( ˘•灬•˘ )? (✿◡‿◡)?

 

**Kai’sa:** ??

 

**Ahri:** She’s asking if you two have introduced each other to your parents.

**Ahri:** Which I’m sure they did, Sona.

 

**Sivir:** **…**

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Akali:** I don’t like the silence…

 

**Kai’sa:** I never told my dad that I’m dating Sivir…

 

**Sivir:** My parents are dead.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh.

**Evelynn:** I’m so sorry.

 

**Sivir:** It’s fine, it happened a while ago.

 

 **Sona:** (づ◡﹏◡)づ

 

**Sivir:** Aw thanks Sona!

 

**Ahri:** So...Kassadin doesn’t know you’re dating Sivir?

 

**Kai’sa:** My mom knows…

**Kai’sa:** Tee hee

 

**Ahri:** ...so you’ve been hiding your relationship with Sivir from your dad this whole time??

**Ahri:** Is this why you never post pictures with Sivir??

 

**Kai’sa:** ...yes…

 

**Sivir:** Which I’m fine with

 

 **Sona:** (=O*_*)=O Q(*_*Q)

 

**Evelynn:** Sona says that keeping this from your father might make you two fight more in the future, Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** You’re probably right…

 

**Sona:** ( ＾▽＾)っ✂╰⋃╯

 

**Ahri:** SONA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Goodness, Sona…

**Evelynn:** Even I haven’t done that…

 

**Akali:** Is that what I think it is?

 

**Kai’sa:** You want me to chop off my dad’s…????

 

**Ahri:** No, she’s warning that your dad might do that to Sivir if he finds out that you’re keeping your relationship a secret from him.

 

**Sivir:** jdsgfkjshdfkjdkgdshlgkf excuse me???

 

**Evelynn:** You’re fine, don’t worry.

 

**Sona:** ( ＾▽＾)っ✂╰’╯

 

**Evelynn:** Oh she fixed it

 

**Sivir:** THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER 

**Sivir:** I LIKE MY COOCH!!

**Sivir:** YOU’RE BEING TOO DRAMATIC SONA!!!

 

**Sona:** (￢_￢)

 

**Ahri:** Sona says Kayle and Karthus would do it for her.

 

**Kai’sa:** I highly doubt my dad will be that angry at Sivir when it’s me that has been hiding our relationship.

 

**Akali:** Why don’t you text him and find out?

 

**Kai’sa:** Alright fine.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kassadin and Kai’sa.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey dad?

 

**Kassadin:** Yes sweetie!!??

**Kassadin:** How are you??

**Kassadin:** Are they feeding you?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes they are...

**Kai’sa:** I have a question.

 

**Kassadin:** Anything sweetie!

 

**Kai’sa:** Well

**Kai’sa:** It’s more of a hypothetical question.

 

**Kassadin:** Okay?

 

**Kai’sa:** Here’s a scenario. 

**Kai’sa:** A daughter is dating another girl and only told her mother of the situation, hypothetically, and didn’t tell her father. If the daughter told her father the truth, how do you think the father would react?

**Kai’sa:** So put yourself in the father’s shoes and tell me how you would react.

 

**Kassadin:** I’m assuming this girl was keeping it from her father because he would disapprove of the girl?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes.

 

**Kassadin:** Then I would think the daughter was being held hostage or forced against her will by her supposed girlfriend. I would fight the fucker who dares hurt my daughter.

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Kassadin:** Well obviously the daughter was worried the father would use violence against the fucker that held her hostage so she asked her mother to try to get less bloodshed from the situation.

 

**Kai’sa:** I said nothing about a hostage situation.

 

**Kassadin:** But that’s what I will assume.

**Kassadin:** That’s what you wanted me to do, right?

 

**Kai’sa:** ...what…

 

**Kassadin:** I’ll do anything to protect you, Kai’sa. 

**Kassadin:** If you’re dating someone that’s forcing you to stay with them.

**Kassadin:** Papa will gladly fight them.

 

**Kai’sa:** Won’t you get angry at me for not telling you the truth about the relationship??

 

**Kassadin:** Why would I be mad at you? It’s the fucker that is holding you hostage in a relationship that I’m mad at.

 

**Kai’sa:** I NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HOSTAGE SITUATION!!!

 

**Kassadin:** REGARDLESS! PAPA WILL MURDER ANYONE THAT HURTS YOU, KAI’SA! 

**Kassadin:** EVEN IF YOU’RE DATING THEM, I AM DOING IT FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Thanks, Dad…

 

**Kassadin:** You’re welcome sweetie. :)

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Kai’sa:** My dad is insane.

**Kai’sa:** He’s down to kill Sivir for dating me.

 

**Sivir:** THAT’S COMFORTING! THANKS!

 

**Evelynn:** He’s going to find out sooner or later.

 

**Sivir:** HOW ABOUT LATER?? MUUUCH LATER!!!

 

 **Sona:** (¬ ¬ )

 

**Ahri:** Later means you’ll suffer a much worse fate, Sivir.

 

**Sivir:** GOD DAMN IT!!!

**Sivir:** WHY ARE FATHERS SO FUCKING OVERPROTECTIVE??

 

**Akali:** I’m lucky to have Master Shen.

**Akali:** All he did was cry when I said I was leaving the dojo and clung onto my leg until I had to shimmy myself away.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh thank fuck.

 

**Sivir:** WOW LUCKY FOR YOU EVELYNN!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m sure my dad isn’t serious about wanting to kill you for taking me hostage.

 

**Sivir:** WHAT?? WHAT HOSTAGE?

**Sivir:** LSDGJLKSHGLKJDFLH

**Sivir:** EXCUSE ME??

 

**Kai’sa:** I honestly can’t explain how he came down to that.

 

**Sivir:** SO IM GOING TO DIE ONCE KASSADIN LEARNS IM DATING KAI’SA???

 

**Ahri:** Yep.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah

 

**Akali:** Yosh

 

**Kai’sa:** Maybe?? :))))

 

**Sona:** (￣ω￣)/

 

**Sivir:** THIS IS YOUR FAULT SONA!!!

 

**Sona:** ⊂(￣▽￣)⊃

 

**Sivir:** I DON’T WANT YOUR HUGS!

**Sivir:** I WOULD RATHER LET CASSIOPEIA STAB ME IN THE BACK AGAIN THAN BE KILLED BY KASSADIN!

 

**Akali:** Who’s Cassiopeia?

 

**Sivir:** A bitch who stabbed me in the back.

 

**Ahri:** For real??

 

**Kai’sa:** She has the scar to prove it.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh then you’re fine, Sivir. You can kill Kassadin if he finds out that you’re dating Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** HEY NEW TAKE!

**Kai’sa:** I WOULD PREFER IF MY FATHER AND MY GIRLFRIEND NOT KILLING EACH OTHER!

 

 **Sona:** (╬￣皿￣)=○＃(￣#)３￣)

 

**Evelynn:** Sona wants to see some blood.

 

**Sivir:** GO FIGHT KASSADIN YOURSELF!

 

**Kai’sa:** NO ONE IS FIGHTING MY DAD EVEN THOUGH HE SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE WHO WOULD SELL THEIR SOUL TO THE DEVIL FOR ME!!!

 

**Sivir:** Oh my ra…

**Sivir:** I thought Azir was bad.

 

**Ahri:** Ex-fucking-cuse me?

 

**Evelynn:** Did you just say Azir?

 

**Sivir:** Yes?

 

**Akali:** ??

 

 **Sona:** (⊙_⊙)

 

**Kai’sa:** Azir?

**Kai’sa:** As in Azir of Egypt, the direct descendant of the Shurima?

 

**Evelynn:** One of the richest and powerful men in the world??

 

**Sivir:** Yes?

 

**Ahri:** And….how do you know him?

 

**Sivir:** I’m kinda his distant relative or something

**Sivir:** Idk he kinda freaks me out and annoys me.

 

**Ahri:** YOU’RE HIS FUCKING HEIR???

 

**Sivir:** I don’t want to be his heir…

 

**Evelynn:** I’m sorry what??

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa is dating the only heir of the billionaire Azir???

 

**Akali:** I got like 20 bucks in my wallet if that makes a difference…

 

**Sivir:** I don’t even want to be associated with him!

**Sivir:** He found me after that bitch snake stabbed me and saved my life

**Sivir:** He’s annoying tho.

 

**Kai’sa:** So I take it that he doesn’t know we’re dating?

 

**Sivir:** If I told him, he’ll be like

**Sivir:** “OH MY SWEET PEA, BRING THE KAI’SA TO OUR FAMILY AND OUR EMPIRE WILL GROW!”

 

**Evelynn:** Sounds like a nice guy.

 

**Sivir:** HE’S ANNOYING!!!

 

**Sona:** [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, Kai’sa.

**Ahri:** Get that mulah bitch!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m not using Sivir for money!

 

**Sivir:** I AM NOT DRAGGING THAT BIRD BRAIN TO MEET KAI’SA BC HE ALREADY RUINED MY LIFE WITH HIS CONSTANT FUCKING BIRD MEMES!!!

**Sivir:** HE’LL BE LIKE, “TWEET TWEET THIS SIVIR!” “TWEET TWEET THAT SIVIR”, “TWEET TWEET EVERYONE, SIVIR IS SINGLE AND NEEDS A MAMA BIRD TO MAKE A NEST WITH!”

 

**Akali:** LMFAO!!!

 

**Ahri:** So we don’t get to meet Azir?

 

**Sivir:** NOOO!

 

**Ahri:** Darn…

 

**Kai’sa:** I wish all we did was send each other memes instead of ruining each other’s life…

 

 **Sona:** (－‸ლ)

 

**Evelynn:** Sona prefers us than Pentakill’s group chat.

 

**Kai’sa:** Lets switch.

 

**Ahri:** No, you’re not leaving K/DA.

 

**Kai’sa:** Please?

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Kai’sa:** Please put me out of my misery.

 

**Akali:** Come on, Kai’sa.

**Akali:** K/DA is fun!

 

**Kai’sa:** I beg to differ.

 

**Evelynn:** Look, if you never want to tell your dad about Sivir, that’s your decision.

 

**Sivir:** He shall never know!

 

**Ahri:** But as you get more famous, it’ll be harder to hide your relationship with Sivir.

 

**Sivir:** We can find loopholes.

 

**Kai’sa:** We can.

**Kai’sa:** It’s not like we have no time.

**Kai’sa:** It’s not like he’s going to find out tonight.

 

 **Sona:** _(:3 」∠)_

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Good night, baby~ I wuv you so much, Sivir~

 

**Kassadin:** Who the fuck is Sivir?

**Kassadin:** Kai’sa?

**Kassadin:**  Kai’sa??

**Kassadin:**  Kai’sa???

**Kassadin** : IS THIS THE WOMAN HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE???

 **Kassadin** :DADDY WILL PROTECT YOU MY SWEET PEA!!

 **Kassadin:** I WILL TAKE DOWN THIS SIVIR AND SAVE YOU FROM HER CLUTCHES!

  
**Kai’sa:** GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME!!??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Sona seems like someone that can roast you even though she doesn't use words. Also, to provide a bit of backstory: Evelynn, Ahri, and Sona trained in the same idol program and became good friends. Sona was scouted early and started her career before Ahri and Evelynn. For a while, she was having a hard time standing out as DJ Sona at first. While she did get a small batch of fans, it wasn't enough to compete against bigger artists. For a while, she wasn't sure if she even enjoyed it until she was invited by Pentakill to join them and she found another form of music that she enjoyed. She took on a new persona and went touring with them. She took what she learned from them and poured it into her other persona, DJ Sona and finally made her huge break. Bada bing, bada boom, now she's a huge superstar. 
> 
> More backstory of Sivir's life will come to light in future chapters but first, we got to see if K/DA can convince Kassadin to chill and let his daughter date because she's an adult.
> 
> Let me know what you think by kudo, comment, and/or subscribing to the series. 
> 
> I have a Tumblr @kda-chat for more kda fuckery!


	9. Please Make Smart Decisions.

**Akali** : I’m bored

**Akali** : Is anybody around?

 

**Kai’sa** : I’m sorry 

**Kai’sa** : Excuse me?

**Kai’sa** : Where the fuck have you been?

 

**Akali** : Chilling in my room.

 

**Kai’sa** : You’ve been home this entire time????

 

**Akali** : Yep

 

**Kai’sa** : While I have been spending the last four hours trying to get my dad to not kill Sivir??

 

**Akali** : Yep

 

**Kai’sa:** AND YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HELPING???

 

**Akali:** Yesh

 

**Sivir** : You fucking asshole.

 

**Akali:** I got sleepy and took a nap.

 

**Sivir** : I’VE BEEN RUNNING AROUND THIS FUCKING CITY TO AVOID BEING FUCKING MURDERED BY KASSADIN!!!

 

**Akali** : Yikes.

**Akali** : Sounds rough, buddy.

 

**Sivir** : I AM GOING TO KILL YOU NEXT AFTER KASSADIN KILLS ME AND I RISE FROM THE DEAD!

 

**Akali** : Would you be a zombie?

 

**Sivir** : WHO CARES!!!??

 

**Akali** : I do! 

**Akali:** It’s a legitimate question!

 

**Sivir** : I HAVE A LEGITIMATE QUESTION!

**Sivir** : FUCK YOU!

 

**Akali:** That’s not a question.

 

**Sivir:** YOU GET THE POINT!

 

**Akali** : I don’t though.

 

**Kai’sa** : Just drop it…

**Kai’sa:** Enough fighting.

**Kai’sa:** I just calmed my dad down…

 

**Sivir:** So am I safe?

 

**Kai’sa:** I would sleep with a knife under your pillow for a few nights.

 

**Sivir:** I do that all the time.

 

**Akali:** That’s dangerous. 

**Akali** : What if you forget the knife and accidentally cut yourself?

 

**Sivir** : Can’t be as bad as the time when that snake bitch stabbed me in the back.

 

**Kai’sa** :You really hate that woman, huh?

 

**Sivir** : I’m usually not about wearing furs, but I would wear snake leather to get back at that bitch.

 

**Akali** : Cold…

 

**Sivir:** Would you easily forgive someone who stabbed you in the back?

 

**Akali:** I would kill them.

 

**Sivir:** I wish I did that to that snake whore.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay stop talking about killing and death.

 

**Akali:** We’re bonding.

 

**Kai’sa:** Can’t you two bond over something else?

 

**Sivir:** Sure

**Sivir** : Yo Akali

**Sivir** : You tap Eve’s ass yet?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Akali:** No not yet…

 

**Kai’sa** : Wait really???

**Kai’sa** : But you’ve been in her room many times??

 

**Akali** : Yeah, we watch movies or I teach her how to play video games.

 

**Sivir** : You haven’t tapped the succubus????

 

**Akali:** We are taking it slow…

 

**Kai’sa** : Honestly, ngl…

**Kai’sa** : I’m surprised you two haven’t done it yet

**Kai’sa** : But at the same time, it really shows Eve in a different light…

 

**Evelynn** : I am a gentlewoman and I respect Akali.

**Evelynn** : I am willing to wait for a long time for the moment where we can consummate our love at Akali’s permission.

 

**Sivir:** Wtf…

 

**Akali:** Eve-chaaaannn

 

**Evelynn** : Akali~~~

 

**Kai’sa** : Oh hey where the fuck have you been?

**Kai’sa** : Oh don’t mind me

**Kai’sa** : I’ve been spending the last fucking four hours getting my dad to not kill Sivir!

 

**Evelynn** : Cool story, sis

**Evelynn** : Glad it seem to have worked out.

 

**Kai’sa** :OAHIGIDFHKULSK;FSD;XGLSHK

 

**Akali** : I miss you, Eve.

 

**Evelynn** : I miss you too, Akali~

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you not at home??

 

**Evelynn** : Yes.

 

**Kai’sa** : So...did you go off to do something else while I was trying to prevent a murder scene?

 

**Evelynn** : Yes.

 

**Kai’sa** : Why did you not help me??

 

**Evelynn** : You never asked.

 

**Kai’sa** :...

**Kai’sa** : I’m going to fucking murder you.

 

**Sivir** : Fuck you’re so hot when you’re angry.

 

**Kai’sa** : Not the time, Sivir.

 

**Sivir** : Yes ma'am!

 

**Evelynn** : I mean...all you had to do was ask me to help you with your dad.

 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒** :𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝕊𝕆 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝕆ℕ𝔼 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕐𝕆𝕌!!!!

**𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒** : 𝕀 𝕊𝕎𝔼𝔸ℝ 𝕋𝕆 𝔾𝕆𝔻 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒** : 𝕂/𝔻𝔸 𝕀𝕊 𝔾𝕆𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕋𝕆 𝔹𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔻𝔼𝔸𝕋ℍ 𝕆𝔽 𝕄𝔼!!

 

**Akali** : Oh cool! You can do it too!

 

**Sivir** : Damn

**Sivir** : So hot

 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒** : ℍ𝕦𝕙...𝕀 𝕕𝕚𝕕𝕟'𝕥 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕀 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕝𝕕 𝕕𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤…

 

**Sivir** : I learn new things about you~~

 

**Kai’sa** : Sivir~~

 

**Sivir** : Kai’sa~~~

 

**Evelynn:** Your mood swings are terrifying….

 

**Kai’sa** : Your sex life scares me.

 

**Evelynn** : True.

**Evelynn** : I’ve done some questionable acts in bed.

 

**Sivir:** What’s the one you regret the most?

 

**Evelynn** : Everything with Twisted Fate

 

**Kai’sa** : Figures…

 

**Akali** : Totally changing the topic but I just got a call from Ahri.

**Akali:** She asked us to get her released from the pound?

 

**Kai’sa** : Pound as in…

**Kai’sa** : The shelter??

 

**Sivir:** Where they keep stray animals??

 

**Akali:** Yeah.

 

**Evelynn** : Oh, so that’s where she ended up.

 

**Kai’sa** : What the fuck did you two do in the past four hours??

 

**Sona** : ヾ(￣ー￣(≧ω≦*)ゝヾ(￣◇￣)ノ

 

**Kai’sa** : Ah…??

 

**Evelynn** : Oh there you are Sona.

**Evelynn** : I guess Ahri got picked up by animal control.

 

**Sona** :。（＞ω＜。）

 

**Kai’sa** : Care to explain what happened???

 

**Evelynn:** Sona, Ahri, and I went out to bond since we haven’t hung out in so long.

**Evelynn:** And Ahri turned into a fox and played fetch with us

**Evelynn** : Then somehow we lost her and now she’s in the pound.

 

**Sivir** : That escalated quickly…

 

**Akali** : Glad you seem to be having fun, Eve!

 

**Evelynn** : I would rather be home with you than be playing fetch with Ahri…

 

**Sona** :凸(>皿<)凸

 

**Evelynn** : Okay but you’re fine Sona.

**Evelynn** : You know I don’t mind hanging out with you.

 

**Sona** : ( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉﾟ

 

**Kai’sa** : So...are we going to get Ahri or not?

 

**Evelynn** : Do we have too…?

 

**Sona** :~(>_<~)

 

**Evelynn** : Yeah yeah...I know

**Evelynn** : I guess I should go do the right thing…

 

**Kai’sa** : You guess??

 

**Evelynn:** When you have known that stinky fox your whole life, you’ll understand my hesitation.

 

**Ahri** : YOU KNOW I CAN SEE THE CHAT!!

 

**Evelynn:** That’s the point!

 

**Ahri** : GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

 

**Kai’sa** :How did you end up in the pound!!!??

 

**Ahri:** I was playing fetch with Sona and Eve!

**Ahri** : Then as usual, Eve had to fucking show off her ego

**Ahri** : And threw the ball so far that I got lost in the mountains

**Ahri:** And then I somehow I ended up being taken away by animal control 

**Ahri** : And I’m stuck in the pound…

 

**Sivir** : …

**Sivir** : How does this escalate so fast?

 

**Akali** : Are they not going to let you out since you’re human now???

 

**Ahri** : This isn’t the first time this has happen…

**Ahri** : Long story short...they won’t let me out unless someone comes and get me...

 

**Kai’sa** : For fuck sake…

 

**Evelynn** : You should have been around the time Ahri was stuck in the pound for a month and missed a lot of her tour dates back when she was a teenage pop star idol.

 

**Ahri** :That really sucked…

 

**Sona** :೭੧(❛▿❛✿)੭೨

 

**Ahri** : No, Sona….

**Ahri** : I refuse to have a chip put into my body!!

 

**Evelynn** : It would be so much easier to find you.

 

**Ahri** : HEY LESS TALKING AND GET ME OUT OF THE POUND!!!

 

**Kai’sa** : Can we leave her in there?

 

**Evelynn** : You think I haven’t tried that?

 

**Sivir** : What’s the longest she’s been stuck in the pound?

 

**Evelynn** : Ooh….

**Evelynn** : A year? 

**Evelynn** : Right, Ahri?

 

**Sivir** :Oh?

 

**Ahri** : Yep!

**Ahri** : The longest was when I was born as a kit until about one years old 

**Ahri** : When they discovered I can turn into a human, I was released to a foster home.

 

**Kai’sa** :Oh my god…

**Kai’sa** : You were an orphan?

 

**Ahri** : Yep!

 

**Kai’sa** : I’m sorry.

 

**Akali** : I’m so sorry.

 

**Ahri** : Don’t be!

**Ahri** : I would have never been discovered if that talent agent didn’t happen to visit the foster home and see me.

 

**Evelynn** : Then that fucking talent scout had Riot recruit Ahri to the idol training to specifically ruin my life.

 

**Ahri** : We’ve been best fwiends ever sinceeee

 

**Sona** : (❁´ω`❁)

 

**Evelynn** : It has been hell ever since.

 

**Ahri** : Noooo you wuv meeeee

 

**Evelynn** : Debatable.

 

**Ahri** : I wuv you eeevvvveee

 

**Evelynn** : Fuck off.

 

**Ahri** : Nyo~~~

 

**Akali** : This is the weirdest therapy session…

 

**Kai’sa** : As someone that has had multiple therapy sessions, I agree.

 

**Sivir** : We all have some kind of fuck up in our lives.

**Sivir** : I was stabbed.

 

**Ahri** : I don’t know my parents.

 

**Kai’sa** : I was trapped in a cave for weeks and now have parasites that follow me around.

 

**Akali** : I had a really bad emo phase.

 

**Sona** : ಥ_ಥ

 

**Evelynn** : Can you guys lighten up?

 

**Kai’sa** : I’m happy to have been trapped in a cave for weeks and have parasites latch on to me??

 

**Akali** : My emo phase was the best years of my life.

 

**Sivir** : I’m happy that Cassiopeia got turned into a snake woman after betraying me.

 

**Ahri** : I’m happy to have met Eve!

 

**Sona** : (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*

 

**Evelynn** : Hm…

**Evelynn** : Close enough…

 

**Ahri** : Can you guys let me out?

 

**Evelynn** : No.

 

**Ahri** : Pwease?

 

**Kai’sa** : Come on, Eve.

**Kai’sa** : You’re the only one out of all of us that can drive.

 

**Evelynn** : Go to the DMV and get your driver’s license, Kai’sa.

**Evelynn** : :)

 

**Kai’sa** : Yeah, after I try to put a restraining order on my dad so he doesn’t kill Sivir...

 

**Evelynn** : That’s the spirit!

 

**Kai’sa** : I was being sarcastic.

 

**Sivir** : But...can I have that restraining order?

 

**Kai’sa** : Just give me a few days and I can talk my dad out of killing you.

 

**Ahri** : How about letting me out first?

 

**Sivir** : My life is more important.

 

**Ahri** : I beg to differ.

 

**Evelynn** : Everyone’s lives are more important than yours, Ahri.

 

**Ahri** : And everyone’s lives are better off without them knowing you’ve had at least five dicks inside you at the same time but go off I guess.

 

**Kai’sa** : I really didn’t need to know that…

 

**Akali** : Oh my…

 

**Sivir** : Oh my ra….

 

**Evelynn** : That was a crazy night.

 

**Sona** : ＼| ￣ヘ￣|／

 

**Evelynn** : Don’t knock it until you try it.

 

**Akali** : You had five dicks inside you…???

 

**Evelynn** : Not in the same place.

 

**Akali** : Oh that makes more sense.

 

**Sivir** : Oh thank Anubis….

 

**Kai’sa** : Can we stop?

**Kai’sa** : I don’t want to know more about Evelynn’s past sex life….

 

**Akali** :I kinda do…

 

**Ahri** : Your heart isn’t ready for it, trust me.

 

**Evelynn** : Oh my god, Ahri…

**Evelynn** :I do one nipple piercing and you think I’m too extreme.

 

**Ahri** : UUUGHHHH THAT JUST MAKES MY TAILS CUUURRRLLL!!!

 

**Akali** : Kinky…

 

**Kai’sa** : oh no…

 

**Sivir** : She’s learning new things...

 

**Evelynn** : I don’t mind doing it again for you, Kali~

 

**Akali** : Eeee~~~~

 

**Evelynn** : Darling~~~

 

**Kai’sa** : Hey

**Kai’sa** : Remember when Akali was the innocent one of the group?

**Kai’sa** : What happened???

 

**Akali** : Love changed me.

 

**Evelynn** : For the better~

 

**Ahri** : For the worse.

 

**Evelynn** : Fuck off

 

**Ahri** : You fuck off!

 

**Evelynn** : I fuck you first!

 

**Ahri** : I fuck you second!

 

**Sivir** : What?

 

**Evelynn** : I don’t know what happened there.

 

**Ahri** : LMFAOO

 

**Akali** : Are you sure you two didn’t fuck each other??

**Akali** : Like I won’t judge if you two did.

 

**Evelynn** : I assure you that I would rather suck Twisted Fate’s dick again than sleep with Ahri.

 

**Ahri** : I would rather sleep on a bed of nails than share a bed with Evelynn.

 

**Kai’sa** : I really don’t understand you two’s relationship…

 

**Sona** : 乁| ･ 〰 ･ |ㄏ

 

**Sivir** : So I take it that even you don’t understand?

 

**Sona** : ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

**Ahri** : We are just best friends!

 

**Evelynn** : Yeah sure.

 

**Kai’sa** : Oh come on, Eve

**Kai’sa** : You like Ahri a little bit?

 

**Sivir** : I don’t think you would be in K/DA if you actually hated Ahri.

 

**Evelynn** : I tolerate her.

 

**Ahri** : I wuv you!!

 

**Evelynn** : Ew.

 

**Ahri** : Fuck you.

 

**Evelynn** : Fuck you.

 

**Ahri** : Fuck me yourself, you little bitch.

**Ahri** : Aw shit!!

 

**Evelynn** : HAHA

 

**Kai’sa** : Lmfao

 

**Evelynn** : Okay but no joke

**Evelynn** : That line was often said to me by people that disliked me before I slept with them.

 

**Sivir** : Do you not have a limit?

**Sivir** : Or pple you would never have sex with?

 

**Evelynn** : Twisted Fate.

 

**Akali** : That seems clear enough.

 

**Evelynn** : I hate that man.

 

**Ahri** : You weren’t complaining when he was balls deep in you.

 

**Sivir:** Oh shit!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, damn….

 

**Sona:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Evelynn** : Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

**Ahri** : Niew!

 

**Evelynn** : Stay in the pound.

 

**Ahri** : Noooo let me out!

 

**Evelynn** : Stay in there forever.

 

**Ahri** : Bitch I’ll break out and fucking fight you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Then...break out….

 

**Evelynn** : You know damn well I can beat you.

 

**Ahri** : You know I broke your hips before, I can do it again.

 

**Evelynn** : I broke your ribs and I can do that again.

 

**Akali** : How are you two not dead??

 

**Evelynn** : I still wonder that…

 

**Ahri** : But like I can easily kill Eve if I tried.

 

**Kai’sa** : Please don’t…

 

**Evelynn** : Ahri, you can’t fucking kill me.

 

**Ahri** : I can try.

 

**Sivir** : How about no?

 

**Evelynn** : How about yes?

 

**Kai’sa** : How about we get Ahri out of the pound?

 

**Evelynn** : No.

 

**Akali** : How about we talk about that nipple piercing?

 

**Evelynn** : We can do my other nipple.

 

**Ahri** : Can one of you guys bail me out??

 

**Akali** : But...nipple piercing

**Akali** : That’s so hot.

 

**Ahri** : Dear god no…

 

**Evelynn** : Hater.

 

**Ahri** : Whoregasm

 

**Evelynn** : Mutt.

 

**Ahri** : Tentacle slut

 

**Evelynn** : Little shit

 

**Kai’sa** : My god you two are like bitching school girls that need to show off how popular you are…

 

**Sivir** : That is way too accurate…

 

**Akali** : Okay but like

**Akali** : Nipple piercing.

 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚'𝕤𝕒** : 𝕎ℍ𝔸𝕋 𝕀𝕊 𝕎𝕀𝕋ℍ 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔸ℕ𝔻 ℕ𝕀ℙℙ𝕃𝔼 ℙ𝕀𝔼ℝℂ𝕀ℕ𝔾𝕊??!!!

 

**Evelynn** : Holy shit you can do it too

 

**Ahri** : Congrats!!

 

**Akali:** Nipple piercing is just so fucking cool.

**Akali:** Like I can’t explain it…

**Akali:** Seeing nipple piercings makes me feel weird and happy.

 

**Sivir:** Dude...I think you just found your first fetish…

 

**Ahri:** NOOOOOO

**Ahri:** WHAT HAPPEN TO OUR INNOCENT MAKNAE!!!???

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s all Evelynn’s fault.

 

**Evelynn:** Rude!!

 

**Sona:** ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

 

**Evelynn:** Oh shut up Sona…

 

**Akali:** I so excited

 

**Kai’sa:** RIP Akali-before-Evelynn

**Kai’sa:** You shall be missed.

 

**Sivir:** I miss that ninja dork that dropped her phone on top of a ferris wheel.

 

**Ahri:** I miss when she was too dumb to realize Eve’s feelings.

 

**Evelynn:** You guys are so fucking supportive

**Evelynn:** wow you insensitive fucks.

 

**Kai’sa:** You ruined Akali.

 

**Akali:** You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.

 

**Kai’sa:** You use to be so pure.

 

**Evelynn:** This is coming from the girl that couldn’t look Sivir in the eye

**Evelynn:** Could barely talk to Sivir

**Evelynn:** And now she has bite marks on her ass

 

**Kai’sa:** Fuck you.

 

**Ahri:** While I’m glad we are letting out our emotions!

**Ahri:** CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME OUT!???

 

**Evelynn:** Read the next text carefully.

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** klsjglkhdflkhlkfdhlksj

**Ahri:** BIIIIIITCH!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Please Eve, you’re the only one that can drive.

 

**Evelynn:** Doesn’t Sivir ride a scooter??

 

**Sivir:** OH GEE I DID HUH???

**Sivir:** BUT HEY YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY??

**Sivir:** KAI’SA’S AMAZING AND SWEET FATHER BROKE IT SO I CAN’T USE IT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** That’s rough, sis

 

**Sivir:** Fuck you.

 

**Kai’sa:** I promise to buy you a new one.

 

**Sivir:** I don’t want you to buy me things.

**Sivir:** I just want your ass without fearing for my life.

 

**Kai’sa:** Babe….

 

**Akali:** You have very low standards…

 

**Sivir:** Hey fuck you

**Sivir:** Go back to your fetish awakening.

 

**Akali:** Maybe I will!!

 

**Ahri:** MAYBE SOMEONE TRIES TO GET ME OUT???

**Ahri:** @Sona???

 

**Sona:** ...

 

**Ahri:** OH COME ON!!!

**Ahri:** YOU ARE NOT GOING TO IGNORE ME SONA!!!

 

**Sona:** 」(￣▽￣」)

 

**Ahri:** God damn it…

 

**Evelynn:** Sucks to be you.

 

**Ahri:** FAAAACK YOUOOOOOO

 

**Sivir:** You have a lot of anger and affection towards Eve…

 

**Ahri:** It’s called friendship.

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah no…

 

**Evelynn:** She just has a lot of energy pent up.

**Evelynn:** Probably bc she hasn’t gotten laid in a while

 

**Sivir:** Then...she should go get laid…

 

**Ahri:** No. That’s not true at all!

**Ahri:** I’m a classy fox!

**Ahri:** I am elegant!

**Ahri:** I am a different Ahri from 5 years ago!

 

**Kai’sa:** What does that have to do with getting laid??

 

**Akali:** Maybe she’s bad at sex and doesn’t want to admit it?

 

**Ahri:** I’m actually great in bed, thank you very much.

 

**Evelynn:** I highly doubt that.

 

**Ahri:** Bitch you never slept with me so fuck off your judgemental ass.

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch I slept with pple that slept with you

**Evelynn:** They say I’m better

 

**Ahri:** WELL FUCKING EXCUSE ME THAT I AM NOT A FUCKING SUCCUBUS THAT FUCKING MAJORS IN SEXOLOGY!!!!!!!

 

**Sivir:** True.

**Sivir:** It’s like comparing yourself to a porn star.

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch I’m classier than porn stars.

 

**Kai’sa:** What is this conversation anymore….???

 

**Akali:** This is normal for us at this point.

 

**Ahri:** Look at how close we’ve gotten over the past few months~~

 

**Kai’sa:** I miss the days when we first met each other…

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t.

 

**Sivir:** It could be worse

**Sivir:** We could be all drunk and making even worse decisions.

 

**Kai’sa:** At this point, I need to get drunk…

 

**Ahri:** You know what?

**Ahri:** That reminds me of the best hook up I ever had.

**Ahri:** I went to this party and I got so drunk

**Ahri:** And I totally ate out this girl 

**Ahri:** Don’t remember the girl but I remember it was the best time of my life.

**Ahri:** I don’t recommend having sex when drunk though.

 

**Akali:** You’re crazy…

 

**Ahri:** No, I’m Ahri.

 

**Akali:** LMFAO

 

**Kai’sa:** Sometimes I really worry for you, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** Thanks mom

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, that reminds me too!

**Evelynn:** I remember going to a party

**Evelynn:** And I got really drunk.

**Evelynn:** But this girl ate me out but I don’t remember her bc i was so drunk

**Evelynn:** It was the best hookup ever

**Evelynn:** Life lesson for everyone, drunk sex is not a good hookup at all and I don’t recommend it.

 

**Ahri:** Damn bestie!

**Ahri:** We even had similar hookup stories lmfao!!

 

**Evelynn:** Lmfao

 

**Akali:** …

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Sivir:** …

 

**Sona:** ヽ( ￣д￣;)ノ

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Ahri:** What?

 

**Akali:** Would you two remember which party it was?

 

**Evelynn:** It was the New Year’s Party at Jinx’s a few years back.

 

**Ahri:** The New Year’s Party at Jinx’s.

 

**Evelynn:** I didn’t know you know Jinx?

 

**Ahri:** I didn’t either?

**Ahri:** Dude, I wish I known!

**Ahri:** We could have gone to the party together.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, maybe you would have stopped me from getting too drunk.

 

**Ahri:** You know damn well I would make you do more shots until you passed out back then.

 

**Evelynn:** Hahaha, true.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Sona:** …

 

**Sivir:** Do you two not see it?

 

**Akali:** Even I get it…

 

**Evelynn:** Get what??

 

**Ahri:** Yeah what?

 

**Kai’sa:** Your stories kinda fit together…

 

**Evelynn:** What do you mean?

 

**Sivir:** You got eaten out by a girl

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri ate a girl out.

 

**Akali:** You two went to the same party.

 

**Sona:** ԅ(‹o›Д‹o›ԅ)

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** Now that I think about it…

 

**Ahri:** Oh no…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh god

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** WHAT THE FUCK AHRI!!!!?????

 

**Ahri:** DON’T WHAT THE FUCK ME, EVE!!!!

**Ahri:** I AM JUST AS TRAUMATIZED AS YOU!!!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU FUCKING ATE ME OUT!!!

 

**Ahri:** YOU FUCKING LET ME EAT YOU OUT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK THIS IS WORSE THAN TWISTED FATE!!

 

**Ahri:** OH COME ON!!!

**Ahri:** I CAN NOT BE BELOW TWISTED FATE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** AHRI WE FUCKING HOOKED UP!!

 

**Ahri:** YEAH I AM FUCKING AWARE NOW!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK

 

**Ahri:** Now all the jokes about us not having sex yet are all invalid.

 

**Evelynn:** I can not believe this…

 

**Sivir:** All of a sudden, Kassadin doesn’t seem so bad now…

 

**Kai’sa:** This is the weirdest conversation on this chat by far.

 

**Akali:** I feel like a new woman, tbh

 

**Sivir:** Oh my ra... you’re still on your fetish awakening….?

 

**Kai’sa:** Does it bother you that Ahri and Evelynn found out they did hook up?

 

**Akali:** She’s a succubus.

**Akali:** She has a nipple piercing.

**Akali:** And she wants me

**Akali:** Who cares if Eve hooked up with Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** I CARE!!!!

**Ahri:** THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BIRTH OF NEW INSIDE JOKES THAT I CAN USE AGAINST EVE!!

 

**Evelynn:** You...you still want me, Kali?

**Evelynn:** even when Ahri has tainted poor innocent me?

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Sivir:** ...

 

**Sona:** ...

 

**Ahri:** Hey!!

 

**Akali:** Yes, of course.

**Akali:** and your nipple piercing.

 

**Sivir:** Oh my god...you’re still on that…

 

**Evelynn:** I’m on my way home, kali~

 

**Akali:** I’ll be waiting!

 

**Evelynn:** Akali~~

 

**Akali:** Eve~~~

 

**Ahri:** IF ANYONE ASKS, I WANT TO STAY IN THE POUND FOR A FEW WEEKS!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Stop being dramatic, Sivir and I are on our way on an Uber to bail you out.

 

**Ahri:** THANK YOU KAI’SA AND SIVIR!!!! 

**Ahri:** I DIDN’T WANT TO ACTUALLY BE IN THE POUND FOR A FEW WEEKS!!!

**Ahri:** GET ME OUT SO I CAN START GIVING EVELYNN SHIT!!

 

**Evelynn:** FOR FUCK SAKE LET ME FUCKING HAVE 10 MINUTES AWAY FROM YOU!!!!

 

**Ahri:** WELL APPARENTLY WE CAN NEVER BE APART EVEN WHEN WE ARE DRUNK!!

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck me…

 

**Ahri:** I APPARENTLY I ALREADY DID!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

**Ahri:** FUCK YOU TOO!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I HATE YOU!

 

**Ahri:** THAT’S PROBABLY WHAT YOU WEREN'T THINKING WHEN WE DRUNKENLY HOOKED UP!!!

 

**Evelynn:** OH MY FUCKING GOD AHRI!!!

**Evelynn:** SHUT UP!!

 

**Ahri:** NYOOO BITCH!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** And just like that...it’s as if nothing changed…

 

**Sona:** d (^‿^✿)

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may be Akalynn trash but I'm always a slut for some Ahri x Evelynn shit. On a serious note, though, please drink responsibly and don't do what they do.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> I also have a tumblr @ kda-chat if you want more fuckery! :)


	10. Prestige Skins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overwatch will be mentioned in this chapter. In this AU, Overwatch is both a video game AND a television series. As you read the chapters, you'll understand why I did this.

**Ahri:** Are you guys ready?

 

**Kai’sa:** I can not believe we did this.

 

**Evelynn:** I can’t believe we actually followed Ahri’s orders…

 

**Akali:** I’m not ready bc I don’t see the point of these prestige outfits.

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa, you better believe it.

**Ahri:** Evelynn, I’m surprised you even listen to me after not talking to me for an entire week since we found out that we did hook up.

**Ahri:** Akali, it’s bc I want us to be as extra as possible.

 

**Sivir:** What’s up my dudettes?

 

**Sona:** ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

 

**Ahri:** Ah, perfect! We have an audience.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh god no

**Kai’sa:** Babe, let me just say that I didn’t design this outfit.

 

**Sivir:** ??

 

**Sona:** (ﾟ⊿ﾟ)

 

**Ahri:** Beuno diyas muchatos!

**Ahri:** I present the prestige outfits!

 

**Akali:** Excuse me??

 

**Sivir:** Was that Spanish??

 

**Sona:** ...

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, please do not ever try to speak Spanish ever again.

**Evelynn:** I’m serious, you’re going to say the wrong thing.

 

**Ahri:** Sorry, autocorrect.

**Ahri:** My bad.

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s “Buenos días, muchachas.”

 

**Ahri:** Okay nerd.

 

**Kai’sa:** Rude.

 

**Sivir:** You’re a cute nerd~

 

**Kai’sa:** Awww

 

**Akali:** Can we just get this over with?

 

**Sivir:** Wait, explain what’s going on?

 

**Akali:** So Ahri had this ‘great’ idea to have new outfits called prestige skins 

**Akali:** So we all went off to our own designer of choice and have them design a look for us.

**Akali:** So basically we are all here to share the final result

**Akali:** So here’s mine.

**Akali:**

****

 

**Evelynn:** I love it, next.

 

**Ahri:** Woah woah woah

**Ahri:** We agreed that we will ALL be blonde.

 

**Akali:** No.

 

**Ahri:** We’re suppose to have a theme here!

 

**Akali:** Nah, I’m good. I like my hair in that.

 

**Evelynn:** Well fuck

**Evelynn:** If Akali doesn’t want blonde hair then I want to change my hair color on mine.

**Evelynn:** I don’t want to be blonde.

 

**Ahri:** What’s wrong with being blonde???

 

**Evelynn:** It reminds me of you.

 

**Ahri:** Hardy har har…

 

**Kai’sa:** Her hair color is still a lighter shade than usual so it does still fit with the theme.

 

**Sivir:** Her gloves look stupid.

 

**Akali:** Hey fuck you.

 

**Kai’sa:** What’s wrong with gloves??

 

**Sivir:** I’m looking at Akali’s outfit and those gloves look ridiculous

 

**Akali:** leave my gloves alone

**Akali:** They’re the only part of the outfit that I like.

 

**Sivir:** Out of the entire outfit, the gloves are the only thing you like???

 

**Akali:** Yeah.

**Akali:** I hate the open shoulders on my jacket.

**Akali:** It makes a cold draft on my back.

 

**Evelynn:** I like your shoulders.

 

**Akali:** Thanks~

 

**Sivir:** YOU’RE WEARING A FUCKING BRA UNDERNEATH YOU IDIOT!!

**Sivir:** OF COURSE IT’S COLD!!!

 

**Akali:** I WORK VERY HARD FOR THIS TUMMY AND I WILL EXPOSE IT!!

 

**Evelynn:** I like your tummy.

 

**Akali:** <3

 

**Ahri:** Can you calm your horny butt for ten minutes Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** No, fuck you.

 

**Ahri:** You probably did when we were drunk.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck….

 

**Kai’sa:** Well I think Akali’s prestige looks fine to me.

 

**Akali:** Thank you, Kai’sa.

**Akali:** Glad you like it bc I hate it.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Alrighty then.

 

**Ahri:** Why would you let your designer design this if you hate it??

 

**Akali:** BC THIS IDEA IS STUPID AND IDC!

**Akali:** WHY DO WE NEED A PRESTIGE OUTFIT??

 

**Ahri:** Bc we are a girl group and all girl groups have matching outfits.

 

**Sona:** 」(￣▽￣」)

 

**Evelynn:** Who decided that?

 

**Ahri:** Idk

**Ahri:** The music gods?

 

**Akali:** Sounds stupid.

 

**Kai’sa:** I swear to god if this group turns into some girl version of One Direction, I’m leaving.

**Kai’sa:** I’m not wearing matching outfits with you guys.

 

**Ahri:** You guys are no fun at all.

 

**Evelynn:** You’re a horrible leader.

 

**Ahri:** I beg to differ

 

**Sona:** (〜￣▽￣)〜

 

**Ahri:** That’s right!

**Ahri:** I bought a house.

 

**Evelynn:** WITH MY MONEY!

 

**Ahri:** But the house is under my name.

 

**Evelynn:** WITH MY FUCKING MONEY!!

 

**Kai’sa:** OKAAAY!

**Kai’sa:** I’m just going to share mine before you two accidentally fuck again.

**Kai’sa:**

****

 

**Sivir:** I just nutted.

 

**Kai’sa:** Baby~~~~

 

**Akali:** Dude really…

**Akali:** Out of all the things to say

**Akali:** you have to be so vulgar?

 

**Sivir:** I’m an honest woman.

**Sivir:** I see a gorgeous ass and I’m done for.

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re so sweeet~~~

 

**Sivir:** You’re sweeter~

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re the sweetest~~

 

**Sivir:** No way~

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes wayy

 

**Ahri:** Shut up.

 

**Sona:** ((┌|o^▽^o|┘))♪

 

**Kai’sa:** Is my ass better than Evelynn’s?

 

**Sivir:** So much better.

 

**Evelynn:** Excuse me, I am right here.

**Evelynn:** I will gladly have an ass contest against Kai’sa.

 

**Akali:** Sounds great.

 

**Kai’sa:** Sounds horrible.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah yeah, we know about those bite marks on your ass.

 

**Kai’sa:** BESIDES that

**Kai’sa:** I have my pride.

 

**Sona:** ( -_・)?

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO SONA HAHAHAHAHHA

 

**Evelynn:** Oh great, now I see it too.

 

**Akali:** ??

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

**Kai’sa:** Is something wrong with my outfit?

 

**Evelynn:** Sona is wondering if you’re wearing granny panties under your leggings.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** ……

**Kai’sa:** SONA WHAT THE FUCK??

 

**Akali:** LMFAOOOOOOOO

**Akali:** IT DOES LOOK LIKE SHE’S WEARING GRANNY PANTIES UNDER HER LEGGINGS!

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT IS THE DESIGN OF THE LEGGINGS!!

**Kai’sa:** YOU GUYS KNOW I ONLY WEAR THONGS!

 

**Ahri:** Okay but it still looks like you’re wearing granny panties.

 

**Kai’sa:** kjshjhglksjdlfkjg

**Kai’sa:** IT DOES NOT!!

 

**Sivir:** LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE!

**Sivir:** YOU GUYS ARE JUST JEALOUS THAT HER ASS LOOKS BETTER THAN YOURS!

 

**Akali:** At least we don’t wear granny panties.

 

**Kai’sa:** I AM NOT WEARING GRANNY PANTIES!!

**Kai’sa:** PLUS THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GRANNY PANTIES!!!

 

**Evelynn:** So...you do wear them?

 

**Kai’sa:** NO!

**Kai’sa:** I AM JUST SAYING THAT THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH GRANNY PANTIES!!

 

**Ahri:** So we are just going to ignore that she’s only wearing one glove?

 

**Sivir:** Hey, it’s a look.

**Sivir:** It’s called fashion, look it up.

 

**Akali:** YOU GAVE ME SHIT FOR WEARING GLOVES!!!

 

**Sivir:** Because your glove looks stupid.

 

**Akali:** Your face looks stupid.

 

**Sivir:** That’s not what Kai’sa says.

 

**Akali:** You know that she only dates you because you remind her of Pharah from Overwatch.

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT IS NOT TRUE!

**Kai’sa:** I DATE SIVIR BC SHE’S A LOVELY WOMAN!

 

**Sivir:** Overwatch?

**Sivir:** That video game?

**Sivir:** Isn’t there a television series about it now?

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah and the actress that plays Pharah is pretty good looking.

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa is totally fantasizing about her when you fuck her.

 

**Kai’sa:** I AM NOT!!!

**Kai’sa:** STOP PUTTING ME IN A BAD LIGHT!

 

**Sivir:** What the fuck does this Pharah has that I don’t??

 

**Kai’sa:** Nothing, babe. She’s just a fictional character.

 

**Ahri:** It’s that eye tattoo she has.

 

**Evelynn:** And her strong, handsome face.

 

**Akali:** She can fly.

**Akali:** You can’t.

 

**Kai’sa:** WILL YOU GUYS STOP IT!!!???

**Kai’sa:** FAREEHA AMARI IS JUST A GOOD LOOKING ACTRESS BUT I PREFER MY SIVIR!!!

 

**Sivir:** Fareeha Amari??

 

**Ahri:** The actress’s name.

 

**Sona:** ヾ（〃＾∇＾）ﾉ♪

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa got it bad.

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU GUYS REALLY REALLY SUCK!!!

 

**Sivir:** Hmm…

**Sivir:** This actress actually does have an eye tattoo…

**Sivir:** ...

**Sivir:** I’m going to go get a tattoo.

 

**Evelynn:** Have fun!

 

**Ahri:** Good luck!

 

**Akali:** Tell me if it hurts.

 

**Kai’sa:** SIVIR PLS DON’T!!

**Kai’sa:** SIVIR PLS THINK ABOUT THIS!!!

**Kai’sa:** YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU FOR YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** No, I want to see what kind of tattoo she’ll get.

 

**Kai’sa:** WILL YOU STOP IT!!!????

 

**Sivir:** If you want me to look like Fareeha, I shall do it for you.

 

**Akali:** You sound so dumb.

 

**Sivir:** Fuck off.

 

**Kai’sa:** Please don’t get a tattoo, please!!

**Kai’sa:** Look, let's talk about this when we see each other.

**Kai’sa:** But I love you for you.

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, I think Fareeha is pretty hot but I want Sivir.

 

**Ahri:** Ah so you admit you do like Fareeha?

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU’RE NOT HELPING!

 

**Evelynn:** You’re not helping yourself.

 

**Kai’sa:** WILL YOU TWO STAY OUT OF THIS??

 

**Sivir:** Okay but I’m down to dress up as this Pharah for you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh…?

**Kai’sa:** Then...yeah we can talk about that…

 

**Akali:** Gaaaaayyyy

 

**Sivir:** Shut up

**Sivir:** Go suck Evelynn’s nipple piercing

 

**Akali:** Been there, done that.

 

**Evelynn:** ;)

 

**Ahri:** Okaaaaaayyyy

**Ahri:** I’m going to share my prestige skin before we end up having some weird orgy.

**Ahri:**  

 

**Kai’sa:** Are you wearing a wig?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, I always wanted short hair so I wore a wig to see what I’ll look like.

 

**Akali:** the hair coloring looks nice.

 

**Ahri:** Awww thanks!

 

**Sivir:** Looks pretty cool.

 

**Sona:** (ﾉ≧∀≦)ﾉ

 

**Ahri:** Aww thanks!

 

**Evelynn:** One thing though.

**Evelynn:** Piss tails.

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** What?

**Ahri:** What the fuck did you say?

 

**Sona:** ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

 

**Kai’sa:** Omg…

**Kai’sa:** Eve, really??

 

**Akali:** LMFAOOOOO

**Akali:** I SEE IT!!

 

**Sivir:** LKSJDGKHGDK

**Sivir:** It does look like she pissed on her own tails.

 

**Ahri:** EVE I SWEAR TO GOD YOU FUCKING LITTLE BITCH!!! I WORK HARD TO DESIGN THIS OUTFIT WITH MY DESIGNER AND YOU FUCKING CALL MY TAIL ‘PISS TAILS’?????? 

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW, I FUCKING POURED MY BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS INTO THIS OUTFIT!!!! I FUCKING STUB MY TOES WALKING IN THOSE HEELS AND I FUCKING ALMOST LOST MY SHIT WHEN I COULDN’T GET THE HAIR COLOR I WANTED! I WORKED HARD, EVE! MY TAILS DO NOT LOOK LIKE PISS TAILS, YOU FUCKING SUCCUHOE!!!

**Ahri:** MY TAILS ARE GOLD! GOLD! G-O-L-D! GOLD!

 

**Evelynn:** No, they look like piss tails.

 

**卂卄尺丨** : 丨 卂爪 Ꮆㄖ丨几Ꮆ ㄒㄖ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ Ҝ丨ㄥㄥ ㄚㄖㄩ, 乇ᐯ乇! ㄚㄖㄩ 卄乇卂尺 爪乇! 丨 山丨ㄥㄥ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ 爪ㄩ尺ᗪ乇尺 ㄚㄖㄩ!!

**卂卄尺丨** : 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ 丂Ɋㄩ卂尺乇 ㄩ卩! 丨 山丨ㄥㄥ 千ㄩ匚Ҝ丨几Ꮆ ㄒ乇卂尺 ㄚㄖㄩ ㄒㄖ 丂卄尺乇ᗪ ㄚㄖㄩ ㄥ丨ㄒㄒㄥ乇 乃丨ㄒ匚卄!!!

 

**Evelynn:** lol

 

**Akali:** Goodness….

 

**Sivir:** Yay, now we know how Ahri types when she gets mad.

 

**Kai’sa:** I can’t read that.

 

**Sona:** ( う-´)づ︻╦̵̵̿╤── \\(˚☐˚”)/

 

**Kai’sa:** I have no idea what that means.

 

**Akali:** Basically Ahri might go kill Eve.

 

**卂卄尺丨** : 丨 卂爪 Ꮆㄖ丨几Ꮆ ㄒㄖ 乃尺ㄩㄒ卂ㄥㄥㄚ 爪ㄩ尺ᗪ乇尺 ㄒ卄卂ㄒ 卄ㄩ丂丂ㄚ 丂Ҝ卂几Ҝ!!

 

**Ê̶̥̼͝v̴̪͠ḛ̷̛͇̊l̷̩͗͜͝y̶̭̏n̷͎̄̋ň̵̗̘** :̸̬̚ ̸̢̇H̵̖͇͑̓ö̵̙́̆w̶̬̒̍ͅ ̴̜a̴͚͊ḅ̸̍o̵̝̭̚ủ̶̬̦̎t̴̨̺̾͝ ̸̙̬͑̈ṋ̵̫̊ó̶̬̻?̵̹͆

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my goodness.

**Kai’sa:** Can’t we have one day when you two aren’t fighting?

 

**卂卄尺丨** : ㄒㄖᗪ卂ㄚ 山丨ㄥㄥ 乃乇 ㄒ卄乇 ᗪ卂ㄚ 乇ᐯ乇ㄥㄚ几几 ᗪ丨乇丂!!!

 

**E̷̜͍̿͘v̷̹̅ȩ̵̛̺̄l̴̟̬̀ÿ̵̥̬͌n̶̺̎n̷̡̔:̸̛̠̘̈** ̴̟̀̀I̸̗̎ ̸̲̃͊c̷̛̟ǻ̶͉n̷̜̈́͝'̴̑͛ͅt̷̝̪̐͛ ̸̱̇̓w̴̜̉͊a̵͎͛ỉ̷̳̓ṯ̵̪͆̋!̸͉͕

 

**Sivir:** Oh boy…

 

**Akali:** Get her babe!

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t encourage them…

 

**Sona:** o｜๑⊙Д⊙๑｜ツ

**Sona:**

****

 

**Sivir:** Oh wow

 

**Akali:** Oh.

 

**Kai’sa:** Did you edit her tail color?

 

**Sona:** (*´∇｀)ﾉ

 

**Ahri:** Actually...that looks so much better.

 

**Evelynn:** I agree.

 

**Ahri:** Wow

**Ahri:** We agree on something?

 

**Evelynn:** Weird right?

 

**Sona:** (つ≧▽≦)つ⊂(・ヮ・⊂)

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry, I didn’t mean to call them piss tails.

 

**Ahri:** I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wish for your death.

 

**Sona:** (/^.^(^.^*)>?

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, we made up.

 

**Ahri:** Best fwiends~

 

**Kai’sa:** You two have the most toxic friendship ever…

 

**Akali:** It could be worse.

**Akali:** One of us could have been dead by now.

 

**Sivir:** True.

 

**Kai’sa:** Yay???

 

**Ahri:** Last, but not least, lets see Evelynn’s prestige skin!

 

**Evelynn:** Okay fine.

**Evelynn:**

 

**Akali:** ooooh

 

**Kai’sa:** Frills looks good on you.

 

**Sivir:** Nice.

 

**Sona:** o(^▽^)o

 

**Ahri:** What the fuck is with your hair?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

**Kai’sa:** Here we go again…

 

**Akali:** wooo lets see some blood this time ladies!

 

**Evelynn:** What do you mean you skank fox?

**Evelynn:** My hair looks fine.

 

**Ahri:** You look like a middle school emo kid trying to be like

**Ahri:** “It’s not a phase mom!”

 

**Evelynn:** My hair does not look like that!!!

 

**Ahri:** Yeah it does.

 

**Evelynn:** No it doesn’t!!!

 

**Ahri:** Then what’s the deal with covering your eye with your hair???

 

**Evelynn:** I like that style!

 

**Ahri:** **emo style

 

**Evelynn:** IT IS NOT AN EMO STYLE YOU LITTLE FUCKER!!

 

**Ahri:** WELL AT LEAST GET RID OF IT!!

 

**Evelynn:** WELL NOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU DON’T LIKE IT, I’LL FUCKING KEEP IT LIKE THAT!!!

 

**Ahri:** CHANGE IT!

 

**Evelynn:** NO!

 

**Ahri:** IT LOOKS STUPID!

 

**Evelynn:** NO IT DOES NOT!

 

**Ahri:** I AM WILLING TO CHANGE MY TAIL COLORS!!

 

**Evelynn:** BC YOU FUCKING CHOSE PISS TO COLOR THOSE UGLY TAILS!!!

 

**Ahri:** GOLD! IT IS GOLD!!

 

**Evelynn:** I WEAR GOLD ALL THE TIME AND I KNOW THAT COLOR IS NOT FUCKING GOLD, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** GO WIPE THE CUM FROM YOUR EYES AND YOU’LL SEE THAT IT’S NOT PISS COLOR!!!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU GIVE ME SHIT FOR MY HAIR, HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT YOUR TRUE ROOTS!?

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE NOT A NATURAL BLONDE!

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE A FUCKING BLACK HAIR VIXEN!

 

**Ahri:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK BITCH!!???

 

**Akali:** Wait what really?

 

**Kai’sa:** Akali, did you not look at Ahri’s picture??

 

**Ahri:** IT’S A WIG!!!!!

 

**Sivir:** Still...you don’t seem like a natural blonde tho.

 

**Evelynn:** SEE???

 

**Ahri:** MY NATURAL HAIR COLOR IS NONE OF ANYONE’S BUSINESS!!

 

**Evelynn:** THEN LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE!!

 

**Ahri:** I REFUSE TO HAVE AN EMO HAIRCUT IN OUR GROUP!!!

 

**Evelynn:** IT IS NOT EMO!!!!

**Evelynn:** IT IS JUST HOW I LIKE MY BANGS!!!

 

**Sona:** 《《o(≧◇≦)o》》

 

**Ahri:** Wait, Sona no

 

**Evelynn:** Pls don’t do it, Sona.

 

**Sona:**

****

**Sona:**  

 

**Evelynn:** Oh god no…

 

**Ahri:** SOOOOONNNNNNAAAAA!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Ah, so Ahri is a true dark haired vixen.

 

**Akali:** Evelynn is literally the definition of goth.

 

**Sivir:** When was these taken??

 

**Ahri:** I CAN’T NOT BELIEVE YOU KEPT THEM, SONA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Damn it, Sona…

 

**Kai’sa:** You two still look cute.

 

**Evelynn:** Thanks…

 

**Ahri:** Yay….

**Ahri:** Fuck.

**Ahri:** Well, since you guys saw…

**Ahri:** My picture was when taken right before my debut…

**Ahri:** It was for an audition for a part that I didn’t get.

 

**Evelynn:** Mine was taken before my debut too…

**Evelynn:** I...was in the goth crowd for a phase and modeled for a bit….

 

**Akali:** In other words…

**Akali:** Your true selves?

 

**Ahri:** Yesh…

 

**Evelynn:** I guess...yeah…

 

**Kai’sa:** Well, there’s nothing wrong with that.

**Kai’sa:** It’s a part of who you guys were.

 

**Akali:** I agree.

**Akali:** I like Eve no matter what and I think that picture was really beautiful.

**Akali:** I also have natural black hair.

 

**Evelynn:** Akali…

**Evelynn:** Thank you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Now will you two stop fighting and just be content with each other’s outfit.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, I’m fine with that.

 

**Ahri:** Me too.

 

**Sona:** :)

 

**Sivir:** You know, all this talk about old photos totally reminded me that I still have an old photo of me back when I lived in Egypt.

**Sivir:** Thought I might share.

**Sivir:** I use to dress up with my friends and mess around in the desert and my friends took pictures.

**Sivir:**

 

**Kai’sa:** Every single one of you, except Sivir, are canceled.

**Kai’sa:** Block me because this is the only thing I’m going to be talking about.

**Kai’sa:** I am literally dating a fucking goddess.

**Kai’sa:** Oh my void I am in love.

**Kai’sa:** You fuckers have nothing on Sivir.

**Kai’sa:** Prestige skin my ass. Fuck that.

**Kai’sa:** Sivir all the way.

 

**Akali:** ...

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Sona:** …

 

**Ahri:** WOW!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one has anything on Sivir!
> 
> Anyways, in this setting, Overwatch is both a video game AND a television series. The reason why I refer to them is because one of Kai'sa's move is Icathian Rain, which is similar to Fareeha's "Justice rains from above", some say it may have been inspired and that's why Overwatch is mentioned. Also, if you follow my Tumblr @kda-chat, you'll know I do refer Kai'sa and Fareeha in the same boat. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, I'm aware that not everyone uses Tumblr so I do have a twitter @_kokoro_kirei_ where I do retweet a lot of K/DA content and it is linked to my kda tumblr. So if you want, check me out there! :)


	11. The Fox Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

**In a private message between Sivir and Azir:**

 

 **Azir:** WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME THAT YOU’RE DATING KAI’SA OF K/DA!?

 

 **Sivir:** Who?

 **Sivir:** Never heard of her.

 

 **Azir:** DON’T PLAY DUMB WITH ME!

 **Azir:** I RECOGNIZE THAT HICKEY MARK ON HER NECK!

 

 **Sivir:** I DIDN’T LEAVE ANY HICKEY MARK ON HER!

 

 **Azir:** HAH, BUSTED!

 

 **Sivir:** SHIT!

 **Sivir:** Who’s Kai’sa again?

 

 **Azir:** SIVIR! WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT YOU FOUND YOUR MAMA BIRD?!

 

 **Sivir:** How the hell did you find out?

 

 **Azir:** I saw a paparazzi photo of her.

 **Azir:** She’s wearing that necklace that you once gave Cassiopeia when you two were dating.

 

 **Sivir:** You remember that necklace??

 **Sivir:** And fuck that bitch

 **Sivir:** I didn’t date her.

 **Sivir:** Also I don’t remember ever showing that necklace to you...

 

 **Azir:** I know everything about you, Sivir.

 

 **Sivir:** That’s creepy af old man…

 

 **Azir:** REGARDLESS, YOU MUST INTRODUCE ME TO YOUR FUTURE QUEEN!

 

 **Sivir:** No.

 

 **Azir:** I AM MEETING KAI’SA OF K/DA.

 

 **Sivir:** No, you’re not.

 

 **Azir:** YES I AM!

 

 **Sivir:** No, you’re not.

 

 **Azir:** I WILL!

 

 **Sivir:** Don’t.

 

 **Azir:** I SHALL!

 

 **Sivir:** You shall not.

 

 **Azir:** YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

 

 **Sivir:** YOU DON’T HAVE ANY WAY OF FINDING ME OR KAI’SA!!

 

 **Azir:** You live on Tongil-ro 04509 in apartment complex C, apt number 7 in South Korea.

 

 **Sivir:** WHY AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT??

 

 **Azir:** I know everything.

 **Azir:** And I will learn everything that I don’t know.

 

 **Sivir:** Please stop.

 

 **Azir:** I SHALL BOARD A PLANE RIGHT NOW AND ARRIVE IN SOUTH KOREA IN THE MORNING TO MEET THIS KAI’SA!

 

 **Sivir:** Don’t.

 

 **Azir:** YOU CAN’T STOP ME!

 

 **Sivir:** I know and that fucking sucks.

 

 **Azir:** I SHALL ARRIVE IN THE MORNING AND I SHALL MEET YOUR KAI’SA!

 

 **Sivir:** Whoopie fucking doo…

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Sivir:** Can you all disappear for like a week, please?

 

 **Ahri:** DID YOU TELL THE PAPARAZZI THAT I HAVE LICE IN MY HAIR!?????

 

 **Sivir:** No…

 **Sivir:** What?

 

 **Evelynn:** I’M SORRY EXCUSE ME????

 

 **Akali:** Is that why my head has been feeling itchier than usual??

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI WHAT THE FUCK??

 

 **Sona:** ＼(〇_ｏ)／

 

 **Ahri:** I didn’t type that.

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI YOU HAVE FUCKING LICE???

 **Evelynn:** YOU WERE JUST IN MY CAR!?!?!

 

 **Ahri:** No, I don’t have lice.

 

 **Sivir:** Okay...but you just said it…

 

 **Ahri:** No I didn’t

 

 **Akali:** YO AHRI!!

 **Akali:** TELL US THE TRUTH!

 **Akali:** BC MY HEAD FEELS REALLY ITCHY!!

 

 **Ahri:**...

 **Ahri:** Okay, yeah I do

 **Ahri:** I think...

 

 **Evelynn:** ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??

 

 **Ahri:** I DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL I GOT BACK FROM THE DOCTOR!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** THAT WAS 2 DAYS AGO!!

 **Evelynn:** I THOUGHT YOU JUST NEEDED A SHOT!

 

 **Akali:** SO WE HAVE FUCKING LICE NOW??

 

 **Sona:** (っ- ‸ – ς)

 

 **Sivir:** Oh goodness…

 **Sivir:** Ahri, why did you respond to me that you had lice??

 

 **Ahri:** I PANICKED!!

 **Ahri:** FUCK

 

 **Evelynn:** I HAVE TO FUCKING DETOX ALL MY CARS NOW!

 

 **Ahri:** Oops.

 

 **Akali:** Bruh, do we have put our hair in shower caps with special shampoo?

 

 **Evelynn:** OH HELL NO!

 **Evelynn:** AHRI IF YOU GAVE ME ONE LOUSE, I WILL FUCKING MURDER YOU!

 

 **Ahri:** I sowwyyyy

 

 **Sona:** ~(>_<~)

 

 **Sivir:** How the hell did you get lice?

 

 **Ahri:** I DON’T KNOW!!! I HAVE NO CLUE!!

 **Ahri:** ALL I KNOW WAS THAT MY HEAD HAS BEEN ITCHY FOR A WHILE!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** I KNOW DAMN WELL YOU GOT IT WHEN YOU WENT OUT TO THE FOREST FOR THREE DAYS!!!

 

 **Ahri:** Oh

 **Ahri:** That makes sense.

 

 **Akali:** Bruh

 **Akali:** Fuck, Ahri.

 **Akali:** I’m going to be combing my hair forever…

 

 **Evelynn:** Fuck you, Ahri.

 

 **Ahri:** OKAY WAIT!

 **Ahri:** THE DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW IF I HAVE LICE OR NOT!

 **Ahri:** HE SAID HE’LL TELL ME ONCE THE REPORTS COME BACK!

 

 **Evelynn:** WHAT KIND OF FUCKING DOCTOR DOESN’T KNOW WHAT LICE ARE?

 

 **Ahri:** Doctor Mundo

 

 **Evelynn:** WHY WOULD YOU GO TO HIM???

 

 **Ahri:** *shrugs*

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh

 **Evelynn:** My

 **Evelynn:** God…

 

 **Sona:** ／(x~x)＼

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** I’m gone for ten minutes and we have some kind of lice epidemic.

 

 **Ahri:** It’s not official if I have lice or not.

 

 **Kai’sa:** That’s not comforting…

 

 **Ahri:** Sowwy

 

 **Sivir:** Um…

 **Sivir:** So can you guys disappear for a week or so?

 

 **Evelynn:** WE MIGHT AS WELL IF AHRI SPREAD HER FUCKING BUGS ON US!!

 

 **Ahri:** WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I HAVE LICE OR NOT!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** THEN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND LET ME CHECK!!

 

 **Ahri:** NO YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** EXACTLY!!!

 

 **Akali:** YO I’M FREAKING OUT!

 **Akali:** I DON’T WANT LICE!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Calm down children, no killing the fox.

 

 **Sivir:** So...can you guys disappear for a week?

 

 **Evelynn:** SURE!

 

 **Ahri:** NO SHE’S GOING TO TRY AND MURDER ME IF WE LAY LOW!!!

 

 **Akali:** I’m willing to shave my head.

 

 **Evelynn:** PLEASE NO!

 

 **Sona:** ✧*。ヾ(｡>﹏<｡)ﾉﾞ✧*。

 

 **Kai’sa:** For fuck sake

 **Kai’sa:** Stop

 **Kai’sa:** Since we don’t know for sure if she has lice, I’ll still go pick up some special shampoo

 **Kai’sa:** Whoever is at home, put all of Ahri’s things in garbage bags.

 **Kai’sa:** Anything that you think Ahri’s head has touched, put it in a garbage bag to separate it from everything else.

 **Kai’sa:** Wash your hands and check your scalps for any sign of lice.

 **Kai’sa:** Until this Doctor Mundo guy tells us if Ahri does have lice, we’ll just assume she does.

 

 **Akali:** ON IT!

 

 **Evelynn:** Thank god we have one reasonable person in K/DA…

 

 **Kai’sa:** I try.

 

 **Ahri:** I sowwy

 

 **Evelynn:** Are you?

 

 **Ahri:** YES I AM!

 

 **Sivir:** Can you guys still disappear for like a week?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Babe, what’s going on?

 

 **Sivir:** Azir found out that we are dating and he’s going to be in South Korea in the morning.

 

**Ahri:...**

 

**Kai’sa:...**

 

**Akali:...**

 

**Sona:...**

 

 **Evelynn:** Are you kidding me?

 

 **Sivir:** No.

 

 **Ahri:** Well fuck

 **Ahri:** This is great timing…

 **Ahri:** Does he want lice?

 

 **Evelynn:** Ahri, I swear to god…

 

 **Sivir:** I mean…

 **Sivir:** You can give it to him.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Babe…

 

 **Sivir:** I really don’t want him to come…

 

 **Sona:** ( •́ ✖ •̀)

 

 **Ahri:** Why?

 **Ahri:** What’s the worst that could happen?

 

 **Sivir:** He’ll force Kai’sa to marry me and take her away to Egypt.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh thank god get me out

 

 **Sivir:** Wait what?

 

 **Ahri:** HOW ABOUT THE FUCK NOT?!

 

 **Evelynn:** We need Kai’sa.

 **Evelynn:** She’s the only thing that holds this group together.

 

 **Sona:**?

 

 **Ahri:** You’re right Sona

 **Ahri:** If Kai’sa leaves, then we’ll just come with her.

 

 **Kai’sa:** No

 **Kai’sa:** for fuck sake

 **Kai’sa:** Let me escape K/DA hell

 

 **Ahri:** WOW!

 **Ahri:** RUDE!

 

 **Evelynn:** Wow, we basically gave you a career.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I was kidnapped and kept hostage.

 

 **Ahri:** You weren’t complaining then.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I had no idea I was going to be kept hostage forever.

 

 **Evelynn:** Girl, we are not bad.

 

 **Kai’sa:** You swirlied Ahri’s head in the toilet yesterday.

 

 **Evelynn:** She asked me to.

 

 **Ahri:** I asked her to.

 

 **Kai’sa:** WHY?

 

 **Ahri:** I was curious.

 

 **Evelynn:** UGH I TOUCHED YOUR LICE COVERED HAIR!!!

 

 **Ahri:** WE DON’T KNOW IF I HAVE LICE YET!!

 

 **Evelynn:** I CAN’T BE TOO CAUTIOUS!

 

 **Kai’sa:** SO THE FACT YOU SWIRLIED HER HEAD IN THE TOILET LIKE SOME HIGH SCHOOL BULLY DOESN’T FUCKING RAISE SOME MORALS IN THIS DAMN HOUSE???

 

 **Evelynn:** I was THE high school bully.

 

 **Ahri:** I was her sidekick.

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** You two actually went to high school?

 **Kai’sa:** Or school in general?

 

 **Evelynn:** Um...yeah?

 

 **Ahri:** This may come as a shock for you but children in Korea were required to go to school.

 

 **Sona:** o(^∀^*)o

 

 **Ahri:** Sona was there too.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay yeah...

 **Kai’sa:** I just have a hard time believing you two actually went to school…

 **Kai’sa:** Like Sona, I would believe but you two?

 

 **Evelynn:** We wore uniforms and everything

 

 **Ahri:** We didn’t go to college if that makes it more believable.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay, that helps.

 

 **Akali:** YO DO I PUT AHRI’S UNDERWEAR IN THE BAG TOO??

 

 **Kai’sa:** If you think her head touched it.

 

 **Ahri:** WHY THE FUCK WOULD I PUT UNDERWEAR ON MY HEAD?

 

 **Evelynn:** You’ve done it before.

 

 **Ahri:** WHEN I WAS FUCKING 10!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I mean

 **Kai’sa:** If you let Eve swirlie your head in the toilet, then I’m sure you’ve put your panties on your head recently.

 

 **Ahri:** WOW!

 **Ahri:** THE FUCKING DISRESPECT!

 **Ahri:** I AM YOUR LEADER!

 

 **Evelynn:** I still don’t accept.

 

 **Ahri:** Shut up!

 

 **Sivir:** Kai’sa, are you serious that you want to marry me?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Huh?

 

 **Sivir:** I said that Azir might force you to marry me and you were like

 **Sivir: “** Oh thank god”

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh

 **Kai’sa:** Wait, is Azir serious?

 **Kai’sa:** Would he do that?

 

 **Sivir:** This is the man that almost made me marry my attempted murderer.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Cassiopeia?

 

 **Sivir:** Well…

 **Sivir:** He didn’t know she did it until the evidence surfaced and pinned against her.

 **Sivir:** And apparently the justice system is so bad that no one believed my word for it.

 **Sivir:** But if my friend Taliyah didn’t come forward with the truth, Cassiopeia would have married me

 

 **Ahri:** You have one crazy ex

 

 **Evelynn:** Wait…

 **Evelynn:** You dated Cassiopeia?

 

 **Sivir:** Date is kinda a vague word…

 **Sivir:** We were more like business partners and she’s the worst one of them all.

 

 **Akali:** You totally tapped her ass.

 **Akali:** Don’t lie, Kai’sa pounder

 

 **Sivir:** Shut up, Akali.

 

 **Akali:** Hey, I’m not the one who slept with my attempted murder.

 

 **Ahri:** That’s funny bc you are dating an actual murderer.

 

 **Evelynn:** Ahri, shut up.

 

 **Akali:** But did Eve get caught?

 **Akali:** No.

 

 **Ahri:** I mean someone is still researching those missing male celebs.

 

 **Evelynn:** hey

 **Evelynn:** This isn’t about me.

 **Evelynn:** This is about Sivir’s poor taste in women.

 

 **Kai’sa:** HEY!

 

 **Evelynn:** Obviously you’re an exception.

 

 **Sivir:** But like…

 **Sivir:** I wouldn’t mind marrying Kai’sa…

 

 **Kai’sa:** Babe…

 **Kai’sa:** Oh goodness, this is moving too fast

 

 **Ahri:** As your leader, I say no marriage till you’re 45

 

 **Kai’sa:**...WHY 45??

 

 **Ahri:** Well most people start to look old by 30 but I make sure you girls get the best beauty treatment so it’s 45 for you guys.

 

 **Evelynn:** I will be young and beautiful forever.

 

 **Ahri:** Lmfao

 **Ahri:** Bitch we are going to grow old together.

 

 **Evelynn:** No.

 

 **Akali:** Well, I’m Japanese so make it 60 for me.

 

 **Ahri:** Oh yeah I’m Korean

 **Ahri:** We Asians never look like our ages.

 **Ahri:** Have fun being married to an old hag when you’re 45, Akali.

 

 **Evelynn:** I AM NOT GOING TO LOOK OLD AT 45!

 

 **Kai’sa:** What is this conversation…?

 

 **Sivir:** We have bigger problems!

 **Sivir:** Like Azir is coming to see you guys!

 

 **Ahri:** And I may or may not have lice to give to your rich dad.

 

 **Sivir:** He’s not my dad.

 

 **Evelynn:** You’re his heir, right?

 

 **Sivir:** I don’t want to be his heir.

 

 **Akali:** You don’t want to inherit a million dollars?

 **Akali:** Kai’sa, dump her.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I love Sivir for who she is, not for her money.

 

 **Evelynn:** Poor decision, really.

 

 **Kai’sa:** WELL WHAT IF AKALI WASN’T IN K/DA AND JUST A NORMAL CITIZEN???

 **Kai’sa:** WOULD YOU BE DATING HER NOW??

 

 **Evelynn:** Yeah, bc I can take care of myself and her.

 **Evelynn:** Moneywise.

 

 **Ahri:** Thank you for your service.

 

 **Evelynn:** My life would be so much easier if Ahri wasn’t in it.

 

 **Ahri:** Tee heeeee

 

 **Sivir:** Akali has more money than you.

 

 **Evelynn:** More for us then.

 

 **Akali:** Aye!

 

 **Sivir:** Well, you have a very different mindset than me.

 **Sivir:** Regardless, Azir is coming to Korea in the morning and I prefer if you four didn’t meet him.

 

 **Kai’sa:** He does sound like an intense man.

 **Kai’sa:** But I am going to have to meet him anyways.

 **Kai’sa:** So why don’t I just get it over with?

 

 **Sivir:** I’m serious, he’s too intense to handle.

 **Sivir:** I’m trying to save your sanity, Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Lol what sanity?

 **Kai’sa:** K/DA used it all up.

 

 **Ahri:** WOW!

 

 **Evelynn:** Overdramatic much?

 

 **Akali:** Lmfao

 

 **Sona:** 凸ಠ益ಠ)凸

 

 **Sivir:** Well, Azir is like K/DA except 4 times worse.

 

 **Ahri:** WOW!

 

 **Akali:** Okay rude

 

 **Evelynn:** We are not that bad.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Shall I bring up the other 25 fights you had with Ahri?

 **Kai’sa:** Within the last 4 hours.

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s how we express our love.

 

 **Ahri:** And establish our dominance and territory.

 

 **Akali:** Don’t foxes just pee on things to make their territory?

 

 **Ahri:** Akali, shut the fuck up.

 

 **Evelynn:** lol

 **Evelynn:** That’s actually one thing she has never done.

 

 **Ahri:** I am a classy fox.

 

 **Evelynn:** Debatable.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Thank god she doesn’t do that…

 

 **Sivir:** Sooooo

 **Sivir:** Can you guys hide from Azir?

 

 **Evelynn:** But I really want to meet him.

 

 **Ahri:** Me too

 

 **Akali:** Idk

 

 **Sona:** ( ︶︿︶)

 

 **Kai’sa:** I mean

 **Kai’sa:** If it’s that big of a deal, I don’t need to meet him.

 

 **Evelynn:** Hey, you don’t speak for the rest of us.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Azir is my future father in law.

 **Kai’sa:** Not yours

 

 **Ahri:** Well, he’s not our future daddy but I mean

 **Ahri:** He can be my sugar daddy and give me that dough

 

 **Akali:** …

 

**Sona: ...**

 

 **Evelynn:** …

 **Evelynn:** 3

 **Evelynn:** 2

 **Evelynn:** 1

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** You’re right Sivir.

 **Kai’sa:** We don’t need to meet him.

 **Kai’sa:** Give me his number.

 **Kai’sa:** I’m going to set up a plan to keep him busy.

 

 **Sivir:** Got it.

 

 **Ahri:** wait what are you doing??

 **Ahri:** Wait stop i was joking

 **Ahri:** Kai’sa???

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa created the group chat.**

**Kai’sa added Kassadin and Azir to the group chat**

 

 **Kai’sa:** Dad, this is Azir.

 **Kai’sa:** My future father-in-law.

 **Kai’sa:** Enjoy.

 

 **Kassadin:** WHAT!?

 

 **Azir:** AH, IT IS THE FATHER OF MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!

 

 **Kassadin:** WHO THE HELL ARE YOU??

 

 **Azir:** I AM SIVIR’S SAVIOR AND ADOPTED FATHER!

 **Azir:** AND YOUR DAUGHTER WILL BECOME AN HONORARY MEMBER OF MY FAMILY!

 

 **Kassadin:** OH

 **Kassadin:** HELL

 **Kassadin:** NO!

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

 **Kai’sa:** I have a feeling that my dad will keep Azir company for a while.

 

 **Sivir:** Thank Ra…

 

 **Sona:** （；¬＿¬)

 

 **Ahri:** darn it

 **Ahri:** I really wanted to meet Azir.

 

 **Evelynn:** Kai’sa doesn’t need a sugar mother in her life.

 

 **Ahri:** I was joking!

 

 **Akali:** Were you?

 

 **Ahri:** Hey, I was not going to be his trophy wife or something.

 **Ahri:** I was going to be his trophy fox.

 

 **Sivir:** What’s the difference?

 

 **Ahri:** I let him pet me as long as he pays me.

 

 **Evelynn:** You have low standards.

 

 **Ahri:** Well someone needs to pet me around here!

 **Ahri:** A foxy is needy!

 

 **Akali:** No one wants to touch your lice covered hair.

 

 **Sivir:** LMFAO

 

 **Kai’sa:** HA!

 

 **Sona:** ( >д<)

 

 **Ahri:** WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IF IT IS LICE OR NOT!

 **Ahri:** Ah wait

 **Ahri:** Doctor Mundo is trying to call me.

 **Ahri:** It might be the results

 **Ahri:** Give me a second.

 

 **Evelynn:** Can we just kick her out of the K/DA house for a month?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Tempting.

 

 **Akali:** I CALL DIBS ON HER SHOWER!

 

 **Sivir:** Why her shower?

 

 **Kai’sa:** It can fit an entire family in there.

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s perfect for orgies.

 

 **Akali:** ^^^

 **Akali:** Two types of people in this world.

 

 **Sivir:** lmfao

 

 **Sona:** (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 

 **Akali:** LMFAO SONA!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** But if she really does have lice

 **Kai’sa:** We need to clear out the entire house and clean it from head to toe

 

 **Evelynn:** Have fun with that, Bokkie

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay, wow…

 

 **Akali:** LMFAO

 

 **Sivir:** I would help.

 

 **Kai’sa:** THANK YOU SIVIR!

 

 **Ahri:** GUESS GOOD NEWS!

 **Ahri:** IT’S NOT LICE!

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh thank fuck…

 

 **Akali:** Yay!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh good.

 

 **Sivir:** Phew

 

 **Sona:** ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

 

 **Ahri:** IT’S POISON IVY!

 

 **Evelynn:** THAT’S NOT ANY BETTER!!!

 **Evelynn:** THAT’S EVEN WORSE!!!

 **Evelynn:** YOU TOUCHED ME!!!

 **Evelynn:** MY SKIN IS GOING TO BREAK OUT!!

 

 **Akali:** AHRI NO!!!!

 **Akali:** OH GOD!!

 **Akali:** I JUST REMEMBER THAT YOU WORE MY HAT YESTERDAY!!

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI!!!

 

 **Ahri:** I really am sorry.

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** At least it’s not bugs?

 

 **Evelynn:** RASHES!!

 **Evelynn:** THAT’S WORSE!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Go take a shower right away and I’ll go pick up some special lotion.

 **Kai’sa:** We’ll still need to clean the contaminated area properly.

 

 **Sivir:** Man…

 **Sivir:** The K/DA house has seen better days…

 

 **Evelynn:** IT WAS BETTER WHEN AHRI DIDN’T COME BACK FROM HER STUPID 5 YEAR HIATUS!!!

 

 **Ahri:** WILL YOU EVER GET OVER THAT?

 

 **Evelynn:** 5 YEARS, AHRI!

 

 **Ahri:** GET OVER IT!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** 5

 **Evelynn:** FUCKING

 **Evelynn:** YEARS!!!

 

 **Akali:** Um...guys..

 **Akali:** ***texts photo***

 **Akali:** I’m breaking out…

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!!

 

 **Ahri:** I AM SO SORRY!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh goodness…

 

 **Sivir:** lol

 

 **Sona:** Ew, that shit nasty.

 

 **Evelynn:**...

 

 **Ahri:** …

 

 **Akali:** …

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 

 **Sivir:** …

 

 **Sona:** I mean

 **Sona:** (ᗒᗩᗕ)՞

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, aren't we glad Ahri doesn't have lice? :)))))
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	12. Mama Kai'sa Needs A Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Titties.

**Ahri:** Day 287

 **Ahri:** Sona hasn’t texted in the chat yet.

 **Ahri:** Will we ever know if Sona can text words properly?

 

 **Evelynn:** It has only been 2 weeks, Ahri

 

 **Ahri:** Feels like 287 days

 

 **Evelynn:** No, it felt like two weeks.

 

 **Ahri:** Nah

 **Ahri:** 287 days

 

 **Evelynn:** Why 287 days??

 

 **Ahri:** My foxy instincts say 287 days.

 

 **Evelynn:** Your foxy instinct also told you to FUCKING TEXT AT 3 AM IN THE MORNING WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!

 

 **Ahri:** I wanted to make sure everyone in this chat knows that it has been 287 days since Sona texted in the chat.

 

 **Evelynn:** IT HAS ONLY BEEN 2 WEEKS!

 

 **Ahri:** It felt like 287 days

 

 **Evelynn:** Your time clock is wrong

 

 **Ahri:** Time is an illusion.

 **Ahri:** To you, it felt like 2 weeks

 **Ahri:** To me, it has been 275 days.

 

 **Evelynn:** What happened to 287?

 

 **Ahri:** It’s starting to feel like 275.

 

 **Evelynn:** Why did I even respond to this?

 

 **Kai’sa:** You two knew her all of your lives and it didn’t occur to you two that it was odd that she couldn’t text words?

 **Kai’sa:** Like yeah everyone knows she can’t talk but she can’t text properly??

 

 **Evelynn:** I just assumed she likes to text like that.

 

 **Ahri:** I never really questioned it.

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** Okay.

 **Kai’sa:** Why are you two up?

 **Kai’sa:** It’s 3 am…

 

 **Ahri:** Sleep is for the weak.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sounds stupid but okay.

 

 **Evelynn:** Well, I have to be up anyways.

 **Evelynn:** Akali and I are doing that variety show.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh yeah

 **Kai’sa:** Should I get up and help you two pack?

 

 **Evelynn:** I would say no but you’re going to get up anyways.

 

 **Kai’sa:** True.

 **Kai’sa:** I don’t trust you two to pack for yourselves.

 **Kai’sa:** Knowing you two, you two might just walk out in nothing but your underwear.

 

 **Evelynn:** That was one time.

 **Evelynn:** We were really tired that morning.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I don’t even know how you two even made it out the door…

 

 **Evelynn:** We managed

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sure…

 

 **Ahri:** They’re going to be gone for the day.

 **Ahri:** How hard is it to pack for a day?

 

 **Kai’sa:** You need lots of things.

 **Kai’sa:** They’re going to be on the Invincible Youth variety show and farm in some rural country in Korea.

 **Kai’sa:** They need to pack some water bottles

 **Kai’sa:** Sturdy shoes

 **Kai’sa:** Extra clothes

 **Kai’sa:** No snacks as they need to work for their food.

 **Kai’sa:** first aid in case they hurt themselves.

 **Kai’sa:** Plus they need something to eat when they’re on their way there.

 

 **Evelynn:** and makeup

 

 **Kai’sa:** You’re going to be farming…

 **Kai’sa:** Your makeup will just slide off.

 

 **Evelynn:** I’m not going on camera with no makeup on.

 

 **Kai’sa:** SIGH

 **Kai’sa:** FINE

 

 **Ahri:** OH SHIT IS THE CAMERA CREW GOING TO COME HERE???

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes.

 **Evelynn:** Hence why I am up

 

 **Ahri:** FUCK I GOT TO PUT ON MAKEUP!

 **Ahri:** KAI’SA YOU NEED TO PUT ON MAKEUP TOO!

 

 **Kai’sa:** They’re only going to be here for like ten minutes.

 

 **Ahri:** YEAH BUT FILM CREWS ALWAYS LIKE GOING INTO IDOL’S ROOMS AND CATCHING THEM WITH NO MAKEUP!

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** Is that...legal?

 

 **Ahri:** IDK BUT I AM NOT TAKING CHANCES!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Well idc

 

 **Ahri:** BITCH AT LEAST COVER THOSE DARK CIRCLES!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Leave my dark circles alone

 **Kai’sa:** It’s my aesthetic.

 

 **Evelynn:** Not a healthy aesthetic.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Says the woman that survives the day with only one meal…

 

 **Evelynn:** I literally don’t need to eat so much.

 

 **Ahri:** She eats men and ass.

 

 **Evelynn:** Ahri, shut up.

 

 **Kai’sa:** *pussy

 

 **Ahri:** Oh my bad

 **Ahri:** Ninja pussy and ass

 

 **Evelynn:** You two are so funny.

 **Evelynn:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 **Evelynn:** *eye rolls*

 

 **Kai’sa:** Seriously, we need thicker walls…

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh shush

 **Evelynn:** Don’t think everyone in this house doesn’t hear Sivir eating your ass when you two are locked up in your room, Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Stop.

 

 **Ahri:** Sivir’s getting that peach booty.

 

 **Sivir:** ON MY WAY!

 

 **Ahri:** wat

 

 **Evelynn:** oh?

 

 **Kai’sa:** For what, babe??

 

 **Sivir:** Sorry, I thought I got a booty call.

 

 **Evelynn:** You woke up bc you sensed we were talking about Kai’sa’s ass?

 

 **Sivir:** Apparently…

 

 **Kai’sa:** I’m dead hahahaha

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAO

 

 **Sivir: *** Blushie*

 

 **Evelynn:** You two are adorable.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Well, I should be thanking you.

 

 **Evelynn:** You should.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Hardy har har

 **Kai’sa:** No.

 

 **Evelynn:** Haha

 **Evelynn:** Hey, can anyone wake Akali up?

 

 **Kai’sa:** LAST PERSON TO SAY “NOD IT” HAS TO WAKE AKALI UP!

 **Kai’sa:** Nod it!

 

 **Evelynn:** Nod it.

 

 **Ahri:** Nod it.

 

 **Sivir:** lol wat?

 

 **Ahri:** Sivir go wake Akali up

 

 **Sivir:** I’m not even at your house.

 

 **Ahri:** Then get up, ride your scooter, and wake her up.

 

 **Sivir:** lol no.

 **Sivir:** It’s 3am

 

 **Ahri:** And you’re up now so go fetch her.

 

 **Sivir:** No, you can’t tell me what to do.

 

 **Ahri:** I can lock Kai’sa in the house forever and you shall never see her again.

 

 **Sivir:** Sheesh….

 **Sivir:** Overdramatic much?

 

 **Ahri:** Just a little.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay, girls.

 **Kai’sa:** Let's be fair.

 **Kai’sa:** Ahri, go wake up Akali.

 

 **Ahri:** WHAT WHY?

 

 **Evelynn:** You’re technically the last one who said nod it.

 

 **Ahri:** SHE’S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Akali is a lot to handle when you wake her up.

 **Evelynn:** And I’m not done with my makeup yet

 

 **Ahri:** NO FAIIIRRR

 

 **Evelynn:** If the camera crew gets here and sees you helping wake Akali up, you’ll be viewed as a caring leader.

 

 **Ahri:** OKIE I’LL GO WAKE HER UP!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** That was easy.

 

 **Evelynn:** She’s easy to convince.

 

 **Sivir:** So why are you guys up at 3 am?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Evelynn and Akali got invited to be candidates on Invincible Youth so they need to wake up early to arrive on set.

 

 **Sivir:** Invincible Youth?

 **Sivir:** That farming variety show?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Yep.

 

 **Sivir:** Evelynn and farming??

 

 **Kai’sa:** Yeah, I still can’t believe that too.

 

 **Evelynn:** You guys don’t give me enough credit.

 **Evelynn:** I can get down and dirty.

 

 **Ahri:** Only in bed, not in the dirt.

 

 **Evelynn:** I can get my hands dirty and do some hard work.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I’ve never seen you pick up a knife in the kitchen.

 **Kai’sa:** I can not imagine you picking up a hoe.

 

 **Evelynn:** I am the hoe.

 

 **Sivir:** LMFAO

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh my god….

 **Kai’sa:** I’m done.

 

 **Ahri:** AKALI IS VERY VERY MAD SO BEWARE!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** What did you do??

 

 **Ahri:** Poured water on her.

 

 **Evelynn:** WHY?

 

 **Ahri:** I WAS TOLD TO WAKE HER UP!

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** SO YOU POURED WATER ON HER????

 **Kai’sa:** YOU CAN’T DO ONE SIMPLE TASK, AHRI!

 

 **Ahri:** NO ONE TOLD ME *HOW* TO WAKE HER!

 **Ahri:** I WAS JUST TOLD TO WAKE HER UP!

 

 **Evelynn:** Why are you like this, Ahri?

 

 **Ahri:** Bc I’m cute.

 

 **Evelynn:** Ugh

 

 **Akali:** YO AHRI WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!???

 

 **Ahri:** WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI STOP RUNNING AWAY AND FACE THE CONSEQUENCES!!

 

 **Ahri:** NYO THANK YOU!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sigh…

 **Kai’sa:** I guess I’ll get out of bed…

 

 **Sivir:** rip

 

XXX

 

 **Evelynn:** I already hate all the other girls here.

 

 **Kai’sa:** It only has been like 15 minutes

 **Kai’sa:** You JUST got on the bus, Eve…

 

 **Evelynn:** And I hate them already.

 

 **Ahri:** Shocking.

 **Ahri:** *Eye roll*

 

 **Akali:** Idk I think we are all just shy.

 

 **Evelynn:** Nah, that bitch in the ugly orange jumpsuit is glaring at me.

 

 **Ahri:** Send a pic.

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay

**Evelynn: *texts photo***

 

 **Ahri:** Eve, that’s the girl you said had a nasal voice in front of the other judges during that singing competition.

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh

 **Evelynn:** Well, I hate her.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Eve…

 

 **Sivir:** So you humiliate this girl and you’re surprised why she’s glaring at you???

 

 **Evelynn:** I don’t keep track of everyone that I pissed off on a list.

 

 **Ahri:** You should.

 **Ahri:** It’ll be the only thing people will keep as a memento of you.

 **Ahri:** “See this list?”

 **Ahri:** “This is all the people that Evelynn of K/DA pissed off.”

 **Ahri: “** It’s worth millions of dollars. Oh, these stains on the paper? We’re pretty sure she had Akali jerked her off as a huge ‘Fuck you’ to these people’s names.”

 

 **Akali:** …

 **Akali:** All righty then...

 

 **Kai’sa:** That is disgusting.

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay....Ahri...going overboard much?

 

 **Ahri:** But am I wrong?

 

 **Evelynn:** I’m not answering that.

 

 **Ahri:** I’ll take that as a yes.

 

 **Evelynn:** At least I won’t be remembered for my stank.

 

 **Ahri:** IT’S MY FOXY LADY MUSK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCK!

 

 **Evelynn:** You have some “special gland” that makes you smell weird but you don’t get heats???

 **Evelynn:** Fake ass bitch

 

 **Ahri:** Succuhoe

 

 **Evelynn:** Hussy little shit

 

 **Ahri:** Dumb broad

 

 **Evelynn:** stupid fox

 

 **Ahri:** Ugly devil ass

 

 **Kai’sa:** sigh

 **Kai’sa:** Why are you two like this?

 

 **Evelynn:** Friendship.

 

 **Ahri:** Friendship.

 

 **Akali:** I have never seen two friends tear each other down and build each other back up like this.

 

 **Ahri:** Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.

 

 **Sivir:** So Eve can break you apart and call you a bitch and you’ll be fine?

 

 **Ahri:** **she has broken my tail once.

 

 **Evelynn:** You broke my nose once.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Please don’t kill each other.

 

 **Ahri:** We can try.

 

 **Evelynn:** Emphasis on trying.

 

 **Ahri:** Yeah

 **Ahri:** Trying not to break each other lmfao

 

 **Akali:** I broke Evelynn’s cervix pretty well with my strap-on last night.

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 

 **Sivir:** …

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** You did very well, darling~

 

 **Kai’sa:** I…

 **Kai’sa:** …I

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:**...

 **Kai’sa:** Why don’t you two try and be friends with the other girls on the bus?

 

 **Akali:** Okay, I’ll tell them what I did to Eve last night.

 

 **Kai’sa:** NO!

 **Kai’sa:** AKALI DON’T!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Don’t stop her.

 **Evelynn:** I want them to know I get more than any of them.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I AM SERIOUS DON’T!!

 

 **Akali:** Lol I was kidding Kai’sa.

 

 **Sivir:** It really didn’t sound like you were kidding…

 

 **Akali:** lololol I was

 **Akali:** Don’t worry.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Thank fuck.

 

 **Ahri:** So what are you two doing?

 

 **Evelynn:** Glaring down at all these dumb bitches in this stupid bus.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Does it kill you to be nice?

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh my god...

 

 **Akali:** So what are you guys going to do today?

 

 **Ahri:** I’m trying to get Kai’sa and me on a variety show too.

 

 **Kai’sa:** No thanks I’m good.

 

 **Ahri:** WHYYYYYY??

 **Ahri:** IT WOULD BE FUN WITH MEEEEEE!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** We’re already stuck in K/DA with you.

 

 **Ahri:** ah shut up

 

 **Akali:** It would be cool to do a variety show with all four of us.

 

 **Ahri:** KSDFJGSLHGLDKJ

 **Ahri:** OMG WE SHOULD GET ON ‘HELLO BABY’!!!

 

 **Sivir:** That reality show where kpop idols take care of someone’s baby?

 

 **Evelynn:** No on my part.

 

 **Akali:** That would be interesting.

 

 **Evelynn:** Nevermind, I’m interested too.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I’m already taking care of children, I’m good.

 

 **Ahri:** AW COME ON!!!

 **Ahri:** WE CAN ALL LEARN HOW TO BE MOTHERS!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** You all need to learn how to be adults first.

 

 **Evelynn:** Wow.

 **Evelynn:** I am a functional adult.

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU are far from functional.

 

 **Evelynn:** You just don’t like having fun with us.

 

 **Kai’sa:** IT’S HARD TO HAVE FUN WHEN YOU THREE ARE SO FUCKING RECKLESS!!

 **Kai’sa:** You, Eve, almost killed Ahri yesterday with your stupid donut car tricks while Akali videotaped it.

 

 **Akali:** Yolo

 

 **Kai’sa:** NO YOLO!

 

 **Ahri:** YOLO!

 

 **Kai’sa:** NOOO!

 

 **Evelynn:** Y.o.l.o.

 

 **Kai’sa:** N.o.

 

 **Ahri:** BUT I AM STILL ALIVE!

 

 **Kai’sa:** If you weren’t a gumiho, you would be dead by now.

 

 **Ahri:** Eve wouldn’t actually kill me.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yeah sure

 

 **Akali:** The video got like 2 million hits.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Whoopie fucking do

 

 **Ahri:** SO LET’S TRY AND GET ON ‘HELLO BABY’!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** No.

 **Kai’sa:** Let’s spare a baby’s life.

 

 **Ahri:** I HAVE MOTHERLY INSTINCTS THAT NEEDS DEVELOPING!!!

 **Ahri:** I NEED TO PRACTICE IN CASE I WOUND UP WITH A KID!

 

 **Kai’sa:** In case???

 

 **Ahri:** You never know.

 **Ahri:** I could adopt a kid right now.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh no please don’t….

 

 **Ahri:** Or maybe I’ll have those mother nature urges.

 

 **Evelynn:** omg you’re going into a heat?

 

 **Ahri:** NO!

 **Ahri:** I DON’T GET HEATS!

 **Ahri:** I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A HEAT!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Fucking fake.

 

 **Ahri:** fuck you

 

 **Akali:** realistically

 **Akali:** Kai’sa would make a great mom

 

 **Ahri:** Oh definitely

 **Ahri:** WHICH WOULD BE GREAT ENTERTAINMENT FOR OUR FANS!!

 **Ahri:** EVERYONE WOULD LOVE TO SEE MAMA KAI’SA IN ACTION!

 

 **Kai’sa:** The series will literally be me yelling at you three to do something productive for the baby.

 

 **Evelynn:** Look

 **Evelynn:** I can offer my tit for the baby.

 

 **Kai’sa:** That’s not how it works.

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s how you're supposed to feed a baby, right?

 

 **Kai’sa:** You have to be lactating to be able to breastfeed a baby.

 **Kai’sa:** You can’t just drop a titty and that’s it.

 

 **Evelynn:** ???

 

 **Akali:** Lactating???

 **Akali:** Like???

 **Akali:** Is that like how we get cow milk??

 

 **Ahri:** What’s lactating?

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** Are you three serious?

 

 **Sivir:** LMFAOOOOO!!!!

 **Sivir:** YA’LL DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TITTIES WORK?????!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** So...you don’t just give a baby a tit??

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** You know…

 **Kai’sa:** I don’t even know if it’s worth trying to explain it…

 

 **Akali:** But like...we can’t turn it off and on?

 

 **Kai’sa:** No…

 **Kai’sa:** Did you three not pay attention to sex ed class??

 

 **Evelynn:** I was more interested in how to turn on the body than how it works.

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU’RE A FUCKING SUCCUBUS!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW TITTIES WORK!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** I just know that they are fun to suckle and grope.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh my god….

 

 **Sivir:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

 **Ahri:** YO YO YO!!!

 **Ahri:** DO ALMONDS HAVE TITTIES???

 

 **Kai’sa:** What….

 

 **Akali:** HOLY SHIT!!

 **Akali:** ALMOND MILK!!!

 **Akali:** HOW THEY GET MILK FROM ALMONDS IF THEY DON’T HAVE TITTIES!!!???

 

 **Sivir:** STOP STOP MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH FROM LAUGHING!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Almond milk is manufactured…

 

 **Ahri:** WHAT ABOUT COCONUT MILK???

 **Ahri:** OR RICE MILK!!!???

 

 **Kai’sa:** Manufactured.

 

 **Evelynn:** Interesting.

 **Evelynn:** I’m learning so much.

 

 **Kai’sa:** You said you’ve done every kink in the book.

 **Kai’sa:** You never heard of erotic lactation??

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s a thing?

 

 **Akali:** Wow.

 

 **Ahri:** Kai’sa is so smart.

 

 **Sivir:** I AM WHEEEZING!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I’m so done with you three.

 

 **Akali:** My mind is blown…

 **Akali:** I can’t believe our titties can do that….

 

 **Kai’sa:** Akali…

 **Kai’sa:** I really worry for you.

 

 **Evelynn:** Don’t worry, she has me.

 

 **Kai’sa:** You’re not any better.

 

 **Ahri:** SHE HAS ME!

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU’RE THE WORST!

 

 **Ahri:** FUCK YOU!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I GOT SIVIR TO DO THAT FOR ME!!

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAOOOOO

 

 **Sivir:** I CAN’T FUCKING BREATH!!!!!

 **Sivir:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

 **Akali:** tits are amazing.

 

 **Ahri:** They sure are.

 

 **Evelynn:** Better than balls.

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** Promise me that you guys won’t have kids anytime soon…

 

 **Evelynn:** Promise.

 

 **Akali:** Okie.

 

 **Ahri:** Sure.

 

 **Sivir:** I LITERALLY CAN’T

 **Sivir:** LMFAOOOOOO!!!!

 

XXX

 

 **Evelynn:** On our way back.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Coolio.

 **Kai’sa:** How was your day?

 

 **Akali:** IT WAS A LOT OF FUN!!

 **Akali:** WE LEARNED HOW TO MILK COWS!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh….

 **Kai’sa:** How ironic.

 

 **Evelynn:** To be fair.

 **Evelynn:** We were the best at milking the cows bc all the other girls were too squeamish to try it.

 

 **Ahri:** GUYS I GOT US ON A SEASON FOR HELLO BABY!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Sweet.

 

 **Akali:** AH COOL WE GET TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY!!!

 

 **Sivir:** LMFAOOOOOO!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

 

 **Sona:** ( . Y . )

 

 **Ahri:** SONA!!!

 

**Sona:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hello Baby" is a reality television series that features Kpop bands trying to raise a baby. SNSD, Shinee, T-ara, and etc have done this series.  
> "Invincible Youth" is a variety television series that takes a few kpop idols from different groups and puts them all together on rural land to learn how to farm and etc. SNSD, 4 Minute, f(x), T-ara, etc have been on this show.
> 
> I have no words for this chapter except I just wanted the girls to argue about almond milk. Okay, bye.
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	13. This Is Normal

**Ahri:** GOOOOD MORNING!!!

**Ahri:** MOOOOORNING!

**Ahri:** WAKEY WAKEY!!

**Ahri:** EGGS AND BAKEY!!

**Ahri:** @Kai’sa @Akali @Evelynn

**Ahri:** WAKKKKE UP!!

 

**Kai’sa:** WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!

**Kai’sa:** WAKE ME UP INSIDE!!

**Kai’sa:** SAY MY NAME AND SAVE ME FROM THE DARK!

 

**Ahri:** ok damn chill

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri

**Evelynn:** It’s 1:30am

**Evelynn:** Why did you wake us up an hour and a half early?

 

**Ahri:** It actually feels like 3am

 

**Evelynn:** Not this again…

 

**Ahri:** UwU

 

**Kai’sa:** I would love to have at least 2 hours of sleep.

**Kai’sa:** Right now, I’m barely running on one

 

**Ahri:** nyo

 

**Evelynn:** Just ignore her and go back to sleep.

 

**Ahri:** Nooooo

**Ahri:** Don’t ignore meeee

 

**Kai’sa:** We were supposed to be in bed like an hour ago

 

**Ahri:** I still can’t get the image of Evelynn working a hoe out of my head.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh my god

**Evelynn:** Really?

**Evelynn:** I can get down and do some hard labor work

 

**Ahri:** I still find that so hard to believe.

 

**Kai’sa:** I will admit…

**Kai’sa:** Watching the first episode of Invincible Youth was just odd.

**Kai’sa:** Seeing Eve in farmer clothes was just weird.

 

**Evelynn:** You guys don’t give me enough credit

 

**Ahri:** bc you’re a hoe

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not denying that

**Evelynn:** Although that position is being jeopardized by Kai’sa

 

**Kai’sa:** Excuse me???

 

**Ahri:** You and Sivir have been pretty ‘busy’ these last few weeks.

 

**Kai’sa:** Can I not spend time with my girlfriend???

 

**Evelynn:** You can.

**Evelynn:** Just remember to lock the trailer, okay?

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Are you fucking kidding me?

 

**Ahri:** You’re lucky only K/DA are allowed to enter the trailer.

 

**Evelynn:** But damn Sivir knows how to eat booty

 

**Sivir:** ON MY WAY!

 

**Ahri:** Here we go again.

 

**Evelynn:** Did you wake up bc you sensed we were talking about Kai’sa’s ass again?

 

**Sivir:** Fuck…

**Sivir:** What is wrong with me?

 

**Kai’sa:** What the fuck is wrong with you two?

**Kai’sa:** You guys were peeping on me and Sivir??

 

**Evelynn:** You’re the one that didn’t lock the trailer.

 

**Ahri:** And you’re the one that keeps ordering pizza to bring Sivir around.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Evelynn:** You’re being pretty obvious 

**Evelynn:** Our managers thought you were trying to recreate some vintage porno

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh god….

**Kai’sa:** Stop…

 

**Ahri:** “Oh you brought pizza?”

**Ahri:** “I don’t have any money.”

 

**Evelynn:** “Can I just offer my ass to pay for the pizza?”

 

**Sivir:** Wait…

**Sivir:** You guys heard that…??

 

**Kai’sa:** SIVIR DON’T SAY THAT!

 

**Sivir:** oops…

**Sivir:** Sorry

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOOO

**Ahri:** HELL YEAH WE DID!

 

**Evelynn:** You two need to work on your dialogue some more.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

**Kai’sa:** Kill me

 

**Ahri:** Aww don’t be embarrassed

**Ahri:** It’s not like we don’t know about your relationship with Sivir.

 

**Kai’sa:** Still…

**Kai’sa:** I’m mortified that you two caught us having sex

 

**Evelynn:** Akali saw it too

 

**Kai’sa:** That doesn’t make me feel better…

 

**Ahri:** Go walk in on Akali and Eve having sex and you’re even.

 

**Evelynn:** My doors are unlocked

**Evelynn:** I have no secrets

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m good.

**Kai’sa:** Thanks.

 

**Evelynn:** Or you two can join us

**Evelynn:** That would be fun.

 

**Kai’sa:** NO!

 

**Sivir:** Yeah, no, I’m good…

 

**Evelynn:** Suit yourself

 

**Ahri:** As someone who had drunk sex with Eve before

**Ahri:** She’s good in bed

 

**Evelynn:** Don’t remind me that we did hook up…

 

**Ahri:** Lol no

**Ahri:** I’m never letting it go.

 

**Evelynn:** Ugh

 

**Kai’sa:** Can we all go to sleep?

**Kai’sa:** Especially you, Eve

**Kai’sa:** You need to wake up at 3am.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah you know

**Evelynn:** I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about this.

**Evelynn:** So the director wants to kick me out of Invincible Youth.

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

**Ahri:** AFTER MAKING TWO EPISODES???

 

**Evelynn:** Well I technically need to come in today so that makes it three episodes and they’ll publically say I am too busy and I’m leaving the show

**Evelynn:** All the bitches will fake cry and I’m out.

 

**Kai’sa:** What about Akali?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh, she’s coming with me.

**Evelynn:** I don’t trust those hoes near my Akali.

 

**Ahri:** What the fuck did you do to get kicked off??

 

**Evelynn:** Oh nothing

**Evelynn:** Just the fact that every girl hates me with a burning passion.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m surprised someone hasn’t died…

 

**Evelynn:** I was close.

 

**Sivir:** Damn…

 

**Ahri:** Well…

**Ahri:** I guess you two can join ‘Hello Baby’ full time!

 

**Evelynn:** I guess we can.

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t remind me…

**Kai’sa:** I fear for our baby’s sanity…

 

**Ahri:** I AM EXCITED!

 

**Evelynn:** Calm down, Foxy.

**Evelynn:** It’s a baby so don’t get too excited.

 

**Ahri:** I knooooow

 

**Kai’sa:** I think it’s a good idea that Ahri and I are starting the show off first.

**Kai’sa:** That way we don’t overwhelm the baby.

 

**Evelynn:** Good point

**Evelynn:** Just know I am still willing to offer a tit for the baby.

 

**Kai’sa:** Eve, giving a baby a tit isn’t helping anyone…

 

**Evelynn:** Well how the fuck do we feed a baby?

 

**Kai’sa:** We had this conversation already!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah I know

**Evelynn:** Can’t the baby just suck the milk out?

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS!!

 

**Evelynn:** Well if the baby wants a tit, I’m available.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Ahri:** When I’m in fox form, I got like 6 tits lmfao 

**Ahri:** So if yah need a spare, I got you lmfao

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI I AM COMING TO YOUR ROOM TO STRANGLE YOUR FUCKING NECK!!!

 

**Sivir:** Choke me mommy

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Sivir:** What?

 

**Ahri:** YOLO!!!

**Ahri:** I WAS KIDDING KAI’SA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Do it, Kai’sa.

 

**Sivir:** Oh boy…

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAH I HEAR KAI’SA RUNNING LMFAO!!!!!

**Ahri:** YEEEET!!

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT NOISE??

 

**Evelynn:** That’s just Kai’sa strangling Ahri.

 

**Akali:** Oh.

**Akali:** Okay.

**Akali:** Where are you?

 

**Evelynn:** Doing my makeup.

 

**Akali:** It’s like 1:45am…

 

**Evelynn:** Blame the dying fox.

 

**Ahri:** haoioiha

**Ahri:** haalpoooo

**Ahri:** kdfjglsdjlksjflkdhj

 

**Akali:** No. 

 

**Ahri:** pqqqeease

**Ahri:** ?????

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** LMFAO

**Evelynn:** I walked into Ahri’s room

**Evelynn:*text photo***

 

**Sivir:** AWWWW WHAT THE FUCK??

**Sivir:** KAI’SA DOESN’T DO THAT FOR MEEEE!

 

**Akali:** Choke you with her thighs?

 

**Sivir:** YEAH!!

**Sivir:** @Ahri you little fucker!!

 

**Ahri:** jkasdgkshfgkjhldfkjhglkj

 

**Evelynn:** I literally can’t stop crying hahahaha!!

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa is very scary when she’s mad…

 

**Sivir:** AND APPARENTLY WILL CHOKE AHRI WITH HER THIGHS AND NOT ME!!!

 

**Sona:** ...

**Sona:** ٩(× ×)۶

 

**Ahri:** SOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNAAAAA!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Sona, don’t you dare disappear!

 

**Sona:** ╮(︶︿︶)╭

 

**Ahri:** Y U NO TALK WORDS TO US???

 

**Akali:** I’m curious as well.

 

**Kai’sa:** Me too.

 

**Sivir:** YOU ENJOYED CHOKING AHRI WITH YOUR THIGHS AND NOT ME???

 

**Kai’sa:** Babe, not now…

 

**Sivir:** YES NOW!

 

**Sona:** (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

 

**Evelynn:** SONA DON’T FUCKING CHANGE THE SUBJECT!

 

**Ahri:** SPEAK TO US IN WORDS!

 

**Kai’sa:** Or I will choke the fox again.

 

**Ahri:** EVE SAVE ME!!

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** FACK YOU!

 

**Akali:** What is wrong with us?

 

**Sona:** ヽ(~_~(・_・ )ゝ

 

**Evelynn:** Don’t call us idiots…

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU ARE ALL IDIOTS!

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, we are.

 

**Akali:** NOT ME!

**Akali:** I GRADUATED THE TOP OF MY DOJO!!

 

**Kai’sa:** BEATING ONE OTHER STUDENT DOESN’T MAKE YOU THE TOP OF THE DOJO, AKALI!!

 

**Akali:** WOW FUCK YOU!

**Akali:** YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK TO BEAT IRELIA’S ASS!??

**Akali:** YEARS!

 

**Evelynn:** You spanked a girl’s ass for years?

 

**Ahri:** KAJSLKGJLDFJGKSDJLK

 

**Akali:** Eve no…

**Akali:** I meant I couldn’t beat her in a fight for years.

 

**Evelynn:** oohhh

**Evelynn:** Okay, that makes sense.

 

**Ahri:** You dumb succuhoe.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off.

 

**Sivir:** You beat Irelia off?

 

**Akali:** NO!

**Akali:** FOR FUCK SAKE!!

**Akali:** ARE YOU GUYS SLEEP DEPRIVED???

 

**Sivir:** A little bit.

 

**Kai’sa:** YEAH BC I ONLY GOT ONE HOUR OF SLEEP BC OF AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** YOLO!!!

 

**Sona:** (」°ロ°)」

 

**Evelynn:** Oh don’t you dare leave, Sona!

 

**Ahri:** YOU STILL HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!

 

**Sona:** ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐

 

**Evelynn:** Sona!

 

**Ahri:** Noooo don’t leave!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Smart decision, really.

 

**Ahri:** WOW KAI’SA!

 

**Kai’sa:** I ONLY GOT ONE HOUR OF SLEEP SO FUCKING SUE ME

**Kai’sa:** I’M TIRED!

 

**Akali:** Then go back to sleep.

 

**Kai’sa:** IKSJGDKJAKDFGLEFK

**Kai’sa:** I AM COMING OVER TO STRANGLE YOU TOO AKALI!!

 

**Akali:** Oh no.

 

**Ahri:** Actually her thighs are really nice.

 

**Sivir:**  lucky...

 

**Evelynn:** THE ONLY PERSON THAT WILL CHOKE AKALI WITH THEIR THIGHS IS ME!

**Evelynn:** SO FUCK OFF KAI’SA!

**Evelynn:** FIGHT ME!

 

**Sivir:** NOOOO CHOKE MEEE BABE!!

 

**Kai’sa:** VOID SEEKER!

 

**Evelynn:** HATE SPIKE!!!

 

**Ahri:** yolo

 

XXX

 

**Sivir:** So…

**Sivir:** Is anyone alive?

**Sivir:** It’s been 6 hours…

 

**Ahri:** Yeah we’re alive.

**Ahri:** Eve and Akali already left to do their last show on Invincible Youth like 3 hrs ago

 

**Kai’sa:** I got an extra three hours of sleep

**Kai’sa:** Thank the void

 

**Sivir:** Oh good

**Sivir:** I was worried I would have to call the police or something.

 

**Ahri:** We’re not that bad.

 

**Kai’sa:** Debatable

 

**Ahri:** Anyhoo we’re waiting for the baby to arrive.

 

**Sivir:** Ah so you two are going to be taking care of a baby.

**Sivir:** Fun.

 

**Kai’sa:** Pray for me

 

**Sivir:** I will

 

**Ahri:** WOW!

 

**Sivir:** Well, have a good day~

 

**Ahri:** Thanks~

 

**Sivir:** I was talking to Kai’sa

 

**Kai’sa:** Thanks babe~

 

**Ahri:** RUDE!

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL ACTUALLY MURDER YOU IF YOU DON’T FIND HIM!!

 

**Ahri:** I SWEAR IT WASN’T ENTIRELY MY FAULT!!!

**Ahri:** I’M LOOKING!!!

**Ahri:** I’M LOOKING!!!

 

**Sivir:** Oh no…

**Sivir:** What’s going on…?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, do tell.

 

**Kai’sa:** You two are heading back already??

 

**Akali:** Yeah...it’s the end of the day.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh no…

 

**Ahri:** Would you two, by any chance, have seen a baby on your way here?

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRIIIII!!!

 

**Akali:** lol wat

 

**Evelynn:** No, we don’t see any babies in rural Korea just lying around.

 

**Sivir:** Why do you ask?

 

**Kai’sa:** Nothing, everything is fine.

 

**Ahri:** We lost the baby.

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** BUT IT’S TRUE!!

**Ahri:** WE LOST A BABY!!!

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Akali:** …

 

**Sivir:** …

 

**Kai’sa:** I swear it’s not as bad as it sounds.

 

**Evelynn:** No, that’s pretty bad.

 

**Akali:** You lost someone else’s baby?

 

**Kai’sa:** omg we did…

**Kai’sa:** oh god i am a horrible person

 

**Ahri:** You’re not, Kai’sa.

**Ahri:** We just misplaced him.

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT STILL SOUNDS FUCKING BAD!!!

 

**Akali:** How?

**Akali:** What?

**Akali:** ???

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t know!

**Kai’sa:** We were filming at the park and I told Ahri to pick up the baby

**Kai’sa:** And when she came by with the stroller, the baby wasn’t there.

 

**Evelynn:** so it’s Ahri’s fault?

 

**Ahri:** I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!!!!!

 

**Akali:** Are you guys still filming?

 

**Kai’sa:** We’re on break and no one knows that we lost the baby

**Kai’sa:** But they’re going to find out anyways…

 

**Sivir:** Oh babe…

 

**Kai’sa:** Sivir i am freaking out

 

**Sivir:** Just relax and don’t panic

 

**Evelynn:** Just take a deep breath

 

**Akali:** It’s probably best to just report it right away.

 

**Evelynn:** I agree.

**Evelynn:** This might be serious…

 

**Ahri:** You’re right.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh fuck i feel so horrible…

 

**Evelynn:** Look, we’ll be home soon

**Evelynn:** Just tell the director and we will be there to support you.

 

**Akali:** If worse comes to worse, we’ll face it together.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay. Okay.

**Kai’sa:** Thank you.

 

**Ahri:** Alright, we’ll tell them.

 

**Sivir:** It’ll be alright babe

 

**Kai’sa:** I sure hope so.

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** HEY CAN YOU GUYS COME BACK FASTER BC I GOT AN ANGRY PEACH UP MY ASS!!

 

**Evelynn:** What happened?

 

**Akali:** Is everything alright??

 

**Sivir:** Did you find the baby?

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!???

**Kai’sa:** COME OUT OF HIDING!!

 

**Ahri:** IT’S AN HONEST MISTAKE KAI’SA I SWEAR!!

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI I WILL STRANGLE YOU!!

 

**Evelynn:** Before you do, did you find the baby??

 

**Kai’sa:** THE BABY WAS RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT HIM!!!

**Kai’sa:** AHRI PICKED UP THE WRONG STROLLER!!

 

**Ahri:** I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW!!!

 

**Akali:** OH THANK GOD

**Akali:** At least you didn’t lose a baby.

 

**Kai’sa:** I ALMOST LOST MY SANITY BC OF AHRI!!!!

 

**Ahri:** I SWEAR IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Bye Ahri

 

**Sivir:** rip

 

**Akali:** You will be missed.

 

**Ahri:** PLEASE SAVE MEEE!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU NOW!!!

**Kai’sa:** AND FOR THE RECORD 

**Kai’sa:** I AM DONE WITH THESE TV SHOWS!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Same

 

**Akali:** Yeah, me too.

 

**Sivir:** I support you in whatever you do, babe!

 

**Ahri:** PLS I THINK KAI’SA IS ACTUALLY GOING TO KILL ME!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU BET YOUR FOXY ASS I AM!!

 

**Ahri:** HALLLLPPPP!!

 

**Akali:** Press F to pay respects.

 

**Sivir:** F

 

**Evelynn:** F

 

**Kai’sa:** FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

 

**Sona:** F

 

**Evelynn:** Sona…

 

**Ahri:** SONA TEXTED A LETTER!!!

 

**Akali:** SONA!

 

**Sivir:** Oh shit!!

 

**Kai’sa:** oh shit…

 

**Sona:**

****

 

**Evelynn:** Not again.

 

**Akali:** Aw she’s gone.

 

**Sivir:** Damn.

 

**Ahri:** Sona nooooo

 

**Kai’sa:** NOW WHERE WAS I???

  
**Ahri:** NNNNNYYYOOOOOOOO!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you want to be crushed by Kai'sa's thighs. *raises hand*
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	14. Evelynn vs Kai'sa

**Ahri:** This meeting suuuuuuck

**Ahri:** Everyone is so borrriiiiing

**Ahri:** I’m borreeed

**Ahri:** Bored out of my mind

**Ahri:** It’s just money talk and i really don’t care

**Ahri:** Super bored

**Ahri:** How long does a guy need to take in order to promote his stupid gummy bear vitamin?

**Ahri:** I’m going to tell him no anyways and he’s not getting it

**Ahri:** I’m bored

**Ahri:** Halp

**Ahri:** This guy won’t stop talking

**Ahri:** The meeting was suppose to be done like 20 mins ago but dis dude thinks he’s hot shit

**Ahri:** Speaking of hot shit

**Ahri:** I have such a craving for hot cheetos

**Ahri:** I want my tongue burning

**Ahri:** I’m also bored

**Ahri:** like he’s still talkin

**Ahri:** He’s trying to pull out contracts

**Ahri:** lmfao

**Ahri:** he gave me a pen so i can sign his stupid contract but damn bitch

**Ahri:** i ain’t taking your so call sleeping vitamins

**Ahri:** i am drug free

**Ahri:** my body is free of chemicals

**Ahri:** and he’s still talkin

**Ahri:** damn he is relentless

**Ahri:** i mean

**Ahri:** i know i more bootyful than eve but damn

**Ahri:** can i fucking leave?

**Ahri:** my life is woe

**Ahri:** i wish i was shopping

**Ahri:** That would be nice

**Ahri:** We all need new clothes

**Ahri:** no shade girls

**Ahri:** Especially eve

**Ahri:** i’m getting tired of your ugly ass 

**Ahri:** wear something fucking bright for once

**Ahri:** I’m pretty sure you give kai’sa depression just by looking at you, bitch

**Ahri:** HE IS STILL TRYING TO MAKE ME SIGN HIS DAMN CONTRACT

**Ahri:** I JUST WANNNA LEEEAVVVEE

**Ahri:** I fucking told him no

**Ahri:** My agent told him no

**Ahri:** god told him no

**Ahri:** the universe told him no

**Ahri:** Yo do i need to drag amaterasu into this too or something??

**Ahri:** or great grand daddy fox god or something??

**Ahri:** uuugh

**Ahri:** okay i think he gets it

**Ahri:** i think

**Ahri:** he gave me a dirty look

**Ahri:** damn he salty

**Ahri:** lmfao

**Ahri:** he really salty af

**Ahri:** NO ONE WANTS YOUR GUMMY BEARS, BOO!!!

**Ahri:** it’s just sugar and toxic stuff

**Ahri:** i can smell the shit out of those ‘vitamins’

**Ahri:** lmfao

**Ahri:** sigh

**Ahri:** are you guys still busy?

**Ahri:** I’m bored again

**Ahri:** Imma shop online

**Ahri:** imma get you guy some new clothes

**Ahri:** yo stank asses needs it

**Ahri:** oh wait

**Ahri:** i found a site with personality quizzes

**Ahri:** omg lets do it

**Ahri:** Imma make more tabs so i can do one for each of you

**Ahri:** guys?

**Ahri:** GUUUYS??

**Ahri:** I know damn well that you girls are not that busy

**Ahri:** Where are you guys?

**Ahri:** guuuuuuuyyyyyysss??

**Ahri:** heeewwwwooooo

**Ahri:** Excuse me

**Ahri:** helloooo

**Ahri:** nya!

**Ahri:** Do a personality quiz with me!

**Ahri:** sigh

**Ahri:** @Evelynn

**Ahri:** @Akali

**Ahri:** @Kai’sa

**Ahri:** @Sivir

**Ahri:** @Sona ??

 

**Kai’sa:** Omfg ahri…

**Kai’sa:** Do you ever just take a break from your phone?

 

**Ahri:** no

**Ahri:** lolz

 

**Evelynn:** For fuck sake Ahri

**Evelynn:** This is why i mute the chat

 

**Ahri:** you guys muted the chat?!?!?!

 

**Akali:** yeee

 

**Sivir:** Yah

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes

 

**Ahri:** WOW

**Ahri:** You guys are no fun

 

**Evelynn:** You’re crazy

 

**Ahri:** not as crazy as you

 

**Evelynn:** True

 

**Ahri:** You guys should do personality quizzes with me

 

**Kai’sa:** Why

 

**Ahri:** bc i am bored

 

**Akali:** But we aren’t going to be home for a while

 

**Ahri:** then i post the question and the choices on the chat

**Ahri:** and you give me answers

 

**Sivir:** why

 

**Ahri:** it’ll be fun and im bored.

**Ahri:** Here’s a quiz

**Ahri:** ‘What is your Spirit Animal’ quiz.

**Ahri:** [ https://www.spiritanimal.info/spirit-animal-quiz/ ](https://www.spiritanimal.info/spirit-animal-quiz/)

 

**Evelynn:** I’m going to ignore you

 

**Ahri:** I’ll just keep tagging you

**Ahri:** i’m in the studio on my laptop

**Ahri:** i got four hours to kill

**Ahri:** i will tag until you answer

 

**Evelynn:** I hate that you’re persistent

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t really mind

**Kai’sa:** i could use a break

**Kai’sa:** i’ve been dancing for 5 hrs

 

**Ahri:** okay robot that’s insane

 

**Akali:** it’s her passion

 

**Sivir:** it’s a great passion

 

**Evelynn:** I guess she has to keep that ass up somehow

 

**Kai’sa:** hardy har har

**Kai’sa:** sorry eve not everyone uses butt implants like u

 

**Sivir:** oooooooooooooo

 

**Akali:** hey for the record 

**Akali:** they are real

 

**Kai’sa:** that’s what she wants you to think

 

**Evelynn:** they are real, u little shit

**Evelynn:** 100% real

 

**Kai’sa:** real like your jewelry?

 

**Ahri:** OH SNAP KAI’SA WENT THERE!!

 

**Sivir:** ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

**Evelynn:** At least I paid for it

**Evelynn:** i don’t get daddy to pay for my hair extensions

 

**Ahri:** OOOOO RIGHT BACK!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** At least I have a Dad.

 

**Ahri:** ...

**Ahri:** ow

 

**Sivir:** ooooohhhh

 

**Akali:** ooooofff

 

**Evelynn:** low blow kai’sa

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t come for my ass, Eve

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t need to cum for your ass 

 

**Kai’sa:** oh right that’s what akali is for

**Kai’sa:** that explains why you’re so desperate for my ass bc akali can’t make you cum

 

**Sivir** : alksdgjlkdjgksjd;fkjg;zjoivmcgsehiou

**Sivir:** OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!!!

 

**Ahri:** LMFAAOOOOOOO

 

**Akali:** Okay damn

**Akali:** That hurt but also hurt really good

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch who said about akali making me cum

**Evelynn:** I do all the hard work

**Evelynn:** and make her cum

**Evelynn:** and give akali that nice sex glow

**Evelynn:** i make her glow brighter than your streaky forehead

**Evelynn:** i guess sivir doesn’t know how to brighten her own queen

**Evelynn:** Can’t relate

 

**Sivir:** okay wow damn

 

**Ahri:** lmfao lmfao

**Ahri:** damn this is getting good!!

 

**Akali:** oh shit oh shit!!

 

**Kai’sa:** you’re right i don’t glow brighter than akali

**Kai’sa:** bc i am too busy admiring at Sivir’s six pack in bed

**Kai’sa:** and her abdominal v waist that curves so nice and sharp

**Kai’sa:** it could cut me eve

**Kai’sa:** the only thing akali could cut you with is her crooked eyeliner

 

**Ahri:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Ahri:** KAI’SA DAMN 

**Ahri:** KAI’SA

**Ahri:** AHHHHHHH MORE FIGHTING!!!

 

**Sivir:** Suck on that Akali

 

**Akali:** Shut up pharah replacement

 

**Sivir:** at least i accept that

 

**Evelynn:** Bigger isn’t always better, Kai’sa

**Evelynn:** Akali could beat down Sivir 

**Evelynn:** she knows how to turn her enemies’ strength over

**Evelynn:** Sivir could barely balance on a scooter

**Evelynn:** Akali can easily tip her over

 

**Sivir:** i fell off my *MOTORCYCLE* one time

 

**Akali:** You drove over a fucking pebble and lost control

**Akali:** You went flying

 

**Sivir:** my hands slipped

 

**Evelynn:** oh look

**Evelynn:** Sivir gives more action to her scooter than you, Kai’sa

 

**Ahri:** jhbsgkjhzdflkgdzkgjfkdhlk

**Ahri:** POUR MORE TEA!!

 

**Kai’sa:** at least sivir can ride a motorcycle and take me on rides

**Kai’sa:** The best that Akali can do is putt putt along on a skateboard

 

**Akali:** I AM LEARNING!

 

**Evelynn:** I can drive my own woman, thank you very much.

 

**Kai’sa:** oh no did i offend your fragile ego?

 

**Evelynn:** No, I patched it up with your brittle pride

 

**Ahri:** I AM LIVING FOR THIS!!!

 

**Sivir:** Should we stop them?

 

**Akali:** Yeah this might get out of hands…

 

**Kai’sa:** Eve is about to catch these hands

 

**Evelynn:** I hope you’re ready to get your ass whupped

 

**Ahri:** okay stop stop

**Ahri:** no more fighting

**Ahri:** lets take a nice fun quiz and rekindle our friendship

 

**Kai’sa:** Or whatever is left of it

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, whatever is left with your receding hairline

**Evelynn:** Watch out hunny

**Evelynn:** those hair buns are only pulling that hairline back

 

**Sivir:** ooooooooh noo….

 

**Akali:** i’m scared

 

**Kai’sa:** Keep pulling back your eyes when you put on eyeliner and those crows feet will start deepening

**Kai’sa:** caw caw bitch let me nest right into them

**Kai’sa:** No amount of botox will ever make those eye wrinkles fade

 

**Ahri:** OH SHIT OH SHIT!!

**Ahri:** KAI’SA HAS NO CHILL!!!

 

**Sivir:** kjsdfkahdkfgj

 

**Akali:** ilajfhlakshdklfhgldkshgkdjghadjhfgkskj

**Akali:** I think someone might die tonight.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa’s fucking career

 

**Sivir:** ...

 

**Akali:** ...

 

**Kai’sa:** oh you little fucking bitch

 

**Ahri:** OKAY OKAY

**Ahri:** Why don’t I just do the quiz???

 

**Sivir:** PLEASE DO, AHRI!

 

**Akali:** YEAH QUIZ!

**Akali:** it’ll be fun

**Akali:** Right babe??

 

**Evelynn:** Fine.

 

**Sivir:** You’ll do it too, right babe?

 

**Kai’sa:** Fine

 

**Ahri:** Okie okie

**Ahri:** First question of the “What is my Spirit animal?” quiz

**Ahri:** What is your favorite natural element?

**Ahri:** Air, Earth, Fire, Water, Wood, Space

 

**Evelynn:** Fire bc i am about to burn Kai’sa down 

 

**Kai’sa:** Earth bc i will drag Evelynn to the fucking dirt.

 

**Ahri:** ...okay

 

**Sivir:** Oh boy

 

**Akali:** Oh my kami, pls protect us

 

**Ahri:** Question 2

**Ahri:** Do you feel at peace with yourself all the time?

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Evelynn:** Very Inacc-fucking-rate

 

**Kai’sa:** Likewise.

 

**Ahri:** Question 3

**Ahri:** “ I tend to be more "down-to-earth" than "head-in-the-clouds."”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Evelynn:** I shall put fairly accurate

 

**Kai’sa:** I disagree with your airhead but put the same for me

 

**Evelynn:** Wow so funny, Kai’sa 

**Evelynn:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

**Akali:** haha…

 

**Sivir:** hehe…??

 

**Ahri:** Question 4

**Ahri:** “I find it easy to approach others.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Evelynn:** Oh I fucking demand

 

**Akali:** WITH KINDNESS

 

**Kai’sa:** I can hear your fake ass cheeks clapping whenever you stomp in my direction

 

**Sivir:** WHICH IS HELPFUL TO KNOW WHEN YOU ARRIVE!

 

**Evelynn:** oh good, glad i make my presence known

**Evelynn:** *eye rolls*

 

**Ahri:** Question 4

**Ahri:** “ I frequently do things without a specific schedule or plan.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Kai’sa:** We all know Evelynn barely gets her morning routine together.

**Kai’sa:** Or her life

 

**Evelynn:** I like to be spontaneous, you strict timekeeper

 

**Kai’sa:** Having a routine is nice so you’re not a complete mess all the time

 

**Evelynn:** Thanks, no one asked your opinion

 

**Akali:** Wow don’t we all love each other?

 

**Sivir:** We are like one big happy family!

 

**Ahri:** Okay…

**Ahri:** QUESTION 5

**Ahri:** “ The typical, ordinary way feels like a betrayal of myself.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn can’t be a fucking normal person and clean up her shit.

 

**Evelynn:** Leave my shit alone and leave me be.

 

**Kai’sa:** Gladly, your shit stinks.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you.

 

**Sivir:** Hahahahahahaha so funny

 

**Akali:** so funny girls!!

 

**Ahri:** I’ll just answer for you two

**Ahri:** QUESTION 6

**Ahri:** “ I frequently come up with ideas or solutions out of nowhere.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Kai’sa:** Very accurate

 

**Evelynn:** Very accurate

**Evelynn:** I hope you solved how to fix your ending career.

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, I got plans to tear yours apart.

 

**Sivir:** so we can bring ourselves back up!

 

**Akali:** bc best friends got each other’s back!!

 

**Kai’sa:** By stabbing

 

**Evelynn:** Oh you got that right.

 

**Ahri:** QUESTION 7

 

**Sivir:** READ THE MOOD AHRI!

 

**Akali:** THIS IS GETTING BAD.

 

**Ahri:** “The more useful I am to others, the happier I am.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Evelynn:** Oh Kai’sa is very fucking useful

**Evelynn:** She gives great fucking advice

**Evelynn:** If I want to end my career, I’ll listen to her

 

**Kai’sa:** If I need tips to whore myself out

**Kai’sa:** i’ll ask you

 

**Evelynn:** Oh perfect.

 

**Akali:** Sivir i am so sorry

 

**Sivir:** i am too, man

 

**Ahri:** QUESTION 8

**Ahri:** “I spend a lot of time observing before I act.”

**Ahri:** Very Accurate, Fairly Accurate, Somewhat Inaccurate, Very Inaccurate

 

**Kai’sa:** EVELYNN WOULD KNOW NOTHING ON THIS!!

 

**Evelynn:** BITCH I THINK BEFORE I ACT

 

**Kai’sa:** DID YOU THINK BEFORE EATING THOSE MISSING MEN??!!

**Kai’sa:** YOU SHE-DEVIL LITTLE GREMLIN!!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!!!

**Evelynn:** YOU DON’T KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THOSE MEN!!!

**Evelynn:** THAT’S IN THE PAST AND I’VE MOVED ON!

 

**Kai’sa:** YEAH YOU MOVED ON BUT YOU LEFT YOUR CAREER!!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A CAREER BEFORE AHRI AND I BASICALLY HANDED IT TO YOU ON A SILVER PLATTER!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I WAS DOING FINE BEFORE YOU TWO CAME!!

 

**Evelynn:** YEAH HIDING UNDER DADDY’S WINGS IS A GREAT CAREER!!

 

**Kai’sa:** FUCK YOU!!!!!!

 

**Sivir:** AKALI JUST KNOW YOU’RE MY HOMIE NO MATTER WHAT!

 

**Akali:** I KNOW MAN!

 

**Ahri:** QUESTION 9

 

**Sivir:** WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THIS STUPID QUIZ!!!???

 

**Akali:** CAN’T YOU SEE THEY’RE FIGHTING EVEN MORE??

 

**Ahri:** SHUT UP THIS IS TEA AND I AM SPILLING IT!!

**Ahri:** “How would you spend your free time?”

**Ahri:** Take a hike

**Ahri:** arts and craft

**Ahri:** video games and movies

**Ahri:** Hanging with friends

**Ahri:** reading a book

 

**Kai’sa:** EVE SURE LIKES TO CLOCK MY ASS!

 

**Evelyn:** KAI’SA SURE THINKS SHE GOT IT EASY!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU’RE JUST A RICH SPOILED BRAT!!

 

**Evelynn:** AND YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES!!!!

 

**Ahri:** I’ll put hiking for Kai’sa and going out with friends for Eve

 

**Sivir:** HOW ABOUT MENDING THE BREAKING POINT???

 

**Akali** PWEASE DON’T FIGHT GIRLS!

 

**Ahri:** WOW!

**Ahri:** Kai’sa got a deer

**Ahri:** and Evelynn got a Tiger

 

**Evelynn:** I WILL TEAR YOU APART KAI’SA!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** BITCH TRY ME

**Kai’sa:** LETS SEE THOSE FAKE ASS CHEEKS CLAP!!!

 

**Evelynn:** SHUT UP

**Evelynn:**  I WILL RUIN YOUR JAWLINE WITH MY FIST!!

 

**Kai’sa:** BITCH DON’T BREAK A NAIL OR I WILL TEAR THEM OFF!!

 

**Akali:** HEY DON’T WE ALL LOVE EACH OTHER???

 

**Sivir:** YEAH AREN’T WE CLOSE FRIENDS??

 

**Ahri:** imma nap

 

**Akali:** NSKDGHLKDHGBKLSDHJ

**Akali:** AHRI?!?!?!?

 

**Sivir:** YOU CAN’T FUCKING BAIL, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** I sleepy

 

**Evelynn:** CATCH ME OUTSIDE, KAI’SA, HOW ABOUT THAT!!??

 

**Kai’sa:** GLADLY!!!

**Kai’sa:** I WILL FUCKING DRAG YOU ACROSS KOREA!!

 

**Sivir:** How about we drag on a nice couch?

 

**Akali:** Watch a nice movie?

 

**Sivir:** Cuddle with us?

 

**Akali:** and we’re all friends??

 

**Kai’sa:** 5 MINUTES EVE!

 

**Evelynn:** TURN ON YOUR FUCKING LOCATIONS KAI’HOE!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** FUCK YOU

**Kai’sa:** GIVE ME A SECOND!

 

**Evelynn:** TAKE YOUR DAMN TIME

 

**Kai’sa:** THANK YOU!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE WELCOME!!

 

**Ahri:** THE GUMMY BEAR GUY IS BACK!!!

**Ahri:** HE STILL WANTS ME TO SIGN THAT FUCKING CONTRACT!!

 

**Sivir:** WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!

 

**Akali:** LIKE EVE AND KAI’SA!!!??

 

**Ahri:** THEY’LL FIGHT IT OUT AND RECONCILE DON’T WORRY ABOUT THEM

**Ahri:** I GOT BIGGER PROBLEMS!!!

 

**Sivir:** NO YOU DON’T!!

 

**Akali:** HELP US STOP EVE AND KAI’SA!!

 

**Ahri:** HELP ME GET AWAY FROM GUMMY BEAR GUY!!

 

**Sivir:** JUST SAY NO!

 

**Ahri:** I DID AND HE’S STILL PERSISTENT!!

 

**Kai’sa:** TURNED MY LOCATIONS ON, BITCH!!

 

**Evelynn:** PERFECT THANKS

 

**Kai’sa:** NO PROBLEM

**Kai’sa:** NOW BE READY TO DIE!

 

**Evelynn:** GLADLY!

 

**Sivir:** PLEASE DON’T FIGHT YOU TWO!!

 

**Akali:** LETS BE FRIENDS!!!

 

**Ahri:** GUMMY BEAR GUY IS STILL IN THE BUILDINGGGG

**Ahri:** I REPEAT 

**Ahri:** HE IS STILL IN THE BUILDING!!

 

**Sivir:** YOUR PROBLEM DOESN’T REALLY MATTER RIGHT NOW!!!

 

**Ahri:** IT DOES TO MEEEE

 

**Akali:** alsjflsjg

**Akali:** HOW COME WHEN THE PROBLEM IS WITH KAI’SA AND EVE, YOU’RE STILL SOMEHOW MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE??

 

**Ahri:** IT’S MY TALENT 

**Ahri:** NOW HELP ME PLWEASE!!

 

**Sivir:** TAKE CARE OF IT YOURSELF

**Sivir:** WE GOT TO STOP OUR GIRLFRIENDS 

 

**Ahri:** TRAITORS!!!!!

 

**Akali:** WE’RE BEING GOOD GIRLFRIENDS!!!

 

**Ahri:** I AM THE LEADER!

 

**Sivir:** A SHITTY ONE!

 

**Ahri:** RUUUUUDE!!!

 

XXX

 

**Sona:** …

**Sona:** Ya’ll funny af, lmfao

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** Hi

 

**Sivir:** Where have you been?

 

**Ahri:** Unconscious

 

**Akali:** Nani the fuck?

 

**Ahri:** It’s not morbid as it sounds

**Ahri:** I was running away from the gummy bear contractor 

**Ahri:** And I ran right into a wall

**Ahri:** Knocked myself out

 

**Akali:** I fucking snorted lmfao

 

**Sivir:** How are you still alive at this point?

**Sivir:** With Eve wanting to kill you 

**Sivir:** And you running recklessly in the studio

 

**Ahri:** I have no fucking clue

**Ahri:** But apparently when i was knocked out

**Ahri:** The gummy bear man signed the contract with my hand

**Ahri:** So now i have to promote the gummy bears on my insta

 

**Sivir:** Um…

**Sivir:** That sounds illegal…

 

**Ahri:** It probably is

**Ahri:** But my head hurts and i don’t want to deal with legal stuff

**Ahri:** I was thinking of dropping it on Eve’s lap and have her fight for me

**Ahri:** So how are kai’sa and eve?

 

**Akali:** Reconciled

**Akali:** asleep in our arms

**Akali:** while we all group cuddle on the couch 

 

**Ahri:** So they didn’t fight?

 

**Sivir:** Oh they did

**Sivir:** Eve has a black eye and some minor burns

**Sivir:** Kai’sa has a busted lip and a twisted ankle

**Sivir:** But otherwise they are fine

 

**Ahri:** So what made them stop fighting?

 

**Akali:** They saw that they were wearing the same bra and stopped mid fight to fangirl over it

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Are you joking?

 

**Sivir:** Nope

**Sivir:** Kai’sa blasted at Evelynn with her parasites

**Sivir:** Burning a part of Eve’s shirt

**Sivir:** Saw the bra she was wearing 

**Sivir:** Then gushed to Eve how she’s wearing the same bra

 

**Akali:** Then they made up.

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** GREAT SO WE’RE ALL FRIENDS??

 

**Sivir:** Yeah

 

**Ahri:** PERFEEECCT!

**Ahri:** Now wake Eve up so she can come pick me up from the studio.

 

**Akali:** I really don’t want to wake her up…

 

**Ahri:** Wake the hoe up

 

**Akali:** No

 

**Ahri:** I don’t want to call a cab…

 

**Sivir:** Then don’t go running into walls next time

 

**Ahri:** ah screw you…

**Ahri:** I’ll just turn into a fox and run home

 

**Akali:** Have fun with that.

 

**Ahri:** thanks…

 

**Kai’sa:** Did any of you guys see what Sona texted?!

 

**Sivir:** Holy shit

 

**Akali:** How did we miss that?

 

**Ahri:** OH MY FOX!

 

**Evelynn:** @Sona

 

**Sona:** :)

**Sona:** ヾ(＾∇＾)

 

**Ahri:** GET BACK HERE!

**Ahri:** DON’T YOU DARE LEAVE!!

 

**Evelynn:** SONA!

 

**Sona Buvelle has left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Akali:** …

 

**Sivir:** …

**Sivir:** damn 

**Sivir:** what a powermove

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** That little hoe…

 

**Ahri:** SONA WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

**Ahri:** HOW FUCKING OVERDRAMATIC CAN SHE GET??????!!!!

**Ahri:** THAT BITCH IS GOING TO GET IT FROM ME!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually took the quiz (the link is near the beginning of the chapter) and tried to answer the questions the way I think Evelynn and Kai’sa would answer them. Kai’sa actually got deer and Evelynn got tiger. Pretty accurate if you ask me.
> 
> Will Sona ever just talk to the girls? The world may never know.
> 
> Oh, and I am totally shading that gummy bear company. If you know what I am talking about, then extra kudo to you.
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	15. The Motherfucking Truth

**Ahri added Sona Buvelle to group chat "K/DA"**

**Ahri:** I FOUND SONA!

 

 **Kai’sa:** WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN??????

 

 **Ahri:** LOOKING FOR SONA!

 

 **Kai’sa:** IT HAS BEEN THREE WEEKS!

 

 **Ahri:** It has?

 

 **Akali:** It sure has.

 

 **Ahri:** Oh…

 

 **Evelynn:** The best three weeks of my life.

 **Evelynn:** I was ready to announce that you left K/DA.

 

 **Ahri:** I CREATED K/DA!

 **Ahri:** YOU CAN’T KICK ME OUT!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes I can.

 

 **Ahri:** No you can’t.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Will you two stop it?!

 

 **Evelynn:** Fine.

 

 **Ahri:** I got the last word

 **Ahri:** So I win!

 

 **Evelynn:** No you don’t.

 

 **Ahri:** Yeah, I do.

 

 **Evelynn:** No you don’t.

 

 **Ahri:** Yeah, I do

 

 **Kai’sa:** STOP

 **Kai’sa:** My god, you two are like spoiled brats...

 

 **Evelynn:** Fine

 

 **Ahri:** Okie

 

 **Akali:** So you found Sona?

 

 **Ahri:** HELL YEAH I DID!

 

 **Kai’sa:** And?

 

 **Ahri:** We’re at Greenland!

 

 **Akali:** Lol wat

 

 **Kai’sa:** GREENLAND???

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s random.

 

 **Ahri:** That’s what I thought!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Why are you in Greenland of all places???

 

 **Ahri:** idk

 **Ahri:** Ask Sona.

 

 **Sona:** …

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh, so you were running away from Ahri?

 

 **Ahri:** Wait what?

 

 **Akali:** So you ran to Greenland?

 

 **Sona:** :)

 

 **Kai’sa:** This is so random…

 

 **Sona:** (o.0)

 

 **Ahri:** I was NOT trying to kill you, I was trying to catch you!

 

 **Evelynn:** I would run away too if Ahri came after me.

 

 **Ahri:** Ya’ll act like I’m going to eat you.

 

 **Akali:** Real talk

 **Akali:** Don’t gumihos eat human liver?

 

 **Ahri:** That’s ancient history

 **Ahri:** I have never eaten any part of a human.

 

 **Evelynn:** Except the cum

 

 **Akali:** LMFAOOOO

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 **Kai’sa:** Oh my void...

 

 **Ahri:** Hey.

 **Ahri:** Eve?

 **Ahri:** Go fuck yourself.

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay dick biter

 

 **Ahri:** THAT WAS ONE FUCKING TIME, EVE!!!

 **Ahri:** I HAD TO SNEEZE REAL BAD!!!

 

 **Akali:** You sneezed and bit a guy’s junk off????

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh god…

 

 **Ahri:** I DIDN’T BITE IT OFF

 **Ahri:** I JUST SNEEZED AND MY TEETH DUG RIGHT IN!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** OW?????

 **Kai’sa:** OOWWW?????

 

 **Akali:** Oof...poor guy

 

 **Ahri:** POOR ME!!!

 **Ahri:** I WAS TRAUMATIZED!!

 **Ahri:** I WAS SCARED!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Um?? What about the poor chap???

 

 **Ahri:** WHAT ABOUT HIM??

 

 **Akali:** Wow, that’s cold...

 

 **Evelynn:** I still think that’s the funniest thing I have ever seen

 

 **Akali:** You saw??

 

 **Evelynn:** I was watching out for her from the shadows

 **Evelynn:** Make sure things didn’t go sour

 **Evelynn:** You know

 **Evelynn:** Girl code.

 

 **Kai’sa:** That guy’s night sure went sour

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh definitely

 **Evelynn:** I had to bribe him to never tell anyone about what happened between him and Ahri.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Wow, what a good friend...

 

 **Ahri:** She’s okay

 

 **Evelynn:** Wow, thanks bitch

 

 **Ahri:** You’re welcome, bitch

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, I’m scared for any future partner you sleep with, Ahri

 

 **Kai’sa:** I mean, she slept with Eve

 **Kai’sa:** And Eve didn’t complaining about anything missing

 

 **Akali:** LMFAOOO

 **Akali:** True true

 

 **Evelynn:** We were drunk

 **Evelynn:** Don’t remind me.

 

 **Sivir:** Yo, I just got on

 **Sivir:** What the actual fuck???

 **Sivir:** Ahri and Sona are in Greenland??

 **Sivir:** And Ahri likes to bite dicks off??

 

 **Evelynn:** Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

 

 **Ahri:** I DIDN’T BITE ANYTHING OFF!!!!!!

 **Ahri:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!!

 **Ahri:** I HAD TO SNEEZE!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** ‘had to sneeze’

 **Evelynn:** Right

 

 **Ahri:** Oh my fucking god

 **Ahri:** You guys are not going to drop this…huh?

 

 **Kai’sa:** No.

 

 **Akali:** It’s funny af

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s funnier in person

 **Evelynn:** The poor guy cried so loudly

 **Evelynn:** And Ahri just sat there with her mouth open like a fish

 **Evelynn:** Man, I wish I took a picture

 

 **Ahri:** It’s really not that funny…

 

 **Kai’sa:** It kinda is tho

 

 **Akali:** It’s fucking hilarious

 

 **Sivir:** No wonder why you don’t want to date anymore.

 **Sivir:** I wouldn’t trust my teeth if they are that dangerous

 

 **Ahri:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 **Ahri:** That has nothing to do with the fact that I want to focus on my career than my love life.

 

 **Sivir:** Come on, it has to have something to do with it.

 

 **Akali:** Not even a smidge?

 

 **Ahri:** NO.

 

 **Evelynn:** I’m never going to stop bringing it up

 

 **Ahri:** Then I guess I should bring up the time you totally let Twisted Fate play horsey with you.

 

 **Evelynn:** Hey, weren’t you trying to capture Sona?

 

 **Ahri:** don’t change the subject

 

 **Evelynn:** Go bother Sona

 

 **Ahri:** After you tell everyone in this chat about you and Twisted Fate’s adventures in bed.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Nah, I’m good.

 

 **Akali:** I’m curious tbh.

 

 **Sivir:** I’m gay for only Kai’sa, so no thanks.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Babe….

 **Kai’sa:** Blushie

 

 **Sivir:** Habibiti~~

 

 **Kai’sa:** Hartlam~~

 

 **Sivir:** My cutie patootie

 

 **Kai’sa:** My little pancake~

 

 **Akali:** Ew, stop being gay

 

 **Kai’sa:** Just say you’re homophobic and go away

 

 **Akali:** WOW

 

 **Evelynn:** Damn that clapback

 

 **Sivir:** Akali is just jealous

 

 **Akali:** Of what?

 **Akali:** You?

 **Akali:** Bro, you a snowflake

 

 **Sivir:** Bitch, I don’t see gains on those toothpicks

 **Sivir:** Lay off me, bro

 

 **Akali:** You ain’t shit and you ain’t fresh

 

 **Sivir:** Fresher than Fresh Prince of Bel Air, excuse you

 

 **Akali:** Nah, you’re out of pocket dude

 

 **Evelynn:** What are you two fighting about?

 

 **Akali:** Nothing babe

 **Akali:** Just bro talk

 

 **Sivir:** Oh, I was straight up insulting you.

 

 **Akali:** Bro…

 

 **Ahri:** AND ONE MORE THING, EVE!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Stop it.

 

 **Ahri:** WHAT ABOUT THOSE MISSING MALE CELEBS!???

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh my goodness

 **Evelynn:** Drop it.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Hey, where did Sona go?

 

 **Ahri:** TELL THE TRUTH EVE!

 

 **Sivir:** She probably took advantage of Ahri and Evelynn fighting to go run and hide

 

 **Evelynn:** NO!

 **Evelynn:** DROP IT!!

 

 **Akali:** Mood.

 

 **Ahri:** NYAH!!!

 

 **Sivir:** Guess Ahri is stuck in Greenland.

 

 **Evelynn:** Well…

 **Evelynn:** Have fun in Greenland

 **Evelynn:** Don’t come back

 

 **Ahri:** Don’t want to come back to your hoe ass.

 

 **Evelynn:** My ass is great, thanks

 

 **Kai’sa:** Mine’s better.

 

 **Sivir:** Ooo Kai’sa is dropping the ball

 

 **Akali:** Eve’s is better

 

 **Sivir:** Hey fuck you man

 **Sivir:** You were an innocent little ninja before Evelynn

 **Sivir:** And now you finally learn how to finger a girl, you think you have the authority to decide whose ass is better?

 **Sivir:** Bro, lay off, this is my turf.

 **Sivir:** Kai’sa’s ass is better

 

 **Evelynn:** Jesus Christ...

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sassy Sivir makes Momma Kai’sa very happy.

 

 **Ahri:** Wow, I’m turned on

 

 **Kai’sa:** Excuse you

 

 **Ahri:** Sowwy

 

 **Akali:** Bro

 **Akali:** No.

 

 **Sivir:** I’m not wrong.

 

 **Akali:** No, you are.

 

 **Sivir:** No, I’m not.

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, you are.

 

 **Sivir:** No, I’m not.

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, you are.

 

 **Sivir:** No, I’m not.

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, you are.

 

 **Sivir:** No, I’m not.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay stop

 **Kai’sa:** Both of our asses look great

 

 **Evelynn:** Sure, whatever you say

 

 **Akali:** Fine…

 

 **Sivir:** Fine…

 

 **Evelynn:** Don’t worry Akali, you and I know my ass is better than Kai’sa’s.

 

 **Kai’sa:** WOW!

 

 **Evelynn:** Shit, that was supposed to be private message...

 

 **Sivir:** WOW

 

 **Akali:** Don’t worry Eve, I agree, yours is much rounder

 

 **Kai’sa:** THIS IS STILL THE GROUP CHAT!

 

 **Akali:** I know.

 

 **Kai’sa:** RUDE!

 

 **Ahri:** BUT KAI’SA GOT THICK THIGHS!!

 

 **Sivir:** That saves lives.

 **Sivir:** But won’t choke me with them

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

 **Evelynn:** #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

 **Akali:** #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

 **Ahri:** #chokesivirwithkaisathighs2019

 

 **Kai’sa:** Stop it

 

 **Akali:** why won’t you choke Sivir with your thighs?

 

 **Evelynn:** You choked Ahri

 

 **Ahri:** It was amazing

 

 **Sivir:** LUCKY

 

 **Kai’sa:** It’s not like I don’t want to

 

 **Evelynn:** So why won’t you?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Bc

 

 **Akali:** Bc why

 

 **Kai’sa:** Just bc

 

 **Ahri:** Give an answer, sister.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Bc I’m self conscious about my stretch lines on my inner thighs.

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh

 **Evelynn:** That’s nothing to be ashamed of

 

 **Akali:** I have stretch marks too

 **Akali:** on the side of my tummy

 

 **Ahri:** Girl, stretch marks are like tiger stripes

 **Ahri:** They are beautiful and really cool.

 

 **Sivir:** Babe, every flaw on your body is what makes you perfect. However, you know what I care about even more? Your soul. You have one of the warmest and softest souls I have ever met, and you accepted a nobody like me into your life.

 **Sivir:** You accepted every scar, issue, and problem with me. You worked with me to become a much better woman. The least I can do is accept all of you as you. Every inch of you is perfect.

 **Sivir:** If anyone shames you for it, I will personally come to defend you, but their opinion doesn’t matter. Yours does and if you love and accept your flaws, then who cares what anyone thinks, what I think.

 **Sivir:** I love you, Kai’sa. I want you to be comfortable with me and I also want you to love yourself even more.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Babe…

 **Kai’sa:** Stop, I’m crying.

 **Kai’sa:** I love you so so much.

 

 **Evelynn:** This is sweet

 

 **Akali:** Aww

 

 **Ahri:** Cuties!

 

 **Sivir:** I love you too~

 

 **Kai’sa:** I love you more~

 

 **Sivir:** I love you mostest~

 

 **Ahri:** Damn, if only I had this much fucking support for my outie belly button

 

 **Sivir:** Still the weirdest thing I have ever seen

 

 **Akali:** It looks so fucking odd

 

 **Kai’sa:** I think you need to get that checked out

 

 **Evelynn:** Ahri, your belly button is the most disturbing thing I have ever seen.

 

 **Ahri:** WOW

 **Ahri:** Aren’t you guys so fucking supportive!?????

 

 **Kai’sa:** You have a nice butt

 

 **Ahri:** OH FUCK YEAH!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Not as good as mine

 

 **Ahri:** WELL FUCK YOU

 

 **Akali:** No, that’s my job.

 

 **Ahri:** Go fuck yourself

 

 **Sivir:** She does when Evelynn is not around

 

 **Akali:** I DO NOT

 

 **Evelynn:** Aw, you don’t?

 

 **Akali:** I mean...if you want me too..

 

 **Sivir:** We don’t, loser

 

 **Akali:** WOW

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAO

 

 **Evelynn:** Fuck off, Pharah 2.0

 

 **Sivir:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

 **Ahri:** Oh shiiiiiit

 

 **Kai’sa:** I hate to ruin the moment but what happened to Sona?

 

 **Ahri:** How should I know?

 

 **Evelynn:** You went missing for three weeks and followed her all the way to Greenland???

 

 **Ahri:** Oh yah

 

 **Akali:** She’s prolly long gone

 

 **Sivir:** Yeah, Hatsune Miku runaway is out.

 

 **Sona:** WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!

 

 **Ahri:** wat

 

 **Evelynn:**???

 

 **Akali:** Holy shit

 

**Kai’sa: ….**

 

 **Sivir:** Hatsune Miku?

 

 **Sona:** FUCK THAT FUCKALOID BITCH!

 

 **Evelynn:** Goodness…

 

 **Ahri:** Eve and I have never seen Sona mad before….

 

 **Akali:** Well…

 **Akali:** We’re about to see that happened…

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh no

 

 **Sona:** SHE’S NOT EVEN A REAL PERSON!!!!! I AM A REAL PERSON BUT EVERYONE LOVES THAT BLUE HAIRED LITTLE ROBOT!!!!

 

 **Akali:** She’s pretty popular in Japan.

 

 **Sona:** WHICH DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE TO ME!!! HOW COME PEOPLE LIKE A FUCKING HOLOGRAM WHEN I AM LITERALLY A REAL PERSON MAKING REAL MUSIC!????

 

 **Sivir:** Bc her music is good?

 

 **Sona:** HER MUSIC?? HER FUCKING MUSIC??? HER MUSIC IS FUCKING SUCKS ASS!!

 

 **Akali:** They are meme-able

 

 **Sona:** AS THEY SHOULD BE BC THEY ARE TRASH!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Her songs are pretty catchy

 

 **Sona:** KAJGKLJDLKJFGHLKDJZGHKSDJGHKJDHFLKJ

 **Sona:** EVELYNN I WILL FUCKING MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!

 

 **Evelynn:** I’m scared.

 **Evelynn:** I’m actually really scared…

 

 **Ahri:** Me too…

 

 **Kai’sa:** …

 

 **Sona:** I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL FUCKING TEAR THAT HATSUNE MIKU’S CAREER APART AND SHOW THE WORLD WHAT REAL MUSIC IS LIKE!!! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WILL RISE TO THE TOP OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AND RULE IT WITH AN IRON FIST IN ORDER TO TAKE DOWN THAT FAKE ASS HOLOGRAM OF AN EXCUSE!!!

 **Sona:** THEN I WILL TEAR THE COMPANY THAT CREATED HER! I WILL DESTROY EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT HAS AN AFFILIATION WITH HER! I WILL PERSONALLY MAKE THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER, AND THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER, AND THEN THEIR LOVED ONES SUFFER!

 **Sona:** I WILL NOT REST UNTIL DJ SONA IS THE NEW HATSUNE MIKU, BC FUCK THAT TALENTLESS BITCH! I WORKED MY ASS OFF TO GET WHERE I AM AND I AM NOT LETTING SOME COMPUTER RUIN MY LOOK AND MY IMAGE WITH THEIR EAR SCREECHING MUSIC!

 **Sona:** SONA OUT!

 

 **Evelynn:** …

 

 **Akali:** ….

 

 **Ahri:** …

 

 **Sivir:** I feel violated.

 

 **Kai’sa:** So I guess this confirmed that Sona can text like a normal person and that she was prolly trolling Ahri and Evelynn for years with her emoji faces, when really she has been harboring a lot of hatred for a hologram that looks pretty similar to her?

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes.

 

 **Akali:** Pretty much

 

 **Ahri:** I’ll take it

 

 **Sivir:** I still feel very disturbed.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Welp, that ends that mystery

 

 **Ahri:** So...now what?

 **Ahri:** I’m still in Greenland.

 

 **Evelynn:** Stay there.

 

 **Ahri:** Come get me please.

 

 **Evelynn:** No.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Just buy a plane ticket home

 

 **Ahri:** I don’t have anymore money

 

 **Akali:** YOU don’t have anymore money?

 

 **Ahri:** Airplane tickets are expensive bitch

 

 **Evelynn:** I guess you’re stuck there with an angry Sona

 

 **Ahri:** Wait! I have an idea.

 **Ahri:** @Sona

 **Ahri:** Hatsune Miku is doing a concert in Korea, want to help me crash it?

 

 **Sona:** YES! ON MY WAY!

 **Sona:** I WILL TEAR THAT HOLOGRAM APART AND DESTROY IT, THROWING THE REMAINS INTO THE DEEPEST PART OF THE OCEAN WHERE THE SUNLIGHT WILL NEVER REACH SO SHE CAN ROT WITH THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP!!!

 

 **Sivir:** I’m so fucking scared of Sona.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I’ve been working on other projects for K/DA Week so I set this aside. Then I had writer’s block and went back to this to loosen those writer’s knots. Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	16. Evelynn’s Past?

**Akali: *texts link***

**Akali:** Yo, look what I just read.

 

 **Evelynn:** My goodness…

 

 **Ahri:** Wow.

 

 **Sona:** Huh.

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh, she speaks.

 

 **Sona:** I sure do.

 

 **Ahri:** It’s about time.

 

 **Sona:** Not my fault that you two were dumb enough to think I can’t text words all these years.

 **Sona:** How stupid do you have to be that you think that all I can only speak in kaomojis?

 

 **Ahri:** Pretty dumb.

 **Ahri:** Wait

 **Ahri:** Oh this is about us...

 

 **Evelynn:** I already don’t like this.

 **Evelynn:** Go back when you only spoke in kaomojis.

 

 **Sona:** No.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I love this.

 

 **Ahri:** I don’t.

 

 **Sivir:** So ya’ll are going to ignore the article about the destruction of certain parts of Korea due to two raging men fighting over their daughters?

 

 **Kai’sa:** I really don’t want to deal with this.

 

 **Akali:** But it has been weeks and Azir and Kassadin have been fighting this whole time????

 

 **Evelynn:** I guess we just forgot about them.

 **Evelynn:** *shrugs*

 

 **Ahri:** They aren’t OUR dads.

 

 **Evelynn:** Valid point.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I honestly don’t care.

 

 **Akali:** I kinda do

 **Akali:** I kinda don’t want Korea to turn into rubble bc of two fathers.

 

 **Sivir:** I just want Azir to return to Egypt.

 

 **Sona:** Then make them stop fighting.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I need a nap.

 

 **Ahri:** Mood.

 

 **Evelynn:** So we’re just going to let them keep fighting?

 

 **Sona:** Ideally, you shouldn’t.

 

 **Ahri:** This is coming from the woman that destroyed a HM concert, leaving no survivors.

 

 **Sona:** HM?

 

 **Sivir:** Hatsune Miku

 

 **Sona:** FUCK THAT HOE ASS BITCH!!

 

 **Ahri:** Hey, Sivir?

 

 **Sivir:** Yes?

 

 **Ahri:** When I put ‘HM’

 **Ahri:** I’m trying to abbreviate the fucking name so we DON’T trigger her.

 

 **Sivir:** Oh

 **Sivir:** Okay, I get it.

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s okay, we’re still getting use to Sona texting.

 

 **Akali:** I like it.

 

 **Ahri:** I don’t.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I do.

 

 **Evelynn:** Darn, it’s split 50-50

 **Evelynn:** Sivir, what’s your opinion?

 

 **Sivir:** I kinda like it.

 

 **Evelynn:** Fuck…

 

 **Ahri:** Damn it

 

 **Sona:** Suck it.

 

 **Akali:** At least she can’t talk in person.

 

 **Sona:** You damn lucky I don’t.

 **Sona:** Bc I got a LOT of things to say to Ahri and Evelynn

 **Sona:** I actually wrote a book, kinda like a diary

 **Sona:** Want me to share the document?

 

 **Evelynn:** Yeah, no, we’re good.

 

 **Ahri:** Mucho bueno

 

 **Kai’sa:** ^^stop that

 

 **Sona:** It’s about 800k words

 

 **Akali:** Wow….

 

 **Evelynn:** …

 

 **Ahri:** …

 

 **Sona:** 650k for Evelynn

 **Sona:** 250k for Ahri

 

 **Ahri:** TAKE THAT EVE!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh shut up.

 

 **Sivir:** Soooo

 **Sivir:** How about helping me send Azir back to Egypt and staying as far away as he can from me?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oof

 **Kai’sa:** Let them fight for a few more weeks.

 

 **Ahri:** Hey, girl?

 **Ahri:** I would love my home to NOT be reduced to rubble bc of your father.

 

 **Kai’sa:** You say this as if this is not my home too.

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay yeah but Ahri was born and raised in Korea.

 **Evelynn:** We all had to get our citizenships.

 **Evelynn:** We’re fakes.

 

 **Akali:** I was born in Japan.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Where were you born, Eve?

 

 **Evelynn:** This ain’t about me, it’s about Ahri

 

 **Ahri:** Wait, I’m curious too.

 

 **Evelynn:** Damn it.

 

 **Sivir:** You got to tell, sis.

 

 **Evelynn:** No.

 

 **Sona:** I’m curious as well.

 **Sona:** All these years I’ve known you, I have no idea where you were born, who your parents were, and how you came to be.

 

 **Evelynn:** I don’t like talking about my past.

 

 **Akali:** What is your past??

 

 **Evelynn:** nothing, darling

 **Evelynn:** Go back to rapping on the streets.

 

 **Akali:** But I’m curious too

 

 **Kai’sa:** Speak the truth

 

 **Ahri:** My theory is that a dark and stormy thunderstorm came around, the clouds were all black and it was releasing large lighting bolts and shit. Then all of a sudden, it popped out Evelynn like a pimple. And she came down all dramatic like the Terminator. She’s not even a baby, she’s an adult. Then she just bullshit her way to Korea and their idol school and bada bing bada boom here we are

 

 **Kai’sa:** You put a lot of thought into that theory.

 

 **Ahri:** I’ve known her for a long time.

 

 **Akali:** Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised.

 

 **Sona:** Interesting.

 

 **Sivir:** Yeah, I buy it.

 

 **Evelynn:** That is very far from the fucking truth, you idiot.

 

 **Ahri:** Tell us the truth, you coward.

 

 **Akali:** LMFAO

 

 **Kai’sa:** I bet she’s a rich girl that ran away from her family bc she’s THAT  bitch.

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s a little closer to the truth.

 **Evelynn:** Just a little.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Holy shit, really???

 

 **Ahri:** WHAT???

 **Ahri:** WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY THEORY???

 

 **Evelynn:** The clouds popped me out????

 **Evelynn:** What am I?? A Greek Goddess????

 

 **Kai’sa:** Actually, I’m curious.

 **Kai’sa:** What is your ethnicity?

 **Kai’sa:** Or nationality?

 

 **Evelynn:** Why are you guys questioning me all of a sudden????

 

 **Akali:** Bc you’re a dark mystery

 **Akali:** And we want to know your history

 **Akali:** So tell us so we can claim our victory

 **Akali:** Damn I need to put that in a rap.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Nice-su

 

 **Ahri:** NICE-SU!

 

 **Sivir:** Nice-su

 

 **Sona:** ^^?????

 

 **Ahri:** We do that whenever Akali makes some nice raps to encourage her

 

 **Evelynn:** That was pretty fire, babe.

 

 **Kai’sa:** ^^ So, you didn’t come from the clouds?

 

 **Evelynn:** NO

 

 **Ahri:** Darn

 

 **Sivir:** ok hear me out

 **Sivir:** Evelynn was born in America

 **Sivir:** hear me out

 **Sivir:** She was a popular child star

 **Sivir:** hear me out

 **Sivir:** She got into a scandal and had to leave the country

 **Sivir:** hear me out

 **Sivir:** then she got into the mafia for protection but ended up involved in some gang war

 **Sivir:** hear me out

 **Sivir:** She ran off to Korea to become an idol to pay off debts

 **Sivir:** Hear me out

 **Sivir:** ok that’s all I have

 

 **Akali:** Stupid theory, next.

 

 **Sivir:** WOW

 

 **Kai’sa:** Idk, I kinda believe it

 

 **Sivir:** THANK YOU

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay no

 **Evelynn:** I was not born in America.

 

 **Sivir:** Damn it

 

 **Sona:** You’re not going to tell us anything, huh, Evelynn?

 

 **Evelynn:** This is the only thing you need to know.

 **Evelynn:** I am a basic white girl that has huge, lavish cars, to represent my strong pussy game.

 

 **Ahri:** **lack of pussy game

 

 **Evelynn:** Go fuck yourself.

 

 **Ahri:** Already do!!!

 

 **Akali:** Okay…

 

 **Kai’sa:** tmi

 

 **Ahri:** It’s called self love

 **Ahri:** Ya’ll should try it.

 

 **Sivir:** that’s what Kai’sa is for.

 

 **Akali:** That’s what Eve is for

 

 **Sivir:** AYEEE

 

 **Akali:** AYEEE

 

 **Evelynn:** <3

 

 **Kai’sa:** <3

 

 **Sona:** Gross.

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHA!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Rude.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Remind me to be careful washing your bed sheets, Ahri.

 

 **Ahri:** I have no shame

 **Ahri:** The only person that knows my body better than anyone is myself.

 

 **Evelynn:** Can we change the topic?

 **Evelynn:** I don’t want to talk about how Ahri masturbates.

 

 **Ahri:** fucking coward

 

 **Akali:** Ok, where the fuck did you come from Eve?

 

 **Evelynn:** Oh my god…

 

 **Sivir:** Give us something

 **Sivir:** We just want to make sure you’re not the devil incarnate, ready to destroy the world as a Kpop idol.

 

 **Kai’sa:** She is a succubus so that’s not far off, babe

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay let me get this clear

 **Evelynn:** Succubus are a type of demons, yes.

 **Evelynn:** But pple thinking we are evil are wrong

 **Evelynn:** Back in the old days

 **Evelynn:** humans thought sex was sinful and all that

 **Evelynn:** My species, that literally needs to rely on sex in order to reproduce and keep the succubus line alive, was seen as evil and sinful bc humans are such fucking snowflakes

 **Evelynn:** So excuse us that we’re trying to fucking live and get laid at the same time

 

 **Akali:** Wait I’m confused

 **Akali:** all species need to reproduce

 **Akali:** Why are you guys getting the most shit??

 

 **Evelynn:** Excellent question, my darling love

 **Evelynn:** Bc we don’t follow the ‘rules’ of religion, we mock them

 **Evelynn:** Priests and nuns hated us bc we didn’t want to conform to their standards.

 

 **Ahri:** This is interesting but this is not explaining your past at all

 

 **Kai’sa:** I think she is trying to avoid the question.

 

 **Evelynn:** FINE

 **Evelynn:** I will tell you this

 **Evelynn:** My mother is a succubus, my father is an incubus.

 

 **Akali:**???

 

 **Sona:**??

 

 **Sivir:** Um?

 **Sivir:** Is that it?

 

 **Evelynn:** You guys need to brush up on your history…

 **Evelynn:** fine let me explain

 **Evelynn:** A succubus has sex with human men for their seed.

 **Evelynn:** then the succubus passes the seed to the incubus

 **Evelynn:** then the incubus goes have sex with a human woman

 **Evelynn:** Now here I am

 **Evelynn:** So when I say that my species literally relies on sex to live, we really mean it.

 

 **Ahri:** My head hurts.

 

 **Evelynn:**...fuck off then Ahri

 

 **Sivir:** So...you were the human woman??

 **Sivir:** The incubus turned the human woman into a succubus??

 

 **Evelynn:** NO

 **Evelynn:** The human woman gave birth to me

 

 **Kai’sa:** So you’re human?

 

 **Evelynn:** NO

 **Evelynn:** I am a succubus!!!

 

 **Ahri:** I’m still confused

 

 **Evelynn:** fuck off ahri

 

 **Akali:** Oh, okay I think I get it.

 **Akali:** Succubus can’t give birth bc Incubus don’t have seeds

 **Akali:** So the succubus goes to a human men to collect their seed and give it to the incubus, who then goes to human women.

 **Akali:** Then Evelynn came to be.

 

 **Evelynn:** Thank you, darling.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh I get it now

 

 **Ahri:** ah, me too

 

 **Sivir:** Ooooo

 

 **Sona:** Oh, okay.

 

 **Evelynn:** Akali literally just paraphrased what I said and you understood her and not me????

 

 **Ahri:** Lol

 

 **Kai’sa:** I guess??

 

 **Sivir:** So, it took four people to create you???

 

 **Evelynn:** Yeah, technically

 

 **Sona:** And this is how you turned out? Yikes.

 

 **Evelynn:** FUCK YOU SONA!!!!

 

 **Ahri:** So...about those missing male celebs…??

 

 **Evelynn:** HEY REMEMBER THAT AZIR AND KASSADIN ARE STILL FIGHTING WITH EACH OTHER AS WE SPEAK???

 

 **Kai’sa:** And?

 

 **Sivir:** And?

 

 **Evelynn:** WHY DON’T WE STOP THEM INSTEAD OF DRILLING ME ON MY EXISTENCE???

 

 **Kai’sa:** No.

 

 **Sivir:** This is more interesting

 

 **Akali:** Oh yeah, they’re still fighting

 

 **Ahri:** They’ll get tired, right?

 

 **Sona:** I doubt it.

 

 **Evelynn:** Well, lets do something about it

 

 **Ahri:** No.

 

 **Kai’sa:** No.

 

 **Sivir:** No.

 

 **Akali:** Nah

 

 **Sona:** Wow, you’re so productive all of a sudden.

 

 **Evelynn:** I’m just going to add them to this chat.

 

 **Kai’sa:** NO!!

 

 **Sivir:** NO!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Too bad.

 

 **Kai’sa:** WAIT EVE DON’T BE SO RASH!!!

 **Kai’sa:** LETS TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** HOW DO YOU HAVE THEIR NUMBERS???

 

 **Evelynn:** I have my sources.

 **Evelynn:** Give me a second.

 

 **Kai’sa:** CAN’T WE TALK ABOUT THIS?????

 

 **Sivir:** HELLO!!???

 

**Evelynn added Azir and Kassadin to group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Kai’sa:** FUCK

 

 **Sivir:** Fuck no

 

**Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Sivir left group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Akali:** LMFAO

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

 

**Ahri added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Sivir left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Akali added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Sivir left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Sona added Sivir and Kai’sa to group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Kai’sa:** LET ME FUCKING LEAVE!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** PLEASE!!!

 

 **Azir:** OMG IT’S MY SWEET PEA AND HER MAMA BIRD!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Eve whyyyyy

 

 **Evelynn:** :)

 

 **Ahri:** I’m making popcorn, anyone wants some??

 

 **Akali:** ME!

 **Akali:** I AM COMING HOME!

 

 **Sona:** I’m coming over.

 

 **Kai’sa:** DON’T FUCKING MAKE A SHOW OF THIS!!!!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** YEAH, MY DAUGHTER’S KIDNAPPERS ARE NOT FOR ENTERTAINMENT!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I AM NOT KIDNAPPED!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** I AM INNOCENT!!!

 

 **Azir:** I MISS YOU SIVIR!

 

 **Sivir:** READ THE FUCKING MOOD!!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** KAI’SA, THIS MAN MEANS TO TAKE YOU TO SOME FARAWAY PLACE AND HAVE ME NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!!!

 

 **Azir:** I SAID I WANTED KAI’SA AND SIVIR TO MARRY IN EGYPT! THAT’S ALL!!

 **Azir:** IT WOULD BE ROMANTIC!!!

 

 **Sivir:** CAN’T KAI’SA AND I WAIT UNTIL WE ARE READY FOR MARRIAGE???

 

 **Kassadin:** YOU’RE NOT TAKING AWAY MY ONLY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** I AM NOT TAKING AWAY ANYONE!!!

 

 **Azir:** KAI’SA SHALL BE A PART OF MY EMPIRE!!

 **Azir:** I MEAN FAMILY!

 

 **Sivir:** READ THE MOOD, AZIR!!!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** KAI’SA I WILL PROTECT YOU!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I DON’T NEED PROTECTING!!!

 **Kai’sa:** I AM AN ADULT!

 

 **Kassadin:** YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY GIRL!!

 

 **Azir:** AND SHE SHALL BE MY SWEET PEA’S BABY GIRL TOO!!

 

 **Kassadin:** KAI’SA IS MY DAUGHTER!!!!

 

 **Azir:** AND SHE SHALL BE MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW!!!

 

 **Sivir:** CAN YOU FUCKING READ THE MOOD???

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay can we stop yelling?

 **Kai’sa:** We’re not getting anywhere with all of us yelling.

 

 **Azir:** MY SWEET PEA’S BABY MAMA IS SO SMART!!

 

 **Kassadin:** SHE’S NOT YOUR SWEET PEA’S BABY MAMA!!!

 

 **Sivir:** Yes she is.

 

 **Kassadin:** YOU!!!

 

 **Sivir:** Me.

 

 **Azir:** THAT’S MY SWEET PEA!!!

 

 **Sivir:** You

 **Sivir:** Shut up

 

 **Kai’sa:** Can we stop capitalizing our texts?

 

 **Azir:** I WOULD BUT I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING IN MY PHONE BC IT’S STUCK LIKE THIS

 

 **Kassadin:** REALLY??

 **Kassadin:** BC I THOUGHT YOU HAVE BEEN AGGRESSIVELY BEEN YELLING AT ME THIS WHOLE TIME!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** You’re not helping yourself, dad…

 

 **Azir:** SIVIR HELP I CAN’T TURN THIS OFF!!

 

 **Sivir:** …

 **Sivir:** You see that arrow that points upwards when you text?

 

 **Azir:** YES?

 

 **Sivir:** Is it blue?

 

 **Azir:** YES?

 

 **Sivir:** Tap it.

 

 **Azir:** OKAY

 **Azir:** did it work?

 **Azir:** SIVIR, IT WORKED!

 

 **Sivir:** DON’T TURN IT BACK ON!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay, now that we have that problem solved.

 **Kai’sa:** Can you two stop fighting?

 

 **Kassadin:** BUT BABY GIRL!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Dad.

 **Kai’sa:** I am dating Sivir whether you like it or not.

 **Kai’sa:** And who knows, in the far future

 **Kai’sa:** Sivir and I may get married

 **Kai’sa:** And you’re going to have to accept that, because I'm happiest with her.

 

 **Kassadin:** Okay. :)

 

 **Kai’sa:** jjhjfhfafkdghdkhglkdjh

 

 **Sivir:** What?

 

 **Azir:** YAY!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Wait, you’re serious?

 

 **Kassadin:** Yes, of course.

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT YOU WENT THROUGH ALL THAT SHIT WHEN ALL I HAD TO DO WAS TO JUST TELL YOU HOW I FELT??!!!!

 

 **Sona:** I guess, why didn’t you just be honest earlier?

 

 **Kai’sa:** BC HE THOUGHT SIVIR KIDNAPPED ME!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** SHE DID!??

 

 **Kai’sa:** OH MY VOID!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** NOOOO

 

 **Azir:** WHATEVER GETS KAI’SA INTO OUR FAMILY!!!

 

 **Sivir:** READ THE MOOD!!!!!!

 

 **Kassadin:** KAI’SA I WILL PROTECT YOU!

 

 **Kai’sa:** SHIT WE ARE BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!

 

**Kai’sa removed Kassadin and Azir from group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Akali:** That didn’t solve anything.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I fucking tried.

 

 **Ahri:** OW OW MY STOMACH HURTS SO MUCH FROM LAUGHING!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Glad you got a kick out of it…

 

 **Sona:** Man, I thought my mom was crazy.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Whoopdee fucking doo

 

 **Sivir:** What matters is that we are together~

 

 **Kai’sa:** Of course baby~

 

 **Evelynn:** Gay.

  
**Kai’sa:** Shut up, cloud pimple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you study and look up the different versions of lore for the succubus and incubus, it’s very interesting to read. I just wanted to poke fun at Evelynn’s lack of background since we know Kai’sa has lived all over the world before pursuing to be a pop star, Akali was most likely born in Japan and spend her time in a dojo before trying to make it big in Korea, and Ahri most likely born and raised in Korea. Evelynn? Who knows where she came from? But what’s important is that she represents her strong pussy game. 
> 
> See yah in the next chapter, let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	17. Noodles, Fanfics, and Secret Videos? Oh my!

**Akali:** AHRI I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL CUT YOU!!

 

**Ahri:** What?

**Ahri:** What did I do?

**Ahri:** I literally just woke up.

 

**Evelynn:** Aw, you woke up?

**Evelynn:** Now my day is ruined.

 

**Ahri:** Hahah…

**Ahri:** So funny Eve

 

**Akali:** AHRI, WHY DID YOU TELL THE MEDIA THAT I AM A RAPPING NINJA????

 

**Ahri:** Bc you are???

 

**Akali:** I AM A NINJA RAPPER!!!!

 

**Ahri:** What’s the difference???

 

**Akali:** THERE’S A HUGE DIFFERENCE!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Breakfast is ready, kids.

 

**Ahri:** I’m too sleepy for this.

**Ahri:** Night night

 

**Akali:** I AM A NINJA RAPPER, NOT A RAPPER NINJA!!!

 

**Ahri:** OKAY????

 

**Evelynn:** There’s a difference, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** WELL FUCKING SUE ME THEN!!!

**Ahri:** WHY ARE YOU SO UPTIGHT ABOUT THIS??

 

**Akali:** BC PPLE THINK I RAP ABOUT NINJAS!!!

 

**Ahri:** AND???

**Ahri:** DON’T YOU???

 

**Akali:** I AM A NINJA RAPPER, AHRI!!

**Akali:** I AM A NINJA THAT RAPS, NOT A RAPPER THAT RAPS ABOUT NINJAS!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I made chocolate pancakes.

 

**Ahri:** I am genuinely confused and going back to sleep.

 

**Evelynn:** It’s almost noon

 

**Ahri:** Key word is ‘almost’

**Ahri:** I still got some morning to sleep on

 

**Akali:** AHRI, I AM A NINJA RAPPER!

**Akali:** NINJA

**Akali:** RAPPER

**Akali:** NOT THE OTHERWAY AROUND!!!

 

**Ahri:** Does this really matter????

 

**Akali:** YES!!!

**Akali:** HOW DO OTHER RAPPERS TAKE ME SERIOUSLY??

 

**Evelynn:** It does matter to Akali, Ahri. Say you’re sorry.

 

**Ahri:** You’re not even part of the problem.

 

**Evelynn:** Akali is my girlfriend and any problem she has, it is also mine to deal with.

 

**Ahri:** Wow, what a fucking supportive gf you are

**Ahri:** So brave of you

**Ahri:** *eye rolls*

 

**Evelynn:** Just say you’re sorry.

 

**Ahri:** No.

 

**Akali:** I AM A NINJA RAPPER!!!

 

**Ahri:** OKAY

 

**Evelynn:** Just say you’re sorry and she’ll get over it

 

**Ahri:** FIINE

**Ahri:** Only bc I can’t tell what we are fighting about.

**Ahri:** I’m sorry.

 

**Akali:** thank you

**Akali:** NOW THE OTHER THING I AM MAD ABOUT!!!

 

**Ahri:** GOOD NIGHT!!

 

**Evelynn:** Bitch, it is almost noon.

 

**Ahri:** NIGHT NIGHT

 

**Akali:** YOU ATE MY LAST CUP OF SPICY RAMYUN LAST WEEK, AHRI!!

 

**Ahri:** THAT WAS LAST WEEK, AKALI!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I made us all Kona Coffee too

 

**Evelynn:** You ate her last cup of spicy ramyun last week???

**Evelynn:** You fucking monster.

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD

 

**Akali:** I say we overthrow the leader.

 

**Ahri:** Excuse me??

**Ahri:** Am I in a nightmare???

**Ahri:** I’m going back to sleep.

 

**Kai’sa:** Nice hot coffee is waiting for you guys.

 

**Akali:** I AM CHARGING INTO YOUR ROOM!!

 

**Ahri:** ALL BC I ATE ONE CUP OF NOODLES?????

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, sucks to be you.

 

**Ahri:** CAN’T WE HAVE A PEACEFUL AND QUIET MORNING JUST ONCE IN THIS DAMN HOUSEHOLD???!!!

 

**Akali:** WE CAN IF YOU DIDN’T EAT MY DAMN CUP OF NOODLES!!

 

**Ahri:** BITCH, FUCK YO NOODLES!!!

 

**Akali:** DON’T FUCK MY NOODLES!!!

 

**Evelynn:** HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! 

 

**Ahri:** DON’T SCREW UP MY WORDS!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Come down and have your damn chocolate pancakes and Kona coffee or I will cry so my tears will make them salty.

 

**Akali:** Ok Jesus….

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa you good?

 

**Evelynn:** Do we need to have a talk again?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh good, I got everyone’s attention.

**Kai’sa:** Come down for breakfast.

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** What if I don’t want to?

 

**Kai’sa:** I will come up and drag your stank ass out of bed, you nasty stinky fox hussy.

 

**Ahri:** OKAY OKAY 

**Ahri:** I’m coming down.

 

**Akali:** Coming Kai’sa!

 

**Evelynn:** We’re still going to have a talk.

 

**Kai’sa:** Fine.

 

XXX

 

**Sivir:** Yo babe

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes?

 

**Sivir:** Do you know if I left my laptop at your place?

 

**Kai’sa:** Hmm

**Kai’sa:** No idea

**Kai’sa:** Do you think you left it in my room?

 

**Sivir:** Yah most likely 

 

**Kai’sa:** okay

**Kai’sa:** Eve, Ahri and I are out shopping but Akali stayed behind

**Kai’sa:** @Akali, can you check my room if Sivir’s laptop is in there?

 

**Akali:** Do I have to?

**Akali:** My bed is really comfy.

 

**Evelynn:** Warm it up for me~

 

**Ahri:** ^^ew

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off Ahri

 

**Kai’sa:** Please Akali?

 

**Akali:** What’s in it for me?

 

**Sivir:** A hug from me.

 

**Akali:** Ew no

 

**Sivir:** WOW

 

**Akali:** LOL

 

**Kai’sa:** Does it kill you to be a nice person?

 

**Akali:** Yeah

 

**Sivir:** I just want to know where my laptop is.

 

**Evelynn:** 10 bucks that Kai’sa and Sivir’s sex tapes are on it.

 

**Ahri:** 15

 

**Akali:** Oh, now I’ll check

 

**Sivir:** OH NOW YOU WANT TO????

 

**Akali:** Blackmail ;)

 

**Kai’sa:** WOW

**Kai’sa:** And for the record, Sivir and I have never made a sex tape.

 

**Akali:** I’m about to find out.

 

**Sivir:** Be prepared to be disappointed.

 

**Evelynn:** Wow really you two?

 

**Kai’sa:** Why would I risk my career by making a sex tape???

 

**Evelynn:** Didn’t hurt me.

**Evelynn:** Pretty sure there’s one of my vids floating around on Pornhub.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah here

**Ahri: *texts a link***

 

**Evelynn:** Oh

**Evelynn:** There it is

 

**Sivir:** You just had that on queue?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah that’s normal to have a link to my friend’s porn vid….

 

**Ahri:** We best friends.

 

**Evelynn:** Sure.

 

**Sivir:** Miss Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes?

 

**Sivir:** Your back really shouldn’t bend like that.

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU’RE WATCHING IT???

 

**Sivir:** Yeah.

**Sivir:** Aren’t you too?

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

**Kai’sa:** Yeah.

 

**Evelynn:** lmfao

**Evelynn:** true otps for life right there

 

**Kai’sa:** Only bc I’m confused and concerned for your back.

 

**Evelynn:** That’s just how my body works.

 

**Ahri:** It’s not normal

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not really human to begin with

 

**Ahri:** Touché 

 

**Akali:** YO YO I FOUND THE LAPTOP!!!

 

**Sivir:** Okay thanks I’ll come by later to pick it up

 

**Akali:** SIVIR READS SMUT FANFICTION ABOUT US!!

 

**Sivir:** I AM COMING NOW YOU FUCKING JERK!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** ...what?

 

**Ahri:** Ohh, any new ones??

 

**Evelynn:** Any new poly ones?

 

**Kai’sa:** WAIT WHAT???

 

**Akali:** She was reading this poly fic with Kai’sa in the center

 

**Sivir:** CAN YOU STOP!!!!???

 

**Akali:** Oh hey, I found one with me as the center.

 

**Evelynn:** Send it to me

 

**Akali:** Okay

 

**Sivir:** NO STOP TEXTING OFF OF MY LAPTOP!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** ksjdflkahslgkjhslkdjghkaj

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry but there’s fanfiction about us???

 

**Ahri:** Yeah?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Akali:** Yah

 

**Kai’sa:** AND I DIDN’T KNOW THIS!!!

 

**Sona:** You don’t google yourself?

 

**Kai’sa:** NO?????

 

**Sona:** Then you’re missing out.

 

**Ahri:** Hey Sona what’s up

 

**Sona:** Just woke up

 

**Evelynn:** It’s 4pm

 

**Sona:** And I’m in a heavy metal band, that should explain my bad sleeping schedule 

 

**Evelynn:** Fair enough.

 

**Kai’sa:** PEOPLE WRITE SMUT FICS ABOUT US?????

 

**Ahri:** Yeah.

**Ahri:** People know how to write.

**Ahri:** Do you know that people know how to write??

 

**Kai’sa:** NOT WHAT I MEANT!

 

**Ahri:** Well take your pick

**Ahri:** There’s fics about akali and i

**Ahri:** Eve/me

**Ahri:** you and Akali

**Ahri:** All four of us

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT THE FUCK??

 

**Evelynn:** Why are you so surprised?

 

**Kai’sa:** THAT’S WEIRD!!!

 

**Akali:** Sivir didn’t think so.

 

**Sivir:** GET OFF MY LAPTOP!!!

 

**Akali:** Shouldn’t have made your password as ‘letmesmashthatpeachbooty6969’

 

**Sivir:** HOW THE HELL DID YOU FUCKING GUESS THAT???

 

**Akali:** idk

**Akali:** lucky guess?

 

**Sivir:** mslkxcjvlzkjglkjdfzkbjlzkdfjlkjd

 

**Ahri:** What else does Sivir read?

 

**Akali:** Fics about her and Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** PPLE KNOW WHO SIVIR IS????

 

**Ahri:** You did officially announce your relationship on insta last week…

 

**Kai’sa:** YEAH BUT LIKE????

**Kai’sa:** PPLE WROTE ABOUT HER AND I???

**Kai’sa:** LIKE????

**Kai’sa:** WHAT????

 

**Evelynn:** I think people are figuring out that she’s related to Azir too

**Evelynn:** and knowing Azir, he’s pretty open about her

 

**Akali:** Sivir, you have a friend name Taliyah?

**Akali:** You have other friends besides us??

 

**Kai’sa:** HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT TALIYAH?????

 

**Akali:** It’s in a fic I’m skimming

 

**Ahri:** Who’s Taliyah?

 

**Kai’sa:** Sivir’s friend…

 

**Sona:** She has other friends??

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes she does and I don’t recall telling pple that Sivir has a friend named Taliyah 

 

**Evelynn:** Maybe she wrote it?

 

**Kai’sa:** She wouldn’t.

 

**Akali:** Well, pple have their ways of finding out

**Akali:** Tee hee

 

**Sivir:** AKALI GET OFF MY LAPTOP!!!

 

**Akali:** I’m reading the fics you bookmarked.

**Akali:** It’s spicy ;)

 

**Sivir:** AKALI

 

**Evelynn:** What is it about?

 

**Akali:** It’s a Kai’sa/Sivir fic

 

**Ahri:** do they fuck?

 

**Akali:** Yeah

 

**Kai’sa:** STOP READING THEM!!!

 

**Sona:** Kai’sa, celebrities always have fanfiction written about them

**Sona:** It’s a part of the fame

 

**Kai’sa:** I CAN’T HELP BUT THINK HOW WEIRD THIS STILL IS!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Idk sometimes they’re really creative 

 

**Akali:** There’s one poly fic where we’re all monster girls and kai’sa is the only human

 

**Kai’sa:** ????

 

**Sivir:** Can you just get off my laptop??

 

**Evelynn:** No, see what else she reads.

 

**Akali:** nothing too surprising 

**Akali:** ooo she reads some nice fluffy ones.

**Akali:** Some angst ones

**Akali:** But her favorites seems to be any with Kai’sa.

 

**Sivir:** Just burn my laptop

 

**Evelynn:** Why?

**Evelynn:** You have decent tastes.

 

**Ahri:** Yo akali, send me links on what she’s reading

 

**Akali:** Okay

 

**Sivir:** Oh god stop

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** Send me a link too…

 

**Akali:** Okie

 

**Sivir:** I hate you, Akali.

 

**Akali:** Tee hee

 

**Evelynn:** At least Sivir likes the ones with Kai’sa in it.

 

**Akali: *text a link***

**Akali: *text a link***

**Akali: *text a link***

**Akali: *text a link***

**Akali:** Here’s a few

 

**Sivir:** Just send me to Azir.

 

**Ahri:** Aww, I think it’s cute that you read ones with Kai’sa.

 

**Evelynn:** It’s a fun bonding experience to read them.

 

**Sona:** You read smut fics with Akali?

 

**Akali:** Yah

 

**Evelynn:** ;)

 

**Ahri:** hahaha Kai’sa got a nosebleed

**Ahri: *texts a photo***

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri…..

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll go to the bathroom to get her paper towels.

 

**Akali:** LMFAOOOO

 

**Sona:** They’re good fics

 

**Kai’sa:** Just shut up

 

**Sivir:** I swear I was going to tell you babe…

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s okay babe.

**Kai’sa:** I guess I would be curious too

**Kai’sa:** I’m not mad, babe.

 

**Sivir:** I sowwy

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s okay, really. 

**Kai’sa:** It’s not that bad tbh

 

**Ahri:** Can’t be bad as the time I found your old stripper vids.

 

**Sivir:** Wait what?

 

**Akali:** Oh?

 

**Evelynn:** HUH???

 

**Sona:** oooh

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THAT A SECRET!!!

 

**Ahri:** Oh

**Ahri:** Shit my bad hahah

 

**Evelynn:** Well now we need to know about these vids

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI DON’T YOU DARE!!

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa stripped in college

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa went to college?

 

**Evelynn:** Wow, one of us went to college???

 

**Sona:** That’s what you two are shocked about???

 

**Kai’sa:** ugh

**Kai’sa:** Only for like 2 and a half years

**Kai’sa:** I quit bc college it didn’t feel like the right step and so I can focus on becoming a pop star full time

 

**Akali:** wooooooowwwww

 

**Evelynn:** So about you stripping

**Evelynn:** I’m curious about that.

 

**Kai’sa:** JUST COME BACK AND GET ME PAPER TOWELS!

 

**Evelynn:** I ain’t coming back until you tell me

 

**Kai’sa:** College is expensive as fuck and I needed to make extra cash okay???

 

**Akali:** Does your dad know this?

 

**Kai’sa:** NO HE DOES NOT AND WE ARE NOT TELLING HIM!!!

 

**Ahri:** The vids are really good

**Ahri:** Kai’sa knows how to move her hips.

**Ahri:** Pole dance

**Ahri:** Lap dance

**Ahri:** Grinding

**Ahri:** Kai’sa has done them all.

 

**Kai’sa:** GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, AHRI!

**Kai’sa:** DON’T RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!

 

**Ahri:** Teeeee heeeeeee!!!

 

**Akali:** Dude, where are the vids?

 

**Ahri:** On Kai’sa’s old laptop.

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T YOU DARE AKALI!!

 

**Akali:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YEEEEEET

 

**Sona:** Why were they recorded in the first place?

 

**Evelynn:** If a woman feels good when she’s dancing, she wants to see it herself.

 

**Sona:** Ah, makes sense.

 

**Sivir:** kjsdafkljhdksjfhlkdhslk

**Sivir:** I can’t take this, it’s too much

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry that I kept this from you

 

**Sivir:** Make it up to me by showing me these moves in person.

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait what?

**Kai’sa:** You’re not grossed out??

 

**Sivir:** Why would I be grossed out that my girlfriend knows how to fucking pole dance?

**Sivir:** I’m ecstatic!

 

**Kai’sa:** babe~~~~~

 

**Evelynn:** What was your stripper name?

 

**Kai’sa:** ...

**Kai’sa:** Bunny Bun Buns.

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKK HAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Akali:** oof

 

**Sivir:** Aw cute babe

 

**Sona:** ew

 

**Evelynn:** Fucking get out

**Evelynn:** Really????

 

**Kai’sa:** yes…

**Kai’sa:** I didn’t pick it…

 

**Evelynn:** I’m sure the FUCK you did not, Kai’sa.

**Evelynn:** Fuck, that’s a horrible name.

 

**Kai’sa:** are you still coming by with paper towels…??

**Kai’sa:** my nose is still bleeding 

 

**Evelynn:** yeah yea

 

**Akali:** Found the videos

 

**Kai’sa:** How the hell did you get into my laptop??

 

**Akali:** I guessed your password correctly 

 

**Kai’sa:** ???

 

**Akali:** Don’t make it ‘Imsad24/7’

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god…

 

**Sivir:** Send me a vid, Akali

 

**Akali:** I got you bro

 

**Sivir:** Thanks bro

 

**Kai’sa:** Why can’t we have a normal day where something embarrassing about one of us isn’t revealed?

 

**Evelynn:** I will gladly tell you guys about the horsey thing I did with Twisted Fate.

 

**Ahri:** No pls, some of us are eating

 

**Kai’sa:** Where did you run off to??

 

**Ahri:** I got some froyo

 

**Kai’sa:** oh

**Kai’sa:** I want some

 

**Ahri:** Well come here and get some with me

 

**Kai’sa:** okie omw

 

**Evelynn:** Another day then

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.**

 

**Kai’sa:** Babe, I found another video of me~

**Kai’sa: *texts a video***

 

**Kassadin:** ...sweetie, what is this?

 

**Kai’sa:** …

**Kai’sa:** :)

 

**Kai’sa blocked Kassadin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I am not constantly thinking about Kai’sa pole dancing 24/7. No, what are you talking about? Ridiculous. *nosebleeds*
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_
> 
> P.S. (bc I know someone will ask) I don’t know when or how I would drop Taliyah (since now she’s mentioned) in this chat fic. I’m just writing as I go. This applies to other characters (such as Pentakill members, Irelia, Twisted Fate, and etc) and other ‘lore’ characters (like Sona’s mom, Kai’sa’s mom) that is mentioned. I’m just writing as I go, there’s not really a story or plot going here. It’s just shits and giggles. Plus it is hard to maintain more and more characters in a chat fic (I mean my Overwatch fic should explain my mess) without forgetting and getting mixed up between them. I like keeping it at a small number for this chat fic, so please be understanding. I’ll try though! Thanks!


	18. Stripper Names

**Ahri:** Hey

 **Ahri:** Hey

 **Ahri:** Hey

 **Ahri:** Hey

 **Ahri:** Hey

 

 **Evelynn:** Kai’sa

 

 **Akali:** Kai’sa

 

 **Ahri:** Kai’sa

 

 **Sona:** Kai’sa

 

 **Sivir:** What are you guys doing??

 

 **Ahri:** Sivir, get Kai’sa to text in the chat

 

 **Sivir:** Why? 

 **Sivir:** She’s busy

 

 **Evelynn:** She left like 10 mins ago

 **Evelynn:** There is no way she’s at her dad’s already

 

 **Akali:** Sivir Liver, get Kai’sa to text in the chat!

 

 **Sivir:** STOP CALLING ME THAT

 

 **Akali:** I’ll stop when you get Kai’sa to text in the chat

 

 **Sivir:** FINE OMG

 

 **Sona:** Sivir Liver?

 

 **Evelynn:** We decided that’s her stripper name

 

 **Sivir:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** What do you guys want???

 **Bunny Bun Buns:**....

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** FUCK OFF!!! I DIDN’T CHOOSE THAT NAME!!!!

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Hahaha!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** WHEN DID YOU GUYS CHANGE MY NAME????

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** HOW COME I CAN’T CHANGE IT BACK!!??

 

 **Sivir:** You guys are mature…

 

 **Akali:** It’s pretty damn funny.

 

 **Sona:** It’s really funny.

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** IT’S NOT!

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** CHANGE IT BACK!

 

 **Akali:** Nah.

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Fuck this, I’m not dealing with this shit.

 

 **Evelynn:** Awwww

 

 **Ahri:** You’re no fun.

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** My dad is really mad at me for blocking him 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** and now I have to explain to him about those vids

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** So excuse me that I’m not in the best mood

 

 **Sona:** Have fun with that.

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Thanks…

 

 **Evelynn:** Still funny tho

 

 **Akali:** It is

 

 **Ahri:** Hilarious

 

 **Sivir Liver:** You guys, come on..

 **Sivir Liver:** …

 **Sivir Liver:** REALLY AKALI??????

 

 **Akali:** Yesh

 **Akali:** uwu

 

 **Sivir Liver:** EW

 

 **Evelynn:** Rude

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 **Ahri:** LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLS WELCOME BUNNY BUN BUNS AND SIVIR LIVER TO THE STAGE!!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** FUCK YOU!!!

 

 **Sivir Liver:** YOU GUYS ARE SO FUCKING MATURE!!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Bunny Bun Buns X Sivir Liver, what a ship

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** FUCK OFF

 

 **Sivir Liver:** How come I can’t change my name??

 

 **Akali:** Bc I won’t let you.

 

 **Sona:** ooooooo

 

 **Sivir Liver:** ???

 

 **Akali:** I changed your names with your laptops

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** HOW??????

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** STOP HACKING INTO MY LAPTOP!!!

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** I EVEN CHANGED MY PASSWORD!!!

 

 **Akali:** Don’t make it ‘Imsad24/7-123’

 

 **Ahri:** You really did not make much effort to change your password…

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Omg….

 

 **Akali:** Sivir Liver, don’t make your password as ‘iamaslutforpeaches6969’

 

 **Sivir Liver:** HOW

 **Sivir Liver:** DID

 **Sivir Liver:** YOU

 **Sivir Liver:** GUESS

 **Sivir Liver:** THAT??

 

 **Akali:** You’re easy to guess

 

 **Evelynn:** So smart~

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAO

 

 **Sona:** Since when was Akali a tech savvy?

 

 **Akali:** I’ve always been tech savvy, it’s just I haven’t shown my skill until now

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** How did you change our names??!?!

 

 **Akali:** Your phones are connected to your laptops so I basically have control of you phones too

 

 **Ahri:** *you’re

 

 **Akali:** Wow, aren’t you fucking smart

 **Akali:** Nerd

 

 **Evelynn:** She really isn’t

 **Evelynn:** She still used the wrong ‘your’

 **Evelynn:** Fucking idiot

 

 **Ahri:** Yet I am still the leader

 **Ahri:** SO HAH!

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s just a title

 **Evelynn:** We all know that Kai’sa is leader quality

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** YEAH I AM GETTING THE MOST SHITTIEST TREATMENT!!!

 

 **Akali:** Worth it

 

 **Ahri:** I AM THE LEADER!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Shut up

 

 **Ahri:** You shut up

 

 **Evelynn:** You shut up

 

 **Sona:** Both of you shut up

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay

 

 **Ahri:** Okay.

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Can you change our names back??

 

 **Akali:** No, this is funny hahah

 

 **Sivir Liver:** It really isn’t…

 

 **Akali:** Yes it is

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s really funny

 

 **Ahri:** hahahah

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** You guys are really getting on my nerves today.

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** It’s not even 10am yet…

 

 **Sona:** Alright, come children let's stop fighting

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** THANK YOU

 

 **Sona:** Miss Bunny Bun Buns has to go shake her buns at Roger Rabbit

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHAHAH

 

 **Evelynn:** KDGHKDHKS

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** YOU’RE FUCKING HELPFUL!

 

 **Sivir Liver:** Sigh…

 

 **Ahri:** You two are such a perfect match

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** JUST CHANGE MY NAME BACK

 

 **Akali:** No

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** COME OOOONNNN

 

 **Akali:** Noo

 

 **Evelynn:** Come on, Kai’sa

 **Evelynn:** We’re just having a little fun

 

 **Ahri:** FUNNIEST THING I’VE SEEN ALL DAY!!

 

 **Sona:** It’s still 9am….

 

 **Sivir Liver:** …

 **Sivir Liver:** Oh, I’ll show you fun.

 

 **Akali:** oooo is that a challenge?

 

 **Sivir Liver:** Maybe.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sivir and Kai’sa.**

 

 **Sivir:** Time to pull in the nerd.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Their name is Taliyah….

 

 **Sivir:** Still a nerd.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay, babe

 

**Sivir added Taliyah to the group.**

 

 **Sivir:** Tal, what’s good?

 **Sivir:** Yo

 **Sivir:** Hey

 **Sivir:** Hello?

 **Sivir:** I know you have no life

 **Sivir:** answer me

 

 **Taliyah:** Well well well…

 **Taliyah:** Look who decided that we were friends again

 

 **Sivir:** We are friends

 

 **Taliyah:** Really?

 **Taliyah:** Do friends ghost each other for months?

 **Taliyah:** Do friends hide the fact that they are dating a pop star for months?????

 **Taliyah:** Do friends found out about their friend’s girlfriends via instagram on that pop star’s account???

 

 **Kai’sa:** You never told Taliyah that we were dating?

 **Kai’sa:** But you told me you did...

 

 **Sivir:** But I talked about Taliyah to you!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Did...did you lie to me?

 

 **Sivir:** I can explain babe

 **Sivir:** But later

 

 **Taliyah:** …

 **Taliyah:** Hi Kai’sa.

 **Taliyah:** I am a big fan!

 

 **Kai’sa:** It’s nice to finally meet you, Taliyah

 

 **Taliyah:** Break up with Sivir since she’s a liar

 

 **Kai’sa:** Don’t tempt me

 

 **Sivir:** YO WHAT THE FUCK MAN???

 

 **Taliyah:** You pulled a Usopp, loser

 

 **Sivir:** IDK WHO USOPP IS, NERD

 

 **Taliyah:** A LIAR!

 

 **Sivir:** I didn’t lie

 **Sivir:** I just avoided the truth

 

 **Kai’sa:** That’s called lying.

 

 **Sivir:** I am sorry

 **Sivir:** I did lie

 **Sivir:** I just 

 **Sivir:** Taliyah has a big mouth

 

 **Taliyah:** I DO NOT!

 

 **Sivir:** YES YOU DO

 **Sivir:** WHO WAS IT THAT TOLD CASSIOPEIA WHERE I WAS HIDING???

 

 **Taliyah:** YOU CHOSE A REALLY BAD HIDING SPOT!!

 

 **Sivir:** THAT’S NOT THE POINT!!

 **Sivir:** YOU RATTED ME OUT!!

 

 **Taliyah:** I DIDN’T!

 **Taliyah:** EVEN CASSIOPEIA FIGURED IT OUT

 **Taliyah:** I BARELY DID ANYTHING!!

 **Taliyah:** BUT DUDE I CAME INTO COURT TO DEFEND YOU!

 **Taliyah:** DOESN’T THAT COUNT FOR SOMETHING??

 

 **Sivir:** BARELY

 

 **Kai’sa:** Are you two done?

 

 **Sivir:** No

 

 **Taliyah:** Never.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I can see why you two ghosted each other…

 

 **Taliyah:** Sivir thinks she’s such a lone wolf but she needs to be babied like every second

 

 **Sivir:** I DO NOT

 

 **Kai’sa:** You do though

 

 **Sivir:** baaaabe

 

 **Taliyah:** See?

 

 **Sivir:** Shut up.

 

 **Taliyah:** Snake kisser

 

 **Sivir:** TALIYAH I WILL PUNT YOUR NON BINARY ASS!!

 

 **Taliyah:** IT’S TRUE!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Are you two done?

 

 **Taliyah:** For you, I am.

 

 **Sivir:** Woah, shortie

 **Sivir:** Back off.

 

 **Taliyah:** What do you mean, Ymir?

 

 **Sivir:** Who the fuck is Ymir?

 

 **Taliyah:** A jealous lesbian

 

 **Sivir:** ?????

 

 **Kai’sa:** Anyways, Taliyah, Sivir says you might be able to help us get revenge on my friends.

 

 **Sivir:** I changed my mind about them.

 

 **Taliyah:** SHUSH

 **Taliyah:** It depends on what you need help with, Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** How good are you with technology and hacking?

 

 **Taliyah:** You came to the right person.

 

 **Sivir:** I sure fucking hope so

 

 **Taliyah:** Calm down, butthead

 

 **Sivir:** Just do your tech stuff, nerd

 

 **Taliyah:** Okay, Gaara

 

 **Sivir:** Using names from those manga and animes aren’t insults.

 

 **Taliyah:** Yeah they are.

 **Taliyah:** You dumb Naruto

 

 **Sivir:** SIGH

 

 **Kai’sa:** You two remind me of Evelynn and Ahri

 

 **Sivir:** WE ARE NOT!

 

 **Taliyah:** Okay but I’m Ahri bc she’s prettier

 

 **Kai’sa:** GAG!!!

 **Kai’sa:** EVE WILL MURDER YOU IF SHE FINDS OUT YOU SAID THAT!!

 

 **Taliyah:** Worth it

 **Taliyah:** Eve ain’t got nothing on me

 

 **Sivir:** Hmm, Akali could take you out

 

 **Kai’sa:** Wow

 

 **Taliyah:** Akali is a toothpick compared to my guns

 

 **Sivir:** Dude, you have NOTHING on your skinny arms

 **Sivir:** Want to see real guns?

 **Sivir:** ***texts photo***

 **Sivir:** Check out these guns

 

 **Taliyah:** Where?

 

 **Sivir:** Right there, nerd

 

 **Taliyah:** Those pebbles??

 

 **Sivir:** BIGGER THAN YOURS!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Are you two done yet??

 

 **Sivir:** No

 

 **Taliyah:** No

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sigh…

 

 **Sivir:** This is how we are

 

 **Taliyah:** Unfortunely 

 

 **Sivir:** RUDE

 

 **Taliyah:** Wuss

 

 **Sivir:** See, this is why I talk to Amumu bc he doesn’t call me names

 

 **Taliyah:** YEAH I CAN TELL BC HE KNEW THAT YOU AND KAI’SA WERE DATING BEFORE ME!!

 

 **Sivir:** BC HE DOESN’T HAVE A BIG MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** YOU’RE JUST A REALLY BAD FRIEND!!!

 

 **Sivir:** YOU’RE A LITTLE SHIT!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** AT LEAST HE WRITES VERY GOOD FANFICTION!!!

 

 **Sivir:** WAIT THE ONE WITH YOU IN IT WAS WRITTEN BY HIM???????

 

 **Taliyah:** HE’S A TRUE HOMIE!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** Are you two done yet?

 

 **Sivir:** NO

 

 **Taliyah:** NO

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh 

 **Kai’sa:** My

 **Kai’sa:** Void

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Hey guys?

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** Yah?

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Hm?

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** Yesh?

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** ??

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** …

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** …

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** …

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS???????!!!!!!!

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** I AM NOT A DOG!!!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Fox

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Dog

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Same thing

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** I HATE THAT VOCALOID BITCH!!!!!!!!

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** What is this…?

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Your stripper names

 

 **Sivir Liver:** Surprised?

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** MY TITTIES ARE AVERAGE!!!

 

 **Sivir Liver:** The average for A cups

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** lol...

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** FUCK YOU SIVIR LIVER!!!!

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** CHANGE MY NAME BACK

 

 **Sivir Liver:** If only I knew how ;)

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Fair tradeoff tbh

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** I DON’T LIKE MINE!!!!

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Too bad

 **El Humo de Hoe:** I like mine.

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Not really grammatically correct tbh

 **El Humo de Hoe:** but I still like the interpretation of it

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** You understand spanish?

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** I can understand Korean but I can’t understand spanish???

 **El Humo de Hoe:** WOW

 **El Humo de Hoe:** I am not just some dumb white girl

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** You’re still dumb af

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Fuck you.

 **El Humo de Hoe:** At least I’m not called a mutt

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** I’m not a mutt!!!!

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** AT LEAST YOU AREN’T NAMED AFTER A HOLOGRAM THAT JUST WALKS AROUND AND SINGS WITH SUCH AN AUTO TUNED VOICE!!

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Did you guys really have to use the H word for Sona???

 

 **Sivir Liver:** Yes

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Yeah

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** MY TITS ARE AVERAGE!!!

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** No one, literally no one:

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** Akali: mY tItS aRe AvErAgE

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** They are beautiful tits btw

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** No one, literally no one:

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Evelynn: aKaLi’S tItS aRe BeAuTiFuL

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Fuck you, Kai’hoe

 

 **Sivir Liver:** That’s my job

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** Ew gross

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** You want to fuck a hologram?

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Go ahead girl

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** snkjdhgkdshkghksd

 

 **Sivir Liver:** LMFAO

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** HAHAHA

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Sure…

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** HKDGLHSDJGHLKJDSHLKJDFHLKJGSHKFDHKLS

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** Yo, you guys might break Sona

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** I thought she broke when she finally started texting in chat?

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** I ship Sona x Hatsune Miku

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** AKJSGHKHDFPGKDAFHGKLJAHSLKDJGHKAGKUHWGELIHGKLJEHGKJHDKJGHKJADHKJGHAJDHGJADJHAJLHHALJHFJHFLKASHLKFHSKLDGHLWAHSLGHASIHUFIAUSHVKJXCNDKLVHSKDFHAKLSHLKSJGHKLSHGKLJHSKLGHKDHGKHDALKEHLIUGHLIHJDHFKJSAHDK;FHEWUIHILWUEHNCFUWAHGVDGVFJHSBDHKJBFJSBJDFSVDHGFSJVFHASGVDHAFVHSDFVSHADVFJKSAHGFJASDHGFJSGFKJAGSJGHDFJASGDFHDJFGASJDHGFJASHGKDFJAGFKJHAGSKDJGFKJSAGFJKSDGFJHGSK

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** My goodness

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** lmfaooooooo

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** Triggered!!

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Sona is never going to come back to this chat.

 

 **Sivir Liver:** I guess you can thank my friend, Taliyah, for doing this

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** You have other friends??

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** That’s hard to believe.

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** Sivir Liver has other Liver buds?

 

 **Sivir Liver:** Hahaha...very funny

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!FUCK HATSUNE MIKU!

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** Yes we know you want to fuck Hatsune Miku, calm down

 

 **Hatsune Miku:** okzsljgdahflkgkldshgksdjfhkgshdklhdkjghjdskh

 

 **Mutt Mutt Butt Butt:** HAHAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU GUYS!

 

 **El Humo de Hoe:** Debatable.

 

 **Itsy Bitsy Titties:** Man, imagine Kassadin seeing this chat hahaha

 

 **Bunny Bun Buns:** OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Kassadin.**

 

 **Kassadin:** Sweetie?

 **Kassadin:** Are you here yet?

 **Kassadin:** Honey?

 **Kassadin:** Look, I’m not mad about the vids anymore

 **Kassadin:** Pls come home

 **Kassadin:** We don’t even have to talk about them.

 **Kassadin:** Sweetie?

 **Kassadin:** Pls respond, I’m worried.

 

 **Kai’sa:** :)

 

**Kai’sa blocked Kassadin**

  
**Message Failed [Kassadin:** YOU CAN’T KEEP BLOCKING ME, KAI’SA!!!]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Kai'sa. Nothing will be solved by blocking your dad all the time, sheesh.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter _kokoro_kirei_


	19. Disneyland Vacation...sort of...

**Ahri:** Hey guys

**Ahri:** I was thinking

**Ahri:** We should all go on a vacation together 

**Ahri:** Just the four of us

**Ahri:** Okay Sivir and Sona are invited as well since I just realized that they are in this chat

**Ahri:** But we should all go on vacation together 

**Ahri:** Take a week break in Hawaii?

**Ahri:** Go on a cruise trip to the Carribean? 

**Ahri:** Although we would have to do a performance on the ship 

**Ahri:** but the trip would be free for us

**Ahri:** Or maybe car travel all over Europe?

**Ahri:** OOORRRR go to Australia?

**Ahri:** Or New Zealand 

**Ahri:** WE SHOULD GO TO DISNEYLAND!

**Ahri:** THAT WOULD BE FUN!

 

**Evelynn:** I’m banned from Disneyland

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Really?

**Ahri:** Really, Eve???

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** I need the story.

 

**Evelynn:** I was horny.

**Evelynn:** and men are snitches.

 

**Kai’sa:** I…

**Kai’sa:** Okay then…

 

**Ahri:** When were you banned from Disneyland???

 

**Evelynn:** Some time after you left for your stupid five year hiatus.

 

**Ahri:** Ah

**Ahri:** Okay

 

**Akali:** WAIT SO WE CAN’T GO TO DISNEYLAND THE FUCK???????

**Akali:** EVE HOW COULD YOU!!!!?????

 

**Evelynn:** I…

**Evelynn:** I’m sorry…

**Evelynn:** We can go to Seoul Land

**Evelynn:** That’s the only amusement park that I haven’t been banned at in all of Korea.

 

**Kai’sa:** ONLY???

 

**Evelynn:** I’ve been busy during Ahri’s five years hiatus.

 

**Ahri:** I guess?????

**Ahri:** My god Eve…

 

**Akali:** BUT I WAS TOTALLY PLANNING TO TAKE YOU TO TOKYO DISNEYLAND FOR OUR SIX MONTH ANNIVERSARY!!!!

**Akali:** WHICH IS LIKE TOMORROW SO SURPRISE!????!!!??!?!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh

 

**Ahri:** Awk

 

**Kai’sa:** So that’s why you insisted on going to that interview in Japan with just you and Eve.

 

**Ahri:** And made us stay here in Korea...

 

**Akali:** YEAH!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh god

**Evelynn:** I feel really bad, baby.

**Evelynn:** I’m sorry…

**Evelynn:** But I am banned from all Disney attractions so…

**Evelynn:** I’m really sorry.

**Evelynn:** I’ll make it up to you??

 

**Akali:** DISNEYLAND IS LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PLACE ON EARTH!!

**Akali:** AND NOW WE CAN’T GO????

**Akali:** I HAD EVERYTHING PERFECT!!

**Akali:** I EVEN WENT OUT TO BUY US MATCHING OUTFITS TOMORROW!!

**Akali:** AND THEN SURPRISE YOU WITH THEM WHEN I GET BACK TO THE HOTEL!!!

 

**Evelynn:** oh…

 

**Ahri:** Evie fucked up big time hahahaha

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re not helping, Ahri.

 

**Evelynn:** Darling, just come back to the hotel

**Evelynn:** We can talk this out

 

**Akali:** okay

**Akali:** :(

 

**Evelynn:** Oh baby, I’m sorry

 

**Ahri:** Damn, your risky past finally bit you in the ass

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up, Ahri

 

**Kai’sa:** Surely, Disneyland might make an exception?

**Kai’sa:** Thousands of people enter the place

**Kai’sa:** Maybe Eve can just walk by with no problem

 

**Ahri:** You’re talking to the biggest fucking diva on the planet.

**Ahri:** I’m pretty sure Disneyland has her picture blown up with the words ‘do not let her in’

 

**Akali:** THAT’S COMFORTING THANKS

 

**Evelynn:** I really am so sorry, Akali

**Evelynn:** Disneyland must mean a lot for you.

 

**Akali:** It’s basically my childhood.

**Akali:** My entire childhood has been the dojo or Disneyland

**Akali:** I practically grew up at Disneyland

**Akali:** I just thought it would be very special to me and you that we went on our six month anniversary 

 

**Evelynn:** Oh god I’m such a horrible person.

**Evelynn:** I feel so bad, baby.

 

**Ahri:** Yah you are

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** wat?

 

**Evelynn:** No she’s right.

**Evelynn:** I fucked up

**Evelynn:** My reckless past screwed up this moment

 

**Akali:** It’s not your fault, Eve

**Akali:** We’re all human

**Akali:** Well...sort of…

**Akali:** Still trying to deal with this hannya deal with my mask 

**Akali:** But we make mistakes

**Akali:** I’m sure whatever we do tomorrow is still very special to us.

 

**Evelynn:** It will be bc we ARE going to Disneyland.

 

**Ahri:** Wat?

 

**Kai’sa:** Huh??

 

**Akali:** WAIT REALLY????

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

**Evelynn:** It has been a while since I’ve walked into Disneyland 

**Evelynn:** Maybe Kai’sa is right

**Evelynn:** They might not bat an eyelash at me and let me in.

**Evelynn:** Maybe they’ll make an exception

**Evelynn:** It doesn’t hurt to try

**Evelynn:** My baby planned this amazing trip and I’m not going to let it go to waste

 

**Akali:** AW YAY!!

 

**Ahri:** But what if you’re recognized?

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll wear a mask

 

**Kai’sa:** That makes you MORE suspicious.

 

**Evelynn:** Then I’ll wear a wig

 

**Akali:** The tickets have our names on it

**Akali:** And...we’re kinda famous so…

 

**Evelynn:** Then I’ll hope they won’t kick me out.

 

**Ahri:** But what if they do?

 

**Kai’sa:** And Akali has to enjoy Disneyland by herself?

 

**Evelynn:** You two are NOT helpful.

 

**Ahri:** Why don’t we go as a group?

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait what?

 

**Akali:** Huh?

 

**Evelynn:** Excuse me?

 

**Ahri:** Let's go together as a group.

**Ahri:** Kai’sa and I can arrive in Japan by tomorrow morning.

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait I’m going???

 

**Ahri:** You can bring Sivir idc

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh then okay

 

**Evelynn:** Wait stop

**Evelynn:** Why are you coming?

 

**Ahri:** Did you forget, Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** Forget what?

 

**Ahri:** I can manipulate memories and stuff

 

**Evelynn:** You can only eat memories, you dumb fox

 

**Ahri:** OKAY

**Ahri:** My point is that I can make the staff members forget your ban.

 

**Evelynn:** AND??

 

**Ahri:** Are you really this dumb?

 

**Evelynn:** Just tell me, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** I can literally make it easy for you to walk right in, Eve.

**Ahri:** If they start remembering that you’re on the ban list, I’ll just eat those memories away.

 

**Evelynn:** You’re going to kiss them??

 

**Kai’sa:** Is that how it works??

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, she has to make lip contact in order to ‘eat’ memories.

 

**Akali:** Ew

 

**Ahri:** RUDE

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, I feel like we are going a very roundabout direction on how to handle this.

 

**Evelynn:** But it’s a good idea

 

**Ahri:** Thank you!

 

**Kai’sa:** You agree with Ahri???????

 

**Evelynn:** Strange, right?

 

**Kai’sa:** So...we’re doing this???

 

**Ahri:** Yesh

**Ahri:** I’m booking flights so @Sona @Sivir

**Ahri:** Want to go to Disneyland with us?

 

**Sivir:** What’s up?

 

**Ahri:** Tokyo Disney tomorrow?

 

**Sivir:** Sure.

 

**Akali:** Don’t you have work??

 

**Sivir:** Yep.

 

**Kai’sa:** So you’re skipping?

 

**Sivir:** Everytime the media sees us together now, it’s free promotion for the pizza shack.

**Sivir:** So everybody wins and I get to spend time with you.

 

**Kai’sa:** Baby~~~

 

**Sivir:** Baby~~~

 

**Ahri:** @Sona

 

**Sona:** Hmm?

 

**Ahri:** You want to go to Tokyo Disney tomorrow?

 

**Sona:** Can’t.

**Sona:** Pentakill are heading to a ski trip

 

**Evelynn:** Karthus can ski???

 

**Sona:** No but he can scream.

**Sona:** How else did you think he develop his vocals?

 

**Evelynn:** Ah. Okay.

 

**Ahri:** Alright, I guess it’s Sivir, Kai’sa and I on the flight.

 

**Kai’sa:** I have a bad feeling about this.

 

**Akali:** Hey, don’t spread that bad juju around, kai’sa.

**Akali:** Think positive 

 

**Kai’sa:** I have a great feeling that this might go bad.

 

**Akali:** ...close enough

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** Are you fucking kidding me?

**Ahri:** Are you absolutely shitting me?

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri, don’t.

 

**Evelynn:** What’s wrong?

**Evelynn:** Did you three miss your flights?

 

**Ahri:** Oh we got on our flights

**Ahri:** BUT KAI’SA AND SIVIR GOT TO STAY IN FIRST CLASS WHILE I GOT DOWNGRADED TO THE BACK OF THE FUCKING PLANE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Hahaha!

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s only for two hours, Ahri

**Kai’sa:** You can survive

 

**Ahri:** I SPECIFICALLY HAD ALL THREE OF US IN FIRST CLASS!!!

**Ahri:** NOW I'M STUCK SITTING NEXT TO A KID THAT KEEPS POKING MY EARS AND TAILS

 

**Sivir:** Sounds rough buddy

 

**Ahri:** FUCK

 

**Akali:** So you guys are going to get here around 6am?

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s the plan

 

**Ahri:** I WANT TO SWITCH SEATS!

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Ahri:** I AM ALL THE WAY IN THE BACK OF THE FUCKING PLANE!!!

**Ahri:** I HAVE NO LEG ROOM!

 

**Sivir:** It’s not our fault that your ticket got downgraded.

 

**Ahri:** NYAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s only for 2 hours.

 

**Ahri:** THAT’S LIKE 2 DAYS IN FOXY TIME

 

**Evelynn:** HOW LONG WAS FIVE YEARS THEN, AHRI?

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD

**Ahri:** DROP IT!

 

**Evelynn:** I’m never dropping it

 

**Akali:** She really won’t…

 

**Kai’sa:** Those two have issues, so don’t worry about them.

 

**Evelynn:** Rude

 

**Ahri:** Rude

 

**Sivir:** Yo they gave us fucking sake up here

 

**Ahri:** LUUUUUCKYYYYYY

**Ahri:** CAN I SWING BY FOR A SIP?

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Ahri:** FACK

 

**Evelynn:** lmfao

 

**Akali:** OOOOO I LOVE SAKE

 

**Ahri:** I have never seen you drink sake before

 

**Akali:** bc all you fucking buy is soju at home

 

**Ahri:** That’s fucking real alcohol, bitch

 

**Akali:** Sake is meant for elegant drinkers, you slob

 

**Ahri:** Sake are for wimps

 

**Kai’sa:** You two must have never had vodka

**Kai’sa:** Come talk to me when you had an entire bottle in ten minutes

 

**Akali:** wtf

 

**Ahri:** Should we be concerned about you, Kai’sa?

**Ahri:** Specifically your health.

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Sivir:** Maybe?

 

**Sona:** Her dad tried to fight off Azir and almost killed Sivir.

**Sona:** Why would Kai’sa not drink an entire bottle of vodka to deal with her dad’s bullshit?

 

**Kai’sa:** ^^^ THIS

 

**Evelynn:** Are you still blocking your dad?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah hahah

 

**Sivir:** Hey, whatever keeps me alive a bit longer

 

**Akali:** *calls Azir*

 

**Sivir:** PLEASE DON’T

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

**Ahri:** I miss that guy hahaha

 

**Sivir:** I don’t

 

**Akali:** Oh come on

**Akali:** Isn’t he like a father figure to you?

 

**Sivir:** No

 

**Kai’sa:** Yah

 

**Sivir:** baaabbe

 

**Ahri:** lmfao!!

 

**Kai’sa:** She gets care packages from him every month

 

**Sivir:** baaaaaaabe

**Sivir:** I’m sitting right next to youuuu

 

**Kai’sa:** tee hee

 

**Akali:** lmfao

**Akali:** Sivir’s coolness meter is dropping

 

**Evelynn:** Shall I mention the kind letters that your Master Shen mails you?

**Evelynn:** And the gifts you get from Ophelia?

 

**Ahri:** Ophelia?

 

**Akali:** It’s Irelia

 

**Evelynn:** Close enough

 

**Akali:** Well it’s not like I want Master Shen to keep mailing me…

 

**Evelynn:** You kept every single one of the letters he sent

 

**Sivir:** Akali’s coolness meter is dropping so fast

 

**Akali:** I’m still cooler than you

 

**Evelynn:** That’s true

 

**Kai’sa:** I beg to differ

 

**Ahri:** girls girls

**Ahri:** Your tops and bottoms are both valid, no fighting.

 

**Akali:** Who’s the bottom between Sivir and me?

 

**Sivir:** You.

 

**Akali:** I don’t bottom

 

**Evelynn:** Really babe?

**Evelynn:** i'm right next to you

**Evelynn:** We literally just had sex...

 

**Akali:** I don’t bottom...

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Akali:** Okay only a little?

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Akali:** ...meeps….

 

**Sivir:** W-H-I-P-P-E-D

 

**Kai’sa:** who cares about tops and bottoms

**Kai’sa:** as long as both ladies cum

 

**Evelynn:** kai’sa knows what’s up.

 

**Akali:** I guess?

 

**Ahri:** Kai’sa just doesn’t want to admit to being a proud bottom hoe.

 

**Kai’sa:** Shut the fuck up, Ahri.

 

**Ahri:** LMFAO

 

**Akali:** hahahahah

 

**Sivir:** damn Ahri

**Sivir:** im looking at the plane seating on the packet and you’re really back there

**Sivir:** You might as well live there

 

**Ahri:** I might as well

**Ahri:** You know how long it’ll take me to get out of this damn plane from the back?

**Ahri:** FOREVER!

 

**Kai’sa:** We’ll leave you if you don’t come out in ten minutes after us

 

**Ahri:** hardy har har

**Ahri:** wait

**Ahri:** Are you two serious?

 

**Kai’sa:** maybe

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Akali:** btw i didn’t buy matching outfits for any of you guys

 

**Sivir:** That’s fine

**Sivir:** We don’t want to look stupid with you

 

**Akali:** FUCK YOU

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO

 

**Akali:** I didn’t want to spend 50 bucks on mickey ears on you anyways 

 

**Sivir:** I would never wear those 

 

**Evelynn:** Unless Kai’sa asked you to

 

**Sivir:** Only if she asked me

 

**Akali:** I’ll make her buy you a princess dress to wear

 

**Sivir:** I’ll make a fabulous princess.

 

**Akali:** No one says fabulous anymore, loser

 

**Sivir:** F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S

 

**Akali:** L-O-S-E-R

 

**Kai’sa:** JESUS CHRIST AHRI, DID YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO MAKE A SCENE????

 

**Ahri:** I HAD TO MAKE SURE YOU TWO WEREN’T GOING TO ABANDON ME!!

 

**Evelynn:** What did Ahri do?

 

**Kai’sa:** She tried to sneak into first class but knocked over a cart full of drinks with her tail 

**Kai’sa:** Then she kept yelling for us

 

**Sivir:** LMFAO

 

**Ahri:** DON’T LEAVE MEEEEE

 

**Kai’sa:** I WAS JOKING

 

**Ahri:** YOU DIDN’T SEEM LIKE IT!

 

**Kai’sa:** I WAS JOKING 

**Kai’sa:** RELAX

 

**Ahri:** PROMISE???

 

**Kai’sa:** I promise, I’m sorry.

**Kai’sa:** just relax for the rest of the plane ride.

 

**Ahri:** Okie :3

 

**Kai’sa:** Eve, how did you deal with her all these years?

 

**Evelynn:** I have no fucking clue.

**Evelynn:** Sometimes i can’t tell if she’s my friend or just a really needy dog

 

**Ahri:** I need attention at least 16 hours a day or i cry

 

**Kai’sa:** you cry when we do give you attention

 

**Ahri:** I can never get enough attention :3

 

**Sona:** I’m surprised she hasn’t jumped in for a threesome with either Eve/Akali or Kai’sa/ Sivir yet.

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T GIVE HER ANY IDEAS!

 

**Sivir:** PLEASE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** SONA NO!!!!

 

**Akali:** WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT????

 

**Ahri:** :D!

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** Hey are we still meeting up for lunch, Eve?

 

**Sivir:** Also, Ahri, where did you run off to?

 

**Ahri:** I’m hanging out with fans.

 

**Sona:** Oh, so you guys made it inside of Disneyland?

 

**Sivir:** I guess we had nothing to worry about

**Sivir:** The staff didnt even blink at eve

 

**Kai’sa:** So eve had nothing to worry about

**Kai’sa:** Which is good

**Kai’sa:** I think they were too scared of her

 

**Ahri:** Oh i knew she would get in without a problem

 

**Kai’sa:** You knew and still made us come…??

 

**Ahri:** I wanted a vacation.

 

**Kai’sa:** ...i guess...thanks

 

**Ahri:** No probs

**Ahri:** Oh btw

**Ahri:** I just saw Eve and Akali being escorted out of Disneyland like ten minutes ago

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Sivir:** …

 

**Sona:** …

 

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Kai’sa:** Excuse me?

 

**Evelynn:** Worth it.

 

**Sivir:** WHAT DID YOU DO??????

 

**Akali:** We had sex on the Haunted Mansion ride.

**Akali:** and the staff figured it out when the ride was over and asked us to leave

**Akali:** Also the cameras prolly caught us lol

 

**Kai’sa:** ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?????

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Sona:** …

 

**Kai’sa:** DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM YOUR FUCKING MISTAKES THE FIRST TIME, EVE???

 

**Evelynn:** No.

**Evelynn:** :)

 

**Akali:** Worth it.

 

**Evelynn:** ;)

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god….

 

**Sivir:** You two just fucking banged on that ride?????

 

**Akali:** Yes.

 

**Sivir:** It’s a 15min ride???

 

**Akali:** Yeah?

 

**Sivir:** You two got a full session in 15 mins????

**Sivir:** That’s fast!!

 

**Akali:** You mean you can’t make Kai’sa cum in 15mins?

**Akali:** Wow sad

 

**Sivir:** …

**Sivir:** WE LIKE TAKING OUR TIME AND SAVORING THE MOMENT, OKAY??

 

**Kai’sa:** WE ALSO DON’T FUCKING HAVE SEX ON A DISNEY RIDE!!!!!!

**Kai’sa:** WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO!!!???

 

**Evelynn:** It was dark. It was scary. I got horny.

 

**Kai’sa:** THERE IS SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!!

 

**Evelynn:** What?

**Evelynn:** Scary stuff makes me horny.

**Evelynn:** and knowing it was our six months, I wanted to make it special

**Evelynn:** Cuz im a lady

 

**Akali:** Worth it

 

**Kai’sa:** IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN THREE HOURS SINCE WE GOT HERE AND NOW YOU TWO ARE BEING KICKED OUT!!!!!

 

**Ahri: *texts link***

**Ahri:** The paparazzi are fast

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh no…

 

**Sivir:** You guys seriously posed for the paparazzi???

 

**Akali:** Yes.

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** I mean…

**Ahri:** Is it really a vacation if Evelynn doesn’t get on tabloid news??

 

**Evelynn:** Exactly.

 

**Kai’sa:** SO YOU FUCKING HAD SEX ON A RIDE?????

**Kai’sa:** YOU TWO MIGHT REALLY GET BANNED FOR THIS PERMANENTLY!!!

 

**Akali:** Worth it.

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU LITERALLY HAD A BITCH FIT ABOUT HOW SPECIAL TOKYO DISNEY WAS FOR YOU!!!!

**Kai’sa:** AND HOW IT WAS A PART OF YOUR CHILDHOOD!!!!

 

**Akali:** and now I have great memories from my childhood and for my adulthood.

**Akali:** Which is all i wanted

**Akali:** :)

 

**Sivir:** …

 

**Sona:** …

 

**Ahri:** does anyone want churros?

 

**Kai’sa:** READ THE MOOD AHRI!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Oh shit i want a churro

 

**Kai’sa:** THEN MAYBE DON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO YOUR PUSSY FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Can I still get a churro?

 

**Ahri:** Yah, sure I’ll get you one

 

**Akali:** I want one too

 

**Ahri:** All right I’ll get you one

**Ahri:** Kai’sa, Sivir, you want one too?

 

**Kai’sa:** SCREW YOU GUYS

**Kai’sa:** FOR THE REST OF THIS TRIP, SIVIR AND I AREN’T ASSOCIATED WITH YOU GUYS

**Kai’sa:** WE ARE GOING ON OUR OWN UNTIL WE HAVE TO FLY BACK SO DON’T BOTHER CONTACTING US

**Kai’sa:** GOOD BYE!

 

**Sivir:** See yah, losers.

 

**Ahri:** So I’m guessing they don’t want churros?

 

**Akali:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** Guess not.

 

**Sona:** So now what are you guys going to do?

 

**Akali:** Tour around Japan and show Eve around

**Akali:** Want to come, Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** YESH

**Ahri:** I’m coming!

 

**Evelynn:** Bring churros

 

**Ahri:** Alright!

 

**Sona:** Have fun!

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa:** Hi, we’re leaving. Can we get a ride back to the hotel?

 

**Evelynn:** Already? 

**Evelynn:** It's only been an hour.

 

**Kai’sa:** Can you pick us up or not?

 

**Evelynn:** I mean yeah

 

**Kai’sa:** Like right now

 

**Evelynn:** Now?

 

**Kai’sa:** Now.

 

**Ahri:** Whyyyy??? 

**Ahri:** Why are you in a rush to get out?

 

**Kai’sa:** I don’t want to talk about it…

 

**Sivir:** She really doesn’t.

 

**Akali: *texts link***

**Akali:** Look what Disney posted

**Akali:** Does it have to do with the fact that ‘it’s a small world’ ride suddenly shut down?

 

**Kai’sa:** No…

 

**Sivir:** Look, just come get us 

 

**Akali:** How come the Disney notice says the ride is closed due to ‘sudden malfunctions’?

 

**Kai’sa:** bc….the tech malfunctioned….

 

**Evelynn: *texts link***

**Evelynn:** “K/DA Kai’sa accidentally blows up a portion of the ride ‘it’s a small world’”

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOOOOOOO

 

**Sivir:** It was an accident.

 

**Evelynn:** So I’m guessing you two weren’t having sex?

 

**Kai’sa:** Of course not.

**Kai’sa:** I just got spooked…

 

**Akali:** You got spooked?

**Akali:** on a kids ride?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yes i did

**Kai’sa:** okay?

 

**Ahri:** Was the ‘its a small world’ ride too scary for you, Kai’sa????

 

**Kai’sa:** No it wasn’t

 

**Evelynn:** So why is part of the ride blown up?

**Evelynn:** according to the article

 

**Kai’sa:** LOOK THE ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’ RIDE JUST SPOOKED ME, OKAY?????

 

**Sona:** My my

**Sona:** You guys seem to be having fun

 

**Ahri:** KAI’SA GOT SCARED ON ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** NO I DIDN’T!!!!

 

**Sivir:** to be fair, its a small world is a creepy ride

 

**Akali:** So creepy that it scared kai’sa

 

**Kai’sa:** I wasn’t scared

**Kai’sa:** My parasites were scared

 

**Ahri:** Sure kai’sa

**Ahri:** Ish okay to admit you didn’t like ‘its a small world’

 

**Kai’sa:** JUST COME PICK US UP

 

**Evelynn:** Okay okay on our way

 

**Ahri:** Can you get us more churros?

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Ahri:** :(

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Akali and Irelia:**

 

**Irelia: *text link***

**Irelia: *text link***

**Irelia:** Akali, what the actual fuck are you and your friends doing?????

 

**Akali:** Hi, we’re in Japan. Want to meet my girlfriend and the rest of K/DA?

 

**Irelia:** No thanks, I’m good. Senpai, out.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy K/DA Week! I hope this dose of fuckery is a great way to start it! Finally I added Irelia, don’t worry, I’m trying to figure out how to integrate her more into the fic. Taliyah as well.
> 
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter _kokoro_kirei_


	20. Hi, Irelia! Bye, Irelia!

**Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Akali:** SENPAI!

 

**Irelia:** Akali…

 

**Kai’sa:** Hello, Xan Irelia.

**Kai’sa:** It’s nice to meet you.

**Kai’sa:** Even if it’s over text.

**Kai’sa:** Akali has told us so much about you.

 

**Ahri:** Yo, so you’re the one that Akali jerked off for years?

 

**Akali:** I DID NOT!

**Akali:** YOU GUYS WERE SO SLEEP DEPRIVED THAT YOU KEPT MIXING UP MY WORDS!

 

**Sivir:** Are you sure about that?

 

**Akali:** YEAH!

 

**Irelia:** I...what?

 

**Akali:** Nothing, they’re just being stupid

 

**Ahri:** RUUUUDE!

 

**Irelia:** um...okay?

 

**Evelynn:** Pleasure to meet you, Ophelia.

 

**Irelia:** It’s Irelia…

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry

**Evelynn:** **Ikelia.

 

**Irelia:** Um...no…

 

**Akali:** Senpai, I want you to meet my girls!

 

**Irelia:** And I’ve met them.

**Irelia:** So hi.

 

**Akali:** But like in person!

**Akali:** I want to see you too.

**Akali:** It’s been so long!

 

**Irelia:** That is true...

 

**Ahri:** OOO ARE WE GOING TO MEET YOU???

 

**Irelia:** Akali…

 

**Akali:** Why are you avoiding me???

 

**Irelia:** You guys blew up an attraction at Disneyland…

 

**Evelynn:** That was all Kai’sa.

 

**Ahri:** She got scared on ‘It’s a Small World’

 

**Kai’sa:** I WASN’T SCARED!

**Kai’sa:** I WAS SPOOKED!

**Kai’sa:** THERE’S A DIFFERENCE.

 

**Ahri:** Spooked and scared practically means the same thing…

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh wow, you’re suddenly an English major now???

 

**Ahri:** JUST ADMIT YOU GOT SCARED!

 

**Kai’sa:** I DID NOT GET SCARED, I WAS SPOOKED!

 

**Evelynn:** Same thing.

 

**Sivir:** It’s not!

 

**Akali:** It is

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s not!

 

**Irelia:** How do you get out of a group chat?

 

**Akali:** Senpai!!! Don’t leave!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, Kerfelia

**Evelynn:** Give us a chance

 

**Irelia:** It’s Irelia.

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry

**Evelynn:** Perelia.

 

**Irelia:** …

 

**Kai’sa:** We won’t be back in Japan for a while, Irelia

**Kai’sa:** Surely it won’t be too much trouble to meet you

**Kai’sa:** Akali seems to really want to see you again

 

**Irelia:** And I want to see Akali too

 

**Akali:** YAY!

 

**Irelia:** But without the rest of you guys…

 

**Sivir:** Ouch

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, well that’s fine

 

**Ahri:** wait noooo

 

**Evelynn:** Look, I’m going to be blunt Kophelia

 

**Irelia:** Irelia…

 

**Evelynn:** Do you not like us?

 

**Irelia:** You made Akali have sex with you on a Disney ride????

 

**Evelynn:** Akali was just as into it as I was

**Evelynn:** I didn’t make her do anything, we both wanted it.

**Evelynn:** Plus it was our 6 month and all

 

**Irelia:** That’s the other thing…

**Irelia:** What did you do to Akali that made her date you?

 

**Ahri:** YUM THIS TEA IS DELICIOUS!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Wow, someone that finally ask the right questions.

 

**Sivir:** *munch popcorn*

 

**Evelynn:** What do you mean, Rephelio?

 

**Irelia:** IRELIA

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry, Werelia.

 

**Irelia:** …

**Irelia:** Before Akali wanted to be a rapper, she was actually a studious student at the dojo.

**Irelia:** Master Shen found so much potential within Akali and took her in as his protege

**Irelia:** At one point, she was going to inherit the dojo if Master Shen retired.

**Irelia:** But then she woke up one day and decided she wanted to be a rapper.

**Irelia:** She took her things and left without so much as a goodbye to everyone else besides me and Shen

**Irelia:** Now she’s dating the rambunctious diva of the music world

**Irelia:** And having sex on a Disneyland ride

**Irelia:** So pardon my language

**Irelia:** BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO TO MY PRECIOUS KOUHAI??????

 

**Evelynn:** I love her.

 

**Ahri:** I prank her.

 

**Kai’sa:** I actually feed her but okay.

 

**Sivir:** I don’t do anything to Akali.

**Sivir:** Well...sometimes I throw pizza and make her fetch it.

**Sivir:** That way she gets her exercise and she’s fed.

 

**Evelynn:** wait what??

 

**Ahri:** AND I AM JUST HEARING THIS NOW????

**Ahri:** YOU DIDN’T THINK I WOULD WANT TO DO THIS TOO???

 

**Kai’sa:** Babe…

 

**Sivir:** :)

 

**Irelia:** …

 

**Akali:** Aren’t they the best?

 

**Sona:** Define ‘best’

 

**Irelia:** Sona???

**Irelia:** As in DJ Sona??

 

**Sona:** Yes.

 

**Irelia:** I…

**Irelia:** You know these people?

 

**Sona:** Unfortunately

**Sona:** I grew up with Ahri and Evelynn

 

**Irelia:** And you talk?

 

**Sona:** I can text like any other person

**Sona:** I just can’t talk in person.

 

**Ahri:** And she’s also in Pentakill!

 

**Irelia:** Who?

 

**Sona:** …

**Sona:** Pentakill.

**Sona:** You know…

**Sona:** The greatest band of all the music industry

 

**Evelynn:** I beg to differ

 

**Ahri:** Our music video has almost 300 million views!

 

**Kai’sa:** BOTH bands are talented and amazing

 

**Sivir:** Pentakill doesn’t have Kai’sa, so K/DA all the way

 

**Kai’sa:** Awww baby

**Kai’sa:** Yeah fuck Pentakill

 

**Akali:** DAMN KAI’SA, YOU FUCKING SWITCH!!

 

**Sivir:** I wish she was a switch.

 

**Evelynn:** I fucking snorted

 

**Ahri:** hahahahahah

**Ahri:** WHY WOULD A GIRL THAT’S SCARED OF ‘ITS A SMALL WORLD’ BE A FUCKING TOP????

 

**Kai’sa:** I WASN’T SCARED!!!!

 

**Akali:** Keep telling yourself that.

 

**Kai’sa:** FUCK YOU GUYS!!!

 

**Irelia:** I….

**Irelia:** Akali...you really hang out with these girls?

 

**Akali:** Yup!

 

**Irelia:** And if you don’t mind me asking but what do you see in Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** I’m right here…

 

**Ahri:** Wait, I’m curious too

 

**Kai’sa:** Come to think of it…

**Kai’sa:** You two never told us what happened between you two when Akali ran off bc she discovered her oni powers

 

**Irelia:** Wait what???

 

**Sivir:** Yeah

**Sivir:** How did you two talk about your feelings?

**Sivir:** You never told us

 

**Evelynn:** What do you mean?

 

**Irelia:** What’s this about Akali and oni powers???

 

**Kai’sa:** You two left the chat to talk about your feelings and then came back to say you’re dating.

**Kai’sa:** How did that go?

 

**Akali:** How what go?

 

**Ahri:** How did the confession go?

 

**Sona:** Who confessed their feelings first?

 

**Akali:** Evelynn.

 

**Ahri:** Of course she did.

 

**Kai’sa:** But HOW did it happen?

**Kai’sa:** What did she say??

 

**Akali:** Babe, why don’t you say it?

 

**Irelia:** Akali, what’s this deal about you and oni powers????

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t really want to.

 

**Ahri:** Aww why not??

 

**Evelynn:** Bc.

 

**Sona:** Bc what?

 

**Evelynn:** Just no.

 

**Kai’sa:** Well we have all day in Japan

 

**Ahri:** And you and Akali ditched me at the spa

**Ahri:** Kai’sa and Sivir are at the hotel

**Ahri:** So we have nothing better to do

 

**Sivir:** We can pester you all-day

**Sivir:** All-day

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Akali:** Come on babe

**Akali:** It’s not bad or anything

 

**Evelynn:** It’s embarrassing

 

**Ahri:** Why???

 

**Kai’sa:** Tell us

 

**Sivir:** Now.

 

**Sona:** Please.

 

**Irelia:** CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN ABOUT THESE ONI POWERS AND AKALI?????

 

**Evelynn:** FINE

 

**Irelia:** Finally

 

**Evelynn:** The confession went like this

 

**Irelia:** NOT WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Akali and I were alone.

**Evelynn:** I was helping her calm down bc her oni powers were a bit out of control

**Evelynn:** I explained to Akali that her jealousy was due to her having feelings for me and I had to dance with Twisted Fate for a photoshoot.

**Evelynn:** So her jealousy was rooted there.

**Evelynn:** At first Akali didn’t really understand what I was saying.

**Evelynn:** So...I went on a monologue about my feelings for her.

**Evelynn:** I told her that she piqued my interested when I saw her video, five years ago.

**Evelynn:** Ever since I’ve wanted to know more about her so I would stalk her Instagram and liked every post she made

**Evelynn:** But I was too scared to talk to her.

**Evelynn:** Which is out of character for me

**Evelynn:** But...for the first time, I was falling for someone…

**Evelynn:** Even though, at the time, we didn’t even meet each other yet

**Evelynn:** I just...my heart knew it wanted her.

**Evelynn:** I fell in love with how beautiful she is.

**Evelynn:** I fell in love with her desire to be an artist without making it all about money, just for the pure enjoyment of making music.

**Evelynn:** I fell in love with someone that was friendly with me despite my reputation and didn’t judge me

**Evelynn:** All of these feelings scared me for such a long time but at that moment

**Evelynn:** I needed to let it out

**Evelynn:** So I told Akali the truth.

**Evelynn:** Raw and real

**Evelynn:** At that moment, Akali must have felt that realness in her heart because she finally understood her jealousy and returned my feelings.

**Evelynn:** And…

**Evelynn:** Here we are.

 

**Kai’sa:** Wow.

 

**Sivir:** Woah.

 

**Ahri:** Ngl, I was expecting a lame-ass ‘I like you’ confession but this made me tear up

**Ahri:** Damn it, Eve, you made me cry

 

**Sona:** Evelynn

**Sona:** I’ve known you for years and this is the first time I’ve seen you so real.

**Sona:** You’ve grown so much in these past five years.

**Sona:** I’m serious. You’ve had quite a ‘glow up’.

 

**Evelynn:** ...thank you

 

**Akali:** See Eve!

**Akali:** They understand.

 

**Evelynn:** I see…

 

**Ahri:** Akali, what about you??

 

**Irelia:** IS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT AKALI’S ONI POWERS OR ARE YOU GUYS IGNORING ME!!!????

 

**Akali:** I mean

**Akali:** Eve really summarized it 

**Akali:** I guess for me

**Akali:** I knew I felt something for Evelynn ever since we met but I really didn’t understand it.

**Akali:** However, hearing what Evelynn told me

**Akali:** Everything started to make sense

**Akali:** Like...I really understood why I felt more comfortable with her

**Akali:** And why she made me feel giddy 

**Akali:** Seeing her with Twisted Fate woke me up

**Akali:** I imagined her being with Twisted Fate and it made me feel like she shouldn’t be with him.

 

**Sona:** I mean...anyone can tell that…

 

**Ahri:** Yeah.

**Ahri:** There was a whole petition for Twisted Fate and Evelynn to break up when they were together.

**Ahri:** It turned into quite a mess.

 

**Kai’sa:** Wow…

 

**Sivir:** Fans are savage

 

**Evelynn:** Deeva fans are true fans.

 

**Irelia:** HELLO???

 

**Akali:** But if they didn’t do that, then we might not be together

 

**Evelynn:** Regardless, I think I would have fallen for you.

 

**Akali:** Really?

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, I do.

**Evelynn:** I would have fallen for you, even if I thought I was the one with someone else.

**Evelynn:** I just feel it in my heart.

**Evelynn:** We were meant to meet.

 

**Akali:** <3

 

**Evelynn:** <3

 

**Ahri:** I mean I did all the work with getting Akali famous and adding her to the group so you’re welcome

 

**Kai’sa:** Shush, this is really sweet.

 

**Sivir:** :)

 

**Sona:** Now I want to hear you two’s confession^^

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** Why not?

**Evelynn:** I poured my heart out.

 

**Ahri:** Yeah, you can stop that

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Ahri:** You fuck off

 

**Kai’sa:** And we’re back to normal

 

**Sona:** ^^ I still want to hear

 

**Sivir:** No

 

**Irelia:** SO IS ANYONE GOING TO TELL ME ABOUT AKALI’S ONI POWERS??

 

**Akali:** Come on, Kai’sa!

**Akali:** When did you know Sivir was ‘the one’?

 

**Ahri:** Tell us!

 

**Evelynn:** Come on.

 

**Kai’sa:** No

 

**Sivir:** No

 

**Ahri:** Why noooooot??

 

**Kai’sa:** No

 

**Sivir:** No

 

**Sona:** You can’t just run away from our questions.

 

**Kai’sa left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Sivir left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Evelynn:** SIGH

 

**Ahri:** They can’t keep running away

 

**Akali:** I bet it was cheesy af

 

**Irelia:** Hello…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh

**Evelynn:** Kyrelia, you’re still here?

 

**Akali:** Hi senpai!

 

**Ahri:** Yo

 

**Sona:** Hello.

 

**Irelia:** I’VE BEEN HERE THIS WHOLE TIME!???

**Irelia:** AND IT’S I-R-E-L-I-A!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry Torelia.

 

**Irelia:** <<< MY NAME IS RIGHT THERE!!

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry

**Evelynn:** I-K-E-L-I-A

 

**Irelia:** ljkalldhlksdkljfkhskjbhlksdhkgsdhklghs

**Irelia:** IRELIA!!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Sorry…

**Evelynn:** My phone keeps autocorrecting your name

 

**Ahri:** Let me try

**Ahri:** Irelia

**Ahri:** Works on mine

 

**Sona:** Irelia

**Sona:** It’s fine on mine

 

**Akali:** Irelia

**Akali:** Yep, good on me

 

**Evelynn:** Pophelia

**Evelynn:** Nope

 

**Irelia:** YOU’RE DOING IT ON PURPOSE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I really am not.

 

**Ahri:** You sure???

 

**Evelynn:** I am!

 

**Irelia:** You are doing this on purpose…

 

**Evelynn:** I genuinely am not

**Evelynn:** Here, let me try again.

**Evelynn:** Brophelia

**Evelynn:** Waphelia

**Evelynn:** Derkaphelia

**Evelynn:** Hoephelia

**Evelynn:** kaphelia

**Evelynn:** Lowphelia

**Evelynn:** Yerphelia

**Evelynn:** Riphelia

 

**Irelia left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Akali:** Bye senpai, call me so we can meet up!

 

**Sona:** She...can’t get your text now.

**Sona:** She’s out.

 

**Akali:** I’ll call her later

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck...

 

**Ahri:** Damn…

**Ahri:** We lost three people on this chat

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa can’t run away from her problems forever.

**Evelynn:** But I have an idea to get her crawling back.

**Evelynn:** Give me a second.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.**

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING DARE, EVE!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Come back to the chat willingly and I won’t @ your dad’s insta on my insta story filled with your booty pics

 

**Kai’sa:** WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME OUT FIRST ON INSTA FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE????

 

**Evelynn:** Bc I’m dramatic, duh.

 

**Kai’sa:** Omg you’re evil

 

**Evelynn:** This applies to Sivir too

 

**Kai’sa:** FINE

**Kai’sa:** Add us back…

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you :)

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Evelynn added Kai’sa and Sivir to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Ahri:** We missed you

 

**Akali:** eh sure

 

**Sona:** So...tell us about your first real ‘I love you’s?

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Akali:** We’ll figure out how to get it out of you two…

 

**Sivir:** Never

 

**Sona:** Now don’t be as stubborn as a rock...

  
**Kai’sa:** Why did I suddenly get a bad feeling?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who in the world could possibly be associated with rocks and ruin Sivir's day? Gee, I wonder who. (Hint, hint, you guys saw them before)
> 
> The huge Akalynn moment is dedicated to (and was requested by them so you can thank them for the idea) kayahaiwatari on Tumblr for their beautiful artwork they made base on a Beauty and the Beast Au I wrote. (It's not a fic, just a long headcannon I wrote) Here's the [link](https://kayahaiwatari.tumblr.com/post/186630041927/its-a-few-days-late-but-heres-my-contribution-to)
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	21. Dear, Kai’sa...Turnip Thighs

**Sivir added Taliyah to group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Taliyah:** Well, hello there

 **Taliyah:** It is I, the great Taliyah

 **Taliyah:** And Sivir’s ONLY friend

 

 **Akali:** Aye, what’s up my dude?

 

 **Taliyah:** Aye, not much!

 

 **Kai’sa:** AKALI WHAT THE FUCK?? 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU TOOK MY PHONE??

 **Kai’sa:** \- Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** LMFAO

 **Ahri:** I was wondering why Sivir was ransacking the hotel room

 **Ahri:** I can hear her running around

 

 **Evelynn:** That was her?

 **Evelynn:** I thought Kai’sa and Sivir were having some wild sex.

 **Evelynn:** I was about to come in and take a peek.

 

 **Kai’sa:** In your dreams, Eve.

 **Kai’sa:** You wish you could join

 

 **Evelynn:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

 **Ahri:** Was that last text Kai’sa or Sivir?

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sivir

 **Kai’sa:** She forgot to sign it.

 **Kai’sa:** In fact, she just left to go chase down Akali

 

 **Akali:** She’ll never find me

 **Akali:** I know Japan like it’s the back of my hand

 

 **Taliyah:** So I was told to come to the chat to spill some tea about Kai’sa and Sivir?

 **Taliyah:** Specifically something about their love life?

 

 **Akali:** Yep!

 

 **Evelynn:** Yes!

 

 **Ahri:** ooo yes!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU FUCKING TRAITOR!

 

 **Ahri:** ^ Sivir or Kai’sa?

 

 **Kai’sa:** ME

 **Kai’sa:** TALIYAH, DON’T YOU DARE!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** Sorry, Kai

 **Taliyah:** Akali says she’ll buy me a new Nintendo Switch since Sivir broke mine.

 **Taliyah:** And I really want to finish Breath of the Wild soooo

 **Taliyah:** No hard feelings, Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, YOUR SWITCH ISN’T BROKEN!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** Oh, she came back.

 

 **Kai’sa:** AKALI IS CHEAP ANYWAYS!!

 **Kai’sa:** SHE’LL GET YOU A KNOCKOFF!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Akali:** HEY I WOULDN’T DO THAT TO MY LITTLE DUDE!

 

 **Kai’sa:** THEY’RE NOT YOUR LITTLE DUDE, THEY’RE MY LITTLE DUDE!

 **Kai’sa:** AND GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Akali:** Lol no

 

 **Kai’sa:** AAAAAAAKKKKKKAAAAAAALLLLLIIIIIIII

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** YOU BROKE MY SWITCH, SIVIR!

 

 **Kai’sa:** IT’S NOT BROKEN!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** YOU BROKE THE HANDLES OFF!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** THEY ARE SUPPOSE TO COME OFF!!!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** IT’S LITERALLY SUPPOSE TO COME OFF SO YOU CAN USE THEM TO PLAY WITH ON THE SMALLER SCREEN!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** NO IT’S NOT!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** YES IT IS!!!

 **Kai’sa:** \- Sivir

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, she’s actually right.

 **Akali:** Your Switch ain’t broken

 

 **Taliyah:** Wait what??

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOUR SWITCH ISN’T FUCKING BROKEN!!!

 **Kai’sa:** YOU’RE TECH SAVVY AND YET YOU THINK YOUR SWITCH IS BROKEN WHEN IT’S NOT!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** Huh…

 **Taliyah:** Well would you look at that

 **Taliyah:** The handles popped right back in

 **Taliyah:** I guess my switch isn’t broken.

 

 **Kai’sa:** IT WAS NEVER BROKEN!!!!!! 

 **Kai’sa:** THE HANDLES ARE SUPPOSE TO COME OFF!!

 **Kai’sa:** IT’S EVEN ON THE BOX COVER!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** Oops ;p

 

 **Kai’sa:** sjkdglskdhkgljdhsfkjghlkdsjfghlkjsdfkljghdlkfjghlkdjghkdjhglkjdskl

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** I love that she’s still signing her name.

 

 **Akali:** Don’t worry, Taliyah. I’ll buy you another Switch just to piss Sivir off

 

 **Taliyah:** You the best bro

 

 **Akali:** Aw, right back at you little dude

 

 **Evelynn:** Aw, my girlfriend has such a generous heart!

 

 **Kai’sa:** ASODHGODHFOIDHFKGHKDFJHGKJDHKFJGHLSDHGLKJSFKHD

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** Taliyah is the best thing to come to the chat.

 

 **Akali:** Aw, what about Irelia?

 

 **Evelynn:** I like yophelia

 **Evelynn:** She’s a nice girl

 

 **Sona:** Maybe spell her name right?

 

 **Taliyah:** Oh my Gaara…

 **Taliyah:** DJ Sona??

 

 **Sona:** That’s me :)

 

 **Taliyah:** Hi, I’m a huge fan.

 **Taliyah:** I have every single one of your albums and I listen to the Pentakill album with you like every day.

 **Taliyah:** I have all of your official posters and the extended version of all your albums

 **Taliyah:** I even have your limited edition of your Funko Pop that was released for only one hour and I stayed up all night to be the first people to get it.

 **Taliyah:** Have I said I’m a huge fan?

 

 **Sona:** I like them.

 **Sona:** Can they stay on the chat?

 

 **Evelynn:** Sure

 

 **Ahri:** Yah 

 

 **Akali:** YEA!

 

 **Kai’sa:** NO!

 **Kai’sa:** -Kai’sa and Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** Lol thanks for clarifying 

 

 **Kai’sa:** TALIYAH IS NOT STAYING!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** THEY'LL RUIN MY LIFE!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** I’m just going to post the contents of your diary onto this chat, that’s all. 

 **Taliyah:** So relax.

 **Taliyah:** The girls want to know more about you and Kai’sa’s relationship, I’m just giving them what they wanted.

 

 **Evelynn:** Sivir has a diary?

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 **Akali:** OMG THIS IS BETTER THAN I THOUGHT!!

 

 **Ahri:** Awwwww, Sivir is such a sensitive girl~

 

 **Kai’sa:** IT’S NOT A DIARY, TALIYAH!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Taliyah:** You’re right.

 **Taliyah:** It’s your love letter to her if something happens to you.

 

 **Kai’sa:** TALIYAH!!!!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Evelynn:** Aww

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

 

 **Ahri:** DAWWWWW

 

 **Sona:** Pls post

 

 **Kai’sa:** NOOOOOO!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Ahri:** I love that you’re still clarifying.

 

 **Taliyah:** Give me a second

 **Taliyah:** Sivir changed her password again

 

 **Akali:** It’s ‘kaisaismywaifu6969’

 

 **Taliyah:** Okay, thanks!

 

 **Kai’sa:** HOW ARE YOU GUYS GUESSING MY PASSWORD?????

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 

 **Evelynn:** Stop making it about Kai’sa.

 

 **Ahri:** I can’t wait to read Sivir’s letter to Kai’sa.

 

 **Akali:** Wait wait!

 

**Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”**

 

 **Akali:** Okay, I’m ready

 

 **Irelia:** Why am I back in here?

 

 **Evelynn:** Hello, Burelia.

 

 **Irelia:** I-r-e-l-i-a

 

 **Evelynn:** Sorry

 **Evelynn:** Toepelia

 

 **Irelia:** Nevermind…

 

 **Ahri:** Oh perfect

 **Ahri:** Now we have more of an audience for Sivir

 

 **Kai’sa:** STOOOOOOPPPPPPP!!!

 **Kai’sa:** -Sivir

 **Kai’sa:** Hi, I’m back.

 **Kai’sa:** Sivir ran off to get her phone back.

 

 **Akali:** She can have it back.

 **Akali:** Taliyah will do the rest

 

 **Taliyah:** Sorry it’s taking forever

 **Taliyah:** Sivir takes a lot of shirtless selfies 

 

 **Kai’sa:**...Not that I’m asking but...maybe send those to me…

 

 **Taliyah:** Sure.

 

 **Irelia:** What is going on?

 

 **Akali:** Taliyah is about to show us a letter Sivir wrote for Kai’sa.

 

 **Irelia:** Why?

 

 **Evelynn:** If I had to get real and emotional on this chat regarding my relationship with Akali, then Kai’sa and Sivir has to do the same.

 

 **Irelia:** I...what??

 

 **Akali:** Sivir is about to be exposed

 **Akali:** She thinks she’s tough but she’s a big old messy softie

 

 **Ahri:** I bet Kai’sa and Sivir cry together in bed

 

 **Kai’sa:** I mean…

 **Kai’sa:** When we were really emotional…

 

 **Evelynn:** Aww

 

 **Sona:** Literally every w|w couple ever

 

 **Ahri:** Every w|w couple cry in bed together?

 

 **Sona:** Yep.

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s not true

 

 **Akali:** Yeah, that’s true.

 

 **Evelynn:** What?

 

 **Akali:** I mean...not that I cried in bed with you bc I was really happy with you…

 

 **Evelynn:** …

 

 **Akali:** …I mean...nothing?

 

 **Evelynn:** Baby, I really fucking love you, you sweet little ninja.

 **Evelynn:** God, you make my heart churn, you reckless little cutie

 

 **Ahri:** ew

 

 **Evelynn:** Fuck off.

 

 **Taliyah:** Okay I found it but get this!

 **Taliyah:** Sivir has two different letters

 **Taliyah:** One that she got from a love letter generator website

 **Taliyah:** And one that she wrote herself

 

 **Akali:** OMG

 

 **Ahri:** hahahahah she used a love letter generator?!

 

 **Sona:** Haha, that’s funny.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Oh stop!

 **Kai’sa:** She must have been trying really hard to write me this letter.

 

 **Taliyah:** Um yeah, I think Sivir realized how stupid this generator is bc this letter is so bad.

 **Taliyah:** Here’s the website she used

 **Taliyah:** [ https://www.letter-generator.org.uk/?i=dte6naq ](https://www.letter-generator.org.uk/?i=dte6naq)

 

 **Kai’sa:** At least she’s trying

 

 **Sivir:** I GOT MY PHONE BACK NOW DON;T FUCKING PLSUHDJTN EGJGFJKHDKLJHKLJDFALJ

 

 **Ahri:** ¿Qué?

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHA TOO LATE!

 

 **Taliyah:** Here's the love letter generator version:

 **Taliyah:** It’s titled ‘Kissing Like Two Beautiful Deers’

 **Taliyah:** “Dear Kai’sa,

 

I have a small confession. Forgive this pouring of my heart.

 

I cherish Recording Studio, where we first met. The moment I clapped eyes on you, I knew you were going to be a sexy girl. Recently, I have begun to regard you as much more than just a sexy girl.

 

My feelings for you intensified when I saw you sleeping in the moonlight. I was further wowed by your tremendous dancing skills.

 

You have thighs like gorgeous turnips and the most hot butt I've ever seen. When I look at you, I just want to kiss those gorgeous turnip thighs and admire that hot butt.

 

You're so special with your sweet ways. The way you handle your king father shows great kindness and motherly.

 

I know that to you I'm just a peachy girl but I think we could be happy together, kissing like two beautiful deers.

 

Please, say you'll be mine Kai’sa!

 

All my love,

Sivir”

 

 **Evelynn:** THIGHS LIKE GORGEOUS TURNIPS!!!!

 **Evelynn:** I AM DEAD!!!

 

 **Akali:** THE MOST HOT BUTT 

 **Akali:** I CAN’T!!!

 

 **Ahri:** SLEEPING IN THE MOONLIGHT????

 **Ahri:** WHAT FUCKING MOONLIGHT????

 **Ahri:** THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS!!

 

 **Sona:** Goodness, a child could write a better letter than this love letter generator website.

 

 **Irelia:** What...did I just read?

 

 **Kai’sa:** You guys know this was generated by a website so stop bashing it.

 

 **Sivir:** TALIYAH I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** You’re the one that tried to write a letter on a random generator.

 

 **Sivir:** Someone end me…

 

 **Kai’sa:** Baby, I think it’s sweet that you put this much effort to try and figure out what to write to me.

 

 **Sivir:** Thank you…

 

 **Taliyah:** Now here’s the other letter that Sivir wrote herself.

 

 **Sivir:** TALIYAH I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** “Dear Kai’sa, my muse and my star,

 

To be honest, I am not good at writing letters, nor putting my feelings on paper. However, these past few months of dating you have been the happiest time of my life. I never truly understood what love was until I met you, hiding in the corner of the studio. Yes, I recall that fateful delivery route as if it happened yesterday, walking in only to be told to wait in another room. I thought, ‘I already delivered to this studio. Why do I have to do this again?’. Then you walked in, the doors locked, and we were alone. I remember how terrified you were, like a timid deer trapped in a cage with a hungry wolf. Not that I was the wolf, I mean- I could be.

 

I could never forget your trembling pink lips, your lavender eyes that swelled up with tears, and how you curled into a ball to protect yourself. When I saw you, I felt a powerful urge to protect you. The moment I saw you, I wanted to save you- even if it was from myself. You were so lost in that corner, terrified of me. Yet, as I reached out to you, you opened up. Your eyes stared at me in curiosity, your lips stopped shivering, and you even let me have your phone. It was like watching a shy kitten finally approach you. I felt like I was worthy of your trust.

 

At that time, I knew that you and I were meant to be something, but at the time, I didn’t know what. Friends? Acquaintances? Lovers? Well, at least we know how we ended up. You have no idea how excited I was when you asked if our movie night was a date. It truly sent me to Heaven and back. 

 

My habibti, you make everyday an adventure, even if we spend the day leisuring in bed without ever leaving the confines of your room. I crave every touch gifted upon me, kiss every whisper you utter, and cherish every part of your body, mind, and soul. Not a day goes by when I thank the Heavens for bestowing you in my life. I would spend a thousand years as the floor you dance on to ensure you grow even brighter than the North Star. 

 

You are my princess, my dancer, and my pop star, Kai’sa. I love you so much. 

 

Yours truly,

 

Sivir”

 

 **Kai’sa:** Baby, this was the most beautiful letter I have ever read.

 

 **Sivir:** I’m glad you think that…

 **Sivir:**  Now I’m going to crawl into bed and die

 

 **Kai’sa:** Aw nooo, don’t die

 **Kai’sa:** Baby, you’re such a sweetheart

 **Kai’sa:** I love you so much.

 

 **Sivir:** I love you too, Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Who’s my hartlam?

 

 **Sivir:** Meeeee

 

 **Kai’sa:** My lovely skat~

 

 **Sivir:** Habibti~~

 

 **Ahri:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!!!

 **Ahri:** I FUCKING CAN’T OVER THAT!!

 

 **Evelynn:** Kai -‘Turnip Thighs’- sa

 **Evelynn:** Our K/DA Dancer ‘Turnip Thighs’

 

 **Akali:** Peaches are cancelled, Turnips we stan!!

 

 **Irelia:** lol

 

 **Sona:** You guys know that Sivir had to put a vegetable on that generator and she chose turnips.

 

 **Akali:** I KNOW AND THAT’S WHAT MAKES IT EVEN FUNNIER!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** IT’S EVEN FUNNIER WHEN YOU GUYS KNOW THAT SIVIR HATES TURNIPS!!!!

 

 **Akali:** LMFAOOOO

 

 **Evelynn:** Aww noo

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

 **Sivir:** I DIDN’T KNOW THAT THEY WERE GOING TO USE TURNIPS IN THAT CONTEXT!!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING MEAN!!!

 **Kai’sa:** SHE WROTE ONE OF THE BEST LETTERS I HAVE EVER READ AND YOU GUYS ARE GIVING HER SHIT FOR TURNIP THIGHS!!!!

 **Kai’sa:** YOU GUYS WEREN’T LIKE THIS WHEN EVELYNN CONFESSED ABOUT HER FEELINGS!!

 

 **Evelynn:** AKALI DOESN’T HAVE TURNIP THIGHS!!!!!

 

 **Akali:** LMFAOOOO

 

 **Kai’sa:** YOU GUYS REALLY SUCK!!!

 **Kai’sa:** SHE WROTE A REALLY BEAUTIFUL LETTER AND YOU GUYS ARE FOCUSING ON THE GENERATED ONE!!!

 

 **Akali:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

 **Ahri:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

 **Sona:** Turnip thighs!

 

 **Irelia:** Turnip thighs is pretty funny.

 

 **Sivir:** LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

 **Evelynn:** Okay okay we can stop

 **Evelynn:** I thought the letter you wrote was pretty romantic.

 

 **Akali:** Turnip thighs lmfao

 

 **Ahri:** Yeah, I agree with Evelynn 

 **Ahri:** We knew Kai’sa’s perspective of when you two first met

 **Ahri:** And now we know how Sivir saw it

 

 **Taliyah:** She saw Kai’sa as a deer and she wanted to eat her bc she’s the ‘hungry wolf’?

 

 **Sivir:** IT’S A FUCKING METAPHOR, TALIYAH!!!!

 

 **Taliyah:** LMFAO

 

 **Akali:** Man, Taliyah, don’t ever leave this chat.

 

 **Taliyah:** Oh, I won’t.

 

 **Irelia:** Can I leave?

 

 **Evelynn:** Aw, don’t leave Vophelia.

 

 **Irelia:** IRELIA

 

 **Evelynn:** Sorry, my phone keeps autocorrecting Quephelia.

 

 **Irelia:** SIGH

 

 **Ahri:** Can I just be honest about something?

 

 **Evelynn:** No

 

 **Ahri:** Fack you

 **Ahri:** Anyways, I just want to say that I’m really happy for my friends that have such loving girlfriends that care and cherish them.

 **Ahri:** To be honest, I wouldn’t want any of you guys to have shitty partners and it makes me so happy to see you guys with loving girlfriends.

 

 **Evelynn:** That...was sweet of you to say, Ahri.

 **Evelynn:** Thank you.

 

 **Kai’sa:** That means a lot, Ahri, thank you.

 

 **Sivir:** Thanks, Ahri.

 

 **Sona:** Well said, Ahri.

 

 **Taliyah:** Aw, that’s cute!

 

 **Irelia:** :)

 

 **Ahri:** No problem, guys!

 

 **Akali:** TURNIP THIGHS!!!

 

 **Sivir:** AKALI I AM BARGING INTO YOUR HOTEL ROOM AND I AM GOING TO CHOKE YOU!!!!

 

 **Evelynn:** TuRnIp ThIgHs KaIsA

 

 **Kai’sa:** EVELYNN!

 

 **Ahri:** Turnips.

 

 **Sivir:** THAT’S IT!

 

 **Kai’sa:** WE ARE COMING TO MURDER YOU GUYS!!

 

 **Ahri:** HAHAHAH YAAAA YEEET!

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHAHA!

 

 **Evelynn:** HAHA, CATCH US IF YOU CAN!

 

 **Irelia:** What happened to the nice moment from earlier????

 

 **Sona:** In this group, nice moments never last.

 

 **Taliyah:** I like this chat!

 

 **Irelia:** How do I get out of group chats? I can’t remember how I did it last time.

 

 **Sona:** Oh. What a shame. 

 **Sona:** :)

 

 **Irelia:** Sona, please kick me out…

 

**Sona:**

****

 

 **Irelia:**...what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I actually used the love letter generator (link that Taliyah posted, and answered them the way I think Sivir might answer it. When the I read the generated letter, TURNIP THIGHS! I died. So alas, we now have to refer Kai’sa as turnip thighs. Peaches are cancelled, turnips thighs are the new trend. (Just kidding, Kai’sa will always be peach bae.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the kai’siv chapter (sort of...)  
> Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	22. Flight Home

**Akali:** Hey @Sivir

 

**Sivir:** What?

 

**Akali:** How does it feel to be in the back of the plane?

 

**Sivir:** Dude, go fuck yourself.

 

**Evelynn:** No, that’s my job

 

**Akali:** HA

 

**Sivir:** Yeah yeah yeah….

 

**Kai’sa:** We’re not Ahri

**Kai’sa:** We aren’t going to complain that we aren’t in First Class for the flight home.

 

**Sona:** You guys are finally returning?

**Sona:** It feels like you guys have been in Japan for weeks.

 

**Irelia:** Have a safe trip home.

 

**Kai’sa:** Thank you!

 

**Evelynn:** Thanks joephelia

 

**Irelia:** I was only talking to Akali.

 

**Kai’sa:** Alrighty then

 

**Evelynn:** Fair enough

 

**Akali:** Thanks senpai!

 

**Kai’sa:** We apologize for tearing the hotel apart and asking you to come help bail us out.

 

**Irelia:** Yeah, never do that again.

 

**Evelynn:** We didn’t know Ahri would pull the fire alarm

 

**Sivir:** It’s a good thing she did tho

**Sivir:** the place was a mess

 

**Akali:** You two were the ones that got butthurt about turnip thighs

 

**Kai’sa:** DROP THAT

 

**Evelynn:** Turnips

 

**Sivir:** Stop

 

**Taliyah:** Sivir Liver x Turnip Thighs

 

**Sivir:** FUCK OFF TALIYAH!!

 

**Taliyah:** LMFAO

 

**Irelia:** Can you guys not fight while on the plane?

 

**Evelynn:** We can't promise you that.

 

**Irelia:** Sigh

 

**Ahri:** It’s only a two hour flight

 

**Akali:** Oh look, she’s alive

 

**Ahri:** Hahaha, make fun of me bc i was sleepy through the entire airport routine

 

**Evelynn:** I had to fucking carrying you.

 

**Ahri:** I appreciate that, my bestie.

 

**Kai’sa:** At least we are all on the plane

 

**Akali:** Yeah, Eve and I are in first class

 

**Sivir:** Shut up

 

**Akali:** :p

 

**Ahri:** Hey, I’m in first class too!

 

**Evelynn:** Where?

 

**Ahri:** Ummm

**Ahri:** I’m near the right side

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t see you.

 

**Akali:** Are you sure you’re in first class?

 

**Ahri:** I am!

**Ahri:** I am literally in first class.

 

**Kai’sa:** You know

**Kai’sa:** I didn’t see you get on the plane with us.

 

**Ahri:** I got on pretty early before you guys

 

**Evelynn:** Well so did we

 

**Ahri:** I’m wearing a onesie and a hoodie

**Ahri:** You probably didn’t see me bc you were looking for my ears and tails

**Ahri:** Foxist, Eve.

 

**Evelynn:** How am I foxist?

 

**Ahri:** Bc you only looked for my ears and tails to find me, huh?

**Ahri:** I am more than just my ears and tails

 

**Evelynn:** It’s not foxist of me to look for the ONLY defining features of my GUMIHO leader.

**Evelynn:** If you haven’t noticed, you’re the only fucking gumiho around here that’s famous and annoying

 

**Ahri:** I have a gorgeous face

**Ahri:** Voted one of the most beautiful faces in Pop

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, they must be blind

 

**Ahri:** foxist

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, don’t do this to me.

 

**Ahri:** I AM JUST AS HUMAN AS AKALI, EVE!

 

**Kai’sa:** cough cough oni powers (?) cough cough

 

**Irelia:** You guys still haven’t talked to me about Akali and her oni powers

 

**Akali:** Dude, I haven’t been able to get in touch with my oni/ hannya, whatever powers since Eve’s confession 

**Akali:** I think I lost it.

 

**Taliyah:** Hannya is associated with jealousy?

 

**Kai’sa:** Ya

 

**Akali:** I guess the next time I’m jealous, I’ll let you guys know

 

**Ahri:** I am just as human as the next, Evie

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh. They’re still going...

 

**Evelynn:** Are you seriously giving me shit for this?

**Evelynn:** I’m not foxist

 

**Ahri:** YOU’RE FOXIST TOWARDS FOXIES!!

 

**Evelynn:** THEN YOU’RE RACIST TOWARDS SUCCUBI!

 

**Kai’sa:** Can you two have your fight on private message?

 

**Ahri:** WHAT THE FUCK IS A SUCCUBI?

 

**Evelynn:** IT’S THE PLURAL FORM OF SUCCUBUS!

 

**Ahri:** IT LOOKS STUPID!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU’RE STUPID!

 

**Ahri:** FOXIST!

 

**Evelynn:** I AM NOT FOXIST FOR FUCKING PICKING YOU OUT IN A CROWD BY YOUR EARS AND TAILS!!!

 

**Ahri:** I AM MORE THAN MY EARS AND TAILS! 

**Ahri:** YOU DON’T SEE ME PICKING YOU OUT BY YOUR FAT ASS AND YOUR FLOATING TOOTHPICKS!!

 

**Evelynn:** ???????

**Evelynn:** WHY ARE WE ARGUING ABOUT THIS??????

 

**Ahri:** bc I’m bored

**Ahri:** uwu

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, I hate it when you do this.

 

**Ahri:** :3

 

**Irelia:** Do what?

 

**Evelynn:** Purposely pick fights with me bc she’s bored

 

**Taliyah:** How are you two still friends?

 

**Sona:** They feed off of each other.

**Sona:** They need each other to live.

 

**Irelia:** Akali, why do you hang with these type of people?

 

**Akali:** One is my girlfriend and the others are kinda there as extras

 

**Kai’sa:** EXTRAS?

 

**Ahri:** I AM NOT AN EXTRA!

 

**Evelynn:** Lmfao

 

**Akali:** I’m kidding!

**Akali:** One is my mom and the other is the pet

 

**Ahri:** Is Kai’sa the pet?

 

**Kai’sa:** Guess again.

 

**Sivir:** Kai’sa is my pet.

**Sivir:** ;)

 

**Kai’sa:** Only in the bedroom, baby~

 

**Evelynn:** I knew you two were in some weird kinks

 

**Sivir:** I was kidding, Eve

 

**Kai’sa:** She was.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh come on :(

**Evelynn:** I was going to offer a few of my muzzles for Kai’sa to try out if you two were into that

 

**Kai’sa:** What…?

 

**Sivir:** Um...no thanks…

 

**Evelynn:** Well if you two want to spice up your sex life, you know where to find me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay…

 

**Ahri:** LMFAOO

 

**Sona:** That backfired so badly.

 

**Kai’sa:** It really did.

 

**Irelia:** I’m sorry...am I missing something?

 

**Taliyah:** Pet play

 

**Irelia:** What is that?

 

**Evelynn:** Probably best that you don’t know.

 

**Ahri:** agreed

 

**Akali:** Yep

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s for your own good, Irelia

 

**Irelia:** ???

 

**Ahri:** hey where are you guys on the plane

 

**Akali:** 1st class

 

**Ahri:** yeah i know but I don’t see you guys

 

**Evelynn:** Where are you?

 

**Ahri:** Near the back of 1st class on the right hand side

 

**Evelynn:** I’m looking but I don’t see you.

 

 **Ahri:** ***text photo***

**Ahri:** I literally can’t find you guys.

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s not our plane…

 

**Sivir:** Wait shit…

 

**Akali:** Yo, we’re definitely not in the same first class.

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** oh boy…

 

**Kai’sa:** AHRI ARE YOU ON AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PLANE THAN US????

 

**Ahri:** *shrugs*

 

**Kai’sa:** WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE SAME PLANE!!

 

**Ahri:** I guess I got on the wrong one.

 

**Kai’sa:** HOW????

 

**Evelynn:** This is Ahri

**Evelynn:** She somehow just walked in and got on the wrong plane.

 

**Sona:** How did you guys lose Ahri in the first place?

 

**Ahri:** EVIE IS A FOXIST!!

**Ahri:** SHE FORGOT WHAT I LOOKED LIKE BC ALL SHE REMEMBERS OF ME ARE MY EARS AND TAILS!!

 

**Evelynn:** OH MY GOD SHUT UP

 

**Kai’sa:** WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS AT HAND!!!

 

**Akali:** Ahri can take care of herself.

 

**Kai’sa:** SHE GOT SEPARATED FROM US AND GOT ON THE WRONG PLANE!!!

 

**Ahri:** Tee hee

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T TEE HEE ME!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri, wherever you are heading, pls don’t come back

 

**Ahri:** That just makes me want to run back into your arms, baby

 

**Evelynn:** You are so fucking annoying

 

**Ahri:** I love annoyingly fucking you. ;3

 

**Evelynn:** Wha

 

**Akali:** Sorry, I think I’m having an aneurysm

 

**Sivir:** Wow, aneurysm. Big word, Akali.

 

**Akali:** You know what else is a big word?

**Akali:** suckmymotherfuckingdick

 

**Taliyah:** ooo got em

 

**Sivir:** hahaha...

 

**Kai’sa:** HEY DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT OUR LEADER IS ON A DIFFERENT FLIGHT??

 

**Ahri:** I asked the person next to me

**Ahri:** she says the flight i am on is going to new york

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s a 10+ hrs flight…

 

**Evelynn:** Oh thank the heavens

**Evelynn:** Fucking bless the lord

 

**Irelia:** How do you guys...function?

 

**Akali:** Kai’sa is a great mom.

 

**Sivir:** She’s a stressed mom

**Sivir:** I just saw her drink like 15 shots of vodka in five minutes

 

**Evelynn:** yas kai’sa yaaas

**Evelynn:** We need to go out to the bar sometimes.

 

**Kai’sa:** NOT THE TIME

 

**Sona:** Look, all Ahri has to do is get onto another flight back to Korea once she lands in New York.

 

**Ahri:** YO YO CAN I FIND THE SUBWAY PIZZA RAT IN NEW YORK???

 

**Akali:** Yeah, the video took place in new york

 

**Kai’sa:** DON’T TELL HER THAT!!

 

**Ahri:** OMG I NEED TO FIND THAT RAT!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Go, be free my foxy friend

 

**Kai’sa:** STOP IT

**Kai’sa:** DID YOU GUYS FORGET THAT WE HAVE AN IMPORTANT EVENT TO ATTEND IN TWO DAYS WHEN WE GET BACK HOME?? 

**Kai’sa:** THE PARTY WHERE OTHER AFFILIATIONS COME TO MAKE BRAND DEALS WITH US??

**Kai’sa:** KINDA AN IMPORTANT PARTY????? 

 

**Evelynn:** She’ll be back by then

**Evelynn:** maybe

 

**Irelia:** Well, that depends if Ahri can get a non-stop flight back to Korea.

**Irelia:** The chances of that happening are very slim

**Irelia:** She might have to transfer onto different flights and that takes longer.

 

**Akali:** Ahri, if you find the pizza rat, take a picture

 

**Ahri:** WILL DO!

 

**Irelia:** Don’t ignore me….

 

**Kai’sa:** Sigh

**Kai’sa:** I might as well call in and say that Ahri might not make the event

 

**Ahri:** I can make it back

**Ahri:** I believe in my foxy powers

 

**Evelynn:** Nooo

**Evelynn:** Take your time in finding the pizza rat

 

**Taliyah:** Take a good video if you find it!

 

**Ahri:** Will do!

 

**Kai’sa:** SIGH

 

**Irelia:** I’m guessing this situation is futile to solve?

 

**Sona:** It is, Xan Irelia.

 

**Irelia:** Why did you use my full name?

 

**Sona:** No reason. :)

 

**Irelia:** ????

 

**Akali:** I mean, do we really need Ahri to be with us at the party?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, did you forget that she’s kinda the FUCKING LEADER OF OUR MISFIT OF A GROUP???

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll stand up to be the leader.

**Evelynn:** It is a sacrifice I am willing to make

 

**Ahri:** NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO !!!

 

**Irelia:** Oh goodness…

 

**Ahri:** I AM THE LEADER, NOT EVIE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Well you aren’t here to say otherwise.

 

**Ahri:** NYOOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** For fuck sake…

**Kai’sa:** I would rather go tell my dad that I’m marrying Sivir right now and the wedding is tomorrow

**Kai’sa:** Than let Evelynn be the leader

 

**Evelynn:** Alright, Sivir

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa needs to go easy on the shots bc she’s getting sassy

 

**Akali:** She isn’t childish sassy yet

 

**Evelynn:** Let's hope it doesn’t get to that.

 

**Irelia:** Childish sassy?

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa turns into a 3 year old brat when she’s blackout drunk

 

**Sivir:** It’s cute

 

**Akali:** It’s scary

 

**Ahri:** it’s funny

 

**Sona:** It’s weird to see the mother figure start to suck Ahri’s tails like they’re lollipops.

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m not drunk and that was one time.

 

**Ahri:** Still weird tho

 

**Evelynn:** and yet you let her do it for four hours.

 

**Ahri:** At least I didn’t go dry hump akali against a car while eating a hot dog

 

**Sona:** Oh? Is that what happened when you two went outside that night?

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn was so drunk that she was convinced that her tongue turned into a dick and was trying to get Akali to give her a blowjob on her ‘tongue dick’

 

**Akali:** Best sloppy kisses I ever had

 

**Evelynn:** ;)

 

**Irelia:** Excuse me?

 

**Taliyah:** Sivir, what the hell?

**Taliyah:** Why didn’t you introduce me to your new friend group sooner?

**Taliyah:** K/DA sound so fricken awesome

 

**Sivir:** wait until you see Ahri blackout drunk

 

**Akali:** She turns into a literal fox

**Akali:** but stays in her human form

**Akali:** So just imagine a drunk ahri climbing up the fridge and hollering ‘scooby dooby dooo!’

**Akali:** while naked

**Akali:** barking and hissing at us to not get her down

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHA THAT WAS A FUN NIGHT

 

**Irelia:** …

 

**Taliyah:** What about you, Akali? 

**Taliyah:** How are you when you’re blackout drunk?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh, we don’t get her blackout drunk anymore.

**Evelynn:** Not since that night...

 

**Kai’sa:** Never again.

 

**Ahri:** Not since the night of the blood moon

 

**Akali:** I don’t remember that night.

 

**Sona:** Good.

 

**Irelia:** What the fuck happens to her when she’s blackout drunk????

**Irelia:** What night of the blood moon????

 

**Evelynn:** It’s prolly best to not tell you.

 

**Irelia:** Really??

 

**Kai’sa:** Really.

 

**Sivir:** Really.

 

**Sona:** Really.

 

**Ahri:** Really.

 

**Akali:** I would take their word, senpai.

 

**Irelia:** Fine…

 

**Taliyah:** Okay but I’m really curious…

**Taliyah:** so Akali can’t drink at all?

 

**Sivir:** Oh, she can drink.

**Sivir:** Just not too much

**Sivir:** She can get drunk, but NOT blackout drunk

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll just say this.

**Evelynn:** It was a beautiful night with a full moon. We thought we should just drink the night away. No special occasion. Just fun.

**Evelynn:** However, in the late hours of the night, after the worst of our drunkenness was over, we all could have sworn we saw a blood moon. Then a dark, glowing figure looming over us with a luscious grin.

**Evelynn:** That’s all you need to know.

 

**Taliyah:** That’s it???

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s it.

 

**Sivir:** Just leave it like that.

 

**Akali:** Yeah i don’t remember.

 

**Sona:** Good.

 

**Ahri:** Never again.

 

**Evelynn:** Never fucking again.

 

**Taliyah:** Alrighty then

 

**Irelia:** ???

 

**Ahri:** So I prolly should start figuring out how to get back home, huh?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, you prolly fucking should.

 

**Irelia:** ???? 

 

**Ahri:** But I still want to see the pizza rat

 

**Evelynn:** Why?

 

**Ahri:** So I can eat it

 

**Akali:** KSAJDGKLJADHFGLKSDHLKFJ

**Akali:** NOOOO!!!

 

**Ahri:** What??

 

**Akali:** DON’T EAT THE PIZZA RAT!!!

 

**Ahri:** WHY NOT??

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m so done with you, Ahri…

 

**Ahri:** LET ME LIIIIVE!!

 

**Evelynn:** Get on the correct fucking flight next time, bitch.

 

**Ahri:** Not my fault that you guys lost track of me

 

**Kai’sa:** We didn’t think you would somehow get on a different fucking plane.

 

**Sivir:** How did this happen??

**Sivir:** Wouldn’t the boarding ticket stop Ahri from boarding the wrong flight??

 

**Ahri:** *shrugs*

 

**Evelynn:** All I care is that the next few days will be Ahri free.

 

**Ahri:** Oh I’m coming back on the next flight back just to spite you.

 

**Evelynn:** fuck

 

**Kai’sa:** Do you need assistance on getting you the right ticket?

**Kai’sa:** Should I call when you’re arranging flights?

 

**Ahri:** I got this.

**Ahri:** If I can follow Sona all over the world, then I can get myself back to Korea.

 

**Sona:** We shall see about that.

 

**Evelynn:** We shall.

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** Hey guys…

**Ahri:** I don’t know how...but…

**Ahri:** I ended up in South Africa…

 

**Kai’sa:** LE SIGH

 

**Akali:** HAHAHAHAHAH

 

**Sona:** *forehead slaps*

 

**Irelia:** ….

 

**Taliyah:** HAHAH IT’S BEEN TWO DAYS!!

 

**Sivir:** Figures.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh thank the lord

**Evelynn:** Don’t come back

 

**Ahri:** Oh I’m coming back bitch

**Ahri:** Right after I go check out the animals here

**Ahri:** imma go race a cheetah bye

 

**Kai’sa:** Have fun.

 

**Akali:** Take pictures!

 

**Evelynn:** Go fight a lion

 

**Irelia:** ?????

 

**Sona:** Don’t worry, Xan Irelia

**Sona:** Ahri will be fine.

 

**Irelia:** Why are you still using my full name?

 

**Sona:** No reason. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On the kda-chat blog, I had a headcannon on how each girl is like when they are (blackout) drunk. So if you remember that, I just brought that back for this chapter.
> 
> Ahri- turns into a literal fox (yips and barks)  
> Kai’sa- turns into a child  
> Evelynn- a fucking gay mess  
> Akali- an aggressive little fucker (opposite from our calm, collected, and goofy Akali)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> (Oh, and Sona found her new troll victim)


	23. Snakes...Sivir hates Snakes...

**In a private message between Sivir and an Unknown Number.**

 

**Unknown Number:** Hello, Sivir.

**Unknown Number:** I see you ran off to some idol tramp while I was busy.

 

**Sivir:** Oh no

**Sivir:** no no no….

 

**Unknown Number:** Miss me?

 

**Sivir:** FUCK OFF!

 

**Unknown Number:** Like how you abandoned me?

 

**Sivir:** YOU USED ME AND STABBED IN THE BACK!!

**Sivir:** LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY!!

 

**Unknown Number:** It was an accident.

 

**Sivir:** YOU FELL AND A BLADE ACCIDENTALLY FELL INTO MY BACK???

 

**Unknown Number:** Maybe.

 

**Sivir:** oh my ra…

**Sivir:** Who gave you my number???

 

**Unknown Number:** Azir.

 

**Sivir:** OH MY RA

**Sivir:** What do you want???

 

**Unknown Number:** I just want to talk, that’s all.

**Unknown Number:** Can’t I check up on my old friend once in a while?

 

**Sivir:** YOU STABBED ME IN THE FUCKING BACK???????

**Sivir:** I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!!!

 

**Unknown Number:** But you’re alive and well and in a relationship with a fucking flat ass pop star so it’s all good.

 

**Sivir:** YOU STABBED ME!!!

 

**Unknown Number:** *accidentally 

 

**Sivir:** IDK YOU “ACCIDENTALLY” PUT A LOT OF FORCE INTO SHOVING A KNIFE IN MY BACK

 

**Unknown Number:** Oh good, you understand

**Unknown Number:** Now I need you to do something for me

 

**Sivir:** NO

 

**Unknown Number:** Oh come on

**Unknown Number:** I just need one favor

 

**Sivir:** N.O.

**Sivir:** NO

 

**Unknown Number:** Come on

 

**Sivir:** NO

**Sivir:** Do not text me ever again.

**Sivir:** Bye.

 

**Unknown Number:** I’ll get my way, Sivir.

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Ahri:** HELLO!

**Ahri:** I AM BACK IN KOREA, MY GIRLS!

**Ahri:** COME GET ME!

 

**Kai’sa:** No.

 

**Akali:** No.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck no.

 

**Irelia:** It’s been three months????

 

**Sona:** Only three months?

**Sona:** I thought she would be gone longer, Xan Irelia.

 

**Irelia:** Why are you still doing that?

 

**Sona:** :)

 

**Irelia:** Is anyone seeing this???

 

**Taliyah:** You didn’t miss much, Ahri

**Taliyah:** But perfect timing tho

**Taliyah:** Cassiopeia texted Sivir.

 

**Kai’sa:** EXCUSE ME???

 

**Sivir:** TALIYAH I SWEAR TO RA WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT IN THE CHAT????

**Sivir:** BABE I PROMISE IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** WHY WOULD THAT SNAKE WOMAN THAT STABBED YOU IN THE BACK TEXT YOU???

 

**Sivir:** I don’t know?

**Sivir:** And Taliyah, how the hell did you know she texted me???

 

**Taliyah:** She texted me

 

**Sivir:** WHY???

 

**Taliyah:** To tell me to tell you that she really wants you to do her a favor and that she thinks Kai’sa’s butt isn’t all that great.

 

**Evelynn:** oooooo

 

**Akali:** oooo

 

**Ahri:** OOOOOO

 

**Sona:** oooooo

 

**Irelia:** ???

 

**Kai’sa:** WHAT THE FUCK DID SHE SAY?????

 

**Sivir:** TALIYAH WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HER????

 

**Taliyah:** She said she’ll buy me a new gaming laptop

 

**Sivir:** YOU ARE SO FUCKING EASY TO PLEASE!!!!

 

**Taliyah:** You broke my gaming laptop.

 

**Sivir:** STOP ACCUSING ME OF BREAKING YOUR STUFF!!!!

**Sivir:** HALF OF THE TIME, IT’S NOT EVEN MY FAULT!!

 

**Taliya:** *shrugs*

 

**Kai’sa:** SO IS ANYONE GOING TO JUST GET RID OF HER???

 

**Sivir:** I’m trying, babe.

 

**Irelia:** Is this Cassiopeia woman that bad?

 

**Sivir:** She’s a fucking traitorous snake, an annoying diva, and fucking likes money way too much.

 

**Ahri:** Why did you just describe Evelynn?

 

**Evelynn:** RUDE

 

**Ahri:** TROLOLOLOLOOO

 

**Akali:** But like, who exactly is she?

 

**Evelynn:** If memory serves me, this Cassiopeia woman is pretty high on the fashion industry.

**Evelynn:** She has quite a lot of power in Egypt.

 

**Ahri:** Wait

**Ahri:** THAT same Cassiopeia??

**Ahri:** WOAH WOAH BACK UP

**Ahri:** Cassiopeia that was born in the Du Couteau family???

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah

**Evelynn:** What other Cassiopeia did you think Sivir was talking about this whole time???

 

**Ahri:** HOLY FUCK, SIVIR YOU DATED A DU CONTEAU!???

**Ahri:** HOW AM I JUST REALIZING THIS???

 

**Sivir:** I DIDN’T DATE HER!!

 

**Akali:** Sure…

**Akali:** You totally didn’t date her…

 

**Sivir:** I DIDN’T!!!

 

**Taliyah:** But you did work for her.

 

**Sivir:** That, I will admit.

 

**Irelia:** Excuse me but who is Cassiopeia Du Couteau exactly?

 

**Sona:** A high elite member of upper class, born in the Du Couteau family that is known to use shady tactics to rise to the top. The family is pretty well established in the fashion and beauty industry.

**Sona:** A wealthy family that holds a powerful influence over the government through questionable tactics. 

**Sona:** Think of them as Kardashians if they were in Game of Thrones.

 

**Akali:** Is this the same family where the husband tried to poison his wife?

 

**Sivir:** Same family.

 

**Ahri:** They make Evelynn look tame.

 

**Evelynn:** Hahaha….

 

**Kai’sa:** Suddenly I feel bad at how my father treats Sivir.

 

**Sivir:** I would rather run from your father for hours than spend ten minutes with Cassiopeia.

**Sivir:** Besides, I think your father is warming up to me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah…

 

**Ahri:** WOAH MY MIND IS BLOWN!

**Ahri:** I DIDN’T THINK SIVIR ASSOCIATED WITH THESE TYPE OF RICH PEOPLE!!

 

**Evelynn:** I mean, she’s related to Azir.

 

**Sona:** Exactly.

 

**Ahri:** AND SHE ENDED UP AS A PIZZA DELIVERER????

 

**Sivir:** I had to make ends meet.

 

**Akali:** Wait, did you run away from Egypt bc of Cassiopeia??

 

**Sivir:** I didn’t run away

**Sivir:** I wanted to start over.

 

**Taliyah:** Yeah, she just ran away from Cassiopeia and Azir

 

**Sivir:** NO I DIDN’T

 

**Taliyah:** Yeah, you did.

**Taliyah:** You literally told me just before you left Egypt:

**Taliyah:** “I am running away to Korea to start over.”

 

**Sivir:** You seriously need to stop ratting me out.

 

**Kai’sa:** Best decision of her life.

 

**Sivir:** THANK YOU BABE

 

**Kai’sa:** But in all seriousness

**Kai’sa:** What the actual fuck does Cassiopeia want?

 

**Sivir:** I have no idea.

 

**Kai’sa:** Taliyah?

 

**Taliyah:** Idk but she wants to join the group chat.

 

**Sivir:** FUCK NO!

**Sivir:** YOU TOLD HER ABOUT THE GROUP CHAT???

 

**Taliyah:** She promised she’ll buy me a new phone.

 

**Sivir:** WHY ARE YOU SO EASILY BOUGHT????

 

**Akali:** sure, go ahead tal

 

**Ahri:** Go ahead

 

**Evelynn:** Add her

 

**Sona:** Lets meet her

 

**Kai’sa:** COME ON YOU GUYS!!!!

 

**Irelia:** ????

 

**Sivir:** NO ADDING HER!!!

 

**Taliyah:** Siv, you know i wouldn’t do that 

 

**Sivir:** Thank god

 

**Taliyah:** But while she’s been bribing me, she’s also been threatening me so….

 

**Sivir:** Oh

**Sivir:** Well that makes sense why you’re complying to her so easily.

 

**Kai’sa:** Sigh

**Kai’sa:** Do we really need to add her?

 

**Sona:** Yeah

 

**Ahri:** Yesh

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Akali:** Yeee

 

**Irelia:** ???

 

**Kai’sa:** I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU GUYS!!!

 

**Ahri:** Daww

 

**Evelynn:** It’s not every day that you get to meet a Du Couteau.

 

**Sivir:** This woman tried to kill me!

 

**Evelynn:** Maybe stop dating women that can kill you.

 

**Sivir:** I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THAT FROM YOU OF ALL PEOPLE!!!

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAJHFIUHKJSGHKSHKHKJSDG

**Ahri:** MISSING MALE CELEBS!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Shut up, Ahri

 

**Akali:** So you adding Cassiopeia or nah?

 

**Sivir:** NO

 

**Taliyah:** Pls?

**Taliyah:** She’s getting mad.

 

**Sivir:** STOP TELLING HER EVERYTHING WE SAY ABOUT HER!!!

 

**Taliyah:** oh yeah

**Taliyah:** I could do that

**Taliyah:** hahaha

 

**Kai’sa:** Omg

**Kai’sa:** You know what just add her

**Kai’sa:** Get this over with

**Kai’sa:** Lets see what she wants and then kick her out, then move on

 

**Evelynn:** You just want to talk shit to her.

 

**Kai’sa:** No, I won’t.

 

**Ahri:** Mama Kai’sa is getting feral.

 

**Kai’sa:** I just want to be the mature one and hear her out.

 

**Akali:** You’re totally going to talk her ear out.

 

**Kai’sa:** No I won’t. 

 

**Sona:** Jealous?

 

**Kai’sa:** Look, I am just going to hear what she wants from Sivir and then if I can help her, I will.

**Kai’sa:** Then she can go and we can all move on.

 

**Irelia:** Seems reasonable. Very mature, Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** Thank you, Irelia.

 

**Sivir:** Babe, it’s not worth it.

 

**Kai’sa:** It’s worth it if it’s for you, baby.

 

**Sivir:** Ah...um...well…

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m doing this for you.

**Kai’sa:** I just want you to be rid of her and I will handle it bc I love you 

 

**Sivir:** Okay, Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** I promise I will handle it maturely.

 

**Sivir:** Alright, babe.

 

**Taliyah:** I’m adding her.

 

**Kai’sa:** Go ahead.

 

**Sivir:** Oh boy…

 

**Taliyah added Cassiopeia to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Cassiopeia:** Finally.

**Cassiopeia:** Hello, K/DA and friends.

 

**Kai’sa:** NOW LISTEN TO ME, YOU FUCKING WHINY ASS LITTLE BITCH! I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU HAD WITH MY GIRLFRIEND BUT JUST KNOW THAT IF YOU DARE HURT HER AGAIN, I WILL FUCKING DRAG YOUR ASS INTO THE SAND AND BURY YOU BENEATH THE MOLTEN CORE OF THIS DAMN EARTH AND WATCH YOU BURN TO DEATH!! I WILL PERSONALLY PLUCK EVERY SCALE OFF YOUR TRAITOROUS ASS AND FUCKING FEED IT TO YOU AND WATCH YOU CRUNCH YOUR BETRAYAL AWAY!! MY SIVIR HAS A FUCKING SCAR ON HER BACK FROM YOUR LITERAL BACKSTABBING AND IT HAUNTS HER!! I HAVE KISSED THAT SCAR EVERY TIME I SEE IT TO EASE THE PAIN SHE WENT THROUGH AND I WILL NOT HAVE YOU COMING ONTO THIS CHAT TO REOPEN THAT SCAR! I DON’T FUCKING CARE IF YOU’RE A DU COUTOU OR WHATEVER!! I WILL FUCKING FIGHT YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY IF THEY DARE RESIST ME! I AM KAI’SA OF K/DA AND I WILL PERSONALLY DRAG YOUR CAREER DOWN IF YOU DARE TOUCH A HAIR ON MY SIVIR! MARK MY WORDS, MY FATHER ISN’T A MAN YOU WANT AS AN ENEMY! I WILL HAVE TO CONVINCE HIM JOIN ME IN DESTROYING YOUR ENTIRE EXISTENCE AND I PROMISE HE WON’T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE GONE FROM THE FACE OF THIS EARTH! I SWEAR ON MY LIFE I WILL CHASE YOU UNTIL THE ENDS OF THE VOID IF YOU DARE HURT MY SIVIR AGAIN!! AND DON’T THINK OF THREATENING ME! I WILL FIGHT AND TEAR MY WAY TO DESTROY YOU IF YOU COME EVEN A STEP TOO CLOSE TO SIVIR!  MARK MY DAMN WORDS, CASSIOPEIA!! I WILL FUCKING RUIN YOU IF YOU RUB ME THE WRONG WAY! UNDERSTAND??!

 

**Cassiopeia:** My my...

 

**Irelia:** I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HANDLE THIS MATURELY?????

 

**Sona:** You thought wrong, Xan Irelia.

 

**Irelia:** STOP USING MY FULL NAME!!

 

**Evelynn:** Yasphelia, you still got a lot to learn about us.

 

**Akali:** Hahahah

 

**Ahri:** GO BITCH GO!!

 

**Sivir:** Babe, I love you and that was hot.

 

**Taliyah:** Ooof

 

**Cassiopeia:** Goodness, Sivir, you’re dating quite a woman.

 

**Sivir:** She’s an amazing woman, unlike you.

**Sivir:** She doesn’t stab me in the back.

 

**Cassiopeia:** You really need to drop it, Sivir.

 

**Kai’sa:** WHY DON’T YOU DROP DEAD?

 

**Cassiopeia:** Kai’so-so, relax. I don’t want Sivir.

**Cassiopeia:** In fact, I don’t need a favor from her anymore.

**Cassiopeia:** Because I am finally here.

**Cassiopeia:** Thanks to Taliyah.

 

**Taliyah:** Yay.

 

**Kai’sa:** If you don’t want something from Sivir, then what do you want?

 

**Cassiopeia:** I want something from someone who I have long admired and respected for so long.

 

**Sivir:** You respect other people???

 

**Cassiopeia:** Hahaha. I’m not heartless.

**Cassiopeia:** Even I am capable of admiring people that have obtained successes that I haven’t achieved.

**Cassiopeia:** Especially a unique woman that comes back after five years and makes a comeback into the music industry.

**Cassiopeia:** five long years and she never disappoints me

**Cassiopeia:** I have missed her since her teen idol days

 

**Ahri:** :3

**Ahri:** oh?

 

**Sivir:** That’s hard to believe you can admire others.

 

**Kai’sa:** It is.

 

**Cassiopeia:** Quiet, I am done talking to you two.

**Cassiopeia:** I want to talk to Evelynn.

 

**Evelynn:** huh?

 

**Akali:** What?

 

**Sona:** Oh?

 

**Irelia:** ??

 

**Ahri:** I am always grateful for fans like you.

**Ahri:** WAIT WHAT???

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn? That’s who you’re talking about???

 

**Cassiopeia:** Yes, Evelynn.

 

**Ahri:** YOU SAID A WOMAN THAT COMES BACK AFTER FIVE YEARS!!!

**Ahri:** AND A TEEN IDOL!!!

**Ahri:** ISN’T THAT ME???

 

**Cassiopeia:** No, I’m talking about Evelynn.

**Cassiopeia:** She was a teen idol with two hit singles and she practically disappeared for five years with almost low to no activity until five years later.

**Cassiopeia:** Then she makes a comeback with K/DA and it has been glorious watching her succeed.

 

**Ahri:** jsdgkjhkdjghkd WHAAAAAT?????

 

**Sona:** You know she’s technically not wrong...even though most people don’t call her a former teen idol, Evelynn started her career in her teen years like you.

 

**Ahri:** KJJADGHLAKHDLFGKJHSLKDJGLKJSHLSDKJL

 

**Evelynn:** Oh, ah

**Evelynn:** Hello

 

**Cassiopeia:** Hi, Evelynn. I’m a huge fan of yours. 

**Cassiopeia:** Can I have your autograph mailed to me?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh, yeah sure.

 

**Sivir:** THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED FROM ME???

 

**Cassiopeia:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** …

 

**Cassiopeia:** Relax Kai’coleslaw, I don’t want your woman. You can have her.

 

**Kai’sa:** ...much appreciated.

 

**Cassiopeia:** Of course Sivir would date the only K/DA member that didn’t have a solo in the hit song.

**Cassiopeia:** If you did, you would ruin the song and ruin Evelynn.

 

**Kai’sa: ...**

 

**Ahri:** oh shit

 

**Akali:** …

 

**Evelynn:** oh no

 

**Sona:** ……….oh 

 

**Taliyah:** ….

 

**Irelia:** ….

 

**Sivir:** Babe, don’t let it get to you.

**Sivir:** Ignore her, she’s just trying to push your buttons.

 

**Kai’sa:** I won’t let her get to me.

 

**Cassiopeia:** Evelynn should have ran you over in the music video for bonus points.

 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚’𝕤𝕒** : 𝕀 𝕎𝔸𝕊 ℍ𝕀ℝ𝔼𝔻 𝕀ℕ𝕋𝕆 𝕂/𝔻𝔸 𝔹𝔼ℂ𝔸𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕀 𝔸𝕄 𝔸 𝔻𝔸ℕℂ𝔼ℝ! 𝕄𝕐 𝔻𝔸ℕℂ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕀𝕊 𝔸 ℍ𝕌𝔾𝔼 ℂ𝕆ℕ𝕋ℝ𝕀𝔹𝕌𝕋𝕀𝕆ℕ 𝕋𝕆 𝕋ℍ𝔼 𝕊𝕆ℕ𝔾, 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔹𝕀𝕋ℂℍ!!

 

**Sona:** She mad.

 

**Ahri:** Uh oh.

 

**Irelia:** What the????

 

**Taliyah:** Ooo the famous font change that Sivir told me about

 

**Sivir:** Babe, just relax! Cassiopeia is just picking at you!

 

**Cassiopeia:** Put your girlfriend on a leash, she’s going feral.

 

**𝕂𝕒𝕚’𝕤𝕒** : 𝔽𝕌ℂ𝕂 𝕐𝕆𝕌!

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, I need to put a stop to this.

**Evelynn:** Cassiopeia, I am happy that you’re a big fan of mine but Kai’sa is one of the most important members of K/DA.

**Evelynn:** She’s a sister, a mother I never really had, and one of my closest friends that I trust more than myself.

**Evelynn:** Insult her one more time, and I will personally fuck up your life you fucking backstabbing bitch.

 

**Kai’sa:** Eve...

 

**Ahri:** Woooo go Eve!

 

**Akali:** Go babe!

 

**Sona:** Evelynn, you’ve really grown so much.

 

**Irelia:** ???

 

**Cassiopeia:** Fine, I’ll back off for you, Evelynn.

**Cassiopeia:** Not the Evelynn I remember though, you’ve gotten soft.

**Cassiopeia:** Perhaps you should go spend a month in Egypt with me and I’ll help harden you up. ;)

 

**Evelynn:** Whut?

 

**Akali:** Okay back off

 

**Cassiopeia:** Ah and you’re the little one that soften my Evelynn?

 

**Akali:** Actually she’s *my Evelynn

 

**Ahri:** (o.O)

 

**Sona:** This is so much more interesting.

**Sona:** Even Pentakill is watching this out.

 

**Taliyah:** Really???

 

**Sona:** Yep, they are all looking over my shoulders.

 

**Kai’sa:** Glad that our drama is entertainment for you guys…

 

**Ahri:** guys shush and watch this play out.

 

**Evelynn:** Look let's just stop.

**Evelynn:** let's all calm down.

 

**Akali:** I won’t calm down until Cassiopeia backs off.

 

**Cassiopeia:** I’ll back off right onto Evelynn’s lap. 

 

**Akali:** That’s my lap.

 

**Cassiopeia:** Your name isn’t on it.

 

**Akali:** Well I’ve sat there more than you will ever dream of.

 

**Cassiopeia:** With your tiny bum? 

**Cassiopeia:** How sad.

 

**Akali:** You know what’s sad?

**Akali:** Your family

 

**Cassiopeia:** You know what’s even sadder?

**Cassiopeia:** The fact that you wouldn’t even be with Evelynn if Ahri didn’t find you talented enough to help make you famous. Talk about poor dumb luck.

 

**Akali:** …

 

**Cassiopeia:** You know it’s true.

 

**Evelynn:** Alright, bitch.

**Evelynn:** I was willing to let you get away with bullying Kai’sa

**Evelynn:** Barely tho

**Evelynn:** But no one and I mean no one

**Evelynn:** No one fucking insults my girlfriend

**E̷̛͇v̵̳̫̖̂̀̔̑e̷̥̠̞͆͆͜l̵̥͍̞̺̜̏͐͝y̵̠̺̩̥̿̔̊̚n̶̡͔̦͊̋̔̎͜n̵͔̑** :̷͈̟̳̃͋̕ ̵̡̛̞̗̍̇̃W̵̘̬̿̚͠͠a̵̧̳͛̊̕͝͠t̷̛̪̠̅͐͑́c̷̢̦̬̹̎̅͆̾ḧ̴͚́̋̍ ̴̦̲̹͍̒͌̔͜y̷̨̗̭̟̣̔͛͆͠ǒ̶̧̫̈̈́̇̔ù̷͎̂̔̌̄r̶̟̓͆͛̔͆ ̷̜̳͔͕̟̐́f̵̟̮͌̊͜u̷̺̳͙͠c̸͇̯̳̲̩̊͋͂͂k̶̻̝͈̍i̷̥̝̮͆͌̇n̶̢̛͎͍̠̰̈͐͌͝g̴͍̣̣͂͝ ̶̺̂͝m̴͙̝̜̈́ǫ̵̳͇͇̈́̊̉̍̏ụ̶͇̯̆͆ͅͅt̴͎̲̜̫̆͌̈́̈́h̷͓̻̱͔̭̒̈́̂͠ ̴̗̠̔b̴͇̓̃͛͘͜͠e̵̖̰̬͙͛̈́ͅc̵̢̙̖̿̐͆͗͘å̴͕͖͙͖͋u̴̥̖̿s̸̱̣̦͒̎̋͘͝e̶̬̬͊̒͜ ̴͈͖͇͇̏̾ì̴̡͓͔̏̎͗͜f̷͔̼̍ ̷̛͕͚̩̽̈́̋y̶̧̯̖̩͗͒̄̕ǫ̷̧̼̅̏̚͜u̸͖̟͂̓ ̸̼͖̳̰͑s̸̭̲̅͊̎̎̕a̸͉̣̘͈͑̎̆̑̈́ͅy̸̡̗͗ ̷̨͓̘̞̬̃̋͂̕a̶̢͜͠ͅṇ̷̜̹̤̻̉̔̌ȯ̷̲̥͍̟͜t̷̬̆́̂͑h̵̢̉ẽ̸̘͙͂̇͒̕r̵̛̺͚̦̩͌̓͝ ̴̠̏w̷̢̧̓̏͐͒͘o̵̧̢͍̜̥͒̌r̴͉̻͓̭̋̽͜ḓ̴͎̃̊ ̸̨͕͈̬̄̌â̵̬͆̚̕g̴̰̗̙͔̾̚ã̴̟î̸̜͙͖͉̾̂͠n̷̼͖̜͒̈́̕͜s̵̮̲̯͕̅́̐ṫ̴̘͊̕ ̸̭̺̽̈́͑m̶̲̰͉̖͔̍͒͐̔y̴͇͒̌̄̿͘ ̴͔͔͈̩͖A̸̘̒̽͑k̸̢̧͉̭̄̉a̶͎̜̞̙̖̍̊̓̏l̷̫͕̒̂̔̏i̵̯̻͎̎̉̍́̅,̶̛̖̣̳̻̇̿ ̵̫̉I̵͙͕̰͛̂̎̔ ̴̹͂w̵̢͓̟̯͙̑̓ḯ̵͖̾̀̃l̷͕̈́͌̇l̵̥̩̠̔̊̄͝ ̷̳̗̱̰̉̑̄ḅ̷̩̈́r̵͎͇͙̭͋ü̷̩̈́̇̊̀t̸͉͎̹̼̿̾̚a̸͈̱̓l̵̛͎̀͂͑͠l̵̢͆͘y̶͈͍̱͎̔̕̚ ̶̧̟̈́́̽̿ͅd̸̙̰͎͊͠r̶̡̡̗̳͍̓͠ā̷̠̞̎͛͝͠g̷̳͉̈́͘ ̴̭̀̊y̵̢̳̹̻̮͗̌͘͝ǫ̴̖̌̚ǔ̶̧̺̲̝͍̕ŗ̵̠̙͊̌̇̈́ͅ ̷͕̫̈́͝f̷͉̰̘̉̑͑̋͘͜ä̵̟̖́k̷̖̮̻͕̲̒̒ë̴̳̳͙͍̺́ ̷̺̈́̚̚p̵͎͔̿̆̾͆́ͅļ̴͎̪͙̬̏a̶̜͂̈́͒̄s̷̼͈̮̟͇̓͂̎̾ţ̸͈͚͇͐̂͊̍̏ͅî̸̝̪̊͝c̷̙̖͌͐ ̵̯͎̲͑̊a̵̧̭̫͔͖̓̂͝s̵̖̤͊͆̋͆̐ş̷̪̫͎̔̐͗̓͠ͅ ̵̧̥͈̟̝͌̇͊ḭ̴̧̛͙͚̓̄͗͗n̴̩̏̿̓t̶̥̒̉̈́̔ȍ̵̺͙̎͝ ̶̖̰̻̽͑̐̕t̶̨͉͍͆̓h̴͕̔͂ẻ̶̜̰͙̫̳͐͐ ̴͎̗̘͎̓͂̔d̷̫͍̭͒̌̄͘͜ê̵̙̺͉̟̋͛̎̕p̶̻̎̐t̵̨̮͌͑̉͘͠h̵͚̟͗s̸͇̼͊ͅ ̴̮͓̫̘̙̽o̴̧͎̜͑̒̓f̴͈̪̜͂̌͝ ̶͍̼͆̅͑͠ͅḦ̷̰̜̝̠̭́e̴̯̬̳͔̼̔͊͒̀l̶̮̇̉̇̔̑l̴̨͎͇͍͓͋̈́ ̵̯̅̈̎͋a̵͉̘̞̙͉͋n̷̠͚̭̫̮̐d̴͍̞̘̓̒͌̈́̚ ̷̩̰̈́̀̋̅̈w̵̡̦͗̌a̴̹̠̝̹̾ṭ̶̺̪̽͒c̶̛̭̳̳̣̯̐͘h̶͎͙̰́͒̈́ ̶͍̠̂ͅy̷̰̙͊ó̴̦̹̦̳̣ų̶̑̈́̓ ̶͍̖̹̈̎r̴̝͙͊͘ǫ̶̫͚̩͗͜͝t̸̢̨̰̥̔̎̎ ̶̢͊̐̒̋̂f̷̻̔̋͗͝o̴͈̮̊r̷̼̦̃̈ ̷̳̗̳͊̉̓͝a̵̗̥̮̱̍̃̉n̷̠̼̻̦̒̽̀̈́ ̴͊̈̑̃ͅe̴̗͇̒̏͠t̸̢̜̣͈̙́̈̓ę̵̨̳̋̔ŕ̴͔̖̏ṋ̷̻̽ï̷̛̦̆͋ṫ̴̘̰͑̍̍̚ÿ̵̢̬́̂͂͠. 

 

˙ɥɔʇıq 'ɹǝɥ ʎɹ⊥  **:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Ahri:** oooooooooo my god

 

**Sona:** Oh Goodness 

 

**Sivir:** GO EVE!

 

**Kai’sa:** GO AKALI!

 

**Irelia:** I’m so lost. What is happening and why are Akali’s texts upside down…??

 

**Taliyah:** really, irelia?????

 

**Cassiopeia:** Hahahaha, that’s the Evelynn I remember. There she is. All I had to do was pick at you to see it.

 

**Ę̴̨̯̘͍͍̫̪̼̥̐͗v̴͙̿̿̿͂̍͘e̶̡̛͈̟̖̭̳͔̼͑̒̂̍͒͂̍̆l̶̢̯̜̉̕̚͘̚̚ȳ̸͍n̶̠̯̖̰̻̬̞̂̔͜n̷̠̏̏̅͌̚:̴͖͉̫̳̠̉͒͒̊̓̋̐͝ ̸̡̨̣̘̥̲͗̍͆̀̕.̷͓̄.̵̖̱̊̋̄.̵͎̆͒̑̇̌͑̏͘**

 

**˙˙˙:ılɐʞ∀**

 

**Cassiopeia:** Your edge hasn’t lost its sharpness. That’s what I like about you.

**Cassiopeia:** Well, I’ll just head off this chat. I got more than what I wanted.

**Cassiopeia:** Perhaps we shall meet in person, Evelynn~

 

**Evelynn:** I hope not.

 

**Cassiopeia:** xoxoxo

 

**Cassiopeia left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Taliyah:** …

 

**Irelia:** I’m still lost…

 

**Ahri:** FUCK I HAVE GOOSEBUMP!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I’m fucking pissed.

 

**Sivir:** You’re not the only one.

 

**Kai’sa:** At least she’s nice enough to kick herself out…

 

**Sona:** Kinda feels like she won though

 

**Akali:** What matters is that she’s gone…

 

**Evelynn:** She is, darling.

 

**Ahri:** Wow, I can’t believe I’m saying this but I am glad that Evelynn isn’t as much as a diva like her…

 

**Kai’sa:** Me too…

 

**Evelynn:** I have had my fair share of nasty divas and she’s the worst of them all…

 

**Sivir:** You guys have no idea…

 

**Ahri:** well she’s gone!

**Ahri:** Now can someone come pick me up from the airport?

 

**Evelynn:** no

 

**Akali:** no

 

**Kai’sa:** No

 

**Sona:** No

 

**Sivir:** No

 

**Ahri:** oh come on…

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Cassiopeia and Kai’sa.**

 

**Cassiopeia:** Hey, Kai’slop?

 

**Kai’sa:** How do you have my number…..???

 

**Cassiopeia:** Just wanted to tell you that I was Sivir’s first kiss~

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t fucking test me.

 

**Cassiopeia:** Also I’ll just drop this for you

**Cassiopeia: *text photo***

 

**Kai’sa:** ….

 

**Cassiopeia:** Doesn’t she look nice with the sunset behind her?

**Cassiopeia:** Especially her unscarred back?

 

**Kai’sa blocked Cassiopeia.**

 

**Message Failed [Cassiopeia:** Oh ho ho, this won’t be the last you see of me **]**

**Message Failed [Cassiopeia:** Wait shit you blocked me?? **]**

**Message Failed [Cassiopeia:** Wait noooo I’m not finished wah **]**

**Message Failed [Cassiopeia:** Fuck...I didn’t think this through **]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the end of Cassiopeia or shall she return to cause a bit more drama? Find out next time on "Snake vs Deer" (lol jk jk)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	24. Heart-Shaped Earring

**Ahri:** EVERYONE I HAVE A SERIOUS EMERGENCY!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** What is it? 

**Kai’sa:** What’s wrong? 

**Kai’sa:** Do I need to come home right away?

 

**Akali:** Ahri, what’s wrong??

 

**Evelynn:** Did you die yet?

 

**Taliyah:** ^^that’s morbid…

 

**Sivir:** Oh, those two are worse than this

 

**Taliyah:** Interesting

 

**Sona:** Ahri, what’s the emergency?

**Sona:** Do I need to come over?

 

**Ahri:** I LOST MY EARRING!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** What?

 

**Akali:** Really, Ahri?

 

**Evelynn:** Oh darn, you’re not dead.

 

**Taliyah:** She really woke us up at 9am for this

 

**Sivir:** Tal, she woke us up at 3am many times

**Sivir:** This is nothing

 

**Taliyah:** Interesting.

 

**Sona:** Still…

**Sona:** She would make a huge deal on an earring

 

**Ahri:** YEAH BUT IT’S MY EARRING!!!!!!!

**Ahri:** ISH GOOOONE!!

**Ahri:** GOOOOOOOOONEEE

**Ahri:** WAAAAHHH

 

**Akali:** Buy another one?

 

**Ahri:** BUT DIS ONE IS SPECIAL

 

**Evelynn:** What’s so special about it?

 

**Ahri:** ISH MY FAVORITE EARRING IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri, you can buy another earring similar to it

**Kai’sa:** Now if you don’t mind, we would like to continue our morning schedules without any incidents at the house

**Kai’sa:** So watch the house for us.

 

**Ahri:** BUT MY EARRING IS GOOOOOONE

 

**Evelynn:** If I buy you a new one, will you shut the fuck up?

 

**Ahri:** NYOOOOO

**Ahri:** YOU CAN’T BUY ME THIS EARRING, THIS IS SPECIAL

**Ahri:** EVIE THIS IS MY HEART SHAPED ONE

 

**Evelynn:** @everyone

**Evelynn:** This is actually serious

 

**Kai’sa:** Huh?

 

**Taliyah:** Evelynn siding with Ahri??

 

**Sivir:** I did not see this coming.

 

**Sona:** For Ahri to not accept Evelynn buying her things is very serious.

 

**Akali:** Well shit, do I have to postpone my meeting?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, darling

 

**Kai’sa:** Wait, we’re really dropping everything for Ahri’s earring????

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Kai’sa:** i

**Kai’sa:** kjdsgkjg

**Kai’sa:** I can’t ditch our publicity meeting???

**Kai’sa:** I’m suppose to represent K/DA when our team meets with some of our biggest sponsors

**Kai’sa:** We planned this meeting for weeks

 

**Evelynn:** girls, clear your plans bc this is obviously an emergency

 

**Kai’sa:** Alrighty then…

**Kai’sa:** Guess this really is an emergency 

 

**Ahri:** IT IIIISSSS!!

 

**Akali:** I woke up so early for my meeting thoooooo

 

**Evelynn:** I’m sorry darling but Ahri’s emergency must come first

 

**Sivir:** Over an earring??

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

**Evelynn:** btw I expect you to help too

 

**Sivir:** Me??

 

**Evelynn:** Yes, you’re kai’sa gf and you are obligated to help us

 

**Kai’sa:** YOU DIDN’T HELP ME WITH MY DAD

 

**Evelynn:** Anyways, Sona, we need your help too

 

**Taliyah:** Wow, ignored, hahah

 

**Sona:** I don’t exactly have a choice, do I?

 

**Ahri:** MI EARRRING IS MISHING

 

**Akali:** YEAH WE KNOW AHRI

 

**Taliyah:** Where do you think you lost it last, Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** I don’t knooooooo

 

**Kai’sa:** Think.

 

**Evelynn:** We were busy yesterday

**Evelynn:** Do you think you might have lost it somewhere in our outings?

 

**Ahri:** MAYBE???

 

**Akali:** Kami...this is like finding a needle in a haystack.

 

**Sona:** List out where you guys went yesterday

 

**Kai’sa:** Are we all seriously cancelling our ACTUALLY IMPORTANT meetings for this earring??

 

**Ahri:** YESH

 

**Evelynn:** Sivir included

 

**Sivir:** YEAH I GET IT

 

**Taliyah:** HA.HA.

 

**Sivir:** Shut up or i’ll beat your ass

 

**Taliyah:** Too bad I’m all the way in egypt

 

**Sona:** and Xan Irelia is all the way in japan

 

**Irelia:** STOP USING MY FULL NAME!!!

 

**Akali:** hi hi

 

**Irelia:** Hi...

 

**Evelynn:** oh i forgot mophelia was in this chat

 

**Irelia:** I was hoping you would forget…

 

**Ahri:** IRELIA I LOST MY EARRING!!!

 

**Irelia:** Sorry to hear that

 

**Ahri:** ISH MY FAVORITE ONE

 

**Irelia:** What a shame, hope you find it.

 

**Evelynn:** I’m going to list the places we went to yesterday

**Evelynn:** *studio

**Evelynn:** *riot company for a few meetings

**Evelynn:** *interview with PopRox

**Evelynn:** *shopping at the mall

 

**Ahri:** I really hope I didn’t lose it at the mall, we had a lot of fans there

 

**Kai’sa:** I still say just go buy a new earring

 

**Ahri:** BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, ISH SPECIALLLLL

 

**Akali:** What is so special about your heart ring earring, ahri?

 

**Ahri:** It was left with me when I was a kit

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, now I feel like an asshole.

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry.

 

**Ahri:** ISH OKIIIEEEE LETS JUST FIND IT PWEASE

 

**Evelynn:** I’m trying, now hold your tails and calm down.

 

**Ahri:** I’m holding my tails and I am calm.

 

**Akali:** So should we split up and go to these places to check if her earring is there?

 

**Evelynn:** That’s the idea.

**Evelynn:** I’ll check the studio

**Evelynn:** Akali go check riot company

 

**Akali:** Okie

 

**Evelynn:** Sona go check the PopRox we went to

 

**Sona:** Alright

**Sona:** Wait, didn’t you guys already have an interview with them?

 

**Akali:** We’re just that popular 

 

**Sona:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa, go check the mall

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay 

 

**Evelynn:** Sivir, go do what you do best and follow your gf around for moral support.

 

**Taliyah:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Sivir:** Shut up, Tal

 

**Kai’sa:** I miss you~

 

**Sivir:** I miss you too~

 

**Evelynn:** You’re welcome.

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** It’s not at the studio.

 

**Ahri:** WAAAAH

 

**Evelynn:** Are you sure you searched everywhere?

 

**Ahri:** DID YOU SEARCH EVERY INCH???

 

**Akali:** Yeah I did

**Akali:** It’s not here.

 

**Ahri:** ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN’T JUST WALK IN, TOOK ONE GLANCE, AND WALKED OUT??????

 

**Akali:** Okay, fine I’ll search again

 

**Ahri:** AKALLLLIIIII

 

**Akali:** Siiiiigh I don’t wannna search

 

**Evelynn:** If you search thoroughly, I’ll do that thing you really like me to do~

 

**Akali:** …

**Akali:** really?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes

 

**Akali:** cookies too?

 

**Evelynn:** Everything until the last tuck

 

**Akali:** Okie, I search

 

**Ahri:** wtf????

 

**Akali:** Mind your own business, I’m searching

 

**Ahri:** ??????

**Ahri:** I’m curious…

 

**Evelynn:** Don’t be.

 

**Ahri:** Wah??

 

**Akali:** Shhh

**Akali:** Just hold your tails and be patient while I search

 

**Ahri:** Okieeeee

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** Okay, the necklace isn’t here

 

**Ahri:** WAAAAAHHH

 

**Evelynn:** It’s not here at the studio either

**Evelynn:** @Sona @Kai’sa

**Evelynn:** Any news?

 

**Sona:** Nope, no one has found a heart shape earring

 

**Ahri:** Waaaahhhhh

 

**Evelynn:** @Kai’sa

 

**Akali:** Ahri, are you sure that you can’t replace or at least have your earring remade?

 

**Ahri:** It wouldn’t be the same

**Ahri:** That earring was left with me when I was found

**Ahri:** And I had it ever since

**Ahri:** I didn’t wear it during my teen idol years bc my ear wasn’t pierced

**Ahri:** But i decided to wear it full time when i comeback from my hiatus 

**Ahri:** It’s hard to explain but it means a lot

 

**Evelynn:** @Kai’sa

 

**Akali:** No i get

 

**Irelia:** May I suggest that it might have been stolen?

 

**Ahri:** kjdsjdfhksdhgkashgkadhgklj

**Ahri:** STOOOOLENNNNN NYOOOOOO!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Couldn’t you have eased into that one, myophelia?

 

**Irelia:** Sorry…

 

**Taliyah:** You can’t deny that isn’t a possibility

 

**Evelynn:** That is true.

**Evelynn:** There are some crazy fans

 

**Ahri:** WAH I DON’T WANT IT TO BE STOLEN WAAAAAHHH

 

**Evelynn:** @Kai’sa answer me

 

**Akali:** It’s probably not stolen, Ahri! Don’t worry!

 

**Irelia:** It could be stolen, though.

 

**Akali:** Senpai, you’re not helping….

 

**Evelynn:** We still can’t rule it out…

**Evelynn:** @Kai’sa do you have anything at all or are you sucking Sivir’s lips???

 

**Kai’sa:** No I am not sucking Sivir’s lips.

**Kai’sa:** I’m sucking her neck

 

**Akali:** Oh come on!

 

**Evelynn:** Really kai’sa???

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry that I want to put a hickey on my gf’s neck?????

 

**Evelynn:** At a time like this????

**Evelynn:** Where are you???

**Evelynn:** Did you even go to the mall??

 

**Kai’sa:** Sivir and I went off on our own after we searched the mall

**Kai’sa:** we asked the front desk

**Kai’sa:** Put on an announcement 

**Kai’sa:** Sign some shirts for fans

**Kai’sa:** Took pics with fans

**Kai’sa:** But no one said they saw a heart shaped earring

**Kai’sa:** or picked it up

 

**Akali:** Couldn’t you have said that earlier?????

 

**Kai’sa:** Can I not have ten fucking minutes to have some quality time with my girlfriend?????

 

**Ahri:** YOU COULD HAVE FOUND MY EARRING IN TEN MINUTES!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I didn’t find it!!!

**Kai’sa:** I even gathered fans at the mall to do a group search

 

**Ahri:** WHAT IF ONE OF THEM DID FIND IT AND THEY STOLE IT!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I assure you they wouldn’t

 

**Ahri:** THEY COULD

 

**Kai’sa:** If they did, I would have caught them

 

**Ahri:** YOU’RE TOO BUSY SUCKING SIVIR OFF

 

**Sivir:** HEY

**Sivir:** I am the giver and Kai’sa is the receiver, let's be clear on that.

**Sivir:** I let her mark me tho

 

**Taliyah:** I don’t want, nor care about my friend’s sex life, thanks.

 

**Akali:** I don’t want to be scarred, thanks.

 

**Sivir:** Fuck you two

 

**Irelia:** Why do I check this chat?

 

**Sona:** Bc it’s always exciting to read, Xan Irelia.

 

**Irelia:** STOP CALLING ME BY MY FULL NAME

 

**Ahri:** HEY WHO CARES HOW KAI’SA AND SIVIR FRICK FRACK, MY EARRING IS STILL MISSING!!!

 

**Akali:** None of us found anything

**Akali:** Your earring could be anywhere

 

**Ahri:** WAAAAHHH

 

**Evelynn:** Sigh…

**Evelynn:** I say we all go home and figure out what to do.

 

**Akali:** Okie

 

**Ahri:** waaaahhhh

 

**Sivir:** Kai’sa says she’ll be home a bit later

 

**Akali:** You two want to make out

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Taliyah:** Liar

 

**Ahri:** Nasties

 

**Sivir:** Don’t nasty shame us.

 

**Taliyah:** Nasties

 

**Sivir:** Shut up

 

**Evelynn:** Embrace it.

 

**Ahri:** COME HOME AND COMFORT MEEEEE

 

XXX

 

**Ahri:** HI HI HI I MIGHT DIE TONIGHT!!!!! 

**Ahri:** HAAAAALPPPPP

**Ahri:** FOXY IN DANGER FOXY IN DANGER!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh, so I guess I should not go home?

 

**Ahri:** KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA!!!! HAAAALPPPPPP

**Ahri:** AKALI AND EVELYNN MIGHT REALLY KILL MEEEEE

**Ahri:** FOXY IS IN DANGER

**Ahri:** I REPEAT

**Ahri:** FOXY IS IN DANGER

**Ahri:** NINJA AND THE SUCCUHOE ARE TRYING TO KILL MEEEE

 

**Akali:** WE SURE WILL 

**Akali:** NOW COME OUT!!!!!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** NYOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** Do I even want to know what happened?

 

**Evelynn:** GUESS WHERE HER FUCKING EARRING IS???????

**Evelynn:** GUESS

 

**Kai’sa:** Where?

 

**Evelynn:** ON HER FUCKING EAR!!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** What??

 

**Taliyah:** I’m sorry what?

 

**Sona:** Hmm?

 

**Irelia:** So it’s not stolen?

 

**Evelynn:** IT WAS ON HER EAR!!!!!

 

**Akali:** THE WHOLE TIME!!!

 

**Irelia:** Cool.

 

**Kai’sa:** So she didn’t lose it?

 

**Akali:** NOOOO

 

**Evelynn:** SHE FUCKING FORGOT IT WAS ON HER FUCKING EAR!!!!!!

**Evelynn:** LIKE HOW????

 

**Ahri:** I SOWWY IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE!!!

 

**Akali:** HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT YOUR EARRING IS ON YOUR FUCKING EAR!!!!??????

**Akali:** WE CANCELLED OUR DAY FOR THIS DAMN EARRING!!!!

 

**Ahri:** I SOWWYYYYY IT WAS A FOXY MISTAKE!!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** So I don’t need to come home?

 

**Evelynn:** YOU CAN COME HOME TO MAKE US SOME FOX STEW!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** NYOOOOOOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** I’ll just tell Sivir to turn around.

**Kai’sa:** Going to spend the night at her place

**Kai’sa:** Bye~

 

**Ahri:** KAI’SA KAI’SA KAI’SA SAAAVVVVEEE MEEEEE

 

**Kai’sa:** Have fun, love and kisses xoxoxo

 

**Ahri:** KAAAAAAIIIIIIIIISSSSSSAAAAAAAAA

 

XXX

 

**Evelynn:** Hello, K/DA has lost their foxy leader, Ahri. Please respect our privacy during this tragic time.

 

**Sona:** So sorry for your lost.

 

**Taliyah:** Sending thoughts and prayers.

 

**Kai’sa:** She shall be missed.

 

**Sivir:** Her legacy will live on.

 

**Akali:** I shall never forget her.

 

**Ahri:** I AM STILL ALIVE!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Wow, it’s like she’s still here.

 

**Ahri:** BC I AM HERE!!

 

**Akali:** It’s like she’s right next to me

 

**Ahri:** I AM NEXT TO YOU

 

**Kai’sa:** K/DA won’t be the same without Ahri

 

**Ahri:** I AM RIGHT HERE

 

**Evelynn:** The remaining three of us shall continue Ahri’s dream of spreading music across the globe.

 

**Sivir:** Amen.

 

**Sona:** Amen

 

**Taliyah:** Amen.

 

**Ahri:** AKALI MAKES EVELYNN BABY HER WITH MILK AND COOKIES AND BEDTIME STORIES AND SHE DEMANDS TO BE TUCKED INTO BED WITH HER STUFF DRAGON, SIR NIN NIN

 

**Sivir:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

 

**Akali:** AHRI YOU BETTER RUN BEFORE I CHASE YOU DOWN!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** OH NOW I EXIST!!!

 

**Evelynn:** YOU WON’T BE FOR LONG

 

**Ahri:** COME AT ME

**Ahri:** I AM READY THIS TIME!

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m going to go back to bottoming so have fun you guys.

 

**Taliyah:** aksdfhklsdjfhjadshlkfjk

**Taliyah:** KAI’SA

 

**Sivir:** ;)

 

**Sona:** Hahaha, it’s always an exciting day with K/DA

**Sona:** Isn’t that right, Xan Irelia?

 

**Irelia:** I didn’t even text in the chat!

 

**Taliyah:** But you knew and responded to Sona anyways?

 

**Irelia:** ...

 

**Irelia left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Taliyah:** LMFAO

 

**Sona:** She’s so easy to tease, haha

 

**Akali added Irelia to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Irelia:** LET ME LEAVE

 

**Akali:** No

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You ever just forget that you’re holding your phone and you’re looking for it? Or tried to find your glasses but you’re wearing them? Same.
> 
> Evelynn caring for Ahri’s special possession was heart felt, for like a minute....lol
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter _kokoro_kirei_


	25. Family

**Ahri:** WHERE IS MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

**Evelynn:** DO I REALLY CARE???

 

**Ahri:** I CARE!

 

**Evelynn:** I DON’T CARE!

 

**Ahri:** WELL FUCK YOU!!

 

**Evelynn:** FUCK YOU!!!

**Evelynn:** NOW STOP SCREECHING AT MY DOOR!!!

**Evelynn:** SOME PPLE NEED TO FUCKING SLEEP!!!

 

**Ahri:** IT’S NOON!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** AND???

 

**Ahri:** WAKE YOUR ASS UP AND FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

**Evelynn:** GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH YOUR TOOTHBRUSH!!!

 

**Ahri:** I WILL IF I CAN FIND MY FUCKING TOOTHBRUSH!!!!!

 

**Akali:** AHRI STOP SCREECHING OUTSIDE OF OUR DOOR!!!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** I WILL STOP SCREECHING IF ONE OF YOU LESBO COME OUT AND FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!

 

**Akali:** I WILL COME OUT TO SHOVE A FUCKING KUNAI UP YOUR ASS IF YOU STOP SCREECHING!!!!!

 

**Ahri:** AND I WILL SHOVE MY BIG BOOTY BALLS UP YOUR ASS IF YOU SHOVE A KUNAI UP MY ASS!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** STOP CALLING THEM THAT!!!

 

**Ahri:** BIG BOOTY BALLS!!!

**Ahri:** SUCK THEM EVE!!!

 

**Evelynn:** SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** I am gone for ONE hour and you all can’t fucking function????

 

**Ahri:** KAI’SA I LOST MY TOOTHBRUSH

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, I got that.

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa come back and deal with this mutt

 

**Ahri:** DON’T MUTT SHAME ME!

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, no…

 

**Akali:** Do you really have to be gone for a week?

 

**Kai’sa:** Yeah, I have a thing called family.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah, no idea what that is.

 

**Akali:** Family is lame

 

**Ahri:** I was an orphan.

 

**Kai’sa:** SIGH

**Kai’sa:** Akali, what about your mom??

**Kai’sa:** You have a mom, right?

 

**Akali:** What about her?

 

**Ahri:** Damn savage.

 

**Kai’sa:** What about your dad?

 

**Akali:** What about him?

 

**Kai’sa:** Do you even care about your parents?

 

**Akali:** Did they care enough to actually raise me as their own daughter for ten minutes?

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay then...

 

**Ahri:** Hey, forget the toothbrush, I want to hear Akali’s family drama.

 

**Akali:** Not much to tell

**Akali:** My chichi and haha were always busy and off on business trips for most of my childhood so Shen practically raised me

 

**Evelynn:** I’m her new mommy

 

**Akali:** Fuck yea

 

**Ahri:** Wrong type of mom, but okay…

 

**Kai’sa:** I’m sorry but it just occurred to me that Akali has actual parents and she didn’t bother to even mention this until now????

 

**Akali:** My mother is Mayym Jhomen Tethi and my father is Tahno Jhomen Tethi. That’s all you need to know.

 

**Ahri:** That means your full name is Akali Jhomen Tethi?

 

**Akali:** Yeah.

 

**Evelynn:** Evelynn Jhomen Tethi sounds nice.

 

**Akali:** I like the sound of that.

 

**Evelynn:** <3

 

**Akali:** <3

 

**Ahri:** Hey, I just realized that I don’t know Evelynn’s last name.

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, we’re focusing on Akali’s family life, not mine.

 

**Kai’sa:** True

**Kai’sa:** But you two are so secretive about your family lives

**Kai’sa:** Meanwhile, Sivir and I have dads fighting each other for weeks.

 

**Akali:** Tbh Azir is not Sivir’s direct father

 

**Kai’sa:** But he practically saved her and she is his heir to his throne

**Kai’sa:** And he loves her like she was his own daughter

 

**Sivir:** Azir is a fucking pain in my ass.

 

**Akali:** LMFAO

 

**Kai’sa:** babe…

 

**Sivir:** Azir is a pain in my fucking ass

 

**Taliyah:** I can confirm

**Taliyah:** Azir is a nice dad to Sivir but damn, is he waaaaay overprotective 

**Taliyah:** He tried to mama bird Sivir’s food while she was in the hospital after Cass’s attack.

 

**Sivir:** HE STILL TRIES TO DO THAT TO ME NOW!!!

 

**Evelynn:** That’s fucking gross.

 

**Sivir:** RIGHT????

 

**Kai’sa:** Does anyone here have normal families???

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Akali:** No.

 

**Sivir:** No.

 

**Ahri:** Everyone in this chat is kinda like family to me.

 

**Kai’sa:** Aww

 

**Akali:** That’s sweet

 

**Evelynn:** Ew gross we ain’t fam, Ahri

 

**Ahri:** WOW

 

**Sona:** My mom and I are pretty normal.

 

**Ahri:** You have a mom????

 

**Sona:** ….

**Sona:** YES????

**Sona:** LESTARA BUVELLE????

**Sona:** THE WOMAN WHO ADOPTED ME???

 

**Ahri:** YOU’RE ADOPTED TOO!!!???

 

**Evelynn:** Holy fuck

 

**Sona:** YOU TWO MET HER!!!!

 

**Ahri:** We did?

 

**Evelynn:** I do not recall…

 

**Sona:** HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU THINK I GOT THE LAST NAME BUVELLE???????

 

**Ahri:** *shrugs*

 

**Evelynn:** idk

 

**Sona:** WE’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE KIDS AND YOU TWO SERIOUSLY DID NOT KNOW I WAS ADOPTED???

 

**Sivir:** To be fair, these two didn’t even think that you could text properly for years.

 

**Sona:** FAIR ENOUGH

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD SONA WAS AN ORPHAN LIKE MEEEEEE!!!

 

**Sona:** THAT WAS LITERALLY THE FIRST THING I TOLD YOU THE MOMENT WE MET!!!!!!!!

**Sona:** I THOUGHT WE COULD BOND ON THAT!!!!

 

**Ahri:** You didn’t talk tho

**Ahri:** You gave me a paper with a message on it

 

**Sona:** YOU GET THE IDEA!!!

 

**Ahri:** I couldn’t read when I was a foxy kit.

 

**Sona:** APPARENTLY!!

 

**Evelynn:** I can’t believe you kept this from us.

 

**Sona:** I DIDN’T!

**Sona:** I TOLD YOU GUYS!

 

**Evelynn:** But you’re mute?

 

**Sona:** JSADKKDGHLKJHLDKGJHKJDHSKJGHLKSDKGJ

 

**Kai’sa:** You guys broke Sona again.

 

**Akali:** This is hilarious 

 

**Sivir:** I feel like we’re learning a lot about each other.

 

**Ahri:** YES WE ARE

 

**Taliyah:** Hahaha, you guys are so hilarious

 

**Ahri:** What about you, Tal?

**Ahri:** Fam?

 

**Taliyah:** I have a great family.

**Taliyah:** Mom, dad

**Taliyah:** Grandparents

**Taliyah:** A tribe that raised me and my cousins altogether 

 

**Sivir:** I can agree, they took care of me before Azir kidnapped me

 

**Taliyah:** Okay, you’re being dramatic.

**Taliyah:** Azir did not kidnapped you

**Taliyah:** He just named you as his heir

 

**Sivir:** DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES HE HAS TRIED TO FUCKING BABY BIRD FOOD INTO MY DAMN MOUTH????

**Sivir:** OUT OF ALL THE RICH AND FAMOUS BILLIONAIRES, I GET A FUCKING CLUELESS BIRD LIKE HIM!!!!!

 

**Taliyah:** You are so dramatic.

 

**Kai’sa:** Is she, tho?

**Kai’sa:** Azir can be a little intense 

 

**Evelynn:** And your dad was ready run Sivir over with his car while she was on her scooter.

 

**Sivir:** ***motorcycle

 

**Akali:** It’s not a fucking motorcycle, dumbass

 

**Sivir:** Fuck off Akali

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay, to be fair, I accept that my dad is aggressively overprotective 

**Kai’sa:** Plus Sivir has gotten a lot better at running away from him

 

**Evelynn:** She better be if she’s going to have to run down the aisle, marry you, and run off with you

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHA

**Ahri:** Kai’sa would have the shortest celebrity wedding!!!!

 

**Akali:** Do you take Kai’sa as your lawfully wedded wife?

**Akali:** Sivir says, “Yes” kisses kai’sa and yeets away with kai’sa in her arms.

 

**Taliyah:** SIVIR JUST GOES AHEAD AND THROWS KAI’SA OUT OF THE CHAPEL AND IS LIKE YEEEEEEETT THAT’S MY WIFE!!!!!

 

**Akali:** LMFAO

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Evelynn:** OMG

 

**Sivir:** Ha. Ha. Ha. You guys are soooo funny.

**Sivir:** Fuck you guys

 

**Kai’sa:** My mom can hold my dad back, don’t worry about him going berserk

 

**Sivir:** He’ll be busy chasing Azir

 

**Taliyah:** Knowing Azir, he would want to be the flower bird

 

**Sivir:** DON’T PUT THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD!!!!

 

**Taliyah: “** Caw caw, let me throw flower petals around”

 

**Sivir:** STOP

 

**Kai’sa:** That’s actually really funny to imagine

 

**Sivir:** NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!

 

**Akali:** “Should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

**Akali:** Cassiopeia charges in like, “BITCH, STOP THE MARRIAGE, I WANT EVELYNN’S AUTOGRAPH!!”

 

**Ahri:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

**Taliyah:** IT’S FUNNY BC SHE WOULD DO THAT!!!

 

**Sivir:** YOU’RE NOT FUNNY AKALI!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** Okay, real talk, she keeps sliding in my DM

 

**Akali:** I’ll slide into your DMs

 

**Evelynn:** Slide into my pussy

 

**Ahri:** Ew, stop being gay

 

**Akali:** Hater

 

**Kai’sa:** What would Evelynn and Akali’s wedding look like?

**Kai’sa:** Would it just be us, Akali’s family and Evelynn’s 4 parents?

 

**Evelynn:** Lmfao fuck my parents

 

**Sivir:** Who would walk you down the aisle if not your parents?

 

**Evelynn:** I can walk my damn self down the aisle.

 

**Ahri:** I’ll walk her.

 

**Evelynn:** Hell no

 

**Ahri:** I’m walking you.

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Akali:** Eve and I would have a more Japanese type wedding

 

**Evelynn:** Oh look, Akali wants me in her family~

 

**Kai’sa:** Poor Mayym and Tahno

 

**Evelynn:** RUDE

 

**Ahri:** Okay but you guys can’t get married until 45 tho

 

**Kai’sa:** You’re still on that?

 

**Ahri:** Yes, I spend big bucks on your beauty treatments

 

**Akali:** That’s all you ever spend your money on…

 

**Ahri:** That and bc when idols get married, they tend to leave the group and go off on their own

 

**Kai’sa:** Ahri, we won’t leave K/DA if we get married. We are K/DA forever.

 

**Akali:** We will stick together bc we are K/DA for lyfe

 

**Ahri:** Guuuuuuuuyyys~~~

 

**Evelynn:** I’ll leave when I’m married asap

**Evelynn:** And I’m taking Akali with me.

 

**Akali:** Nevermind then

 

**Ahri:** I DID NOT CREATE K/DA SO YOU CAN GET YOUR ASS EATEN, MARRIED, AND THEN FLAKE ON ME YOU SAGGY BAG OF TITS!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** I DID NOT ASK YOU TO LEAVE ME FOR 5 FUCKING YEARS!!!

 

**Ahri:** WILL YOU FUCKING GET OVER THAT???????

 

**Evelynn:** 5 YEARS!!

 

**Ahri:** OH MY GOD!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** FIVE FUCKING YEARS!!

 

**Ahri:** EVELYNN FUCKING PLAYED HORSEY WITH TWISTED FATE!!!!!! SHE HAD A SADDLE, BUTT PLUG, AND EVERYTHING!!!! I HAVE PHOTOS! I HAVE PROOF!!!!!!!

 

**Evelynn:** KSJDGKJSFHJKDFJLDKSJ

**Evelynn:** HOW THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THOSE PHOTOS!!!!!????

**Evelynn:** I FUCKING DELETED THEM ALL!!!

 

**Akali:** Can I get a copy?

 

**Evelynn:** AKALI!!!!

 

**Ahri:** ILL FUCKING POST IT TO THIS CHAT!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Pls no

 

**Sivir:** No thanks

 

**Taliyah:** Spare us.

 

**Sona:** Don’t you think I’ve been broken enough?

 

**Evelynn:** YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING RUDE!!!! I LOOKED GREAT!!

 

**Kai’sa:** MAKE UP YOUR MIND?????

**Kai’sa:** DO YOU WANT US TO SEE THESE PHOTOS OR NOT???

 

**Ahri:** YOU WANT SOME HAIRY BALLS IN THIS CHAT???!!!!

 

**Evelynn removed Ahri from group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Kai’sa** : Oh thank god

 

**Akali:** Finally

 

**Sivir:** We’re saved

 

**Sona:** Phew

 

**Taliyah:** that was scary

 

**Evelynn:** Why didn’t I do this ages ago?

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Ahri and Evelynn.**

 

**Ahri:** Add me back bitch

 

**Evelynn:** Don’t post those pics, bitch.

 

**Ahri:** Succuhoe

 

**Evelynn:** Skank fox

 

**Ahri:** Tentacle whore

 

**Evelynn:** Furry hussy

 

**Ahri:** Fart ass

 

**Evelynn:** hairy ass

 

**Ahri:** Dumb bimbo

 

**Evelynn:** smelly piece of shit

 

**Ahri:** ugly cross eyed hoe

 

**Evelynn:** We’re going to do this forever, aren’t we?

 

**Ahri:** We sure will.

 

**Evelynn:** Slut face

 

**Ahri:** Butt face

 

**Evelynn:** 6 nipple freak

 

**Ahri:** rash thighs

 

XXX

 

**Kai’sa added Ahri to group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Ahri:** HELLO I AM BACK, DID YA’LL MISS ME???

 

**Akali:** No.

 

**Taliyah:** Not really.

 

**Sivir:** Nah.

 

**Sona:** Nope

 

**Kai’sa:** A little.

 

**Evelynn:** Ew, Ahri is back

 

**Ahri:** Fuck off you horny tentacle monster 

 

**Evelynn:** I will continue this, hairy crusty pussy crack.

 

**Ahri:** We sure will, ringworm fuck

 

**Kai’sa:** How about we stop and call it even?

**Kai’sa:** No posting each other’s photos, just make up.

**Kai’sa:** Please?

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Akali:** I’ll ride you, Eve

 

**Evelynn:** DEAL

 

**Ahri:** What about me??

 

**Taliyah:** We offer you our condolences.

 

**Ahri:** For what??

 

**Taliyah:** For your dying leadership skills.

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Sivir:** oooooooo

 

**Sona:** lol

 

**Kai’sa:** ooooh

 

**Akali:** Daaaamn

 

**Evelynn:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 

**Ahri:** IS IT THAT HARD FOR ONE ‘OH WE LOVE YOU AHRI’ IN THIS DAMN CHAT????

 

**Sona:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** FOXY NOT HAPPY AND I STILL CAN’T FIND MY TOOTHBRUSH!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Go into the cabinet in my bathroom, bottom drawer, and grab a new toothbrush 

 

**Ahri:** YOU COULD HAVE SAID THAT EARLIER!

 

**Kai’sa:** I got distracted by Akali’s sudden revelation that she has actual parents.

 

**Akali:** yeee

 

**Sivir:** You know what’s a bigger revelation?

**Sivir:** Evelynn’s parents.

 

**Ahri:** I agree

 

**Taliyah:** Ditto

 

**Sona:** I will say that I remember when I was a child, I saw Evelynn with someone that may be her father but that’s the only time I’ve seen her with any parental figure.

 

**Evelynn:** Hey, bysggphelia hasn’t been on the chat for a while. What happened to her?

 

**Ahri:** Don’t play dumb, Eve, tell the truth

 

**Evelynn:** popphelia? You still in the chat?

 

**Sona:** You mean @XanIrelia

 

**Irelia:** Leave me alone. I’m ignoring this chat.

 

**Kai’sa:** Mood

 

**Sivir:** Yo Irelia, do you know Akali’s parents?

 

**Irelia:** My family are close friends with Akali’s family so yeah I know her parents.

 

**Evelynn:** ….do you have Akali’s kid pictures?

 

**Irelia:** Of course I do

 

**Akali:** Irelia if you post one pic of me from my childhood, I will personally fly back to Japan to fucking fight you to the death.

 

**Irelia:** Akali, we both know I can whip your fucking ass so shape up Mushu-knockoff.

 

**Ahri:** I FUCKING CHOOOOKED!!!

 

**Taliyah:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**Sona:** Xan Irelia is feisty when she’s competitive!

 

**Sivir:** LMFAOOOOO

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh my god hahaha

 

**Akali:** I AM THE BETTER DAMN DRAGON THAN THAT RED LITTLE LIZARD IN MULAN!!!!!

**Akali:** YOU KNOW WHAT?

**Akali:** Your grandma’s cooking sucks ass

 

**Irelia:** DO NOT BRING MY NAINAI INTO THIS, AKALI!!!

**Irelia:** NAINAI COOKING IS FINE!!!!

 

**Kai’sa:** Nainai?

**Kai’sa:** Irelia, you’re Chinese?

 

**Irelia:** Mixed raced Chinese and Japanese to be more specific :)

**Irelia:** AKALI YOU FUCKING TAKE THAT BACK!!!!! MY NAINAI’S COOKING IS FUCKING GOOD!

**Irelia:** JUST BECAUSE YOUR TASTE BUDS ARE RUINED BY SPICY RAMYUN, DOESN’T MEAN NAINAI’S COOKING IS BAD!!!

 

**Akali:** IT HAS NO FLAVOR!

 

**Irelia:** EVELYNN’S ASS PROBABLY HAS NO FLAVOR TOO BUT YOU’RE NOT COMPLAINING!!!!

 

**Akali:** IRELIA

 

**Ahri:** I AM FUCKING CRYYYYIIIING!!!

 

**Taliyah:** I CAN’T!!

 

**Sivir:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA

 

**Kai’sa:** Now we know what triggers Irelia.

 

**Evelynn:** I regret bringing toephelia up.

 

**Sona:** So why don’t you answer this simple question?

**Sona:** What’s your mother’s name?

 

**Evelynn:** Which one?

 

**Ahri:** Both?

 

**Evelynn:** My succubus mother’s name is Victoria, I don’t know my human mother’s name.

 

**Taliyah:** Wait wait, I’m confused

**Taliyah:** You have two mothers?

 

**Irelia:** I am confused as well.

 

**Akali:** First of all, Irelia, your grandma is WACK at cooking

**Akali:** Second, Evelynn technically has four parents. A succubus must gain sperm from a human male, then the succubus gives it to the incubus, then the incubus gives it to the human woman, and Evelynn was born.

 

**Taliyah:** Oh my Gaara, that’s a lot to take in.

 

**Irelia:** Akali, first of all, YOU’RE FUCKING WRONG

**Irelia:** Second, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU DATING??????

 

**Evelynn:** A beautiful, talented, sexy, and gorgeous succubus.

 

**Ahri:** I must be blind bc I don’t see that.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck off

 

**Ahri:** You fuck off

 

**Kai’sa:** Don’t start this again…

 

**Sivir:** Will we ever know about Evelynn’s background?

 

**Evelynn:** I would rather sleep with Twisted Fate than tell you guys about my “LiFe StOrY”

 

**Kai’sa:** If you’re worried about being judged, we promise we won’t.

**Kai’sa:** I mean, have you seen my dad??

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah and I would prefer him than mine

 

**Taliyah:** Yikes

 

**Sivir:** Surely your dad isn’t as bad as Kassadin

 

**Evelynn:** You have no idea who my dad is and if you met him, you wouldn’t complain about Azir so much.

 

**Sivir:** Alright then.

 

**Ahri:** You okay there Eve?

 

**Evelynn:** I’m fine, can we stop talking about family and dads and shit??

 

**Akali:** Let's drop it then.

**Akali:** Move on

**Akali:** Okie babe?

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you darling

 

**Ahri:** Aren’t you two next to each other?

 

**Evelynn:** And?

 

**Ahri:** nevermind then

 

**Evelynn:** Can I not text my fucking girlfriend now?

 

**Ahri:** I never said that

**Ahri:** Eve, you good?

 

**Evelynn:** I’m fucking fine.

 

**Kai’sa:** You know that you really don’t have to tell us anything about your family if you’re uncomfortable with the topic. You know you can tell us to stop, Eve.

 

**Evelynn left group chat “K/DA”**

 

**Kai’sa:** Did I say something wrong?

 

**Akali:** No you didn’t

**Akali:** I don’t think

**Akali:** Idk what’s up with Eve bc she just teleported away

 

**Ahri:** I know we joke about her not telling us about her backstory, but I’ve always known her to be pretty sensitive about it sometimes.

**Ahri:** Some days she’s fine with talking about her backstory, some days she’s not.

 

**Sona:** I agree with Ahri, sometimes Eve is fine about family and then she’s not the next second

 

**Kai’sa:** I really wasn’t trying to push her or anything. I didn’t mean to set her off.

 

**Sivir:** Nor me

 

**Ahri:** It’s fine, Evelynn is very wishy washy on the topic and she can be unpredictable with her reactions.

**Ahri:** Give her a few hours and she’ll come back like nothing has ever happened.

 

**Kai’sa:** Okay.

**Kai’sa:** I really feel bad

 

**Ahri:** Don’t be, this is just Evelynn in a bad mood. She’ll be back in no time. :)

 

XXX

 

**Akali:** It's been three days since Evelynn left the chat and our bed...

**Akali:** And she hasn’t returned my texts and calls

 

**Taliyah:** No wonder why the chat was so quiet.

 

**Sivir:** I thought it was bc everyone was busy

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn’s still not back??

 

**Ahri:** Yeeeaaaahhh

 

**Kai’sa:** omg omg omg I must have really pissed her off

 

**Ahri:** You didn’t

**Ahri:** Look, Evie is prolly fuming in a temper tantrum and putting on a pouty face in her lambo, parked at a cliff where the sunsets are beautiful. Just so she can be more dramatic.

**Ahri:** I’ll go wrangle her back to K/DA :3

 

**Kai’sa:** Can you just say “I’ll go bring her back” like a normal person?

  
**Ahri:** Nyo tank euw.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since Riot doesn’t really give me a lot to work with, I was planning on making my own damn lore. I really want to start diving into Evelynn’s past, that means using new names that have nothing to do with canon lore, some angst shoved in, and maybe stepping away from fuckery for a bit to expand on Evelynn’s story. Basically my headcannon coming true in my own lore.
> 
> Thoughts? I know some pple don’t like reading something that is far away from what is canon, some don’t mind, yada yada. It’ll still be a fuckery fic, it’s not going to turn into a 5 chapter angst filled fic with slow burns and all that. 
> 
> Either way, I’ll be thinking about it as I work on the next chapter. Until then, see ya’ll next time.
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei


	26. Von Daemon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Angst, OC characters that are not part of League of Legend lore, hints of parental abuse

**Unknown number:** Hey

**Unknown number:** How ya doing, girlie?

 

**Unknown number:** Wrong number.

 

**Unknown number:** I know that’s you, Eve.

**Unknown number:** You know it’s me.

 

**Unknown number renamed to Ahri.**

 

**Ahri:** Hellloooo Evvviiiiiiiieeee

 

**Unknown number:** Wrong Number.

 

**Ahri:** Bitch, you know damn well that I will sniff you out of your hiding spot so talk to me like a real woman.

**Ahri:** Either I will face your temper tantrum face to face or we can text here and I can give you your space.

**Ahri:** I’m willing to respect your privacy but you’ve been gone for three days.

**Ahri:** Akali, your GIRLFRIEND is worried

**Ahri:** Kai’sa feels guilty because she thinks your disappearance is her fault

**Ahri:** And I’m about to smack you for acting so fucking childish when you’re supposed to be the oldest unnie

**Ahri:** Your choice, Evelynn. I’m not playing with you.

 

**Unknown number:** ….

 

**Unknown number renamed to Evelynn.**

 

**Evelynn:** You still have this number?

 

**Ahri:** It’s our emergency number, of course I still have it

 

**Evelynn:** Didn’t think you were serious about keeping an emergency number.

 

**Ahri:** Of course I was serious.

**Ahri:** If something happened to one of us, how do we contact each other in private?

 

**Evelynn:** Fair enough

 

**Ahri:** Exactly.

 

**Evelynn:** What do you want?

 

**Ahri:** What’s going on with you?

 

**Evelynn:** Nothing

 

**Ahri:** That’s bullshit and you know it.

 

**Evelynn:** I just needed space to be alone, okay?

 

**Ahri:** The great “Diva of the Music World” needs space?

**Ahri:** Even Twisted Fate would be shocked to hear that

 

**Evelynn:** Look, if you’re going to just pester me, then do yourself a favor and let me be.

**Evelynn:** I’ll come back when I’m good and ready.

 

**Ahri:** I’m not letting you come back and act like nothing happened, Eve. 

**Ahri:** Not after you stormed off like that

 

**Evelynn:** You ever heard of fucking privacy?

 

**Ahri:** If privacy is snapping at Sivir and Kai’sa and leaving Akali alone, then yeah I heard of it.

 

**Evelynn:** I didn’t mean to snap at them.

 

**Ahri:** Three days have past without so much of an apology or reassurance to Kai’sa and Sivir

**Ahri:** Not even texting back to Akali

 

**Evelynn:** I’m aware.

 

**Ahri:** are you?

 

**Evelynn:** I am.

 

**Ahri:** It doesn’t seem like you’re aware.

 

**Evelynn:** What do you want me to fucking do then, Ahri?

**Evelynn:** How do I please the great fucking Ahri?

**Evelynn:** Tell you the truth?

 

**Ahri:** Yeah. 

 

**Evelynn:** ...

 

**Ahri:** Evelynn, I’ve known you for almost my entire life, ever since we were kids in idol training.

**Ahri:** Not once did I ever try to bother you about your family history or past because I knew it was a sensitive topic.

**Ahri:** I respect that privacy.

**Ahri:** However, I am not leading a group where one of the members snaps at another member without any explanation or reasoning.

**Ahri:** From how I see it, Kai’sa and Sivir literally didn’t do anything wrong and they backed off when they saw it bothered you, yet you still snapped at us.

**Ahri:** I’m not allowing you to get away with that attitude without an explanation or something.

 

**Evelynn:** Okay.

 

**Ahri:** Okay?

**Ahri:** That’s all you’re going to say?

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah.

 

**Ahri:** Oh now you’re giving me the one-word treatment?

**Ahri:** Alright, let me just say this

**Ahri:** I will suspend you from the group until you get your act together.

 

**Evelynn:** Oh good, you’re using your leadership skills for something.

 

**Ahri:** Oh she speaks

 

**Evelynn:** I sure do.

 

**Ahri:** I’m not playing with you, Evelynn. I will suspend you if you keep up this attitude problem you have.

 

**Evelynn:** Go ahead, if you see me as a child throwing a tantrum, then go ahead and give me a time out

 

**Ahri:** I’m not using suspension as punishment, Evelynn, I’m using it because your attitude is affecting the rest of the group in a negative way.

**Ahri:** I am separating you from the group in order to prevent any more harm to the other members.

 

**Evelynn:** Harm? I’m not hurting anyone.

 

**Ahri:** Snapping at Sivir and Kai’sa without any explanation is harmful. Making Kai’sa feel guilty over something that isn’t her fault is harmful. Making her feel guilty over your attitude problem is toxic to her mental health.

**Ahri:** Ignoring Akali’s texts and calls because she’s worried is harmful to your relationship with her.

**Ahri:** It’s childish to leave her alone without a word.

**Ahri:** And you showing childish attitude to me when I’m trying to confront you is just plain immature.

**Ahri:** The worst part is that none of us knows why you’re acting like this. If you’re not going to talk to us, then don’t be so defensive about my course of action towards you.

 

**Evelynn:** You’re really fucking annoying and nosy.

 

**Ahri:** And you’re really fucking mature, aren’t you?

**Ahri:** I’m starting to wonder if the other idol groups kicked you out because of how fucking mature you are?

 

**Evelynn:** I left them, I wasn’t kicked out.

 

**Ahri:** Maybe K/DA will be the first idol group that you’re kicked out of.

 

**Evelynn:** FINE. GO AHEAD THEN, COWARD.

 

**Ahri:** I think the coward is actually you, Evelynn.

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not a fucking coward.

 

**Ahri:** If you’re not a coward, then where the fuck is your ass right now? Not at home.

**Ahri:** You’re still hiding away like some bitch ass wimp right now.

 

**Evelynn:** Fuck you, Ahri. Fuck off, you cunt.

 

**Ahri:** Then block this number.

**Ahri:** Ignore my texts.

**Ahri:** You could have done this the moment when I texted you.

**Ahri:** But you haven’t yet.

 

**Evelynn:** ...

 

**Ahri:** It may seem like I’m picking a fight with you, Evelynn, but I’m not.

**Ahri:** I’m not going to do those “How does that make you feel” therapy questions at you, bc I don’t do that. You don’t do that.

**Ahri:** But you’re stubborn, you’re defensive, and you’re so fucking childish sometimes.

**Ahri:** I put up with you for years bc we’re best friends. You’re like a sister to me.

**Ahri:** But now I’m not the only one that has to put up with your attitude.

**Ahri:** Kai’sa has to put up with you.

**Ahri:** Akali has to put up with you.

**Ahri:** Even Sona and Sivir

**Ahri:** And I guess the rest of the pple in the chat but they don’t know you like we do.

**Ahri:** If you need to scream at me in order to let your feelings go, then fine. Scream. Curse me out. Tell me that I’m a horrible leader.

**Ahri:** I’ll fucking take it because it doesn’t hurt me, Evelynn. No matter what you say to me, I know in your heart you don’t mean it.

**Ahri:** But I know you’re hurting from something.

**Ahri:** Even though you’ve grown in the past five years, you’re still hurting from some scar you’ve never told anyone.

**Ahri:** If you never want to reveal that scar for the rest of your life, fine. I’m not pushing you to do that, but you need to understand that we can’t read your silence. 

**Ahri:** But we do care for you, Evelynn. The last thing anyone wants to do is hurt you intentionally.

**Ahri:** You know that, right?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** At least apologize to Kai’sa and Sivir for getting mad at them and then leaving.

 

**Evelynn:** I’m wasn’t mad at them.

**Evelynn:** I was jealous.

 

**Ahri:** Jealous? Of what?

 

**Evelynn:** I was jealous that they could talk so freely about their fathers.

**Evelynn:** So openly...

 

**Ahri:** …

**Ahri:** Is your father is still around, Evie?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** Do you talk to him?

 

**Evelynn:** I haven’t spoken to him in over 10 years.

 

**Ahri:** Did he abandon you?

 

**Evelynn:** I ran away from him.

 

**Ahri:** What about your mother, Victoria?

 

**Evelynn:** She passed away.

**Evelynn:** No

**Evelynn:** She was killed by a crazy stalker when I was a child.

 

**Ahri:** I’m so sorry, Eve.

**Ahri:** I really am.

 

**Evelynn:** My full name is Evelynn Von Daemon.

**Evelynn:** **was

**Evelynn:** My mother is Victoria Von Daemon.

**Evelynn:** My father is Edmund Von Daemon.

**Evelynn:** I was an only child, a miracle one for them.

 

**Ahri:** What about your human parents?

 

**Evelynn:** I don’t really know them, they weren’t really a part of my life.

**Evelynn:** It’s kinda like how some couple gets a surrogate. It’s probably the same concept.

**Evelynn:** The humans volunteered to help my parents conceive me. Nothing more or less. They were paid well for their services.

**Evelynn:** So I have no connection to them, only that they helped my parents.

 

**Ahri:** I see.

**Ahri:** You seem close to your mother. You told us her name quite easily.

 

**Evelynn:** My mother was a beautiful succubus. I’m always told I was a spitting image of her.

**Evelynn:** I’ve always known her to have many admirers, even when she was married, but she was loyal and dedicated to my father.

**Evelynn:** They were deeply in love. I remember seeing how much they adored each other.

**Evelynn:** Victoria was kind, sweet, and gentle. 

**Evelynn:** “She has the face of a cold-hearted beauty, but a heart of gold.” That’s what my father always said to me.

**Evelynn:** Funny thing is that she can’t sing or dance, that was her only flaws, at least to her.

**Evelynn:** She praised and raised me to sing and dance. She’s the reason why I wanted to pursue music.

**Evelynn:** She was my everything. My mother. My supporter. My life.

 

**Ahri:** She sounds like an amazing woman, Evie.

 

**Evelynn:** She was. She really was.

 

**Ahri:** She would be very proud of you if she saw you now.

 

**Evelynn:** I know she would. It was her dream to make me a successful idol. She said that seeing me on the stage made her the happiest.

 

**Ahri:** You do shine bright on stage.

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah.

 

**Ahri:** Did your father approve of you singing and dancing?

 

**Evelynn:** When my mother was alive, he did approve like any doting father.

**Evelynn:** But when her life ended, he changed.

**Evelynn:** My father loved my mother so dearly, her death ruined him.

**Evelynn:** He was never the same after her death.

 

**Ahri:** He didn’t...hurt you, did he?

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** No, he never laid his hands on me to hurt me.

**Evelynn:** But he did shelter me.

**Evelynn:** I didn’t run away like some spoiled rich brat that didn’t get what they wanted.

**Evelynn:** I ran away because I wanted to be free.

 

**Ahri:** Free from a sheltered life?

 

**Evelynn:** Free from his absolute control.

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** When my mother died, I was the only thing left of her.

**Evelynn:** Like an overprotective father, he sheltered me and made sure I was safe.

**Evelynn:** At first, I understood why he changed. He and I were the only family to each other.

**Evelynn:** But it grew worse, foxy, it felt like I was in a totalitarian rule

**Evelynn:** He made choices for me. 

**Evelynn:** He dictated what I wore, what I ate, how I acted.

 

**Ahri:** Did you have a choice?

 

**Evelynn:** No.

**Evelynn:** I knew I have no more power when he told me that I couldn’t pursue singing and dancing anymore.

**Evelynn:** All for my “safety”

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** It may sound like he was just overprotective, but if you lived in that damn house with me, it felt like I was being held hostage.

**Evelynn:** I felt like a doll that he was preserving, rather than a daughter. 

**Evelynn:** Through me, I think he was trying to replace Victoria with me.

**Evelynn:** I felt trapped, foxy. 

 

**Ahri:** I’m not denying what you are saying. I’m just speechless.

 

**Evelynn:** I still can’t believe that was a part of my life.

 

**Ahri:** So the man that Sona saw with you that one time in idol training, was that your father?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

**Evelynn:** That was a time when he found me after I ran away.

**Evelynn:** He was begging me to return home.

**Evelynn:** Said he was sorry and shit but I didn’t believe him

**Evelynn:** I looked at him and I didn’t see a father anymore, I saw my captor

**Evelynn:** The moment I was legally able to emancipate from him, I did.

 

**Ahri:** …

 

**Evelynn:** But hearing Kai’sa and Sivir talk about their fathers, it just…

**Evelynn:** I still miss the father I once had.

 

**Ahri:** That’s understandable.

 

**Evelynn:** It’s been over 10 years and I wonder if he might have changed during that time.

**Evelynn:** I thought of possibly reconciling with him but…

**Evelynn:** I’m still angry at him.

 

**Ahri:** Then fuck him, you are your own person

**Ahri:** You have friends, a thriving career, and a loving girlfriend 

 

**Evelynn:** Yeah…

**Evelynn:** Idk it’s stupid

**Evelynn:** That’s my fucking life story. I ran away from Daddy bc he got overprotective over me.

 

**Ahri:** He trapped you and caged you. He wouldn’t let you free.

**Ahri:** No one wants to be protected like that.

**Ahri:** Don’t sell yourself short, Eve.

 

**Evelynn: …**

 

**Ahri:** You ran away from an abuser, Eve.

 

**Evelynn:** He didn’t hit me or anything.

 

**Ahri:** But he took away your basic human rights.

**Ahri:** He took away your power of choice.

**Ahri:** He dictated your life so much that YOU ran away from him bc you were sick of it.

**Ahri:** He may not have physically harmed you but mentally, he did.

 

**Evelynn:** …

 

**Ahri:** You may view your “life story” as embarrassing bc you feel like it’s a common trope between a rich daughter and her overprotective father.

**Ahri:** But it’s a part of your life, and it affected you in a negative light.

**Ahri:** No one is going to make fun of that.

 

**Evelynn:...**

 

**Ahri:** Does Akali know this?

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** So I’m the only one who knows this now?

 

**Evelynn:** Yes.

 

**Ahri:** Thank you for sharing this part of your life with me, Evie.

**Ahri:** I know it may have been difficult but I think this is the first step of healing old scars.

 

**Evelynn:** I feel really empty.

 

**Ahri:** Bc you finally let it all go.

 

**Evelynn:** I hate the feeling, foxy.

 

**Ahri:** You can fill it up with Akali juice.

 

**Evelynn:** Shut the fuck up, Foxy.

 

**Ahri:** That’s the Evelynn I know. :)

 

**Evelynn:** Ha...

**Evelynn:** I still feel so drained.

 

**Ahri:** We can take it one step at a time, Evie. It’s normal to feel drained after letting out so much.

 

**Evelynn:** I guess… I still hate the feeling tho.

 

**Ahri:** Will you let me find you and we can go pig out on some ice cream and pizza for a bit?

**Ahri:** And talk about how to make it up to Akali and Kai’sa? And the rest of the gang?

 

**Evelynn:** Fine.

**Evelynn:** Text me your location and I’ll pick you up.

 

**Ahri:** Okie

 

**Evelynn:** And Ahri?

 

**Ahri:** Yesh?

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you for being the most stubborn leader and annoyingest friend I ever had.

 

**Ahri:** That’s me!

**Ahri:** Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?

 

**Evelynn:** You’re really gay for me?

 

**Ahri:** Not in a million years.

**Ahri:** But I remember the first day we met in idol training.

**Ahri:** And we made eye contact 

**Ahri:** Then I threw my apple at your face.

 

**Evelynn:** You busted my lip.

 

**Ahri:** That too.

**Ahri:** But I remember making eye contact with you and for a moment

**Ahri:** I saw something that we had in common

 

**Evelynn:** What?

 

**Ahri:** Loneliness

**Ahri:** For a second, I saw a part of me in you.

**Ahri:** And I felt we were similar in some way

 

**Evelynn:** Then you threw an apple at my face.

 

**Ahri:** I was fucking 10 or 11 or 12, cut me some slack.

 

**Evelynn:** Want to know a secret?

 

**Ahri:** Yesh.

 

**Evelynn:** I felt the same.

 

**Ahri:** omg cute

**Ahri:** drop akali and date me

 

**Evelynn:** No.

 

**Ahri:** Nya ;p

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Akali and Evelynn.**

 

**Evelynn:** Darling?

 

**Akali:** hi hi hi

**Akali:** r u okay?

**Akali:** Is everything okay?

**Akali:** Um um um um

**Akali:** I’m sorry i should have done more

 

**Evelynn:** Darling.

 

**Akali:** Just know Kai’sa and Sivir weren’t trying to push you or anything

**Akali:** They don’t mean any harm

 

**Evelynn:** Darling.

 

**Akali:** And like im sorry for not realizing you were getting frustrated 

**Akali:** you were right next to me and I should have noticed sooner

**Akali:** so if there’s anyone to be mad at, it should be me

 

**Evelynn:** Darling.

 

**Akali:** If it’s a break you want, I’m totally fine with that

**Akali:** I don’t want to impede on your emotion

**Akali:** So if it’s space you need, I respect that

 

**Evelynn:** Akali.

 

**Akali:** I’m really really sorry if you felt i was a bad girlfriend

**Akali:** I promise i will be better at noticing your feelings and helping you through them

**Akali:** and and

 

**Evelynn:** Akali Jhomen Tethi.

 

**Akali:** Yes???

 

**Evelynn:** Relax, I’m not mad at you or Kai’sa or anyone else.

**Evelynn:** I want to talk to you about something.

**Evelynn:** Can I call you?

 

**Akali:** You can just text me that you want to break up with me, I understand.

 

**Evelynn:** Darling, stop jumping to conclusions and let me call you.

 

**Akali:** Okay okay sorry

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Will you answer my call?

 

**Akali:** Sorry i got nervous

 

**Evelynn:** I’m not breaking up with you, darling.

**Evelynn:** I need to tell you something about myself.

**Evelynn:** Okay?

 

**Akali:** Okay okay

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** Darling, answer my call please.

 

**Akali:** That time I pressed the decline button accidentally….

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Kai’sa and Evelynn.**

 

**Evelynn:** Hey Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** omg omg i am so sorry if I hurt your feelings. I swear i am a good person.  I had no idea Sivir and i were bothering you. Just know that was not our intentions. I swear we weren’t trying to hurt your feelings on purpose. You know i love you like a sister and the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings with intent. You’re very precious to me and i hate the idea that i accidentally hurt you. 

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa.

 

**Kai’sa:** And Sivir feels bad too. Just know she doesn’t mean anything.she may try to be a “bad girl” and all but Sivir is really caring. She didn’t mean anything and she’s sorry if she hurt your feelings or triggered you.just know that you don’t need to tell me anything if you’re not comfortable

 

**Evelynn:** Can you please accept my call?

 

**Kai’sa:** and and don’t think you need to be concern about us. The one more concern is akali. Omg she has been texting me nonstop since you left and she’s really worried about you. You know akali can be aloof and a bit naive but she really does care about you.

 

**Evelynn:** Kai’sa stop declining my calls…

 

**Kai’sa:** but also don’t be mad at akali for not noticing your frustrations. She feels really guilty about that. She’s a great girl and she just wants what is best for you. And know that your her first real relationship so she’s trying hard. She doesn’t want to mess it up between you two. So pls give her a second chance.

 

**Evelynn:** KAI’SA WILL YOU ANSWER MY PHONE CALL AND I WILL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING?

 

**Kai’sa:** Oh

**Kai’sa:** Right

**Kai’sa:** Of course.

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you.

 

XXX

 

**In a private message between Sona and Evelynn.**

 

**Evelynn:** Sona.

 

**Sona:** Ahri told me everything already.

**Sona:** Like just now.

**Sona:** She cried the whole time that she needed to tell me twice.

 

**Evelynn:** ….

**Evelynn:** That fucking snitch ass fox…

 

**Sona:** Hey, Evelynn?

**Sona:** You know there’s nothing to be ashamed of in your past and we, your friends, support you no matter what. You’re brave and it takes a lot of courage to be so open.

 

**Evelynn:** Ahri already did the mushy sentimental portion with me, I’m good Sona.

 

**Sona:** I love you, Evie. You’re my close friend~

 

**Evelynn:** Thank you, Sona.

 

**Sona:** Say it back.

 

**Evelynn:** …

**Evelynn:** I love you too, Sona…

**Evelynn:** Okay I said it, you know i hate being mushy with anyone besides akali

 

**Sona:** I know, I just like teasing that out of you.

**Sona:** :)

 

**Evelynn:** You’re a gem, Sona.

 

**Sona:** I know *hair flip*

 

XXX

 

**In group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Ahri added Evelynn to group chat “K/DA”.**

 

**Evelynn:** Before anyone says anything, I just want you guys to know that I’m not mad at anyone and I’m sorry for my outburst.

 

**Sivir:** Dear Best Earthly Companion,

 

First let me say I respect you so very much.

 

I am sorry and I hope that you can forgive me.

 

I am sorry for causing you to feel bad-sad-mad.

 

Please know that I was just not thinking clearly.

 

I am feeling very guilty about what I did to you.

 

I really hope that you will just allow me make it up to you.

 

I promise to treat you with respect in front of others.

 

My final thoughts in closing are No Comments were Submitted..

 

Love, Your Super Lucky Mate

 

**Ahri:** Awk...

 

**Taliyah:** Sivir...did you use an apology generator…………..

 

**Sivir:** No…

 

**Irelia:** “No Comments were Submitted”?

 

**Sivir:** Oh shit I forgot to fill that section out.

 

**Akali:** So...you did use a generator…???

 

**Sivir:** No….

 

**Kai’sa:** Evelynn, Sivir means the best, she’s just not good at expressing her feelings.

 

**Evelynn:** It’s fine. I kinda thought it was sweet that she went to lengths to do that.

 

**Akali:** Okay, Sivir, back off.

 

**Sivir:** I I I?xzvjkxn

**Sivir:** I’m sorry, for both the letter and hurting your feelings Evelynn.

 

**Taliyah:** You could have said that in the beginning???

 

**Sivir:** Tal, shut up

 

**Evelynn:** Well, I accept. Thank you Sivir, but I’m sorry for making you and Kai’sa feel guilty about my outburst. 

**Evelynn:** I hope in the future I will explain myself more and not lead on miscommunication.

 

**Sivir:** I understand, thank you.

 

**Taliyah:** She literally had an apology that was 100x better than yours…

 

**Sivir:** Shut up…

 

**Ahri:** So now we have Evelynn back!

**Ahri:** Who is ready to kick Mr. Von Daemon’s butt!?

 

**Kai’sa:** Me.

 

**Akali:** Me.

 

**Sona:** I am.

 

**Sivir:** Huh??

 

**Irelia:** Pardon?

 

**Taliyah:** Ah….don’t know what’s going on but I support you guys in spirit.

  
**Evelynn:** AHRI REALLLYYYY????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who may be confused or unclear about the backstory, I'll summarize and provide even more Kokoro Lore: 
> 
> Evelynn had a mother named Victoria and a father named Edmund, a succubus and an incubus. Victoria had many admirers, even when she was married, but was always loyal to her husband and daughter- Evelynn. Victoria and Evelynn were close like any mother/daughter duo. Unfortunately, one of Victoria's admirer/stalker took it too far and it cost Victoria her life. Thus, Evelynn lost her mother at a young age. Her father, being the sole provider for his daughter, became protective of Evelynn. Over time, his protectiveness grew too extreme. As stated in the chat, Evelynn felt more like a doll being preserved than an actual daughter. If you know the series on Hulu, The Act, a true story about Gypsy and her toxic relationship with her overprotective mother, that's where my inspiration came from. Eventually, Evelynn ran away from her father and lived out her dreams. Once she was able to make money, she bought anything she wanted because she finally had the freedom to do so. Evelynn got her favorite cars, designer clothing, and anything that was luxury because she knew she deserved it. Relationships were hard for her and it took her a long time to find love. She found that many men kinda just saw her as an object, similar to how Victoria had so many admirers that only loved her for her beauty. The whole deal with missing male celebs came by, K/DA became a thing, and Akali entered Evelynn's life. Bada Bing, Bada Boom, here we are.
> 
> So that's my own take of Evelynn's background. I hope you enjoyed. We'll get right back to fuckery in the next chapter. :)
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_


	27. Smile, We Are One Big Happy Family

**Kai'sa:** Hey guys, I'm heading back home soon.

 

 **Akali:** You were gone?

 

**Kai'sa: …**

**Kai'sa:** Yeah…

 **Kai'sa:** I left for a week to spend time with my family…

 

 **Ahri:** Oh yeah u have a dad

 **Ahri:** u know who doesn't have a dad or a mom anymore?

 **Ahri:** Evelynn

 **Ahri:** Shame on you Kai'sa 

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE

 

 **Kai'sa:** Is that what she's been doing since I was gone?

 

 **Sivir:** YES

 

 **Taliyah:** Everyday since Evelynn explained her background 

 

 **Irelia** : We are required to message Evelynn every morning and wish her a good morning and that's she's loved.

 

 **Ahri:** As you should.

 

 **Sona:** Ahri, I'm sure your concern is appreciated

 

 **Evelynn:** IT WAS WHEN IT WASN'T ANNOYING

 

 **Sona:** But I'm sure Evelynn understands that everyone is sympathetic and that's enough for her.

 

 **Evelynn:** I DO

 

 **Irelia:** @Evelynn, good morning and you're loved.

 

 **Evelynn:** FOPHELIA YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THIS JUST BC AHRI TOLD YOU TO DO SO!

 

 **Irelia** : I just don't want 69 texts from Ahri checking if I did it or not

 

 **Ahri:** You pass, Irelia

 

 **Irelia:** Thank god

 

 **Taliyah:** Look eve is chill but I'm not doing this 

 

 **Evelynn:** GOOD. DON’T DO IT, TALIYAH.

 

 **Akali:** Why 69 texts?

 

 **Ahri:** :))))

 **Ahri:** Bc im that bitch

 

 **Akali:**??

 

 **Sivir:** It’s 69

 

 **Akali:** Yeah what about it?

 

 **Ahri:** Do you not know what 69 means?

 

 **Akali:** No?

 

 **Ahri:** Evelynn, you’re a fucking failure of a girlfriend and a fucking succubus.

 

 **Sona:** Well Ahri turned over a new leaf…

 

 **Evelynn:** I prefer this Ahri, not the other Ahri

 

 **Akali:** What’s the deal with 69???

 

 **Sivir:** Imagine you and Evelynn but you’re upside down

 

 **Akali:**????

 **Akali:** Why am I upside down?

 

 **Sivir:** Bc you and Eve are giving each other head

 

 **Akali:** I’m handstanding???

 

 **Sivir:** No

 **Sivir:** Okay, you and Evelynn are lying down and you’re on top of her

 

 **Akali:** Okay

 

 **Sivir:** you turn around

 

 **Akali:** I flip on my back?

 

 **Sivir:** No.

 **Sivir:** Your head is facing her feet.

 

 **Akali:** So no handstand?

 

 **Sivir:** DROP THE FUCKING HANDSTAND

 

 **Akali:** SO NO HANDSTAND???

 

 **Sivir:** oh my god…

 

 **Ahri:** akali, your head in between Evelynn’s legs, her head is in between yours

 

 **Akali:** So...handstand?

 

 **Kai’sa:** I’m so glad you haven’t changed that much since dating Evelynn, Akali.

 

 **Evelynn:** Darling, we’ve done it.

 **Evelynn:** It’s the “reversal jutsu”

 

 **Akali:** ooooooooh that!

 **Akali:** Why didn’t you guys just say that?

 

 **Ahri:** ….what??

 

 **Kai’sa:** Okay then.

 

 **Sivir:** I’m fucking done.

 

 **Taliyah:** Reversal Jutsu??

 **Taliyah:** You mean Time Reversal Jutsu???

 

 **Sona:** Your Naruto logic doesn’t really work with Akali.

 

 **Taliyah:** WHAT??

 

 **Akali:** So 69 is the same as the Reversal Jutsu?

 

 **Sivir:** I guess???

 

 **Ahri:** WHY THE FUCK DO YOU TWO CALL IT REVERSAL JUTSU WHEN IT’S CALLED THE 69???

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s easier for Akali to remember.

 

 **Ahri:** IT’S FUCKING NUMBERS!!!

 

 **Akali:** Numbers are confusing to me.

 

 **Irelia:** Hey, Akali. Why was 10 scared of 7?

 

 **Akali:** Why?

 

 **Irelia:** Because 7 8 9.

 

 **Akali:** …

 **Akali:** I don’t get it.

 

 **Ahri:** seven EIGHT nine

 

 **Akali:** And?

 

 **Kai’sa:** It’s a play on words.

 **Kai’sa:** Eight sounds like ‘ate’

 **Kai’sa:** So it sounds like 7 ‘ate’ nine and that’s why 10 is scared of 7

 

 **Akali:** They’re just numbers.

 **Akali:** Not people.

 **Akali:** So I don’t get the joke.

 

 **Sivir:** No wonder why Akali has no sense of humor.

 

 **Akali:**???

 

 **Irelia:** She’s good with her hands, not using her brain.

 

 **Evelynn:** She’s very good with her hands.

 **Evelynn:** Very skillful with her fingers~

 

 **Irelia:** I regret my previous statement.

 

 **Sona:** It’s okay, Xan Irelia.

 

 **Irelia:** Oh no, you’re still calling me by my full name…

 

 **Sona:** I love that it still annoys you.

 

 **Ahri:** @Akali, If I have 5 bowls of spicy ramyun and I gave you two, how many do I have?

 

 **Akali:** Why the fuck would you have five bowls of spicy ramyun and I only get two?

 

 **Ahri:** I’m just trying to get you to use your brain.

 

 **Akali:** But why would you have 5 bowls and not me??

 

 **Evelynn:** Bc Ahri is a greedy fox

 

 **Akali:** Fucking rude ass fox

 

 **Evelynn:** Exactly.

 

 **Ahri:** You’re not helping, Eve!!

 

 **Taliyah:** @Akali there are 7 ninjas fighting against you and you got three buddies to help you, how many ninjas can you and your buddies take on and what’s leftover?

 

 **Akali:** All of them, duh

 **Akali:** No leftovers 

 

 **Taliyah:** No, Akali. Let's say you can only take on one person.

 

 **Akali:** Okay

 

 **Taliyah:** Your buddies can only handle one person.

 

 **Akali:** Okay.

 

 **Taliyah:** So you and your three buddies face 7 other ninjas

 

 **Akali:** Yes.

 

 **Taliyah:** How many ninjas would NOT be dealt with?

 

 **Akali:** Why would my buddies and I not take them all? We’re not weak.

 

 **Taliyah:** no

 **Taliyah:** Okay, what’s 7-3?

 

 **Akali:** That’s not the problem, you said how many ninjas would be left and I said none bc I’m not a weak ass bitch.

 

 **Taliyah:** ….

 **Taliyah:** I give up

 

 **Sivir:** That was a trainwreck, Tal.

 

 **Taliyah:** Shut up, Sivir.

 

 **Evelynn:** Did you guys ever think that maybe Akali thinks outside of the box?

 **Evelynn:** Her way of thinking is technically reasonable.

 

 **Akali:** THANK YOU EVE

 

 **Ahri:** She’s never passing a math test.

 

 **Akali:** um, I passed math, thank you very much.

 

 **Irelia:** You only passed 1st-grade math

 **Irelia:** You never passed beyond basic math.

 **Irelia:** You failed algebra.

 

 **Akali:** Algebra decided to throw letters in and throw me off.

 **Akali:** Besides, you can’t fucking pass a basic dance class.

 

 **Irelia:** I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO SOME DANCE TEACHER THAT DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO DANCE

 

 **Akali:** ALL YOU LITERALLY HAD TO DO WAS PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN AND LEFT FOOT OUT!!!!!

 

 **Ahri:** do the hokey pokey

 

 **Kai’sa:** and turn yourself around

 

 **Evelynn:** That’s what’s it all about!

 

 **Sivir:** *jazz hands*

 

 **Akali:** SEE?? EVEN THEY GOT IT!

 

 **Irelia:** DOING THE FUCKING HOKEY POKEY WAS NOT GOING TO FURTHER MY DANCING SKILLS!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** You dance?

 

 **Irelia:** Yes, I dance.

 **Irelia:** Specifically I practice a dance routine that was passed down in my family.

 

 **Sivir:** Kai’sa pole dances so beat that, loser.

 

 **Taliyah:** LMFAOOOO

 

 **Irelia:** …

 

 **Kai’sa:** Yep, I pole dance in college 

 

 **Ahri:** When Kai’sa gets back, she’s going to teach us some more moves which I think might help us be more flexible for our own dances.

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s a good workout for my body. Keeps me in shape.

 

 **Irelia:** …

 

 **Akali:** It makes my butt look pretty.

 

 **Sivir:** Ahri and Evelynn: It’s beneficial for our bodies and for K/DA

 **Sivir:** Akali: It makes my pooper pretty.

 

 **Sona:** I fucking snorted omg

 

 **Taliyah:** nsakldghakjdfghljdhlfkjgsj

 

 **Kai’sa:** omg babe

 **Kai'sa:** I choked!

 

 **Akali:** Fuck off, Sivir.

 **Akali:** You’re just jealous that my butt is looking better than your square ass.

 

 **Sivir:** It’s not square

 **Sivir:** It’s toned.

 

 **Ahri:** Kinda weird looking tbh

 

 **Kai’sa:** Sivir’s ass is fine, leave her alone.

 

 **Evelynn:** You’re right, you’re the one that has to stare at that squareness in bed.

 

 **Kai’sa:** Leave her alone, her butt is fine.

 

 **Irelia:** How did the conversation get here????

 

 **Akali:** Bc Sivir is jealous of my butt.

 

 **Sivir:** I AM NOT

 **Sivir:** Your ass is barely the size of my hand

 **Sivir:** It’s tiny AF

 

 **Evelynn:** At least it cups perfectly in my hands

 **Evelynn:** Kai’sa needs to hoist your ass

 

 **Sivir:** I feel attacked.

 

 **Kai’sa:** I love your square butt.

 

 **Sivir:** IT’S NOT SQUARE

 

 **Taliyah:** YOUR GIRLFRIEND FUCKING AGREES THO!!!

 

 **Akali:** HAHAHAHA!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I love your booty, baby.

 **Kai’sa:** I promise the moment I see you, I will kiss it.

 

 **Akali:** That’s kind of you but Evelynn does that for me.

 

 **Evelynn:** HAHA!!!

 

 **Kai’sa:** I WASN’T TALKING TO YOU!!!!

 

 **Sivir:** AT LEAST I HAVE FUCKING ARMS, UNLIKE AKALI’S TOOTHPICKS!!!

 

 **Akali:** Muscle isn’t everything. A true ninja uses their opponent’s strength against them.

 

 **Sivir:** You can’t even give your girlfriend a piggyback ride.

 **Sivir:** You tried and almost broke Evelynn’s nose.

 

 **Evelynn:** It’s the effort that counts.

 

 **Akali:** YEAH

 

 **Ahri:** At least Akali doesn’t call Evelynn a vegetable.

 **Ahri:** Turnip thighs Kai’sa.

 

 **Kai’sa:** FUCK OFF.

 

**Ahri:**

****

**Ahri:** Looks like turnips to me.

 

 **Evelynn** : It really does when you look at it.

 

 **Akali** : someone photoshop turnips next to them

 

 **Taliyah:** On it.

 

 **Kai'sa:** OH FUCK YOU GUYS!

 **Kai'sa:** SCREW YOU GUYS!

 **Kai'sa:** MAYBE ILL LEAVE K/DA NEXT!

 

 **Taliyah:** and run back to mommy and daddy?

 

 **Kai'sa:** Ha. Ha. Ha.

 

 **Ahri:** You know who else doesn't have a mom and dad?

 **Ahri:** Evelynn.

 **Ahri:** Shame on you two.

 

 **Evelynn:** AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE

 

 **Ahri:** OMG WE NEED TO CELEBRATE EVERY FATHER AND MOTHER'S DAY THAT EVELYNN MISSED!

 

 **Sona:** Kai'sa needs to be the "mother"

 

 **Irelia** : Who's the "Father"?

 

 **Taliyah:** Sivir, duh.

 **Taliyah:** She would make a horrible dad but she'll do.

 

 **Sivir:** Rude

 **Sivir:** I have great daddy skills.

 

 **Akali:** If a great daddy is running away from your responsibilities, then yeah you're perfect, Sivir, since you like running away a lot.

 

 **Sivir:** Akali, you're fucking dead when I see you again.

 

 **Taliyah** : You did run away from Egypt to get away from being Cassiopeia's baby mama.

 

 **Sivir** : Oh come on she stabbed me in the back!

 

 **Irelia** : You ran away from Azir, the man who saved your life.

 

 **Sivir:** Babe, I feel attacked. Help me.

 

 **Kai'sa** : Leave Sivir alone, she had good reasons to run away.

 

 **Akali** : She's a pussy.

 

 **Sivir** : I am what I eat.

 

 **Akali** : Oh come on!!!

 

 **Sivir** : Hah!

 

 **Ahri:** Okay but we're still having Sivir be the father figure and Kai'sa as the mother figure.

 **Ahri** : You two can celebrate every mothers and fathers day together with Evie

 

 **Kai'sa:** Evelynn doesn't even want to do it.

 

 **Evelynn** : Actually...I kinda do.

 

 **Kai'sa** :....

 

 **Sivir** :....

 

 **Ahri:** awwwww sweeeet

 

 **Kai'sa** : Then first order of business 

 **Kai'sa** : Akali needs to ask us for permission to marry Evelynn

 

 **Akali** : OH COME ON!

 

 **Evelynn** : But mother I love her.

 

 **Sivir** : Papa doesn't approve of this!

 **Sivir** : Papa won't let this ninja take you away.

 

 **Akali** : Kai'sa okaa san, Sivir otou san, please let me have Eve chan.

 

 **Sivir** : Eve chan?

 **Sivir** : How dare you talk so informally about our daughter!

 

 **Kai'sa** : Aww, you can just call me mom

 

 **Sivir** : HABIBTI, DON'T FALL FOR THIS SMOOTH TALKING PLAYER

 

 **Evelynn** : Father, I love her!

 

 **Akali** : PLEASE LET ME HAVE YOUR DAUGHTER!

 

 **Irelia** : What is going on here???

 **Irelia** : I am so lost??

 

 **Sona** : shhhhh they're really into it.

 

 **Ahri** : I didn't think they really get into this.

 

 **Akali** : SIVIR OTOU SAN! LET ME HAVE EVELYNN!

 

 **Sivir** : YOU CAN'T SUPPORT MY DAUGHTER!

 

 **Akali** : IT'S OKAY, EVELYNN CAN SUPPORT US!

 

 **Sivir** : SO YOU'RE A FREELOADER??

 

 **Evelynn** : Papa, I love this woman. If you want me to be happy, let me be with her.

 

 **Kai'sa** : Mama approves.

 

 **Sivir** : Papa doesn't 

 

 **Akali** : THEN I'M CALLING AZIR!

 **Akali** : HE FOLLOWS ME ON TWITTER SO HE'S ONLY A FUCKING DM AWAY

 **Akali** : I'LL DO IT IF YOU WON'T LET ME HAVE EVE!

 

 **Sivir** : WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT AKALI THIS IS ALL JUST A FUCKING JOKE

 

 **Akali** : It is?

 

 **Ahri** : YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS REAL???

 **Ahri** : YOU GUYS WERE ROLEPLAYING!

 

 **Akali:** we were?

 **Akali** : Oh my bad

 

 **Sivir** : MY BAD MY ASS! YOU REALLY WERE ABOUT TO CALL AZIR!

 

 **Akali** : :p

 

 **Sivir** : DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK!

 

 **Kai'sa** : At least Akali is serious about eve

 

 **Evelynn:** I love her so fucking much.

 **Evelynn** : Baby, I love you.

 

 **Akali** : Aishiteruze!

 

 **Sivir** : U fucking were serious about calling Azir….

 

 **Akali** : It's funny watching you interact with him.

 

 **Kai'sa** :  It's not when it's with my dad.

 

 **Ahri** : You know who else doesn't have a dad anymore?

 **Ahri** : Evelynn.

 **Ahri** : Shame on you two.

 

 **Evelynn** : AHRI STOP GUILT TRIPPING EVERYONE!

 

 **Ahri** : :3

 **Ahri** : I just feel bad when everyone talks about their parents and then there's you.

 

 **Evelynn:** sigh

 **Evelynn** : I'm not going to be triggered every time Kai'sa and Sivir talk about their dads.

 

 **Sivir** : Azir ain't my daddy.

 

 **Evelynn** : My point is…

 **Evelynn:** I'm fine, Ahri.

 **Evelynn** : If it starts to bother me, I'll tell you guys.

 **Evelynn** : okay?

 

 **Ahri** : Okiiiiieee

 

 **Kai'sa** : Reasonable.

 

 **Sivir** : Yeah.

 

 **Akali:** yosh!

 

 **Sona** : noted.

 

 **Irelia** : Yes.

 

 **Taliyah** : Yep

 

 **Ahri** : But can we still do the K/DA family roleplay?

 

 **Evelynn** : Yeah, that was fun. I love to roleplay.

 

 **Irelia:** How about no?

 

 **Akali:** You’re no fun.

 

 **Irelia:** Sue me.

 

 **Sona:** I think I will, Xan Irelia.

  
**Irelia:** ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey, this chapter might seem a bit chaotic but I wanted to have a nice silly chapter after the last one. I'm going to work on the Halloween chapter where I'll bring back Azir, (Count) Kassadin, and even Cassiopeia. Since it's a Halloween chapter, would you guys want that posted on Halloween or maybe a week before it? Just curious because if I do post on Halloween day, that means no new chap until Halloween. Yah know? Or maybe I'll get another non-Halloween chapter posted but that would mean less time on the Halloween chapter bc I got school and stuff. Sorry if I'm just confusing you. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Tumblr @kda-chat  
> Twitter @_kokoro_kirei_

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is! Leave a kudo, comment, and/or subscribe/bookmark to let me know if you like this series and I will keep doing it! Please interact and let me know if you want more from this series.
> 
> Just a disclaimer, I do not know ALL LOL characters and I don't want to add them all. So if there is a character you don't see and would like me to add them, I can't guarantee that I will add them and will most likely not put them in. Please understand this. I'm sticking with K/DA girls and other characters that have a connection to them (like Kassadin, Sivir ((bc I ship her with Kai'sa)), and Azir).
> 
> Also, I have a tumblr blog @kda-chat and that's where a lot of my fuckery continues. So check that out too!


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